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Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/12/2011 4:38:11 PM   
mistressko


Posts: 63
Joined: 1/31/2011
Status: offline 		I've started the (potentially long) prospect of screening for a houseboy/24/7 TPE. It's something I enjoy, learning about all the different people out there. I did run across something that I wanted to run by you.

In a few cases (very few, but more than one) I would give an 'applicant' (lack of better word) a hard time about an answer. Later I might discover I was wrong, that I misunderstood the answer - for instance terminology, or how something specific worked. I'd go back, even if I'd already dismissed them. I'd say hey, just wanted you to know, when I gave you a hard time about x, I've now learned that is means this and not that. I apologize. It was literally no more than that, exactly as stated.

One of the 'applicants' took it as me being hard on myself. So of course I explained it was only a matter of politeness. I don't run around apologizing lightly. But I feel it's polite sometimes. I percieve it as a strength for a Domme to admit when she is wrong.

Right? Wrong? Mileage may vary?

-MistressK
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/12/2011 5:02:45 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Of course a good dominant owns up to being wrong! No one is always right--and what's the other option, lying?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/12/2011 6:19:15 PM   
mistressko


Posts: 63
Joined: 1/31/2011
Status: offline 		(grins) Pretty much. That's what my gut said. Those rare ones who see it as weakness are just not for me.

-K

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/12/2011 7:03:45 PM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		Of course it is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of respect. Dominant(s) and masters are always well advised to show a very good basic respect. After all, they chose...to serve you.

< Message edited by MrRodgers -- 2/12/2011 7:41:09 PM >

(in reply to mistressko)
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RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/12/2011 9:09:06 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Why would you think that doing the right thing is a weakness?

And if someone thought apologizing shows weakness, that person is probably not seeing you as a person, they are seeing you as a fantasy.

(in reply to MrRodgers)
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RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/12/2011 9:24:03 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		it takes more strength to admit being wrong. plus it shows that you are a real person

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proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

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RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/12/2011 9:59:43 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

it takes more strength to admit being wrong. plus it shows that you are a real person


That was basically what I was going to say. I would find it weak if you couldn't apologize. Strength is being honest with yourself and others, enough to admit you fucked up.

From a Lucy Ricardo type... You have to be able to apologize and laugh at yourself or you are going to get into some anal play that really isn't any fun.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/13/2011 7:47:04 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Anytime someone expresses that me being me, doing what I feel is right for me, is not something a 'real' dominant person 'should do', they are also telling me they are not for me.

If I feel I have screwed up, hurt someone, let someone down, I have zero problem saying I know I screwed up. I also expect myself to learn from it and do my best to avoid making the same mistake again.

I am sure there is a long list of things I do that someone with an extensive fantasy life, would feel is very UNdominant, popping their fantasy bubble. The only whip wielding I've done in ages is to crack an old buggy whip at a head strong, boundary testing, german shepherd. I thumped a pushy Arab (horse) with feed bucket this morning...ohhhhh I am dominant, hear me roar!!!!! But I also followed through on a promise to make pancakes from scratch, even though I didn't really feel like it....I am not weal and twue.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mistressko)
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RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/15/2011 4:22:13 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I would not be interested in anyone who though good manners was a sign of weakness.

(in reply to mistressko)
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RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/15/2011 5:57:10 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think the ones that see it as weakness are living in a fantasy world and aren't interested in interacting with a real person

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

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RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/15/2011 6:26:11 AM   
meatslaveOphelia


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/5/2011
Status: offline 		Hello A/all,

       i believe I may be one of the people MistressKo is referring to... if so, allow me to clarify why i felt MistressKo shouldn't apologize: Because SHE WAS RIGHT!  Ladies, i have been lurking here for some time, and Y'all are alright.  It's not that i don't think You should never apologize.  It's only that i've seen You bend over backwards so many times, You've been so kind, so respectful, and i know full well the amount of shit so-called men trhow Your way.  Don't be afraid to apologize when You're wrong; but don't feel the need to apologize when a clarification, more detail, or maybe even a straight blow off is in order.  Even now, it pains me to see MistressKo wondering about this shit.  YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT ME!  How right?  Well, i just broke things off with the Domme who had put up with my waffling for months and now i'm leaving the lifestyle for good.  So, Yes, MistressKo, You were right to be short with me, You were right I was no goodd, and You were right that my email was disrespectful and altogeter too familiar.  YOU WERE RIGHT.  That's why You should feel no need to have apologized.  You were right.

And at some point, i swear i'm going to start a profile as a woman, just to find out what exactly You All get in Your inboxes, and i'm sure it'll teach me that the Women on this site and others who were kind enough to take an interest treated me so much better than just about any male dom would have... and then You wonder for days wether or YOU did the right thing?  Please.  There are some Dommes who are a bit harder, but then men love that, and even They are rarely if ever flat out disrespectful...  So, whatever.  It's not about weakness.  It's about You being right.  At least it was when i wrote it.

i guess, as long as i'm here for the last time, much Love and Respect, this has been a difficult time in my life, and the fact that I could come here and get nice attention and Your time has been invaluable.  i wonder if i gave much of anything in return.  Believe me when i say that i was searching honestly, this isn't ultimately for me, but not for lack of quality and caring Women.  But Please, try only to open an email with an apology when You know You're wrong.  Please.  ;)

Oh.... and, Yes, i expect a certain flaming here on the boards, but whatever.  i deserve it.  What i don't deserve is an apology.  So chill.  Love & Peace, m.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
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RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/15/2011 6:50:43 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		If and when I ever made a mistake, I will apologize for it.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to meatslaveOphelia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/15/2011 6:58:56 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

If and when I ever made a mistake, I will apologize for it.

Your tenses in this sentence are inconsistent. I'd say that counts as a mistake.

*waits for apology*

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/15/2011 8:34:41 AM   
LadyRian


Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		I don't feel apology equals weakness, I consider the opposite to be true.

When I'm wrong about something, I see no good reason to hold fast to my error. That compounds it, and becomes a morass from which it's difficult to escape. An apology when wrong is a lot easier to deal with than the concomitant mess created by egotism, and it's the right thing to do.  You're taking responsibility for your own actions.

I don't want to be someone who's "Frequently wrong but never in doubt" as the song goes.
When I'm wrong, if I were to refuse to apologise for it, to me that's the first step on the path to becoming a despot. It breeds resentment on the part of whomever I may have wronged, and if that person is my submissive, I feel it would weaken the foundation of trust.

I see it as weakness to refuse to apologise, especially if another person has been hurt.




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"Dodging bullets since 2010"

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RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/15/2011 1:38:56 PM   
Sundowner


Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

If and when I ever made a mistake, I will apologize for it.

Your tenses in this sentence are inconsistent. I'd say that counts as a mistake.

*waits for apology*


Not necessarily - maybe he's just not got round to it yet.  






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RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/15/2011 1:45:32 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistressko
I percieve it as a strength for a Domme to admit when she is wrong.

"Domme" is a BDSM word so it means whatever someone wants it to mean. If in someone's eyes a "domme" is an arrogant bitch then yeah, it'd be a weakness to apologize and admit error. I have no particular opinion myself on it since I'm not looking for a BDSM label.

What I DO have an opinion on is humans. Admitting one's errors and making amends is something that I personally associate with a great many words including things like strength, honor, dominance, wisdom, integrity, intelligence, etc.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to mistressko)
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RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/15/2011 3:57:42 PM   
mistressko


Posts: 63
Joined: 1/31/2011
Status: offline 		Jeff

I get that. ;-)

< Message edited by mistressko -- 2/15/2011 3:58:20 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/15/2011 4:19:34 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

If and when I ever made a mistake, I will apologize for it.

Your tenses in this sentence are inconsistent. I'd say that counts as a mistake.

*waits for apology*


Not necessarily - maybe he's just not got round to it yet.  

I'm afraid you are wrong, Mr Sundowner. 'If and when I ever made a mistake I would apologise for it' would be consistent. 'If I made 'a' I will 'b'' is inconsistent.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




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RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/15/2011 4:40:13 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

If and when I ever made a mistake, I will apologize for it.

Your tenses in this sentence are inconsistent. I'd say that counts as a mistake.

*waits for apology*


I'm deeply sorry that you caught a mistake.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Apology Equals Weakness? - 2/15/2011 5:41:07 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Count Me in as one unafraid to apologise ... and if a sub can't handle that, they're not the sub for Me!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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