Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (Full Version)

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anorak -> Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 3:26:48 PM)

That's right I'm simply too chicken to approach any of the Dommes here.

However, in my defence I will say it is because I have thought things through and have read what others have posted.  I have learned from the wisdom of others . 

I just don't think I'm ready, or ever will be, for a D/s relationship.  I won't see it through so I don't see the purpose in starting out.  All that would do is waste some poor Domme's time.  It would an inexcusable exercise in hopes raised, in expectation of a new relationship, and hopes bitterly dashed.  You read about this sort of thing in the journals. 

I may be running scared, but at least I'm real.





MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 3:36:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: anorak

I may be running scared, but at least I'm real.



So, that'd make you really scared, then?!! [;)]




gungadin09 -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 3:39:21 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: anorak
I just don't think I'm ready, or ever will be, for a D/s relationship.  I won't see it through so I don't see the purpose in starting out.  All that would do is waste some poor Domme's time. 


Well, as far as i'm concerned, you're welcome here even if you plan on staying vanilla. But what are you hoping to get from this post? A pep talk to raise your spirits? People commending your honesty and consideration for others? Or is this a just a veiled attempt to get some dommes to make the first move?

pam



osf -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 3:40:09 PM)

I'm a coward too, i tie women up before i beat them



Delilya -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 3:43:28 PM)

Probably just as well. With an empty profile, you wouldn't get much response anyway.



sexyred1 -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 3:45:45 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09


quote:

ORIGINAL: anorak
I just don't think I'm ready, or ever will be, for a D/s relationship.  I won't see it through so I don't see the purpose in starting out.  All that would do is waste some poor Domme's time. 


Well, as far as i'm concerned, you're welcome here even if you plan on staying vanilla. But what are you hoping to get from this post? A pep talk to raise your spirits? People commending your honesty and consideration for others? Or is this a just a veiled attempt to get some dommes to make the first move?

pam


Alex, give the lady the prize for the correct Jeopardy answer.



ThePeripatetic -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 3:49:09 PM)

I dont see a question here but I'll offer a few thoughts/responses in an effort to spur some dialogue.

OP, first off, it's commendable that you're being honest with yourself. Furthermore I think it's a good sign that you're paying attention to the wishes of potential Dommes and trying to be cognizant of their time and effort. Your further along than many subs on this site.

But I have to ask, why would you say that you may never be ready for a D/s relationship? The only legitimate reason I can see for someone saying that is that they're lazy and not willing to put in the requisite work for self-improvement. If you're willing to grow, adapt, and learn then I'd say you have the essentials for stepping into a D/s (or any relationship for that matter).

And it's definitely good that you're aware of your short-comings. Continue to be up front about these w/ potential Dommes. And be on the lookout for a patient Domme who's willing to take on an open-minded "project" sub. I'm speaking from experience when I say that they do exist. Just don't expect for it all to fall into place overnight. Be patient.

In the meantime pick one or two areas you can be working on until you find that Domme. I'm a big fan of volunteerism, this could be a good avenue to refine your service mindset.

Just some food-for-thought.






DesFIP -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 4:07:40 PM)

If you aren't ready for a relationship, that's admirable that you are that self aware. Now go do the work to allow you to become someone capable of maintaining a relationship. Learn relationship skills, communication skills.

In the meantime, why not make friends. Dom/me and subs and switches alike. Take workshops, demo bottom. Join your local community.



TotallyDude -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 4:14:54 PM)

quote:

That's right I'm simply too chicken to approach any of the Dommes here.

However, in my defence I will say it is because I have thought things through and have read what others have posted.  I have learned from the wisdom of others . 

I just don't think I'm ready, or ever will be, for a D/s relationship.  I won't see it through so I don't see the purpose in starting out.  All that would do is waste some poor Domme's time.  It would an inexcusable exercise in hopes raised, in expectation of a new relationship, and hopes bitterly dashed.  You read about this sort of thing in the journals. 

I may be running scared, but at least I'm real.


Bro, there's no need to announce your retirement.

Just take a deep breath. Do some other stuff for a while. Someday come back, either make a new profile or stick with this one, and start talking to people. You don't plan out how things are going to go from the jump. If you still have an inclination toward a kinky relationship then you owe it both to yourself, and to some woman you may someday make happy, to at least explore. Be honest with your fear but kill the self-defeating all or nothing/oh I'm doomed style of thinking errors. They just make you, and everyone you deal with, sort of tired and bummed out.

Go for a walk. Read a book. Grow as a person. Come back. The Dude is always here for you.

I mean not really. I don't know you so I'm really "here for you" to a very limited extent, if at all. But if I see you post something and I'm in the right mood and it's good I will totally offer you some encouragement!



StrongSpirit -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 4:22:08 PM)

My general response to all forms of fear is as follows:

1. Fear of something you intellectually know that other people safely do is worsened by overthinking. Act more and think less. It is harder to climb up to the high wire than it is to walk the high wire because balancing whiel walking requires more thought.

2. Small steps are fine. Find something small you can do, such as go to a public club with a friend. Repeat until you can do it without fear. Then move on to something larger.

3. Everyone has fear. The difference between the coward and the hero is not lack of fear, but a willingness to overcome it. I assure you, the first time anyone pilots an air plane they are scared of flying. But eventually they conquer their fear.



DarkSteven -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 5:40:40 PM)

As a male Dom, I feel no pressure with the Dommes here.  And I've found them very approachable.  Many of them are unpaired.

Your loss.



LadyPact -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 5:45:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09
Well, as far as i'm concerned, you're welcome here even if you plan on staying vanilla. But what are you hoping to get from this post? A pep talk to raise your spirits? People commending your honesty and consideration for others? Or is this a just a veiled attempt to get some dommes to make the first move?

pam

Excellent response!

OP, you don't have to be ready for D/s.  The fact is, some people will never be ready to make the plunge and that's ok.  If people contact you, be honest with them about the situation.



Nanako -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 5:51:03 PM)

How can you not be ready for a "D/s relationship" ?

That seems to be based on the notion that there is only one kind of relationship involving D/s, presumably some kind of 24/7 lifetime servitude you're thinking of.
What's wrong with just having a fun partner, who dominates you in the bedroom. Do fun kinky stuff together as far as is suitable for both of you, only what you're ready for.

It seems to be mostly an issue of finding the right sort of person, and ensuring that the things you want, AND are comfortable with doing, fit their expectations.



IronBear -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 5:53:25 PM)

I can definitely relate to this SS, More years ago than I care to remember so lets say it was the late 1950s, A young kid was at the local swimming hole trying to teach himself to swim enough to pass his bronze lifesaving certificate. Now being smart he has secured a rope to a tree and had it is the water about his waist in case he got into trouble. A couple of the local well known bullies wandered along and as the lad struggled to the edge of the hole, they picked him up sand threw him back into the water, in the centre and the deepest part. After this being repeated several times, the bullies grew tired and cut his safety rope. Not being backward in speaking his mind, the lad told the bullies what cowards they were and that he would be reporting them to the local police sgt that night. Enraged the larger bully hit the lad with a closed fist a number of times, breaking his nose, splitting his lip and closing his left eye. Every time the lad was knocked down he got up and was ready to do battle (completely devoid of any knowledge of self-defence). Finally, even the bullies became scared because the lad didn't have the brains to play dead dog. Finally the police sgt stepped out from the bushes where he had witnessed the last part of the beating to rescue the lad. The bullies went to juvenile prison until they were 21. The lad learned to both swim and fight. The part which interests me is the courage to get back up and refuse to accept defeat which made the bullies shit scared.


Anyway I digress with ancient memories. It takes more courage to admit you are scared than to attempt to hide it. There is a member of this site who after being accused of being a war hero due to some baubles he was awarded for some mischief he did in 'Nam. He hit the friend who called him a hero, another current member of this site, and commented that he was not a hero but had been nothing but a shit scared part Irishman who had been sure he was about to be killed so he did what was natural and fought like bloody hell. He also commented that his heroes were the medivac choppers who flew daily into gun fire unarmed and at times into heavy rain on the side of mountains to rescue the wondered. Those were and are real heroes.



SexyBossyBBW -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 9:56:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: anorak
That's right I'm simply too chicken to approach any of the Dommes here.
I just don't think I'm ready, or ever will be, for a D/s relationship.  I won't see it through so I don't see the purpose in starting out.
Knowing yourself well, and being honest about your intentions is the most attractive thing to any domina.

quote:

All that would do is waste some poor Domme's time.  It would an inexcusable exercise in hopes raised, in expectation of a new relationship, and hopes bitterly dashed.  You read about this sort of thing in the journals.
"Poor Domme's time?"   We are adults, fully capable to taking responsibility of what we enter into, and the limits therein.   Don't worry about it, as long as you are being direct about what you want, can/not give within a relationship.     M



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 9:58:36 PM)

What exactly scares you?



Delilya -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 10:58:21 PM)

Sorry I was being so snarky. I was in a foul mood and should not have been posting, period. Apologizes.



IronBear -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/8/2011 11:15:28 PM)

There are times when I too am a craven coward. This happens if I allow my natural instincts to take control. Sadly, it has happened too many times when a small group of nubile (apparently) sex goddesses enter the room I am in, and I head for the hills post haste ot I cross the road if they are coming toward me. Psychologically, it stems from a low self esteem from an early age. I never managed to equal the image or expectations my Father had from me. Not that he ever said anything but being a nosy child I heard enough to know the high expectations he had. It took me time and a stint in the military (two armies to be precise), to find my place in the wheel of life this time around. In the areas I understand and have mastered, I am super confident. In company I am confident and self assured when I am with my Peers or friends (otherwise I oft feel uncomfortable and out of place). Business wise or professionally, I am tough and a hard assed asshole. If I have a weakness, it is my self doubt as to if I am worthy of someone I want. (Working on that at the moment.)



anorak -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/9/2011 11:31:57 PM)

Thanks to all who posted their perspective.  No need to apologise for being candid either.  The original posting was a downer - it was never going to lift anyone's spirits.

I'll go away and have a re-think.



MistressMeltz -> RE: Okay I'll come clean I'm a coward (2/10/2011 12:56:28 PM)

atleast you are honest!



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