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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 3:33:18 PM   
Aileen1968


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Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Choosingtochoose

You're so private that you have your face on a BDSM website with the title "ass to mouth girl." I would say that's just a shade revealing. Further, doesn't the fact that you just effectively gave your BDSM resume sort of negate the whole concept of not getting on here to talk about how good your BDSM is?


What the fuck is your problem. I don't play publicly and that means that I can't have a face shot on here? I have no reason to hide who I am. I just don't play publicly because this is extremely sexual for us and we don't fuck in front of others.
The ass to mouth personalization is a long running joke here as are many of the regulars status.

Go save some poor weak woman, because you certainly can't handle anyone confident or who questions you.


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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 3:35:35 PM   
Choosingtochoose


Posts: 17
Joined: 5/9/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: Choosingtochoose

You're so private that you have your face on a BDSM website with the title "ass to mouth girl." I would say that's just a shade revealing. Further, doesn't the fact that you just effectively gave your BDSM resume sort of negate the whole concept of not getting on here to talk about how good your BDSM is?


What the fuck is your problem. I don't play publicly and that means that I can't have a face shot on here? I have no reason to hide who I am. I just don't play publicly because this is extremely sexual for us and we don't fuck in front of others.
The ass to mouth personalization is a long running joke here as are many of the regulars status.

Go save some poor weak woman, because you certainly can't handle anyone confident or who questions you.



Methinks the lady doth protest too much...

I would give you the confident bit if you weren't so needlessly worked up about all this. Good lord.

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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 3:37:08 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I'm not worked up at all. I just find this all very amusing.

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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 3:40:25 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Choosingtochoose

It's certainly not hurting anyone to point out what I did.

It's a valid point. I'd go so far as to say that your OP might have garnered less argument without the last sentence (which started delving into caricaturizations and some slight presumptions about how one should go about their business as far as deciding who's a "jerk" and who isn't based on what they want).

People, by and large, typically have some degree of profound emotional turmoil. Some will have some kind of historical family events which can qualify as "abuse". And some of those people will also find themselves attracted to either the play/act part of WIITWD or the dynamic/authority part of it or both.

What you're speaking to, as Aileen mentioned, is a psychological malformation that's irrlevant of the lifestyle. And, honestly, it probably has some merit solely in the fact that plenty of people are not very developed in assessing themselves in a clinical, analytical way in relationships (it's not something that's actually taught and life applauds tons of other endeavors more loudly, to where self-discovery typically become a trial-by-error process...and that's if time is taken to understand how previous mistakes happened and why). And, even with all that, it may not always translate into getting it right the first time anyhow.

So, in that sense I can kind of see the benefit of what you're trying to do, but between an emotive finish, and the fact that posts such as them can be seen as attention-grabbing they're likely to get iffy responses.

Also, when you describe a certain sub-populace as being prone to something that's viewed negatively (whether correct or not) you're going to get push-back from people who consider themselves part of it (or from those involved with such a person) if they "feel" that they don't deserve to be lumped in with the generalization (again, even if the generalization is correct and even if it's correct in their specific case as well).

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 2/8/2011 4:10:50 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 3:41:25 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Ah...the old "it must be the cliques on a message board or those bad cynics who have the nerve to disagree with my post" thing.

This has nothing to do with cliques or cynics; it has to do with common sense, self awareness and relating to people on a gut level and trusting your own mind.

What annoys people is that others come in and state these threads in a condescending manner and then go to make sweeping generalizations that they had to post this because a few subs were abused as kids. Which by the way, is the MOST bullshit generalization around here.

The white knight syndrome is alive and well because it makes the knight feel better about themselves to warn everyone about things we already know.

Oh, and for the record? I don't see anyone getting "worked up" about this. You are taking it way to personally if you think people are upset. We just have strong opinions.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 2/8/2011 3:44:16 PM >

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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 3:43:10 PM   
NihilusZero


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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Choosingtochoose

Why is everyone so worked up against this by the way? Is everyone so cynical or just so cliquish that something that might be helpful for someone else immediately gets jumped on?

Ah message boards... now I know why I don't normally post to you...

Not everyone is, and the fact that you are starting to become so is causing you to project it onto others to whom it would otherwise not apply.

It's understandable because that's how arguing with multiple people gets. But, if your intents and ideas here are supposed to be informatively genuine, it would be best to find a calmer balance from which to reply.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 3:45:47 PM   
NihilusZero


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Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Actually, groupthink is a very prevalent issue on any internet forum. Here is no exception. And it needn't even be an assessment of any individual specifically, but moreso an analysis of how the flow of a (potentially) volatile topic goes when being discussed in online fora.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 3:50:42 PM   
NihilusZero


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Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I'm not worked up at all. I just find this all very amusing.

This is a good example. I'm familiar enough with Aileen to know she's likely indeed detached and responding from a relaxed state. Her second sentence is likely her interpretation of how the whole thread is going.

However, from the perception of someone who's on the defensive and is starting to feel the effects of mob-arguing (whether imagined or real or any combination of both doesn't matter), that could read as mockery, with "finding it amusing" appearing to be a kind of snickery personal jab. And, jumping to see it that way (intentionally or not) can have adverse effects on the way the conversation goes from that point on.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 2/8/2011 3:55:24 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 3:50:42 PM   
BitaTruble


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact


What I do read here, are many comments by strong, confident folks who identify as submissive. Ones that are quick to debunk myths and put people straight quick. If CM is a person's only source for information (foolish idea, but I'll give it to you) they can find it, and find it quickly. Frankly, the female submissives that are right here on this very thread do a damn fine job of it. They've got a pretty good bullshit detector and more than have the ability to help those that are new.


I think opening posts such as those of the last few days come from a good place. Those who start them seem to be sincere even if a bit self-serving. I see it as mostly stemming from a misunderstanding of the nature and force .. and fizzle... of frenzy. It's a temporary state of affairs and when someone sets aside all but a single facet of themselves it rarely lasts for very long. The end, whether by scorching, apathy or acceptance before one settles down into their full selves again is pretty much inevitable.

Whether or not the OPs of these things are ultimately self-serving (did I just read where someone wrote they started an OP to get laid? Good luck with that.) .. doesn't really matter especially given the age in which we live and the technology available. The blow hards and the good guys are as likely as not to be a temporary drug to a new addict and when life settles down again odds are someone's first won't be their last.




MMV and usually does

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 3:50:46 PM   
January


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Choosingtochoose
Ah message boards... now I know why I don't normally post to you...


If you didn't want responses to your post, you should have asked the Mod to lock the thread. Otherwise, people generally argue, concur and rethink on a forum. You aren't Dom enough to control a thread like this.

I agree with what Aileen has been saying. Your helpful advice telling hapless subs to use their brain? You're preaching to the choir, Choosing.

The subs who need your help won't use, or even understand, what you're advising. But they might assume you are all-that and know so much. Your help post appears very self-serving. A little too true-way and obvious for me. You'll attract the very subs you disdain.

January

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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 3:53:15 PM   
NihilusZero


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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: January

If you didn't want responses to your post, you should have asked the Mod to lock the thread. Otherwise, people generally argue, concur and rethink on a forum. You aren't Dom enough to control a thread like this.

See, that's unnecessarily confrontational. Technically, you being that quick to convince yourself he's intentionally trying to malign all subs by suggesting they're inept is just as flawed a thinking process as the one you are castigating him for.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 3:55:17 PM   
January


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not even remotely worth it.

< Message edited by January -- 2/8/2011 3:57:24 PM >

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[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 3:56:47 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: January

Huh? Are you reading the same thread as I am? Did you actually read my post?

I did. You must not be sub enough to understand my response.

(Edit: Rereading, and to be fair, your previous post was not as finger-wagging as I made it out to be, true. My main concern was the "dom enough" comment and the fact that it's purpose was solely inflammatory. Apologies.)

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 2/8/2011 4:00:33 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 4:00:15 PM   
Aileen1968


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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I'm not worked up at all. I just find this all very amusing.

This is a good example. I'm familiar enough with Aileen to know she's likely indeed detached and responding from a relaxed state. Her second sentence is likely her interpretation of how the whole thread is going.

However, from the perception of someone who's on the defensive and is starting to feel the effects of mob-arguing (whether imagined or real or any combination of both doesn't matter), that could read as mockery, with "finding it amusing" appearing to be a kind of snickery personal jab. And, jumping to see it that way (intentionally or not) can have adverse effects on the way the conversation goes from that point on.


Spot on. I'm enjoying a nice big glass of wine and had a yummy plate of homemade lasagna. I find most of what I read here amusing...not in a bad way either.
I think some people, just based on who they are personality wise and where they are in life, are either going to "get it" or not.
By "get it" I mean the basics of relationships. BDSM relationships are no different at all from vanilla ones when one is choosing a partner whether it's for a one time meet and beat or a lifetime relationship.

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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 4:05:34 PM   
NihilusZero


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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

By "get it" I mean the basics of relationships. BDSM relationships are no different at all from vanilla ones when one is choosing a partner whether it's for a one time meet and beat or a lifetime relationship.

This is a particularly interesting topic, though, because we discuss the effects of this fact all over the place. Doms with disobedient subs, subs with Doms who are pushing their limits, Doms with subs topping from the bottom, subs with Doms who they've called "manipulative".

We all, at least passively, have some thought as to how those events play out after the fact.

The question, I guess, would be if something like the OP has any preventative power at all. In that sense, January was right on about how the reader either will or won't be receptive to it anyway. And, if the type of people to whom it would most benefit are the sorts who make a habit out of ignoring advice anyway...then it is probably entirely moot.


< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 2/8/2011 4:12:45 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 4:06:56 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I'm enjoying a nice big glass of wine and had a yummy plate of homemade lasagna.

My stomach and taste buds were trying to ignore this....

*sigh* I may be need to get some food now. :P

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 4:08:36 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Choosingtochoose
Why is everyone so worked up against this by the way? Is everyone so cynical or just so cliquish that something that might be helpful for someone else immediately gets jumped on?
I'd say you answered your own question. You know what unasked for help is, right? It's one thing if someone posts a question and then a bunch of other folks do what they can to provide insight and input. It's an entirely different thing just to post some random soapbox piece designed to help out the poor, helpless subs or correct the evil, uncaring doms.


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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 4:12:39 PM   
IrishMist


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quote:

Here's a perfect example from a submissive's profile on CM who has body-consciousness issues - "I am an overweight submissive. I don't consider myself BBW, that would mean i'm proud of my body which I am not."

Show me the link to the profile so that I can read the WHOLE profile for myself.

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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 4:33:19 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I'm enjoying a nice big glass of wine and had a yummy plate of homemade lasagna.

My stomach and taste buds were trying to ignore this....

*sigh* I may be need to get some food now. :P


I won't mention the homemade bread then....

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RE: Compatability is key... - 2/8/2011 4:59:52 PM   
sblady


Posts: 433
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Choosingtochoose

I see a lot of Doms and subs on here preaching about how D/s should be pursued this way or that way like it's some kind of very specific predetermined Jedi religion or something. I just wanted to make a general post for all new subs in particular who are venturing into this world. There is no WAY of D/s. There's only what works for you and your respective partners. A lot of people seem to forget that for a D/s relationship to work it's just like any other relationship. You have to be compatible. You have to find someone with whom you have similar interests - someone in whom you can trust and for whom you can have respect.

So, if you're brand new, and someone starts out trying to "break" you (or whatever other nonsensical term a lot of doms try to use) and it doesn't feel like what you want. Guess what? It's probably NOT a good fit for you. And when they try to shame you and belittle you by saying, "this is THE WAY it's done." If it doesn't feel like the WAY it should be done with you then it's not right for you.

Your formative experiences in D/s are going to really shape how you pursue all this so if you start out with abusive jerks who only know how to crush the existence of meek little doormats you're going to become one of those meek little doormats and miss out on a lot of what is really exciting and fullfilling about your journey...



Great post. Too bad you can't post this on the other side as well. Not all submissives are doormats and are far from meek. Quite a few would make mincemeat out of those who try to treat them that way.

< Message edited by sblady -- 2/8/2011 5:01:35 PM >

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