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RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 2:22:01 PM   
Palliata


Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SyntheticPet
To not be submissive. I'm not saying it's a disease or anything, but it's definitly not right. If men were supposed to be submissive, more women would be dominant. One doesn't need to look closely to realize there's a lot more submissive males than dominant females.

I think maybe "wrong" and 'unnatural' are being conflated here. I would tend to agree that femdom is somewhat unnatural in that it goes against the biological order in terms of balance of power. That said, most of modern life is unnatural and I'd rather not give up my polymers anytime soon. Why do you feel so strongly that things which are natural are right and things which are unnatural are wrong?

_____________________________

I speak not of The Way, but only My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

I'm male. I know it sounds female. Work with me.

(in reply to SyntheticPet)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 2:22:28 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline 		Maybe close the account AND get a lobotomy? Maybe you could just learn to be okay with yourself and your desires. Who knows..since I don't see the first thing wrong with any of this..I wouldn't have a clue as to whether or not a shrink could help you as others have pointed out.

Good luck either way.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 2:26:19 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Maybe close the account AND get a lobotomy? Maybe you could just learn to be okay with yourself and your desires. Who knows..since I don't see the first thing wrong with any of this..I wouldn't have a clue as to whether or not a shrink could help you as others have pointed out.

Good luck either way.




if I like it there must be something wrong with it

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 2:38:54 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I'm now going to address the scarcity issue: I think you made a good start on your profile with the exception of this paragraph, which you should kill post-haste:

quote:

And no, I will not send a picture in my initial message to anyone. The reason: I have a perfectly fine picture on my profile which you can navigate to just by clicking my username, which can be found within messages sent from me. It's literally one click away. If you're too lazy to do that, I don't want to serve you anyways. There are plenty more Dommes where you came from.


Add some vanilla stuff to your profile.

Check out the Ask a Mistress section for tips on how to write a good intro email - don't wait for the Dommes to contact you. Try going to local events. See if there are TNG (under 35) groups in your area.

I anticipate that you will get beat up in this thread, but will also get good advice in the process, so do remain open to it.

(in reply to SyntheticPet)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 2:42:28 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SyntheticPet

Not sure if a kink afficianado website such as collarme is the best place to ask this, but does anyone know of any instances where someone (particularly a submissive male) has gone to a therapist to get rid of their kink and has successfully been cured? If so, how does the therapist go about curing someone of this nature?

To answer your direct question, no, I do not know anyone who has been cured of being submissive in nature.  Nor do I know anyone who has been cured of being a masochist.  I do know people who are in the "no longer choose to engage" category.  None of them have changed their personality traits.

I agree with another poster.  Your query does sound very much like those who were hoping to be cured of homosexuality because of external pressures.  If you have read certain high profile cases, you would be aware that this doesn't work.  Even their own literature mentions that they will have to "battle their urges" on a continual basis.  Doesn't sound like cure to Me.

The imbalance between the number of submissive men to Dominant women does not mean that your desires are "wrong".  It means there is an imbalance between the number of men and women who are interested in such things.  I'll bet there are more men interested in football than women.  That doesn't mean there is something wrong with men who want to watch or play the sport.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SyntheticPet)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 2:48:58 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Palliata


quote:

ORIGINAL: SyntheticPet
To not be submissive. I'm not saying it's a disease or anything, but it's definitly not right. If men were supposed to be submissive, more women would be dominant. One doesn't need to look closely to realize there's a lot more submissive males than dominant females.

I think maybe "wrong" and 'unnatural' are being conflated here. I would tend to agree that femdom is somewhat unnatural in that it goes against the biological order in terms of balance of power. That said, most of modern life is unnatural and I'd rather not give up my polymers anytime soon. Why do you feel so strongly that things which are natural are right and things which are unnatural are wrong?


Is that so?


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Palliata)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 2:56:15 PM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I'm now going to address the scarcity issue: I think you made a good start on your profile with the exception of this paragraph, which you should kill post-haste:

quote:

And no, I will not send a picture in my initial message to anyone. The reason: I have a perfectly fine picture on my profile which you can navigate to just by clicking my username, which can be found within messages sent from me. It's literally one click away. If you're too lazy to do that, I don't want to serve you anyways. There are plenty more Dommes where you came from.


Add some vanilla stuff to your profile.

Check out the Ask a Mistress section for tips on how to write a good intro email - don't wait for the Dommes to contact you. Try going to local events. See if there are TNG (under 35) groups in your area.

I anticipate that you will get beat up in this thread, but will also get good advice in the process, so do remain open to it.


errrrrr wasn't he thinking about a way to cure his submissiveness..not how his profile should look?

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 3:00:55 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Look everyone, this is a confused 20 year old, unless he is just bullshitting everyone.

I was the first one to tell him to go for a kink friendly therapist and I don't really feel anyone has given him shit about it.

I feel bad for the guy; god knows I have never once in my entire existence thought that what I was, what I like and how I am wired was wrong or unnatural.

To make statements on what is natural and unnatural in society is total nonsense.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 3:03:03 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SyntheticPet

Not sure if a kink afficianado website such as collarme is the best place to ask this, but does anyone know of any instances where someone (particularly a submissive male) has gone to a therapist to get rid of their kink and has successfully been cured? If so, how does the therapist go about curing someone of this nature?


I don't think the problem is necessarily just one of numbers and gender

You haven't really been here that long, not even a month.
It takes time to get to know people and even longer to find the right person for you.

I am female and quite a bit older than you. It took me 18 months to find the right person for me... (actually He found me) and then it took a solid 8 months for us to really get to know one another.

However, it does seem that you are uncomfortable, so here is the Kink Aware Professionals link:
https://ncsfreedom.org/kap-topmenu-75.html

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to SyntheticPet)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 3:06:18 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

errrrrr wasn't he thinking about a way to cure his submissiveness..not how his profile should look?


I extrapolated from his post 13 that his real issue is lack of a Domme; not his submissive desires but his unmet submissive desires:

quote:

If men were supposed to be submissive, more women would be dominant. One doesn't need to look closely to realize there's a lot more submissive males than dominant females.



(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 3:10:37 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Some time ago I took on a case of a lass (early 20's), who has a butt plug fetish. Her mother was so disgusted, she employed a Psychiatrist to have her daughter committed in part because the daughter had a disruptive personality issue.I was able to prove to the court, after handling the daughter for a period of time, that the two issues of butt plug and disruptive behavior were/are not related, and entirely related issues. To cut a long story short, The court ruled of my client/patient and ordered the mother to keep a minimum of 200 meters away from her daughter. It also ruled that the Psychiatrist have no further contact with the lass. Finally the lass was ordered to attend my therapy sessions (as a certified psychologist and therapist) to deal with her disruptive behavior. I still see her from time to time to see how she is coping. My point is therapy is highly unlikely to be able to "cure" the submissive urges of the OP. I have seen and read other case histories of the complete failure of cognitive therapy, aversion therapy and hypnotherapy in attempting to "Cure" kink and similar interests. This is all a through back to the desire of ignorant mundane people to "Cure" Homosexuality.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 3:16:40 PM   
Palliata


Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Palliata


quote:

ORIGINAL: SyntheticPet
To not be submissive. I'm not saying it's a disease or anything, but it's definitly not right. If men were supposed to be submissive, more women would be dominant. One doesn't need to look closely to realize there's a lot more submissive males than dominant females.

I think maybe "wrong" and 'unnatural' are being conflated here. I would tend to agree that femdom is somewhat unnatural in that it goes against the biological order in terms of balance of power. That said, most of modern life is unnatural and I'd rather not give up my polymers anytime soon. Why do you feel so strongly that things which are natural are right and things which are unnatural are wrong?


Is that so?


Lol I kind of figured I would take some flack for that line as soon as I saw it in print heh

_____________________________

I speak not of The Way, but only My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

I'm male. I know it sounds female. Work with me.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 3:17:16 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I agree Red!

When I spoke to my adult children about what mom was into... because they made a surprise visit with my front door open and saw my computer before I had a chance to move anything... was about animals. There seems to be a leader of the pack with most animals, but I used dogs mostly, because we had dogs. I have had female dogs that ran the show and have even seen small female dogs that were the leader of the group. One rode the back of the big dog most thought was the leader of the pack. He was just the protector because that lil bitch ran the show! You can see dominance in animals, both female and male. Who taught them to be ashamed of the way they were? They just were, the way they were.

Social conditioning of gender expectations has done a lot of harm. Women repressed because they were women and men were supposed to be in charge and sometimes weren't able to be in charge, yet were because they were supposed to be. I tried so hard at different times of my life to be what I was supposed to be and yet at a very early age, I was not the sweet little submissive type. I was the leadership type, the oldest child, the one that could out do most the boys in any sport and could outwit them, get them to do things and there was no way I was un-natural. I was naturally being who I was.

I noticed mostly with my children as they grew up, in their early adult years, they have very set opinions and I would say and have said to their faces from time to time... you're being a prude. lol They were happy times of jolly fun, so don't think I was abusing them. It most often followed them saying what a bad ho I was or something of that nature. lol They didn't think it proper to talk about sex or to actually admit to having it and having fun! In a couple years into the searching twenties... they all talked about it and were open minded and admitted that they did get a bit kinky too. One surpassed anything I might have done or would! lol (Kids never give your old cell phone to parents without clearing your text messages.)

Relax... stop worrying so very much about it all... flow with how you feel and if you are concerned get professional help with it, but I personally think a lot of this will work itself out with age and a bit more experience.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 3:49:28 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SyntheticPet

Not sure if a kink afficianado website such as collarme is the best place to ask this, but does anyone know of any instances where someone (particularly a submissive male) has gone to a therapist to get rid of their kink and has successfully been cured? If so, how does the therapist go about curing someone of this nature?


For some, their interest in BDSM may be a reaction to a life event.  And in that case, you treat the issue, and the interest disappears.  This is certainly not the case for all who hold an interest in BDSM, but for some... sure.  Here's an article worth reading...

THE CONNECTION BETWEEN KINK AND ABUSE
http://pittsburghleather.org/Articles/Safety/The%20Connection%20Between%20Kink%20and%20Abuse.pdf




_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to SyntheticPet)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 4:12:42 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you want to be a follower because you were attacked as a child whenever you expressed a thought different than the adults in the household had, then I would suggest therapy. You should be allowed to dance to your own tune, and not someone else's. You should be free of fear.

Trying to cure someone of something they love however, is never a good thing. If it's shame or fear based, then get help. If this is who your authentic self is, then you don't need help with that.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to TotallyDude)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 4:19:39 PM   
TotallyDude


Posts: 184
Joined: 1/30/2011
Status: offline 		Ahem.

I suggest you find a cognitive therapist. Seriously. I think this is important and I think you would benefit from it.

That is all.

Most sincerely,

The Dude

_____________________________

The Dude abides.

Fortune and glory, kid, fortune and glory.

(in reply to SyntheticPet)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 4:50:00 PM   
HisEvelyn


Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Well I thought the people here would know a thing or two about kink and the psycology behind it. That's why I asked here. As for my profile, I made that a while ago when I was trying to cope with it instead of cure it.


Here ya go: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3492151/tm.htm


I didn't even have to click on this link to know exactly what thread it was pointing to, lol!

On a more serious note, talking to a therapist might help. But I also think it would be better to talk to one to help you understand who you are, rather than who you think you ought to be. As a society, people tend to change their idea of who and what various groups (men, women, gay, straight, submissive, dominant, etc etc etc) SHOULD be all the time. Sooner or later you have ot pick what is right for YOU, or you'll never have peace.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 5:11:30 PM   
darkenchantment


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		Whether or not therapy could 'cure'you or not, depends on the cause of your submissive nature; and whether you really want to be rid of it. You say 'its not right', so maybe it isn't for you. In that case you could go to a therapist and explain your problem, and see what happened. It may be that you'll turn up some reasons why you're submissive, and find new ways of understanding and dealing with them. That may lead to you ceasing to be submissive; it may lead to you finding new ways of coping with being submissive without necessarily practising as one; or it may lead to you accepting that being submissive is not a bad thing for you. In all cases, increased self knowledge is seldom a bad thing.

_____________________________

There is no way to peace and happiness
Peace and happiness is the way.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 6:57:58 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SyntheticPet
Not sure if a kink afficianado website such as collarme is the best place to ask this, but does anyone know of any instances where someone (particularly a submissive male) has gone to a therapist to get rid of their kink and has successfully been cured? If so, how does the therapist go about curing someone of this nature?

Decapitation. It is the only fool-proof method.

(in reply to SyntheticPet)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 8:28:15 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		So it's unnatural for a woman to be in charge? Interesting. There are many matriarchal societies in the world. It's not even all that uncommon in many families in the US, particularly amongst the african american community, where men respect and look up to the women in their families and would never think to defy their mother/grandmother/etc...

I think you need to be honest about what you have a problem with, is it yourself or the lifestyle? One thing we teach in behavior principles is that you can not change someone's personality. This really seems to me to be what you want.

_____________________________

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be


(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 40
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