"Training" relationships?

"Training" relationships? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

LillyBoPeep -> "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 7:26:21 AM)
Before you get all skin-crawly over the word "training," hear me out. =p Have you ever gotten into a relationship for the experience of it? Like if someone engages in different levels of protocol, etc? I am interested in a lot of things and sometimes I feel that it doesn't make sense to say i don't like it if I haven't tried it. Have you ever thought about trying out a type of relationship, maybe for a contracted period of time?

sexyred1 -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 7:30:53 AM)
No, never. I learned everything I know from trying them within the context of my relationships. If I was not so into the person, I could not have tried those things, so to be involved in a relationship where training was the only goal, would leave me cold.

osf -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 7:41:43 AM)
isn't that what really happens anyway? you like it you stay, you don't like it you walk

ashjor911 -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 7:48:41 AM)
It does make sense to say i don't like it if I haven't tried it I have never eat Fish or sea food & will not even try. some of us dont like to try new things or lets call it some new things. wishing you luck thou.

CreativeDominant -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 7:53:23 AM)
I have entered into a couple of relationships that were casual and I knew they were going to be. I entered into them because I liked the person involved more so than for the experience of it. Though like osf notes...is that not what happens with almost every person we meet? We learn about new things? I do see what you are saying, though I (personally) relate it more to a time period somewhat less than a short-term relationship (6 mos or less) but more than a one-night stand. For me, that may be because of My age and where I have come to in life. Believe it or not...not so wild about one-night stands anymore.

DarkSteven -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 7:53:55 AM)
For protocol and service, why not? Your emotions won't get involved like if it was sexual.

LadyPact -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 7:54:55 AM)
Yes, I've done it. I've had positive experiences in doing so.

sexyred1 -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 7:57:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven For protocol and service, why not? Your emotions won't get involved like if it was sexual. How do you know that? There are many people who get attached to any sort of D/s dynamic, sexual or not. Especially if someone is new to this.

leadership527 -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 8:16:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep Have you ever thought about trying out a type of relationship, maybe for a contracted period of time? Nope. I don't try out relationships, I try out people. When I get involved with someone, the presumption is that it's till death do us part.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 8:22:49 AM)
certainly you have casual friendships. "relationship" simply means a state of having some sort of bond/relation with another person. you have a relationship with your boss, a relationship with your mom, a relationship with your mate -- none of them are the same, but they are all relationships. and i'm not necessarily saying it has to avoid emotional attachment. like i have a play/service relationship with my Top friend -- i intend for him to remain my friend forever and ever amen, even if the nature of what we do together changes because i find a Dominant of my own. i don't really see it as any different than that. OR any different than taking some funny new job just because you want to see if it fits you. if i had a friend who was interested in showing me a "high protocol experience," i don't think there'd be anything wrong with trying that out. all that matters is that the expectations of what is is and is NOT are the same for both people involved. for a long-term relationship, i'm looking for someone i can be happy with for life, in whatever ways that manifests. but i don't think that automatically precludes a person from also seeking out experiences they may not have had before.

osf -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 8:47:15 AM)
what sometimes happens in imo is it is a fill in play relationship until something permanent comes along, or one person sees it that way and the other would wish it to be permanent

IronBear -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 8:50:33 AM)
I have a number of times, sometimes it was sexually gratifying and even informative but always I learned something new. (I have taught too). I have never had bad effects or ill will formed.

leadership527 -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 9:00:08 AM)
I'm sorry Lilly... Obviously you're correct that there were a bunch of assumptions in my answer. Yeah, I wasn't talking about friends. And no, I wouldn't be doing a "protocol experience" with a friend. But I fully understand that other people would. I also understand that other people are way, way more willing to engage in temporary liaisons than I am... and frankly they are probably smarter than me. I didn't mean to be saying anything was "right" or "wrong". The answer was merely "what I do."

Missokyst -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 9:51:54 AM)
I have gotten into relationships to experience them, but not because of the things they do. I find it difficult to think of BDSM in terms of filling a role, for me it has always been a fluid transition. If I wish to observe I can watch others. Should anything I see spark some interest for me, I may then seek out someone who looks for that sort of dynamic. But I would not go out of my way to experience something just to say I have.

myotherself -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 10:38:38 AM)
My very first relationship was deliberately short-term. I wasn't sure what I wanted out of BDSM, if it suited me, and if I was ready for such a relationship. So I had a casual relationship with a guy to experience many different things, and as it moved on I found that there were parts of the relationship that were great (the S&M stuff - he showed me I was a masochist, lol) but it was lacking in the D/s side of things. The relationship fizzled out after 5 or 6 months, and we parted as friends (and we're still friends 10 years later). From that relationship I had a much better understanding of my needs and 'must haves' within the BDSM world, and spent the last few years trying to find it. I don't think I'd refer to it as a 'training relationship' though...maybe a whore's d'ouvre? (sorry.....)[:D]

mbes -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 11:06:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep i don't really see it as any different than that. OR any different than taking some funny new job just because you want to see if it fits you. if i had a friend who was interested in showing me a "high protocol experience," i don't think there'd be anything wrong with trying that out. all that matters is that the expectations of what is is and is NOT are the same for both people involved. for a long-term relationship, i'm looking for someone i can be happy with for life, in whatever ways that manifests. but i don't think that automatically precludes a person from also seeking out experiences they may not have had before. I think I am getting hung up a bit by your terms. To me, the bolded would just be "having fun with a friend", not a "training relationship". I would equate it with going whitewater rafting with someone who knows a lot about it; not a big deal, just a fun activity. Do you see it differently? As for seeking something specific out for the purpose of learning an activity, sure, I suppose that would qualify as a training relationship. I just probably wouldn't consider it so formally on my own.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 11:36:33 AM)
i think there's some assumption that i'm making it into a "big deal" what with the "i only form relationships for 'forever'" comments and now this one. =p it's not something i'm looking into doing TODAY, twas just an idea that has popped up a time or two every time i run into something new, or something old that becomes interesting again. a lot of my ideas on the lifestyle are being solidified and while i had a great relationship with M, that one ended up abruptly due to his death. there are a lot of things that i've just never explored, so i feel weird saying "no i'd never do that," when half the stuff i've done and LOVE now are things i said "no, i'd never do that" to. anyway, it is what it is. take it as seriously as you want, methinks my point is being lost, but that's not surprising on collarme. =p haha have a great day everyone

IronBear -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 12:07:09 PM)
I'm firm believer in not saying that I will never do something when I have no idea about it is I am refusing to try. I've often said to people who had mental blocks about something: "How will you ever know if this is something you don't want to do when you have never tried it once? You may be missing out on the greatest experience of your life." It was against my whole training and what I had been brought up to honour to chain a woman let alone beat her arse wioth a crop or whip her or even use needles as body decoration, let alone tell her she was a slut and a whore (albeit my slut and whore). Thank God I listened to my first mentor and to my Gorean mentors as BDSM abd the kink was explained to me. I'm now thankfull that I was allowed access to their slaves to talk and ask qiuestions and to those slaves who volunteered to be my "slaves" to practice on.. I am as thankful to those folk as I am tom my father who arranged for the baby sitter (my kid brother was 8 at the time), to fuck me stupid and teach me how to please and explore a woman on my 16th birthday whilst he and Mother were at a cocktail party.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 12:49:48 PM)
thanks for that post IronBear; that's basically what i'm getting at. a method of learning that might be different from some, but no less valid. not as serious as "we'll be together forever," but not as non-serious as "fun with a friend." it's a fine line, but i don't think it's a totally silly idea.

Madame4a -> RE: "Training" relationships? (2/7/2011 1:20:47 PM)
Yes ... I've done it and would again

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875