Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom?

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Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 3:00:46 PM

SlevinKelevra

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/22/2011
Status: offline

Hello....sorry for the dumb question here but I am curious as to why femdom seems to intertwine so much with the concept of de-manlinization. In other words, why you must make a man less in such sense.

I don´t really complain since I don´t do it and I never will, but I thought it was valid to ask a question since I saw a guy´s reply on a topic which was originally commented on fetlife which went like a guy, a SeAL asking why his domme wanted to dress him like a sissy and stra-on him since he actually had a pelvic injury that let him remain in service but in his words, makes it impossible for anything bigger than a lipstick to go in before hiting a wall...the reply he posted on FB was.

" I don´t get why, being a Manly macho gentleman who is willingly submitting to a feminine woman, praising femininity and womanhood by submitting to it, I should let her act as if she was a man and dominate me by penetrating me as a woman because that´s quite a mixed signal that I am getting here....... because if this is femdom, why does she need to act like a man and copy a part of our anatomy to be dominant and make me take it like a homo to be submisive?"

Truth is, afterreading that reply, I wanted to ask Dommes exactly what is their kick that they get out of strap-ons. And more importantly, why they need to get that and produce that effect ?

< Message edited by SlevinKelevra -- 2/8/2011 3:02:45 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 3:03:55 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm going to ask very politely that you use the search feature regarding your question. I've answered this question multiple times over the years. If you do not find My answer in pre-written material, please feel free to ask Me what part of the issue you are still confused about coming from Me.

Thank you and have a good day.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SlevinKelevra)

Post #: 2

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 3:15:19 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

When I was a teenager, long before I even lost my virginity, I used to playfully make my boyfriend lay on his stomach or get on all fours while I got behind him and pumped my hips against his ass. We were mostly laughing and giggling about it, but it felt good. It felt good and I liked the idea that I was directing the action and he was receiving the action. I was just pretending, but it still got me excited. Maybe that kind of programmed me for the concept at that point, because that arousal and messing around led to heavy petting which led to my first orgasms (manually, not even through intercourse) and voila, here I am, with a bonafide fetish.

I don't think it has anything to do with masculine or not, demasculinization or not, or "sissies." Anal penetration is erotic. As to why and how, that varies depending on the person doing it. If a man has strap on play or anal as a hard limit, I'm ok with that, but he's still going to end up on all fours, or face down, while I pump suggestively into his ass region with my hips - it's fun. I like it. It gets me going.

Sometimes I watch my 8 pound chihuahua humping my 80 pound Labrador's head. The lab isn't even aware of it, doesn't care. The little dog loves it. She's exercising dominance over him. They're both fixed, it's not sexual. It's just fun.

Why not?

Akasha

_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to SlevinKelevra)

Post #: 3

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 5:42:53 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm going to ask very politely that you use the search feature regarding your question.

And I'll ask as well, but less politely.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 6:05:02 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlevinKelevra

I am curious as to why femdom seems to intertwine so much with the concept of de-manlinization. In other words, why you must make a man less in such sense.

So... penetration = de-masculinisation? Tell that to the two bears whose first date I eavesdropped on the other day in a coffee-shop. I'm sure they'd be terribly amused. And that once they'd finished showing you the error of your ways they'd go home and have fantastic (and extremely manly) sex.

Sex is sex is sex. Does it really matter who does what to whom? If your masculinity is so fragile that it's threatened by a lump of silicone then I'm not convinced it's really all that substantial in the first place.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to SlevinKelevra)

Post #: 5

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 6:17:58 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlevinKelevra
Hello....sorry for the dumb question here but I am curious as to why femdom seems to intertwine so much with the concept of de-manlinization. In other words, why you must make a man less in such sense.

You know, I suppose any number of folks might debate my manliness -- especially after the red thong episode -- but I don't see what the hell getting fucked in the ass has to do with manliness. I tend to think more about things like "character traits" when I think of "manliness".

_____________________________

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SlevinKelevra)

Post #: 6

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 6:53:45 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Homophobia. Always pathetic!

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Post #: 7

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 7:16:13 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlevinKelevra
Truth is, afterreading that reply, I wanted to ask Dommes exactly what is their kick that they get out of strap-ons. And more importantly, why they need to get that and produce that effect ?

Presumably, you'll have done some searching and have found, by now, that Dommes talk a lot about the sense of power and control it gives them to penetrate a man with a strap-on. I think I see at least part of the dilemma you're getting at: it's as though there's an assumption that what men do in vanilla sex is powerful; what women do in vanilla sex is yield to power.

I've often heard the idea that, as soon as you use the word 'penetrate' in vanilla sex, you start to talk in terms that assume that the male is the one with the power. A man penetrates (active) - a woman can only receive the penetration (passive). It's somewhat rarer to hear of a woman using her vagina to envelop a man's cock ('envelop' being female-active and male-passive). But I have to say, I've never, ever heard of a man using his anus to 'exert his power' by enveloping a woman's strap-on.

Still, I'm not sure that there's any necessary connection between all the foregoing and ideas of 'feminising' or 'de-masculinising'.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 2/8/2011 7:21:36 PM >

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 8

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 7:19:45 PM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

So far eveyone is dancing around the question. OP anal penertration is not your thing. The other gentleman should have made it a hard limit. If he did then his Domme should respect it. I have gay friends and I dont view them as any less a man or woman. If your going to judge people then why are you here. If you cant open your mind then this is the wrong place for you.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 9

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 7:56:17 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Dude.
Fucking a good and manly man in his ass is not feminising, and I have fucked the Canadian equivalents of SEALs; a couple of my favourites, actually: a divemaster, a homicide detective.
I'm also not buying the lipstick theory; if he'd fractured his coccyx [hah!] enough to interfere with his defecation, he'd be using a colostomy bag until they pinned it, and then he could at least pass something the size of a bisected popsicle.
Besides, there are plenty of darling lipstick-sized vibrating dildos, and cross-dressing is a hard limit to most lifestyle Dommes, since the fetish absorbs most of the fetishists' time and energy.
Lotsa military and mediterranean guys pull macho crap to cover their bi- tendencies, such as being attracted to SEAL-guy and/or wanting to watch him getting pegged, but only if he crossdresses.

Here's my previous post:

[ahem]
Why I like strap-on sex:
#1: I come like a bull
#2 Nobody gets pregnant, him or Me. No bladder infections, no yeast infections.
#3: It feels very natural [as AAkasha said]
#4: Power. Watching a strong manly man kneel and assume the position? purr.
#5: Did I mention, I come like a BULL?
#6: Strap-ons with a vibe in the base = multiple orgasms
#7: The sounds a good man makes when he's entered
#8: See #1

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 10

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 8:21:44 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

~FR~
What I don't understand is why some men think it's okay for women to take it in the ass but not men. An ass is an ass, and the ass of either gender wasn't actually made for sex. Another thing.....some guys actually do like having it up the poop chute because it massages the prostate. And some of them are really macho manly men too.

edited to add: Bottom line, if he can't stand it....make it a hard limit.

~sweetsub~

< Message edited by sweetsub1957 -- 2/8/2011 8:22:52 PM >

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 11

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 9:06:34 PM

SlevinKelevra

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/22/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

When I was a teenager, long before I even lost my virginity, I used to playfully make my boyfriend lay on his stomach or get on all fours while I got behind him and pumped my hips against his ass. We were mostly laughing and giggling about it, but it felt good. It felt good and I liked the idea that I was directing the action and he was receiving the action. I was just pretending, but it still got me excited. Maybe that kind of programmed me for the concept at that point, because that arousal and messing around led to heavy petting which led to my first orgasms (manually, not even through intercourse) and voila, here I am, with a bonafide fetish.

I don't think it has anything to do with masculine or not, demasculinization or not, or "sissies." Anal penetration is erotic. As to why and how, that varies depending on the person doing it. If a man has strap on play or anal as a hard limit, I'm ok with that, but he's still going to end up on all fours, or face down, while I pump suggestively into his ass region with my hips - it's fun. I like it. It gets me going.

Sometimes I watch my 8 pound chihuahua humping my 80 pound Labrador's head. The lab isn't even aware of it, doesn't care. The little dog loves it. She's exercising dominance over him. They're both fixed, it's not sexual. It's just fun.

Why not?

Akasha

Well, I will admit one thing: the way things are in men in my country, only one person could do strap-on to a man without any ill side-effects and that's his wife.

That said, your hips on my ass, as an example....well, that's something I'd love, I may not be against humping and being on the passive or receptive position without having to be the receiving end like a plug, so humping without strap-oning is ok for me.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 12

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 9:10:20 PM

SlevinKelevra

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/22/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlevinKelevra

I am curious as to why femdom seems to intertwine so much with the concept of de-manlinization. In other words, why you must make a man less in such sense.

So... penetration = de-masculinisation? Tell that to the two bears whose first date I eavesdropped on the other day in a coffee-shop. I'm sure they'd be terribly amused. And that once they'd finished showing you the error of your ways they'd go home and have fantastic (and extremely manly) sex.

Sex is sex is sex. Does it really matter who does what to whom? If your masculinity is so fragile that it's threatened by a lump of silicone then I'm not convinced it's really all that substantial in the first place.

Well, excuse moi but those are bears, and I assume you mean it as Gay men with bodyhair and rugged features. I am not so if they want to put something on each orifice in their bodies, they can go ahead and have a merry time at doing so, but let me tell you, it does not really make them any less manly, as since they are gay, they were not all that "Absolut Manly" in the first place, would they? That's ok for gay men but not for us straight ones.

My masculinity isn't threatened by it. I can shove my arm from fingertips to elbow joint and it doesn't do anything but to reassure me the sensation isn't to my liking, but the thing is, it's not about me...it's about why you need another penis in your life being it a plastic one to go "contra natura" and shove it up an orifice where God intended to not be used, and let's face it, a man banging another is anti-natural, otherwise there'd be no sense in boys liking girls, so why do you need to go contra natura as well?

Psychologically, we can all justify it with the phrase "I want to be the one who gives and make him the one who takes" which is kinda like "I want to be inc ontrol and make my man my bitch" so after all, that would be equating having a penis as being dominant, so then again, is it femdom, or shemaledom ?

< Message edited by SlevinKelevra -- 2/8/2011 9:12:16 PM >

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 13

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 9:12:35 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

my Mistress enjoys it as it gives Her the feeling of power as well as being inside me, and yes i like it alot and im staright. the fact that i get more enjoyment from Hers is a bonus

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LadyPact

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 14

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 9:16:40 PM

SlevinKelevra

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/22/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlevinKelevra
Truth is, afterreading that reply, I wanted to ask Dommes exactly what is their kick that they get out of strap-ons. And more importantly, why they need to get that and produce that effect ?

Presumably, you'll have done some searching and have found, by now, that Dommes talk a lot about the sense of power and control it gives them to penetrate a man with a strap-on. I think I see at least part of the dilemma you're getting at: it's as though there's an assumption that what men do in vanilla sex is powerful; what women do in vanilla sex is yield to power.

I've often heard the idea that, as soon as you use the word 'penetrate' in vanilla sex, you start to talk in terms that assume that the male is the one with the power. A man penetrates (active) - a woman can only receive the penetration (passive). It's somewhat rarer to hear of a woman using her vagina to envelop a man's cock ('envelop' being female-active and male-passive). But I have to say, I've never, ever heard of a man using his anus to 'exert his power' by enveloping a woman's strap-on.

Still, I'm not sure that there's any necessary connection between all the foregoing and ideas of 'feminising' or 'de-masculinising'.

At least an answer with 2 digits of IQ (actually 3).....buddy, thanks for being the voice of reason and not the voice of Feminazism...

This is what I tried to ask. Odd, a sub male gave an answer which nobody else gave.

My thing is not really with the concept of "active, giver = powerful partner vs passive-receiver = submissive one" but more as to why the concept has been on BDSM as if it was as important as communion is to a mass at church. I mean, sure, it's a valid fetish but why is it so important for a lady of dominance to go and pound a man ?...

I read once an answer given by a man from Venezuela, and the guy did give a nice concept when he said on a yahoogroup "The problem with strap-ons is not that I have to take it, is that it makes me feel as if she tells me my ability to use mine to please her is so little, that she has to take up my role because I am lousy in bed with mine to serve her as an instrument for her pleasure" and yeah, that is insecure but has a valid ground on which to set roots.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 15

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 9:20:31 PM

SlevinKelevra

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/22/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

Dude.
Fucking a good and manly man in his ass is not feminising, and I have fucked the Canadian equivalents of SEALs; a couple of my favourites, actually: a divemaster, a homicide detective.
I'm also not buying the lipstick theory; if he'd fractured his coccyx [hah!] enough to interfere with his defecation, he'd be using a colostomy bag until they pinned it, and then he could at least pass something the size of a bisected popsicle.
Besides, there are plenty of darling lipstick-sized vibrating dildos, and cross-dressing is a hard limit to most lifestyle Dommes, since the fetish absorbs most of the fetishists' time and energy.
Lotsa military and mediterranean guys pull macho crap to cover their bi- tendencies, such as being attracted to SEAL-guy and/or wanting to watch him getting pegged, but only if he crossdresses.

Here's my previous post:

[ahem]
Why I like strap-on sex:
#1: I come like a bull
#2 Nobody gets pregnant, him or Me. No bladder infections, no yeast infections.
#3: It feels very natural [as AAkasha said]
#4: Power. Watching a strong manly man kneel and assume the position? purr.
#5: Did I mention, I come like a BULL?
#6: Strap-ons with a vibe in the base = multiple orgasms
#7: The sounds a good man makes when he's entered
#8: See #1

I am not asking the guy why he does not use a colostomy bag, but now that I recall I did see he always had this odd shape on his lower back...anyways, this is also the second-best answer to my question...

Now, come in like a bull....that is very worrysome, poor guy, hope he's insured, LOL (just a joke, don't mean to offend and if I did, sorry, I'll take pics of me cutting my forearm to make it bleed if you wish so I can provide an apology) but that is priceless...

Thing is, I have met dommes who actually refuse doing strap-on and instead can dominate a man even if they are the ones receiving his phallus.....wonder how come they don't have to lose the feminine moves to do it while others must take male actions to have such power...

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 16

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 9:28:01 PM

Dastan

Posts: 148
Joined: 12/13/2008
From: Barranquilla city, Colombia
Status: offline

Oirinal Poster SlevinKelevra = I do not think we have encountered before. I come from Inauria. And I take the strap-on of my owner with pleasure. Call me anything and we would have a serious disagreement.

In their culture, they play these games. It is normal as their men are not taught or capable to please them properly, as only few have evolved into a superior state of being.

Now I use this thread and this language to let all the ladies see that the topic is not, and your words are not, the precise sample of what we think in our country, your race and mine. Stop acting as if you are the representative of the quorum and consensus of our peoples.

Please do not use the words of a Venezuelan man in this site, you cannot degrade the contents of the site by doing such thing. If he is worried about a plastic fascimile of a phallus being bigger and thicker, he is not that able to use his and should become better. As an act of charity towards him, if you can moderate your contents, I can share one of our elongative procedures for your friends and him to benefit from and anyone else who requires morphological upgrades.

(in reply to SlevinKelevra)

Post #: 17

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 9:29:19 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

OK, obviously you didn't take My advice and read what I've written on past threads.

People use strap-ons for the same reasons they play with sounds, vibrators, and other devices. It's another fun way to have sex. Period.

For Me, it has absolutely nothing to do with de-masculinization. Nothing further from it. In fact, I have a hard limit of feminizing males. It has nothing to do with Me wanting to be male. (Why in the hell anyone would think that is the case of anybody who isn't ftm TG is beyond Me.) There are just plain more ways to achieve orgasms than insert penis into vagina. It's called using all of your submissive's body to bring you pleasure.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SlevinKelevra)

Post #: 18

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/8/2011 11:54:53 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Homophobia. Always pathetic!

Originally I thought this might be a bit harsh, but after his later replies ... spot on!!

I'd also like to add that from some of his other comments ...wow, misogynist as well.

Wickad

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 19

RE: Why do you need/like to use Strap-ons in Femdom? - 2/9/2011 12:01:06 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

agrees with Wickad.

(edited to correct dyslexic spelling...)

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 2/9/2011 12:02:34 AM >

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Post #: 20

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