quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Well DS, since you are owner interim when I am preoccupied, I feel it is my duty to help you out with this. I know you love the /s boys and girls equally, however I do not recall your declaration nor affirmation of lesbian-hood, so this will be a three part strategy guide.
Phase 1

1. Find the local whore who also has a reputation for being an outrageous liar. When she narcs you off just deny it and say the crazy bitch had a flat tire and all you did was help her change it.
   
2. Female clergy are an untapped resource. Make sure you stop by for one on one counseling, have a laundry list of shit that needs blessed with the sacramental wine and you are in like Flynn. Odds are very good she isn't going to say shit to anyone and you can go back and hit it anytime you want. If she does tell anyone, make sure you let them all know that you fainted in the confessional and woke up with her riding the pony. If she tells no one and you return to tap that ass and she refuses, threaten to tell the world and mention the video you shot on your cell phone. The wife/girlfriend may question why you smell like frankincense and Myrrh, just tell them you found god. They will believe you because we all know pussy is divine.
   
3. The nursing homes are full of women that are so grateful that you are checking the tread they will most likely do you laundry as you shower.

Phase 2

1. Sign up for a gig watching cattle and sheep on Brokeback Mountain. Your wife/girlfriend will assume that you are just living out your cowboy fantasies and wont bother looking for you.
   
2. Sign up to be an alter boy or join the choir. If that doesn’t satisfy your twink, there is something wrong... bad wrong with the priest.
   
3. There is always a interstate rest stop within a reasonable driving distance. Make sure you tell the wife/girlfriend you had to break in the fresh oil in the car.

Phase 3 This is the most important step for successful cheating.

1. After banging the local whore, stop by and visit your buddy from Brokeback Mountain. When you get home the wife/girlfriend will ask what the peculiar smell is, just tell her/them you had bad fish for lunch and shit yourself.
   
2. The myriad of smells from the nun and priest can easily by over powered by the aforementioned frankincense and myrrh. I am confident that the mixture of quim, cum and incense would be an overwhelming scent. Simply send the wife/girlfriend out for tomato juice to contend with the rabid skunk that assaulted you on your walk through the park.
   
3. Get a meals on wheels magnetic sign to successfully triumph over article 3 in phase 1 and 2.

YMMV
SLURP!

quote:

ORIGINAL: tiggerspoohbear

Steven, you need to find a job that involves travel.  And gone for long periods.  Wife is in one city, subbie is in another, and then you work your way across the globe.  Figure you have to find a city in each country and tell each of them you'll be home once a year for a week.

And wait for it, you also have to NOT forget the ladies from the UK.   They'll be the only ones who know about the other ones you're cheating on, they'd be happy with once a year for a week.  For some reason, it's more action than they usually get.  Cuz they are picky picky subbies who would rather have quality over quantity.