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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/14/2011 6:22:25 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

"I am what I am!"

Wait... wasn't that Popeye?!!

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/14/2011 7:39:24 PM

LPslittleclip

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it is a trust issue for me it helps keep me calm and grounded so i can fly it ballances me makes me wholei am Her slave i trust Her my submission is a gift that i bestow unto Her

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/14/2011 9:16:13 PM

IronBear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

"I am what I am!"

Wait... wasn't that Popeye?!!

As attempted humor that is pathetic. perhaps you need to read something more that cheap crap comics and learn something

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/14/2011 9:23:32 PM

Buzzzz

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Because I like it.. It feeds a "something" inside of me , that I need. I really enjoy the most to have my submissive (currently none) agree to do something that she really doesn't want to do, just for me. Must be an ego thing or something of that nature. And it isn't her doing the thing that is a turn on , it is her deciding to do it that is the turn on..

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/14/2011 10:11:54 PM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

Why do you want to control/want to be controlled?

It's what naturally comes out when I'm in relationships.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

What does it add to your life?

Under the right circumstances, harmony.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

How do you express/feel control?

Via leadership, decision-making, and guidance.

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/15/2011 5:46:42 AM

LillyBoPeep

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ImaginativeWhims

Why: Because it feels good.

see -- that's a great reason. i think sometimes i get tangled up thinking there has to be a REASON for something, besides just the fact that it "feels good." (blame my old fashioned up-bringing if you want haha -- because i do.)

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/15/2011 6:13:38 AM

ImaginativeWhims

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

quote:

ORIGINAL: ImaginativeWhims

Why: Because it feels good.

see -- that's a great reason. i think sometimes i get tangled up thinking there has to be a REASON for something, besides just the fact that it "feels good." (blame my old fashioned up-bringing if you want haha -- because i do.)

Well, I had more to my response, but it seems the mods grabbed up what I had quoted and set it aflame... the gist of it was the Why answer.

Like you said, sometimes we get caught up in the routine of what we're doing with our chosen plaything and we forget the original purpose for putting our gloves on in the first place... Because it feels good.

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/15/2011 6:30:51 AM

gungadin09

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
Personally, and generally speaking, I've found there are one of two driving factors at opposite ends of the spectrum:

1) Sex... it gets your bits wet to sexually use/be used by someone else. (More of the "kink" crowd fit this)

2) Security... in making/having someone else make good/bad life decisions. (More of the "M/s" or "D/s" crowd fit this)

i want to raise my hand for both with the following changes:

1) Service... i don't enjoy sex. It makes me wet to be useful to another person. It makes me wet to think of Someone else before myself.

2) Security... i like having to answer to Someone else instead of myself. It's less stressful. That does not mean i want another person making all my decisions for me. If that makes any sense.

pam

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/15/2011 7:53:45 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

Personally, and generally speaking, I've found there are one of two driving factors at opposite ends of the spectrum:

1) Sex... it gets your bits wet to sexually use/be used by someone else. (More of the "kink" crowd fit this)

or

2) Security... in making/having someone else make good/bad life decisions. (More of the "M/s" or "D/s" crowd fit this)

Sure there's plenty of gray area... I've simply found one of the above tend to be the impetus of "control" for most. Additionally, "control" can be given/imposed in a number of ways -- i.e., a collar, cuffs, cage, rope, discipline, punishment, freedom, confinement, finance, mental, emotional, physical, etc. As with most things, it's very individualized.

Well said though I would disagree that only one rather than both is the impetus for control. You might find that one is the impetus for some but I don't find that to be true for most that I have met in "the life". Most seek a combination, unique to their own taste, of the two.

I know that for Me, having both satisfies a greater part of Me than having just one or the other.

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/15/2011 8:25:55 AM

osf

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I hate doing laundry

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/15/2011 9:51:36 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

I understand what you've stated, so either we do, in fact, disagree, or I'm not explaining what I'm referring to correctly?

For most I know that fall into the "kinky sex" crowd, control (via bondage, to use your example) is merely a means to an end -- wet sexy bits. For those I know that fall into the "M/s" and/or "D/s" crowd, no amount of bondage (again, to use your example) by someone they don't deem able/worthy to control them will lead to wet sexy bits. Quite simply, they're not turned-on by just anyone dominating them and are not part of the "play" camp -- i.e., it's not merely being dominated/controlled that feeds their heart, mind, and sexy bits... it's the security in surrenduring control to one they feel secure enough to own (i.e., lead) them. In fact, the BDSM accoutrements of whips, floggers, rope, cuffs, collars, and so forth are not central to the dynamic -- security, safety, domination, consistency, and boundaries are.

Hopefully the above clarifies a bit... but if not, then I suppose we simply disagree. (shrugs)

I think you're missing the fact that even those in the kinky sex crowd are going to have criteria before they engage in kinky sex. Not everybody will get their bits wet, no matter how good they are with a flogger or a piece of rope. For lots of people, those who play publicly, they can separate play from sex. So where do you place them?

As I said, we played before I knew him well enough to hand over control of daily life. It took a lot less trust to play with him than it did to let him meet my emotionally ill daughter who at that time was extremely unstable. Today she calls him to chat more than she calls me. That kind of trust took years to earn. Knowing whether or not I fancied him took a lot less.

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/15/2011 11:33:53 AM

LeatherBentOne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

Personally, and generally speaking, I've found there are one of two driving factors at opposite ends of the spectrum:

1) Sex... it gets your bits wet to sexually use/be used by someone else. (More of the "kink" crowd fit this)

or

2) Security... in making/having someone else make good/bad life decisions. (More of the "M/s" or "D/s" crowd fit this)

Sure there's plenty of gray area... I've simply found one of the above tend to be the impetus of "control" for most.

Raises hand to both.

Sure... you can certainly desire both, but I've found that's closer to the D/s or M/s realm. Why? Because for the "kinky sex" crowd, that's really all it is... kinky sex, and said "control" stops at the bedroom door. However, for the M/s and/or D/s crowd, without the mental/emotional security that comes with control, the physical (wet bits and all) isn't likely to follow.

Bold print certainly applies to me.

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/15/2011 12:55:06 PM

Dominckdom

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My thoughts on control.
Life is all about control, taking it, giving it up, who has it, how to get, to whom it should be relinquished...it is one of many ways Dominance and submission are expressed, it reduces to the basics of mammalian politics.
Biologically boils down to our base animal instincts. I have never felt it was particularly gender-specific, though there are cultural pressures directing its expression.
Control adds to my life a feeling of security, many times the rush of arousal, a primal satisfaction, a feeling of "rightness". It is the way I am.
I express control by my dominance, through the use of bondage, restraint, hypnosis, trance states, behaviorism, a variety of psychological methods, pain/pleasure, reward/punishment, trauma, and delving deep into the the hidden aspects of the minds of others.
I feel in control when I receive compliance. when I execute my plans.
It does not actually add to my life, it is my life.
A more concrete example.
Scenario
You have your submissive/slave lying naked on the floor. You are straddling them, legs clasping their arms hard to their side. Your hand is firmly around their throat and they know they cannot move. Their eyes widen and look up at you, you look at them.
What do you feel?
With the incredible rush of power and arousal, I feel and am hot and rock hard, drinking in the emotion and submission coming from the sub/slave, and I radiating my passion, lighting up like the sun...
My eyes locked, beams to beams onto theirs; the predator holding its prey frozen in a basilisk, steel trap gaze.
I would also intensely feel the desire and attraction I have for the sub/slave along with the intensity of my possession of them.
My heart simultaneously melting with their surrender, and burning with the passion of my dominance of them, my control of them, myself, the situation...

Malefic Master
"Along with freedom comes responsibility, the responsibility to master one's self or to choose a Master."
Paraphrased by MM

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/15/2011 5:13:51 PM

LillyBoPeep

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that was a pretty great first post, DominickDom -- welcome to collarme =p

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/15/2011 6:01:33 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

"I am what I am!"

Wait... wasn't that Popeye?!!

As attempted humor that is pathetic. perhaps you need to read something more that cheap crap comics and learn something

As attempted bravdo, that is flaccid. Perhaps you need to view more than cheap crap porn and learn some manners -- if a bit of well-intentioned humor winds you up this much, your lack of rationality is beyond staggering.

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/15/2011 6:06:23 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

1) Service... i don't enjoy sex.

Seriously?!! EEEEEK!!! I couldn't imagine not enjoying sex... I'm certainly glad "service" brings you such satisfaction, though.

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/15/2011 6:08:09 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

Personally, and generally speaking, I've found there are one of two driving factors at opposite ends of the spectrum:

1) Sex... it gets your bits wet to sexually use/be used by someone else. (More of the "kink" crowd fit this)

or

2) Security... in making/having someone else make good/bad life decisions. (More of the "M/s" or "D/s" crowd fit this)

Sure there's plenty of gray area... I've simply found one of the above tend to be the impetus of "control" for most.

Raises hand to both.

Sure... you can certainly desire both, but I've found that's closer to the D/s or M/s realm. Why? Because for the "kinky sex" crowd, that's really all it is... kinky sex, and said "control" stops at the bedroom door. However, for the M/s and/or D/s crowd, without the mental/emotional security that comes with control, the physical (wet bits and all) isn't likely to follow.

Bold print certainly applies to me.

Certainly applies to most I know too.

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 2/15/2011 6:11:36 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

I understand what you've stated, so either we do, in fact, disagree, or I'm not explaining what I'm referring to correctly?

For most I know that fall into the "kinky sex" crowd, control (via bondage, to use your example) is merely a means to an end -- wet sexy bits. For those I know that fall into the "M/s" and/or "D/s" crowd, no amount of bondage (again, to use your example) by someone they don't deem able/worthy to control them will lead to wet sexy bits. Quite simply, they're not turned-on by just anyone dominating them and are not part of the "play" camp -- i.e., it's not merely being dominated/controlled that feeds their heart, mind, and sexy bits... it's the security in surrenduring control to one they feel secure enough to own (i.e., lead) them. In fact, the BDSM accoutrements of whips, floggers, rope, cuffs, collars, and so forth are not central to the dynamic -- security, safety, domination, consistency, and boundaries are.

Hopefully the above clarifies a bit... but if not, then I suppose we simply disagree. (shrugs)

I think you're missing the fact that even those in the kinky sex crowd are going to have criteria before they engage in kinky sex. Not everybody will get their bits wet, no matter how good they are with a flogger or a piece of rope. For lots of people, those who play publicly, they can separate play from sex. So where do you place them?

As I said, we played before I knew him well enough to hand over control of daily life. It took a lot less trust to play with him than it did to let him meet my emotionally ill daughter who at that time was extremely unstable. Today she calls him to chat more than she calls me. That kind of trust took years to earn. Knowing whether or not I fancied him took a lot less.

I do understand what you've stated... I still think I may not be explaining what I mean entirely correctly. But that's okay... no worries.

BTW, that's absolutely fantastic about the relationship he's built with your daughter... awesome... just awesome!!!

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 3/14/2011 10:38:33 PM

LillyBoPeep

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**this thread is not yet necrotic, so i'm going to bump it, rather than start a new one. i wish i could edit my OP, but i'll just put it here.

RE: Control -- what do you get out of it? I've been reading more on FL and poking around friends' journals in regards to control and how their D/Ms use it. with the variety of dynamics we have here, i figure we can get some interesting ideas.
Are you pro-micromanagement, or not?
Do you have systems of permissions and allowances?
Some Ds/Ms prefer to be very involved in what the s does and when/where/how/why, from things like who s/he goes to see and when, what s/he eats, etc. For others, they'd just rather give you a gist ofr an order, and let you figure the rest out.

For those on the receiving end, how do you feel about it?

Control touches on an objectification point for me in a way, it reinforces the "property" headspace. I know there were times when I asked permission for something, and being told "No" was somehow exhilarating for me, even if it was frustrating. =p (this is going to get a journal, but i figured i'd just re-visit the topic with you people, too.)
my last relationship wasn't super-steeped in micromanagement, so i don't really have a first-hand experience or opinion on that

for those who exert it, do you feel like it's something you need to be able to do in your relationships? i know sometimes people shy away from the word "need" because they think it makes them pathological or something, but i don't think there's anything really wrong with it.

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RE: Control: what, how, why? - 3/14/2011 10:46:56 PM

sexyred1

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I don't have a really intellectual answer Lilly, simply because it was always the key to my sexuality. I like the objectification, the loss of control, the unleashing of primal urges, the intensity of it all. From that point, it is sexual napalm.

I have not been in a situation where the control was extended outside the sexual realm simply because those I have been involved with either did not possess the ability to totally master me or it just did not harmonize with my particular needs.

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