RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (Full Version)

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CalifChick -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 4:05:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

there is nothing wrong in guidelining people and giving them something to aim for.


But lally, really, you want to give them THESE guidelines?

Do you want to tell them that a dominant is likely to be good in bed because of his sexual orientation? Really? Is that any different than saying if you want a big cock, go black, because it's likely he'll have a big one? Or if you want a charmer, go italian? Or an all-nighter, go jamaican? None of the first clauses have ANYTHING to do with the second clause. Dominance neither makes one likely NOR makes one unlikely to be good in bed.

I might as well declare that all men with dark hair that is graying at the temples is likely to be good in bed.

Cali




sunshinemiss -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 4:05:31 PM)

Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
soul2share
[sm=cute.gif]
for

What the heck ever happened to common sense?



sunshinemiss -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 4:11:48 PM)

Because I'm a bit behind in the Quote of the Day...



Second
Sunny
Quote of the day
goes to
BitaTruble
[sm=cute.gif]
for
... it's your coloring book,
so you get to choose the crayons you use...



Kana -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 4:19:29 PM)

"A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom"

Awww, a whole forum dedicated to Domi



lally2 -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 1:38:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
Hi lally2,

I do understand your point and others who think this kind of thing is ok to post, and of course, anyone can post anything they want.

The thing that is offensive to me and some others, is that there is a presumption that submissive women need help in figuring out what a Dom is or is not.

I find this somewhat condescending. I get that some people are very new to the world of relationships, but most of us have been around the block and can use our own brains, perceptions, ideas, preferences and desires to figure out how a Dom should be in our individual minds.

I don't see it as being jaded, which many of us can be, I see it more as the way it was written was overly romanticized and not really a guideline or suggestion.


hi there,

i agree, ive been around the block a few times and ive worked out my own criteria for what works for me, what to avoid and what to consider as potentially good.  but i dont think this excerpt was really intended for people like you and me who have worked things out for themselves already.

in some respects having to wade through that initiation rite of wannabes to start with is all part of the growing and developing phase and maybe its the tenacious ones who keep going, while i would imagine, some probably just give up after one or two horrible experiences.  my first internet instigated relationship was so horrible i walked away for almost two years.

in the early early years when i was on an aol group discussion board it was like shooting fish in a barrel.  lots of newbie subs swimming around getting picked off by asshats because they knew no better. theyd come screaching back a week or so later announcing to everyone what a horrible time theyd had and they were never coming back.  i always thought that was a shame and i still do.  i was lucky a Domme from the states took me under her wing and helped me through the minefield.

but i do remember those early years as being incredibly disruptive.  i knew what i wanted and instinct told me what i needed to look for but it is the fate of newbies i think, to get cut off from the herd by asshats.  interestingly now that i come across as someone with some experience i dont get the asshats anymore.  the asshats know theyre only real chance is with the newbies who dont know the difference between asshat and Dom/me.

theres enough info on the internet for asshats to get a pretty good idea of whats required, whilst having no actual instinct or real desire to be a Dominant, theyre just here for the kink.  fine if thats all that a sub is here for, not fine when theyre looking for a Ds Dominant.

i think this sort of information is bound to crop up and get put about on the internet and its not a bad attempt, i dont think.

as porcelaine says, if one newbie reads that and thinks 'aha! - i knew that was what i was looking for and now i know its out there ill hang in here' then its worth putting it up.

i think we all agree its a jungle in here! for some its tougher than others and i think that largely depends on youre personality and confidence levels.



lally2 -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 1:47:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick


quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

there is nothing wrong in guidelining people and giving them something to aim for.


But lally, really, you want to give them THESE guidelines?

Do you want to tell them that a dominant is likely to be good in bed because of his sexual orientation? Really? Is that any different than saying if you want a big cock, go black, because it's likely he'll have a big one? Or if you want a charmer, go italian? Or an all-nighter, go jamaican? None of the first clauses have ANYTHING to do with the second clause. Dominance neither makes one likely NOR makes one unlikely to be good in bed.

I might as well declare that all men with dark hair that is graying at the temples is likely to be good in bed.

Cali




giggle:)) - hi Cali,

well no, i did add a fairly large pinch of salt to that bit and a few other bits, lol. [:)]

... i allowed for the fact that if a sub finds herself with a Dominant that trips her submissive switch he could be totally crap in bed and it still wouldnt make any difference, she'd probably be so hot on the Ds she'd think it was the best sex ever!

speaking for myself ive had some pretty bad sex from vanillas and Dominants but its the dominance that gets me wet no matter what theyre technique in bed is... call me easy to please then.... [8D]



came4U -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 1:55:05 AM)

quote:

What makes you think that's not his site?


Cali, if you notice and compare the blogs on that other site vs the OP's profile (a lot of 'beginner' activity) compared to the blog guy who has pages an pages of doing various of the same.

One basic clue is the 'beginner' to collaring as listed, yet on the blog he is the Master of the gf/sub.  It just doesn't match, these two personalities (or he is just plain lying on profile to make it seem he is less experienced than he claims? LOL).  Who in their right mind would do that?

Besides, if someone is so much of a beginner, why write and give advice to 'new-ish girls' on what to look for or find in a Dom at all?

this one is interesting: http://awesomenessandthegoodgirl.blogspot.com/2009/11/dominant-dating-tips-totally-unexplored.html

"Missy is hooked on CollarMe.

She can’t stop reading the email from our phoney profile. I must admit, it’s fairly fascinating on a variety of levels. "

Whomever this is has little good to say about CM at all (if you read that entire page). Yet the OP has been here since 2006 and is still a beginner?

anyhoo, we can clearly see that whomever it is enjoys the game of deceit to begin with making the whole thing smell even fishier.

I'm just killin' time giving a snoop's guess.



porcelaine -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 2:00:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

as porcelaine says, if one newbie reads that and thinks 'aha! - i knew that was what i was looking for and now i know its out there ill hang in here' then its worth putting it up.


Greetings lally,

On the flip side I don't hear non kink types spinning this stuff. Sometimes people become so enthralled with the labels and emulating them they forget they're human underneath. The whole subject matter is over intellectualized and mind fucked to the stratosphere. And this is by the supposed practitioners. No wonder the newcomers are confused.

Namaste,

~porcelaine



IronBear -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 2:19:10 AM)

The images of this bloody thread has already seriously disturbed my rest so I think that it's about time............................................

[sm=eeew.gif]
[sm=danger.gif][sm=danger.gif][sm=danger.gif][sm=danger.gif]

[sm=hardlimit.gif][sm=hardlimit.gif]

[sm=passthelube.gif]

[sm=diethreaddie.gif]



came4U -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 2:21:00 AM)

C'mon Ironbear lol

don't you want us gals to have an essay of advice from a so-called 'beginner'?



IronBear -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 2:24:58 AM)

Hell Yes! But I bet y'all could write a better one next time y'all go to the dunny and even write it on dunny paper......



came4U -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 2:30:04 AM)

I'd write something better in a dark dunny while scribbling in my own chit.

*NO, am not into poop play. I will use crayons.





DomNI -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 3:55:47 AM)

So many critics. Your criticisms are not without merit, but damn.

I for one thought it was a good post. Everyone has different desires, but if even one person found this helpful Id say Bravo.

The fact of the matter is that there ARE in fact Doms out there that fit this description.



thishereboi -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 5:55:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick


quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

I found the *coughs* original blog-written in 2009, here:

http://awesomenessandthegoodgirl.blogspot.com/2009/11/for-newish-girls-guide-to-finding-that.html?zx=91d4e8d60913b159

dunno why someone would wanna steal something so cheesy.



What makes you think that's not his site?

Cali



Well if it is, he has a really cute ass. Oh and a pussy.[8D]



lally2 -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 6:06:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
Greetings lally,

On the flip side I don't hear non kink types spinning this stuff. Sometimes people become so enthralled with the labels and emulating them they forget they're human underneath. The whole subject matter is over intellectualized and mind fucked to the stratosphere. And this is by the supposed practitioners. No wonder the newcomers are confused.

Namaste,

~porcelaine



uhu, i agree, completely, it really is - and yet youve noticed how the same old questions come around and around and around to the point now where i personally just cant bring myself to comment on the majority of them anymore.

theyre the same questions posed by new people trying to get some clarity.  so why? - i mean what we do and who we are here - is it so far removed from there?.  no it isnt.  and yet in the pursuit of being a sub or a Dom/me people get stuck on 'how to...' and 'what if...' and 'should i....' - so why is that?

in a way, in terms of finding a partner im right back where i left off.  compatibility, humanity, sense of humour but in amongst that is the variable colours a Dominant reveals and my ability to recognise those colours and respond (or not) - and that ability has come from years of doing this.

these offerings should have the disclaimer, From My Point of View, (which wont be everyones).  some are better than others, some are quite potty - that Realm place was all fluffy fluffness and i dont think its there anymore.  romantacising BDSM is for those who wish to find romance here.

like alot of what is on the internet you take what you need and leave the rest, like all advice, good or bad i suppose.

i think perhaps though we who have been around since the dawn of time (lol, or so it feels to me sometimes) can forget how boggling and fuddling the whole thing was to start with.

the irony is that not until youve been at this for a while do you realise that in terms of finding someone here its no different to finding a vanilla - except - for those colours.

maybe the best way to learn about those colours is to go through the full spectrum until you finally learn what it is that speaks Dom/me or sub to you - that is a highly individual valuation anyway and a vital journey in many ways.  we've discussed that journey between us and both know the value that journey has been to us and for lots of other people too. 

whats the option though, i mean, whats the point really of a place like this.  apart from us lot chatting amongst ourselves.  i believe here is one of the main port of calls for people starting out.  theres lots of advice given here, some good, some not so much.  the way i see it, the sort of advice that kicked off this thread is just another way for an opinion to get aired, viewed and discussed.  its all good in the end, if it results in some constructive discussion.  which it has.  so i say, rock on  [:D]



kalikshama -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 6:20:25 AM)

quote:

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!


Hahahaha, always delighted to catch a Douglas Adams reference!



TotallyDude -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 6:21:03 AM)

IT IS LIKELY the OP owns at least three sweatshirts (size 2XL or larger) displaying formidably large grey wolves howling disconsolately at the moon.

IT IS LIKELY the OP had himself in mind with each suggestion he offered. IT IS ALMOST CERTAIN that all his comments about "mistakes" women make were passive aggressive allusions to things women had said to him right before fleeing awkwardly from his lair.

IT IS LIKELY the OP has a collection of both comic books (mint condition, preserved in plastic) and manga (not....in mint condition, rather....sticky).

IT IS LIKELY that I would better be able to mock this post had I been able to stomach reading the entire thing. IT IS ALMOST CERTAIN that will never happen.



lally2 -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 6:24:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!


Hahahaha, always delighted to catch a Douglas Adams reference!


yay [sm=abducted.gif]  [:)]



DarkSteven -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 6:24:46 AM)

Geez.  That plodding prose is how childrearing books used to read before Dr. Spock wrote something human.  That damn article sucks all the fun, all the life from D/s.

I could have said more succinctly and more accurately:  A good Dom will have character, maturity, and others will think well of him.  He will care about others.  A good MATCH will also mesh with you specifically.



osf -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/8/2011 7:32:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Geez.  That plodding prose is how childrearing books used to read before Dr. Spock wrote something human.  That damn article sucks all the fun, all the life from D/s.

I could have said more succinctly and more accurately:  A good Dom will have character, maturity, and others will think well of him.  He will care about others.  A good MATCH will also mesh with you specifically.



a good dom is the dom she wants





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