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Seeking Help…… - 2/12/2011 8:41:57 AM   
ashjor911


Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline 		Hello & Welcome ladies & gentleman
I wonder a lot about this one question all the time.
How to tell a woman that you are interested in her without scaring her or make her feel uncomfortable.
For that I am seeking Experience from all CM females & males please give your own words or lines that worked on someone.
Female epically please tell me what you most want to read from the first message.
I am maybe hangover from last night party up to the morning…
Best regards
M
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/12/2011 8:48:58 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		Read this: CMail Help: How To Contact A Dominant Woman

It will tell you exactly how to contact a woman.  The information can also be applied to dominant men who want to contact submissive women.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to ashjor911)
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RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/12/2011 9:41:23 AM   
ashjor911


Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline 		I am giving up
waiting just abit more so i can become a monk
& yes i will cut that damn thing off
not kidding
M

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/12/2011 12:13:07 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Well, keep in mind that every woman is different.  I have had some freak out then I moved too fast, and some got bored and left me because I moved too slowly.

That said, I just say hello to them like I would at a party.  I mention a post they made or something in their profile that struck me.  If they're local to me, I ask if they are acquainted with the local groups.

My initial goal is to see if we're compatible outside the bedroom,  If so, I will see if I can nudge things bedroomish.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ashjor911)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/12/2011 2:46:30 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ashjor911

... yes i will cut that damn thing off... not kidding



Well at least sell tickets to the event before hand, to yanno... cover the medical bills and all.



_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to ashjor911)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/12/2011 3:08:54 PM   
john104


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline 		I'm not clear from your post whether you are looking for a short or long term relationship.  In my case my first wife knew all about my preferences (bdsm, tv, sub) but secretly thought she could "change" me.  Well, surprise, surprise, she couldn't.  Before marrying 2nd wife I gently and over a short period of time let her know what I was into, and, essentially, cross examined her to absolutely make sure that she knew that I am who I am, and that I would never, ever change.  What I was is what she got.  This is not as bad as it sounds as I am a very cheerful, gentle, and loving person.  I just wanted to make sure she was ok with the whole package.  She was.  That was 23 years ago and we're still going strong. 
So, bottom line, if you're looking for a long term relationship, be honest, explain gently, be prepared to walk away if a match isn't in the cards.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/12/2011 3:10:54 PM   
darkenchantment


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ashjor911

I am giving up
waiting just abit more so i can become a monk
& yes i will cut that damn thing off
not kidding
M


Sounds a bit serious, young man! I see from your profile you haven't been well, so maybe you're just feeling a bit down at the moment. And all good wishes with your studies at Heidelburg; sounds great!

Dark Steven's advice sounds pretty good to me. I find its usually best to start off with a polite first mail which does pay attention to something she's said about herself in her profile - just to show you've read it. And keep it vanilla to start with; avoid jumping into discussion of sex and bdsm type activities. Ask them a question about themselves or their interests to try to give them something to reply about. Your profile looks ok, although you do say you're not currently looking, which might be a bit confusing for them! You also need to ensure you are writing to women who are within the sort of age range that might be interested in you, and in locations that will enable you to get to see one another fairly easily.

Try to cheer up and look on the bright side. You are a young man, and you have time on your side. So what if a lot of women don't reply? Clearly, they wouldn't have been right for you anyway. Some will, and over the course of time you only have to get lucky once to find the one for you.

Best wishes in your search

_____________________________

There is no way to peace and happiness
Peace and happiness is the way.

(in reply to ashjor911)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/12/2011 3:41:57 PM   
ashjor911


Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline 		Thank you all for the good kind words
john104 & DarkSteven you were great help thank you.
darkenchantment thank you for taking time to view my profile. 27 is not that young its 3 years till 30 freeking out here about getting 30...
other day i heared people on the steet calling the name Gandolf the Grey to young man with a grey hair its ginitic i know but it run in my family
MasterSlaveLA thank you very much for the great ieda....
again thank you all
Best regards
M

(in reply to darkenchantment)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/13/2011 7:04:58 AM   
ashjor911


Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline 		I did it this was my message :
Hello .................,
I have wrote this letter more than one time to tell you that I am interested in you,
Found the shorter way is the truth, & honesty.
Wishing to know if we are a match,
Best regards
M
it was Deleted Unread......

(in reply to ashjor911)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/13/2011 3:03:44 PM   
ThePeripatetic


Posts: 139
Joined: 12/21/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ashjor911

I did it this was my message :
Hello .................,
I have wrote this letter more than one time to tell you that I am interested in you,
Found the shorter way is the truth, & honesty.
Wishing to know if we are a match,
Best regards
M
it was Deleted Unread......


OP, here's my take:

"wrote this letter more than one time" - Bad move. If your first inquiry came up short, don't expect your second, third, fourth emails to change the situation. Most woman are going to find that creepy, intrusive, and/or desperate. No response after first message, move on.

As for it being deleted unread, don't fret so much about that. It happens plenty on CM. Woman here (Domme or submissive) get inundated with messages. Cut them some slack if they're deleting messages unread.

You write in this message that you're "interested" in the individual. That's fine I suppose but perhaps give some indication as to why you're interested. Pull out a specific point from their profile to write about. If the two of you share a common interest try to creatively incorporate that into your note.

Finally, and please don't take this the wrong way, but it's pretty obvious that English is not your first language. I think it's very commendable that you are posting as much as you are on an English-only site, good for you. But your writing can be a little tricky to decipher at points. You definitely have a valid excuse (more so than many native speakers on this site) but sadly, some people may just write you off rather quickly based on your sometimes choppy English. Again, don't take it personal, it's just a small obstacle you're going to have to overcome. You may need to make more of an effort to allow your personality to shine in order to compensate for your shortcomings in English.

Good luck!



_____________________________

"The Journey is the Destination" - Dan Eldon (One of my heroes. R.I.P.)

(in reply to ashjor911)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/14/2011 6:28:13 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ashjor911

27 is not that young its 3 years till 30 freeking out here about getting 30...



You're half my damn age.  Don't complain about being old!


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ashjor911)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/14/2011 6:37:35 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ashjor911

I did it this was my message :
Hello .................,
I have wrote this letter more than one time to tell you that I am interested in you,
Found the shorter way is the truth, & honesty.
Wishing to know if we are a match,
Best regards
M
it was Deleted Unread......


i think its the english youre using.  the sentiment isnt far wrong, but you need to stop sounding so pushy and needy.

something better would be 'ive read youre profile and found it interesting.  perhaps you could read mine and if youre interested please get back to me'  its more polite, less pushy, less needy and says the same thing.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to ashjor911)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/14/2011 9:15:33 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		It is easy and inexpensive too with no fear of rejection (at the time). All you need to do my lad is to dig deep into your own racial being and go way back tom pre-civilization and follow what the tribe did.. Go out into the wide world and find a suitable piece of tree and using it as a club, hit the woman of your choice over the head and drag her by the hair back to your cave. What you do then is up to you and how you keep her from escaping is something you will have to work out solo.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/14/2011 1:51:18 PM   
ashjor911


Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
It is easy and inexpensive too with no fear of rejection (at the time). All you need to do my lad is to dig deep into your own racial being and go way back tom pre-civilization and follow what the tribe did.. Go out into the wide world and find a suitable piece of tree and using it as a club, hit the woman of your choice over the head and drag her by the hair back to your cave. What you do then is up to you and how you keep her from escaping is something you will have to work out solo.


Will take this the good way & say no to that or what ever you call it
& not going to take this the wrong way & ask you why did you wrote that...?

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/14/2011 1:54:34 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		How to tell a woman that you are interested in her without scaring her or make her feel uncomfortable.
You say "Hi, I read some of your posts on the boards and I find you a very interesting woman. Some of the things you wrote really make sense to me because....."

In other words, you write a real, sincere message of real interest that extends beyond boobies and toys. If you can't think of anything that attracts you other than she chose the "dominant" label and happens to be female, then I'd suggest just not wasting your time.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to ashjor911)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/14/2011 2:20:12 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Am rather glad you chose not to go the ancient path of the cave persons, although it is still a viable albeit illegal way of capturing the woman of your heart. believe it or believe it not, there are still women who actually are very attracted and turned on at the thought of a male dragging them kicking and screaming to his den., Half the fun and secret about finding and wooing the woman of your desires is the game people like to play. Some use the ultra sophisticated techniques, others use money (may as well hire a whore or call girl). Many take the path suggested by leadership. Jeff usually has his finger on good techniques.

From my end, I read quite a few profiles especially the ones which are there when I come onto the site. If it appeals to me for what ever reason I wrote a note to the person complementing them on their profile. Recently one caught my eye very much. I never expect much from the complementary notes I send because lets face it what young gorgeous trained slave wants to tie up with a master more than double her age, especially when she is a trained domestic and sex slave. The FDS tends to get in the way and kills most interest.  Bugger me dead if we are not interested in each other and talking.. Who know where this will end up .. With her in my collar would be excellent but it is the journey and not the end/result which makes life so much fun.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to ashjor911)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/14/2011 2:41:50 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ashjor911

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
It is easy and inexpensive too with no fear of rejection (at the time). All you need to do my lad is to dig deep into your own racial being and go way back tom pre-civilization and follow what the tribe did.. Go out into the wide world and find a suitable piece of tree and using it as a club, hit the woman of your choice over the head and drag her by the hair back to your cave. What you do then is up to you and how you keep her from escaping is something you will have to work out solo.


Will take this the good way & say no to that or what ever you call it
& not going to take this the wrong way & ask you why did you wrote that...?


(Psssst.. Ashjor, it was meant to be funny).

Don't be so sure it was not read. If you put the cursor on cmail it will show the letter to you without having to open it, it could have been read after all.


_____________________________



My fave Thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_2626198/mpage_1/tm.htm

One time "Phallus Expert Extraordinaire"

(in reply to ashjor911)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/14/2011 2:58:07 PM   
ashjor911


Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5
Don't be so sure it was not read. If you put the cursor on cmail it will show the letter to you without having to open it, it could have been read after all.


Good point but just read me out please...... ok
If i ran into someone & said hi i desreve to get hi back
its just 3 words if she dont want
but to be deleted unread its just like running into someone saying hi & he spit out into my face .... its beyond rude
i think its disrespectfull

(in reply to hlen5)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/14/2011 3:01:45 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ashjor911


quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5
Don't be so sure it was not read. If you put the cursor on cmail it will show the letter to you without having to open it, it could have been read after all.


Good point but just read me out please...... ok
If i ran into someone & said hi i desreve to get hi back
its just 3 words if she dont want
but to be deleted unread its just like running into someone saying hi & he spit out into my face .... its beyond rude
i think its disrespectfull


So many women, myself included write a polite response of "thanks, but no thanks", only for the person to reply in a vile and nasty way. Since the person doesn't know you, and doesn't know how you'll react, it feels safer to just click and delete (It's rare when I just click and delete).


< Message edited by hlen5 -- 2/14/2011 3:02:45 PM >

_____________________________



My fave Thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_2626198/mpage_1/tm.htm

One time "Phallus Expert Extraordinaire"

(in reply to ashjor911)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Seeking Help…… - 2/14/2011 3:10:22 PM   
ThePeripatetic


Posts: 139
Joined: 12/21/2010
Status: offline 		Again, ashjor911, cut the women on here some slack. They get inundated with messages to a ridiculous extent. And most of the messages are coming from creepers and assholes who probably aren't nearly as well-mannered as you.

I understand your point about common decency in the "real world" but CM isn't exactly the real world. Yes, the same manners and civility you use in the real world will go a long way on CM. I highly recommend that kind of mentality. Just don't always expect to receive the same in return. And if you end up getting figuratively "spit on" by someone on CM the best option is for you to just move on. Seriously, don't worry about it, it's not worth your time or energy.

(side note - I don't know if you've already visited there yet but you are going to love Heidelberg! Gorgeous city! I think Baden-Wurttemberg is a fantastic area. Can't wait to get back someday!)

_____________________________

"The Journey is the Destination" - Dan Eldon (One of my heroes. R.I.P.)

(in reply to ashjor911)
Profile   Post #: 20
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