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About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 10:54:29 AM

MountainJack

Posts: 6
Joined: 2/3/2011
Status: offline

I had an interesting chat with a sub friend of mine the other day about why it is most subs will not accept friend requests. She said "that's easy, we don't want a potential Dom to think we are used goods" I asked her if the same applied to her when looking over a potential Doms profile and she said "yes definately, it might make her think the Dom was a player or not stable and reliable" I found this very interesting because my experience has shown me that most sub's will not accept my friend requests even if we are in fact friends and chat regularly. I would have to assume that we all make friends here, even if nothing more comes of that friendship than just friendship. It would raise several questions in my mind if this were in fact true... 1. Does that mean that these subs and Doms are trying to hide things right from the get go? 2. Are a sub or Dom who has friends on their profiles more transparent and honest and upfront right from the start? 3. Is the type of Dom and sub most people seek think they are the center of the universe and would not be happy to think their prospective partner would have no life prior to finding them? 4. Is the above statement the real reason most sub's will not accept friend requests?

I would love to hear some feedback.

Post #: 1

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 11:04:28 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I save my friends list for keeping up with friends, people I want to talk to frequently.

But yeah, if I look at your profile and all your friends are 18 year old girls I'm going to assume you're just a horn dog. Friends means all friends, not just the ones you want to bonk. I would expect primarily people of your own age and an even split between make and female.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MountainJack)

Post #: 2

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 11:08:33 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MountainJack

1. Does that mean that these subs and Doms are trying to hide things right from the get go?

Not necessarily.

quote:

2. Are a sub or Dom who has friends on their profiles more transparent and honest and upfront right from the start?

In my opinion, no

quote:

3. Is the type of Dom and sub most people seek think they are the center of the universe and would not be happy to think their prospective partner would have no life prior to finding them?

That's not what I seek from a partner, I don't know about "most people".

quote:

4. Is the above statement the real reason most sub's will not accept friend requests?

For your friend, that might be true. For other people, it might not be.

If I don't know you or haven't spent time talking with and getting to know you, why would I have you listed as a friend? Honestlt, on CM I pay more attention to a person's postings on the message boards (if any) moreso than who they do or don't have on their friends list.

(in reply to MountainJack)

Post #: 3

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 11:11:17 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

5. For the most part, I don't accept friend requests because they are from people with whom I have never corresponded and thus not friends.

(in reply to MountainJack)

Post #: 4

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 11:13:44 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

Everyone on my friends list is someone I either know in r/l, or someone I've chatted to through the message board.

If it's someone I don't know at all, I reject the request.

If it's someone I barely know, I explain why I haven't accepted their request, then reject it.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 5

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 11:19:43 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

(Shakes head) lol Games, games and more games. Head trippin for sure!

A friend is a friend and if you can't put a friend on your profile because other people will think you played with or had sex with all those friends... I have to ask, which is really more of a problem thinker?

Now I do admit when I see fifty to one hundred (way younger than him or porn star type) women on a man's profile, I don't think he played with them all... but I will think he wishes he could and do wonder about his priorities. Yet, someone that has friends... great! They either really have friends or they collect friends like myspace accounts often do.

I use my profile for myself. If others decide to put meaning to it that isn't there, go for it. I may when I assume what I do about certain profiles. They aren't someone I will miss and I am sure they won't miss me. Do what you want to do and stand firm for your right to do it and if people take it wrong or sum you up even accurately... big deal.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 6

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 11:25:36 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

I prefer to define my friendships by the ability and comfort in engaging in good quality
conversation as opposed to how many friends lists I show up on, regardless of dynamic.

< Message edited by poise -- 2/10/2011 11:26:29 AM >

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 7

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 12:35:07 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MountainJack
1. Does that mean that these subs and Doms are trying to hide things right from the get go?

Because they don't have friends on a list? That's just an assumption. Why not ask individuals instead of assuming the worst.

quote:

2. Are a sub or Dom who has friends on their profiles more transparent and honest and upfront right from the start?

Again, an assumption. I wouldn't assume someone is more transparent because you have no idea who these people are on their lists. They may have never met them, let alone had any email contact.

quote:

3. Is the type of Dom and sub most people seek think they are the center of the universe and would not be happy to think their prospective partner would have no life prior to finding them?

Who knows? I wouldn't be comfortable with a person who thought like that personally.

quote:

4. Is the above statement the real reason most sub's will not accept friend requests?

Not for His girl. When single the people on my list were friends ... most of whom I had met in person. Now we have have friends on the list that is the same, with the exception of a couple of very dear friends who we have contact with via mail or telephone etc.

However we clearly state on the profile that we do not vouch for anyone on the list. We would expect the same in return. If people use lists to determine popularity or transparency, then that person has bigger issues and not issues that Master would have time for.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to MountainJack)

Post #: 8

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 1:00:55 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

In my mind it means that people are worrying an awful lot about the opinions of total strangers. In my world, I decide who is and is not my friend. In my world, I stand by those decisions and I do not hide my alleged friends from strangers. If I happen to have a bunch of 18 year old girls as friends (not really picking on Des, just using that as an example), she might quite reasonably conclude I'm a horny dog. That's fine though because HER conclusion doesn't matter as much to me as my conclusion or the conclusions of my friends.

Any dominant who worried about such things would make me wonder about what they mean by "dominant"... I'd be assuming "top".

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to MountainJack)

Post #: 9

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 1:04:04 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

many of the people on my firends list I know persoanlly (as I have spent time in their physical presence).

some are folks I have only interacted with online, but value their contribution to my life, remote as it may be.

I do not accept friend requests from random strangers.

I dont think there is anything to be assumed from a friends list that includes folks of any gender and/or age

(unless, as has been stated, it's someone who includes only the young and nubile when the list holder is NOT)..

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 10

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 1:05:29 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MountainJack

1. Does that mean that these subs and Doms are trying to hide things right from the get go? 2. Are a sub or Dom who has friends on their profiles more transparent and honest and upfront right from the start? 3. Is the type of Dom and sub most people seek think they are the center of the universe and would not be happy to think their prospective partner would have no life prior to finding them? 4. Is the above statement the real reason most sub's will not accept friend requests?

Greetings,

In response to the questions posed:

1. I have never encountered anyone on the Internet that tells everything. Most people exercise discretion on what's revealed. Some individuals spread the notion rather thin and insert a bit of embellishment. The degree is definitely ymmv.

2. No, the individual simply has other parties attached to his profile. To assume he has any relations with them beyond what was stated is foolhardy. As for honesty, how do you gauge this based on an anonymous profile? It's supposition at best.

3. Not applicable. I only give consideration to real time prospects.

4. Perhaps the individual has no interest in honoring the request or prefers to base their acceptances on liaisons outside of this realm. I exercise prudence in this area and give consideration to the individual asking, whether I enjoy their company or presence in the forum, and their relationship status. I don't accept requests from persons expressing interest or those that are seeking companions. I've found it typically sends the wrong message and suggests a modicum of possibilities that's nonexistent.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to MountainJack)

Post #: 11

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 1:27:35 PM

preytolife

Posts: 138
Joined: 11/29/2010
From: LaLa Land
Status: offline

I've adopted a policy of letting other people add me to their list, but I don't want people on mine that I don't know and enjoy staying in contact with regularly. What the hell? It's free "advertising". I'm not that active here and this is profile redux #3 or somesuch. I am suspicious of Dom friend-whores, and my opinion doesn't go up if I see 90+ pictures of girls profiles when I do the clicky-thing. I never refuse requests from people I know, I don't hide association...and I have never, ever heard of the "used goods" philosophy...actually I think that's just about the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

If someone is a total weirdo who's never ever talked to me...I will delete the request without a response.

_____________________________

"No man is so good as to be free from all evil, nor so bad as to be worth nothing." - Norse Proverb

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 12

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 1:46:22 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I never accept friend requests unless I spoke to you live, know you from the boards, exchange emails with you to the point that I feel positively towards you or we met.

I have to wonder at the laziness of people who send me a friend request without having introduced themselves.

I find many to be pic collectors; strokes the ego to have all those pretty girls (or not) on their profile.

I don't care to be another photo on his wall; same with any other social networking entity.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 2/10/2011 1:47:21 PM >

(in reply to preytolife)

Post #: 13

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 1:56:39 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

i disagree with the original premise -- every one on earth except for newborn babies are "used goods" in one way or another. the minute you start treating people like sports cars, well... maybe you should just stick to sports cars. =p i don't accept random friend requests because i don't see the point of accepting them from people i've never talked to ever, or from people who don't have anything on their profile. i don't like being an unwitting pawn in online friend collecting.

1. Does that mean that these subs and Doms are trying to hide things right from the get go?

- Nope!

2. Are a sub or Dom who has friends on their profiles more transparent and honest and upfront right from the start?

- Not necessarily!

3. Is the type of Dom and sub most people seek think they are the center of the universe and would not be happy to think their prospective partner would have no life prior to finding them?

- No, i don't want to be with anyone because there's no other choice, and i don't want anyone to be with me for that reason either. i also tend to dislike people with out of control egos and vanity. Thinking i had no life before you (general you) is an irritating type of vanity.

4. Is the above statement the real reason most sub's will not accept friend requests?

- Like i said, i don't accept them from people i don't know or haven't talk to before, because i don't want to be a number on a friend collector's list.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 14

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 6:53:57 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I don't accept friends requests on here because they're not friends...they're complete strangers. Why would i want a bunch of complete strangers calling me a friend? I'm not here for a popularity contest.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 15

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 7:25:31 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

as a rule i don't accept random requests. i am allowed to make Friends with other subs/slaves. as far as the number of Friends i have on my profile it does not represent anything other than i accepted their request. i am as open as i am allowed to be. if anyone finds some kind of a meaning in that it is there own not mine.

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 16

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 10:41:20 PM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

I dont accept friend requests unless Ive met those people in person real life and associate with them as such. The same with facecrack....

The only acceptation being DarkSteven

< Message edited by SpiritedRadiance -- 2/10/2011 10:52:04 PM >

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 17

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/10/2011 11:27:33 PM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

I do accept friend request if I've spoken to them at some point, be it online or not (and more than a mere sentence of hello) but then I hide my profile regularly and in the process the friend list gets erased

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 18

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/11/2011 12:00:08 AM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

I don't accept friend requests generally, unless it's from someone I've met/dated, or people I've interacted with extensively on the boards, but for life reasons, we've not yet met.

When I get requests, especially from people with a profile full of women, I figure he's trying to give put on airs, show how popular he is with the babes... Which I don't find impressive. Likewise, if a person writes to me, but has a wall full of 20+ women, it makes me wonder why they would all be his friends, but none would have him as a submissive/slave.
I know many people have many friends, but most of mine aren't online, and I don't tend to go around showing pictures of them anyway. M

(in reply to MountainJack)

Post #: 19

RE: About accepting friend requests... Good or bad?? - 2/11/2011 5:18:04 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

I don't do the whole friend thing because:

1-This is not Facebook.
2-I ain't thirteen.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

Post #: 20

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