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NihilusZero -> RE: Why don't men read a female's profile CAREFULLY? (2/21/2011 11:55:55 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Wheldrake
Okay, but not all women are identical. Some are going to be a lot more invested in the idea of being "pursued and romanced" than others. And equally, we may all play games now and then, but the extent of game-playing varies quite widely from person to person.
This is correct, but I'm also not confining the "game" aspect of courtship to just the more simple, silly, and deliberate examples (like 'playing hard to get'). I'm also talking about the subtle psychological footwork at play nearly always in relevance to people being wooed enough to "feel" something in someone they want to connect with. People tend to widely disavow themselves of game-playing without realizing how pervasive and subtle the entire process actually is.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Wheldrake
The problem with analysing human behaviour in terms of game theory is that people are complicated, not to mention heterogeneous in their motivations.
I think we tend to imagine such is the case, but the neurological motivators for companionship are much baser. The complication arises as part of the game, I think, where the self-concept creates intentional difficulties in the connection process in order to cater to the emotional allure (a classic example is the 'playing hard to get' system, which has numerous permutations, and where the pursuee heightens their own value by being difficult to attain and the pursuer heightens their own value by choosing to pursue something of greater difficulty).
And, I'd like to think people generally use personal criteria as an objective list for who they will test-drive relationships with, but I don't tend to see that as being the overwhelming case. People still use those lists to determine who they might want , but the act of actually making the leap to date/meet/whatever that person based solely on those elements seems rarely to happen without some other emotional wooing going on. Granted, the desire for emotional wooing itself becomes a prerequisite through this process...
quote:
ORIGINAL: Wheldrake
And anyway, you seem to be agreeing that reading profiles is worth the bother, if you're recommending wittily constructed messages that focus on something "unique to" the recipient. If you're going to invest that much time, it seems only logical (as well as respectful) to consider whether you approximately meet whatever criteria are mentioned in the profile before firing off that wittily constructed message.
Not necessarily because people, as I went on about above, are not really as strict about their pure bullet points. Emotional teasing can trump a soft limit most of the time and, even more empowering, is the chance that we could prove to be the exception to someone's specific wishes (another variation of the 'playing hard to get' game).
How many people would we say have entered into a relationship with someone who didn't meet their standard requirements because of an emotional piquing of interest?
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