happylittlepet
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Thank You for Your responses, LadyPact.
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ORIGINAL: LadyPact
In a public play space, it can be acceptable for a DM to interfere in some situations. If I'm not looking at this as a DM, it's none of My business unless you come to Me asking for My help.
What will You do when, from a conversation You have with someone, You get the impression that something is amiss, but that person doesn't ask for help?
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2. Whose observation that an interaction between partners/accomplices is not acceptable (i.e. abusive) carries more weight? The observation of a Master/Dom or the observation of a submissive/slave?
Whichever comes first. If either party is actually using the term "abuse" somebody is no longer accepting of the situation. My advice to anybody who feels they are being abused is to get out.
This is a very important statement. Thank You.
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3. What carries more weight: the perception that standards like SSC are broken, your personal standards, or the private agreement between the parties involved?
The private agreement to the parties involved. Who I am to determine SSC for anyone? I'm a RACK player, Myself.
It was not my intent to give the impression that I think SSC is 'the' standard. I meant it as 'is there an agreed on standard that helps define what is acceptable and what is abuse?'. I get the impression that the standard that weighs heaviest is the consent one gives to what is being done. This is also part of RACK. In addition to this, safety and risk awareness are important issues.
Do dungeons/play parties set limits to what can be done? If someone consents to something that is considered by the DM to be unsafe, what happens? Can someone who organizes a play party or the DM be held accountable for the consequences of what happens inside?
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4. Here, Ontario, Canada, the law states that anyone who suspects that there is abuse going on has to notify the authorities. Not going to the authorities makes one guilty of omitting to report the suspicion. Because of the repercussions and because they might be wrong, many people hesitate to make a report. Where do you draw the line between sane extreme BDSM and extreme BDSM gone wrong and what would make you go to the authorities? Or are the authorities perceived as 'the ones who wouldn't understand'. Should they understand? Would you rather err on the side of caution, or, on the side that you might say later 'I should have'.
My question back to you would be exactly why are you making the determination for what is abusive for other people? I can promise you that if you are involved in BDSM, there will always be people who play lighter than you and people who play heavier than you. Do you really want the people who play lighter than you to decide where the limit for you should be? Of course you don't! You want to play in the way that you and your partner decide.
In response, there seem to be two parts to this. 1. The law, authorities, judges will make a decision on what is abusive. Regardless of how much I agree with Your statements, officials will draw a line somewhere. This leads to the question 'why do the authorities determine what is abusive for other people?. People who are being abused (who have things done to them they don't like/want) and do not recognize that are considered to be very unhealthy, emotionally. Even when they do not agree with being labeled as emotionally unhealthy. A person who is abused, wants to leave, and doesn't, is labeled the same way. A person who consents to having a limb broken will not be considered to be in his/her right mind, because that person is considered to put his/her body to bad effect (even if the person sees the purpose of the limb broken as increase of pleasure).
The Oxford Dictionary defines abuse as follows:
Abuse - verb
1a. use to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse (abused his position of power)
1b. take (a drug) for a purpose other than a therapeutic one; be addicted to (a substance)
2. insult verbally.
3. maltreat, assault.
Abuse - noun
1a. incorrect or improper use (the abuse of power).
1b. an instance of this.
2. insulting language (a torrent of abuse).
3. unjust or corrupt practice.
4. maltreatment or (esp. sexual) assault on a person.
This leads to point 2:
2. People play heavier and lighter than I do, of course. And the increased familiarity with heavier play makes that more attractive and acceptable to me. I think that someone who is playing lighter and who warns me of a risk I had not considered is doing me a service, rather than a disservice.
It is possible that I consent to something that might have serious consequences for my body (or my mind), and do not consider that abuse. But a court can decide that I, in consenting to someone else 'abusing my body', abused myself, because the effect of that treatment on my body was bad. The court will also decide that the person I consented to should have used better judgment and should not have indulged me. This can lead to the court questioning whether either party is able to make responsible decisions. Sometimes people need to be protected from themselves?
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5. Based on 4. I have the impression that the authorities want people to report their suspicions because the authorities understand that a victim might not be able to leave/see what is going on. Also, the victim is not held responsible for the abuse occurring. It is the abuser who needs to be stopped. Intervention or at least investigation is therefore necessary. As the victim might not see what is going on, is her/his choice to remain in the situation for you an indication that everything is ok?
Really? Who did you ask? Let Me give you the perspective from somebody who has done both; been involved in BDSM and also volunteered for domestic violence shelters.
I want people to determine what their own definition of abuse is, ask for help when they have come to the conclusion that their current situation is abusive, and then get the hell out. It's exactly My involvement in both that makes Me feel this way.
I base what I wrote under point 5 on a. what the law asks from citizens, b. what I have learned about domestic abuse and trauma from recent undergraduate courses I have taken, c. on personal observation in domestic violence shelters. Domestic abuse is often hidden. Many victims are ashamed and struggling with determining what to do. In order to offer the victims hope and insight, the authorities rely on people in the surroundings of the victim to either point them to ways out or to report their suspicions, so that the authorities can offer that hope. In addition, the authorities also want to stop the abuser.
They do not hold the victim accountable for the abuse occurring, as victims of long term domestic abuse often are stuck in distorted thought patterns which keep them from leaving, but not from experiencing severe distress. It can be eye opening for a victim to hear/read that it is not the victim who is 'wrong' in labeling what is going on as abuse, just because the other party involved tells the victim she/he is 'wrong'. Victims very often blame themselves for what is happening and are ashamed because they have no control over the situation they are in. To have their feelings validated as being the indicator of what abuse is for them, is vital.
Btw, the authorities here do not depend on the consent of the victim to use evidence collected to persecute the abuser (this stops many victims from going to the police).
_____________________________
There are no rules, there is only compassion.
Simple religion:
There is no need for temples,
No need for complicated philosophies
My brain and my heart are my temples
My philosophy is kindness (DL)
'There's a fire burning in my heart'
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RE: When is interfering acceptable? - 
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