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ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

I'm not sure I see reason "to discuss," because most replies here are not discussions but rants. I have no problem discussing.

Which points would like to discuss?

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After reading a bit more of this I just need to add that I find so much wrong with all of this.
You make it seem as if dominant men are more moral and ethical just better all around than other people and that submissive women are poor poor things that need such guidance in choosing a mate.
Perhaps it's perpetuating this belief that leads to the problems some submissive women have in choosing someone who isn't trollish or abusive.

Strong, confident people really don't need this spelled out for them.

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one thing a competent dominant will have is an innate understanding understanding of what makes his prey tick

competent is not to be construed with good, saintly etc

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I think most who write about the perfect master/dom/top, slave/sub/bottom etc, write about how they see themselves

I'd like to once read something from someone that sees them self as very flawed

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ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

-IT IS LIKELY a dominant will rarely send you a cock shot at first greeting and it is highly unlikely to have one on his profile. Photographic exhibitionism is more a submissive exercise. Dominants prefer to show off what they DO to someone rather than expose their own bodies for public viewing.


This was the funniest part.

I'm probably going to regret saying this, but:

There's a man who used to post on the boards. I'm pretty convinced he's everything he says he is in terms of dominance. And several ladies have told me that he has a very pretty cock, and that if it ever comes up in conversation I should totally ask for a shot.

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Here's a tip or two; When your online experience gets to be too dangerous .. turn OFF the computer. When your online search gets to be too frustrating .. go out into the real world and get to know some folks toes to toes and see if there is some chemistry with any of them which causes you to want to explore further.

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If you don't feel some submissives need guidance, why are there so many forum here and upon other sites offering advice?

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Greetings Race,

I was a little taken aback initially by your user name. Given the accolades and positive contributions Mr. Bannon has made to the leather community

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

The following was posted to another site, written by me but added to by many. It is merely a guide, not a set of rules for new submissives that are seeking mates online, or even out in the real world. It is not meant to offend, or be guidelines written in stone. For every suggestion there is exception, no two doms or subs are alike. It's simply a document to help those women who like many find the online BDSM site search frustrating or dangerous.

Greetings Race,

I was a little taken aback initially by your user name. Given the accolades and positive contributions Mr. Bannon has made to the leather community, I was uncertain if you were the individual bearing the same. Nonetheless, I extend a warm welcome in your direction.

As for your piece, I don't find it offensive in the least. I believe leather men have a markedly different approach during the mating stage that coincides with their principles and the nature of the relationship they're seeking. I don't believe this is necessarily better, but truthfully hinges on ones orientation and whether you're drawn in that direction or another one. For what it's worth the information you disclosed in the beginning about what shouldn't be articulated is in alignment with my personal beliefs. However, I recognize that others have an alternate stance on the subject and prefer to share more of themselves to prospective (unforeseen) suitors.

In terms of the behaviors mentioned, as you noted they run the gamut and while you referenced the individual as a dominant, I would insert gentleman in its place with the caveat that he's sincerely seeking to fill that place in his life. Whether it's temporary or permanent is not important, as neither should negatively impact ones breeding if they're inclined to display it. Overall, your piece provides a valid snapshot and offers timely reminders that may prove beneficial to those new and old. Although some may not find favor in what was stated, if your words resonate with one person that sincerely needed to hear them the gesture was not in vain.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

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In terms of the behaviors mentioned, as you noted they run the gamut and while you referenced the individual as a dominant, I would insert gentleman in its place with the caveat that he's sincerely seeking to fill that place in his life. Whether it's temporary or permanent is not important, as neither should negatively impact ones breeding if they're inclined to display it. Overall, your piece provides a valid snapshot and offers timely reminders that may prove beneficial to those new and old. Although some may not find favor in what was stated, if your words resonate with one person that sincerely needed to hear them the gesture was not in vain

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i think the OP got alot of it right to be honest but even before i began to read the responses i knew the knee jerk reactions id read.

there is nothing wrong in guidelining people and giving them something to aim for.

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I have found that if one does follow the rules of good manners, others who notice are more likely to follow suit.

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I have NEVER (at least not that I can remember) had some woman throw my efforts in my face.

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The thing that is offensive to me and some others, is that there is a presumption that submissive women need help in figuring out what a Dom is or is not.

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This kind of thing just strikes me as yet another attempt to make bdsm seem so much more Special than it is to me. All those things that work in dating in the nilla world hold true here, and if you use your head in one area, you'll do just fine using it anywhere.

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ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

But the new are often neither strong nor confident and instead often a confused lot. There seems to be a great deal of replies here inferring that I speak like Daddy to widdle gurl, yet one only has to read new submissive profiles or their post of frustration to understand that there is need for a bit of advice. Replies here state the post is the exact opposite of good advice, yet almost all advice offered in its place is for the most part discussed in the post.

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If you don't feel some submissives need guidance, why are there so many forum here and upon other sites offering advice?

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Oh and the occasional train wrecks.

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ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

I agree. I don't believe men are "dominant" or "not dominant." I think dominance is something to strive for, an everyday struggle. There are many times I feel less than dominant, and in some areas rarely dominant. It is an ongoing process, difficult but like faith and continually stepping in the path of God's word, an endeavor to strive as mightily as one can.