RE: Are you sure you want a Dominant woman?

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RE: Are you sure you want a Dominant woman? - 2/14/2011 6:07:58 AM

Nanako

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/7/2011
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Nanako, you may see what I said as mean, but I see it as saying it how I see it and after her first thread I read, I think what I do and said what I did. I would say it again. I based everything I said on something she had said. If I was mean in others opinion, I will consider that and might even care what some might think, but in this case, I'm not sure I would agree. My response was an honest response to someone being mean and nasty to others and I don't tend to kiss the ass or be real compassionate towards people who have introduced themselves the way the op has.

I'm not sure that I understand your comments about being intelligently superior, the relation to how much someone is getting hit on and being isolated. I don't want to project here, so maybe you can be a bit more specific. There are times I will project a bit and others when I will want a bit more information so that I am not assuming far too much and responding from that place.

Hello miss ^_^
I understand your position, I hadn't really read the OP's other thread before this. She does seem quite mean spirited there. It looks to me, like the first post got off on the wrong foot, and she became defensive from there as everyone seemed to gang up Perhaps I'm just too quick to give the benefit of the doubt to people.

Both this thread, and her other one, do seem to be seeking validation to me. They're about problems she faces, admmittedly worded in a manner that stems from writing in the heat of frustration rather than calming down, but I think the responses she would have hoped for would be something along the lines of "we agree, those people are annoying, but not everyone is like that"

I've noticed that there does seem to be a general hostility on this forum, towards those who choose to express themselves negatively initially - by complaining about things. It's certainly not my place to pass judgement on this though, and I suspect it comes from everyone's own frustration at hearing the same complaints repeated so regularly.

The comments about intelligence were generally meant to e more tongue in cheek than implying any superioririty of my own, or others. I feel it can be isolating to be in a position where you get lots of unwanted attention, where your profile is specific about the sorts of people/relationships you're looking for. Lots of people sometimes need to vent a bit, ideally to people who can understand and sympathise with their frustrations. Perhaps blkswitch has simply chosen the wrong place/people for it.

But I'm not here to defend, or condemn anyone. ^^ I apologise if it's come across that way. I'm just doing my best to look at situations in a positive light, and understand people's motivations.

< Message edited by Nanako -- 2/14/2011 6:09:20 AM >

(in reply to Lockit)

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RE: Are you sure you want a Dominant woman? - 2/15/2011 2:41:08 PM

TotallyDude

Posts: 184
Joined: 1/30/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blkswitch

I got a hit on my profile from a young man in California, last night.

He said he wanted a domme and is very interested in exploring the lifestyle.

Okay, so, I asked him to tell me exactly what his idea of "everything" is.

He couldn't explain.

WTF is that all about?

Then when I became more demanding and asked him further questions, he says, BRB
and of course he NEVER came back on the YIM.

So, WTF???

Dominant or did he just want pussy near him?

I'm sure you subs can respond to that.

I wouldn't have been able to explain either and I'm somewhat seasoned, highly articulate, and self-assured to the point of being obnoxious. You two entered the circle at the wrong point, and the conversation was doomed. If the opening gambit is "Justify your interest in the lifestyle [Editorial note: Whatever that even means] and tell me your kinky interests," it's almost certainly going to fizzle. I'm having conversations with a number of new friends on here, and the question of kinks and pervy inclinations only comes up, if at all, after we've gotten to know each other as people.

I often see Dommes say on here and in journals "I do not want to hear a shopping list of your kinks." That's brilliant advice. It is advice both parties always do well to keep in mind.

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(in reply to blkswitch)

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RE: Are you sure you want a Dominant woman? - 2/15/2011 7:46:23 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
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to the op it does seem as you scared him away with being so deanding. he sounds like a new person seeking to explore the lifestyle. if it had been me i would have done the same, a more gentle introduction would have been better. when he was not able to articulate exactly what he was looking for asking what made him look here what things he has seen so far ect. when i first got on line to a forum i asked lots of questions and looked at and read the profiles of those i saw online. i was chastized a couple of times for breach of protocol but not harshly. i did not know what exactly i wanted when i first came on but i did learn as i explored

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RE: Are you sure you want a Dominant woman? - 2/18/2011 10:24:01 AM

mwdsub4u

Posts: 49
Joined: 3/7/2007
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yes being to demanding could scare away a new person who wants to explore the submissive side, and may he should have said he was new, and had no idea of what he really wanted or maybe afraid to admit it.
I was when i was new too it, but now i am not afraid to ask for the things i enjoy

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

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RE: Are you sure you want a Dominant woman? - 2/18/2011 4:35:22 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
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~FR~
OP, I think maybe you scared him off. He may have been genuinely TOTALLY new to the whole thing and knew NOTHING about bdsm & was hoping you'd show and/or teach him a few things. I know when I was brand-new w/ no experience and a bare smattering of information re: bdsm & kink, if that Dom had been aggressive or scary in his approach, I would have been terrified and disappeared too.

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"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to mwdsub4u)

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RE: Are you sure you want a Dominant woman? - 3/27/2011 9:15:03 AM

iansub

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/10/2010
Status: offline

I'm sure I would like to find a Dominant woman for a relationship. I'm new to it all myself but nothing in life is easy or straightforward and has to be worked at unless of course you are Orlando Bloom who walks out of drama school and straight into Lord of the Rings, lol.

Personally I am hoping to find a Dominant woman who would desire to build a loving, committed D/s relationship and preferably an older woman as I'm attracted to older women. I really believe there are many submissive men who really do wish to find a Dominant woman, of course we are all individuals so we all have different desires, hopes, dreams and expectations so what is expected by one woman isn't by another.

I feel so long as the sub is willing to and able to attune himself or indeed herself, to the personality and individuality of their Domme and become that which She desires then that is the most important thing. I can learn rules to Her standards over time, though hopefully quickly in order to please Her, but so long as I'm willing to become what she desires and complement Her aura and Her outlook on life, I can become the best sub I can be for Her.

I have no idea if I answered the question, lol, I hope I did and I hope what I have said makes sense!

ian

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

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RE: Are you sure you want a Dominant woman? - 3/27/2011 9:54:31 AM

hausboy

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
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I truly believe that some folks shoot off emails/Cmails and PMs and either assume that there isn't a real, live person at the other end....or just don't expect a response. When they found out there is, it scares the bejeezus out of them because something that was once fantasy is now one step more towards becoming a reality. (to them, at least)

I see this happen time and time again when my Sir contacts other boys (and occasionally girls) to play with. They email him feverishly with "now now now" and he screens them, and if he decides they are worth meeting he sets up a date/time. I can't begin to tell you how many of them never show up. They text him "I'm on my way" and then bail. We just shrug it off and come to expect that about 80% or more won't show up. (quite rude, in my opinion) He does contact them one last time to ask them "are you okay? you were a no-show. why?"

Some have lame excuses but a rare few are honest and tell him they just got cold feet/scared at the last minute that what they had been jacking off to all night was now about to actually happen---and they couldn't do it. (My Sir does not give them a second chance if they were a no-show and didn't call first) Somehow I think this same principle applies to the Cmailers too. They shoot off a zillion emails, and then freak when they get a live one back.

(in reply to iansub)

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RE: Are you sure you want a Dominant woman? - 3/27/2011 10:34:15 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

He just wasn't that into you I guess...it happens...even to the most goddess-like dominas. It may surprise you to know it even happens to me...yes me! I know, hard to believe isn't it!

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(in reply to blkswitch)

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RE: Are you sure you want a Dominant woman? - 3/28/2011 4:11:57 AM

Arieno

Posts: 32
Joined: 2/4/2011
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quote:

Okay, so, I asked him to tell me exactly what his idea of "everything" is. He couldn't explain.

Op, perhaps your directness is not perceived as appropriate but I personally do not find anything wrong with a woman I contact asking me to define my perceptions or inquire into my life experiences.

Yesterday I received an e-mail from a lady that said the following, “I read your profile, tell me exactly what the word slave means to you and create for me word pictures of a slave’s mental emotional and physical everyday life after acceptance?”

I hope she enjoys reading, there is about an hour and a half of it in her mailbox this morning.

(in reply to blkswitch)

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RE: Are you sure you want a Dominant woman? - 3/28/2011 9:51:11 AM

mistressko

Posts: 63
Joined: 1/31/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arieno

quote:

Okay, so, I asked him to tell me exactly what his idea of "everything" is. He couldn't explain.

Op, perhaps your directness is not perceived as appropriate but I personally do not find anything wrong with a woman I contact asking me to define my perceptions or inquire into my life experiences.

Yesterday I received an e-mail from a lady that said the following, “I read your profile, tell me exactly what the word slave means to you and create for me word pictures of a slave’s mental emotional and physical everyday life after acceptance?”

I hope she enjoys reading, there is about an hour and a half of it in her mailbox this morning.

"Yesterday I received an e-mail from a lady that said the following, “I read your profile, tell me exactly what the word slave means to you and create for me word pictures of a slave’s mental emotional and physical everyday life after acceptance?”

As a first contact? Wow. I've had something a bit like that from the Domme side. . .the first time I gave them some huge detailed thing and never heard back. After that I thought no, you have to go for coffee with me first (tell me about yourself as a person) before you get that much of my time!

Slave time is valuable too. Please don't forget that.

-K

(in reply to Arieno)

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RE: Are you sure you want a Dominant woman? - 3/28/2011 3:52:14 PM

subiota2011

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/22/2011
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Yes I am sure

(in reply to MissEmery)

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RE: Are you sure you want a Dominant woman? - 3/29/2011 2:14:10 AM

ranja