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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/14/2011 11:31:58 PM   
DomForce


Posts: 31
Joined: 2/27/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL:ThePeripatetic



But just a quick thought that I had, is he pretty comfortable with the professional domination service you run? I could easily see this causing some internal tension for a guy/submissive.


Yes, he is. He knows exactly what I do, he has seen it all and comfortable with the level of service I offer. (Well, having said that, I don't actually offer any sexual services, no hand relieve, no nothing. So, he has seen it, and to be honest, I actually don't offer fukc all, in terms of sexual services. I specialise in skilled bondage, domination and all bdsm stuff that requires skills and knowledge. Funny enough, all my clients are very happy with it, and happily agree to my conditions and restrictions. They normally leave happy. Never any complaints. Mainly, because I make it very clear with everyone what I offer. It works, and my husband respects it. He has no issues about it what so ever. Neither my parents.



< Message edited by DomForce -- 2/14/2011 11:32:54 PM >

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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/14/2011 11:35:20 PM   
DomForce


Posts: 31
Joined: 2/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds2

Yes, rajaa
All they see is a person who is ready to attack them over the same thing. The go on the offensive and put walls around themselves. They don't see their so as anything but a nag.




You are so right. I have noticed that. I will remember this and will never nag him again. Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention.


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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/14/2011 11:36:29 PM   
rajaa


Posts: 34
Joined: 9/21/2005
From: edmonton, alberta
Status: offline 		i know it is hard on him... but sometimes i wish he would understand what it does to me... we have toys, and i have even asked if he would use them and we could play... but again nothing.

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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 4:14:49 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		If he has an untreated thyroid condition, that will result in symptoms very similar to depression. Does he have low energy and irritability? A low sex drive will be an additional symptom.

Please don't be offended by this suggestion, but it sounds like you are quite happy in the marriage except for the lack of sex. Have you considered having a man on the side for that purpose only?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 4:49:34 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

oh sorry, I didn't realise you have actually bothered to reply. Thank you so much. However, he is not bothered about the sub/dom thing between us. I am more bothered about it than anyone else. When I get upset, unfortunately, my genuine dominant side starts to take over, causing me real problems with solving day-to-day situations.

That means, I get upset, and then I see "red". Then I guess I wound myself up and I keep doing it for days. I'd love to be able to loose that "Domme Sh1t" because I think it is interfering with my life.


DF,

Then do it as in my view it is causing him problems. He probably instictively feels he is the alpha but you are also so for him he prefers not to struggle with it. Your going submissive may be too difficult for you but in my view that is the answer.

CP

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 5:21:05 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		Is it possible that all the nagging has made trying to engage you just not worth it? if you're having fun elsewhere, maybe he would prefer to stay away from something that results in negative feelings?
if you constantly complain about lack of sex, that can create "performance anxiety" in men -- if you're bitchy, naggy, complainy, what can he expect from you if it doesn't go exactly how you want it, OR if he has a real problem, how can he express that to you, if you're already nagging him about sex.

maybe you need to chill out on being bitchy (a lot of Dominant women seem to think that their D-card makes bitchiness a non-issue - NOT TRUE!), try being understanding, and keeping your cool when you talk about things. he might be frustrated by lack of sex, too, but just doesn't want to get into it with you. you have to be receptive to another person in order for them to feel comfortable talking to you -- being receptive doesn't mean you're less Dominant, either.

how long have you been together? how old is he? is he just not interested in sex at all, or does he try, but can't maintain an erection? is he just not interested in sex with you? maybe he's run into a Dominant streak of his own and wants to explore that but he can't with you?  lots of stuff to ask...



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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 5:21:22 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		It's been my experience that when a couple has problems in their relationship the first place it shows up is with sex and it's rarely about sex. You spoke of the good things  between the two of you, what is causing friction? There's obviously something there, if you sat down and had a heart to heart talk with him I suspect you might find out what it is.

Think about it, when you are irritated, upset, frustrated - do you reach out and touch your partner? Not usually, that usually happens when the irritation goes away. He's keeping his distance from you in a very personal and private way, I think it would be useful to find out why.

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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 5:52:39 AM   
Buzzzz


Posts: 839
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline 		I don't get it. You state , "I have a fab marriage" then you say "I want to stay with him. I want to be there for him". The second sentence sounds to me that you thought about leaving him.If it is so, then the marriage isn't that "fab", is it? Another $.01 of mine, being bitchy when things don't go smooth has nothing to do with being dominant. It is just being bitchy.

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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 7:28:35 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds2
That only intensifies the problem. Nagging and complaining will do more damage than anything else.

This.  Nagging is a whole different ball game than sitting down and having honest communication.  All nagging does is make him feel like crap and being pressured about the situation.  Being pressured makes a person less likely to want to perform, creating additional barriers.  That's on top of whatever problem was there to begin with. 

Instead of nagging, approach the situation coming from the standpoint of the friend that you say you are, rather than the unfulfilled wife.  Can you sit down over a cup of coffee and discuss the possibility that this might be a medical problem and suggest he get a physical?  There is a possibility that it's a health issue that is being overlooked.

If there's not a physical issue, there is also the possibility of it being an emotional one.  In that case, the nagging certainly isn't going to help.  If he's depressed, all the nagging is doing is complicating the matter.

When the two of you sit down to talk, include in that your message that you're going to stop the negative approach that you may have been taking up to this point.  From that point, follow through.  Don't vent about the lack of sex and don't complain.  Let him know that you'll be discussing it together and working on the solution together, rather than making the problem worse.


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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 9:12:39 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomForce

oh sorry, I didn't realise you have actually bothered to reply. Thank you so much. However, he is not bothered about the sub/dom thing between us. I am more bothered about it than anyone else. When I get upset, unfortunately, my genuine dominant side starts to take over, causing me real problems with solving day-to-day situations.

That means, I get upset, and then I see "red". Then I guess I wound myself up and I keep doing it for days. I'd love to be able to loose that "Domme Sh1t" because I think it is interfering with my life.



Why do you see anger, seeing red and bitching for days as dominance? That isn't dominance. That is anger and mismanagement of anger. To blow up for a short time... okay, I think we all have been there and I know I have, but to carry it on for days? That suggests two things to me. An anger problem and a communication problem.

If you see anger as bringing out your true dominant nature... you have more than communication problems and are excusing your anger issues by calling it something that it isn't and validating it by working it into a natural and acceptable thing. It isn't.

Quite simply, you are emotionally beating him up during these seeing red for days times. I am not talking a normal situation where a couple argue about something and then sort it out. I am talking about things not getting sorted out because the trust has been warn down and communication stunted because there is always an allowance for rage that goes on and on. Would you want to have sex with someone that did that to you? If you were male could you get it up with a raging woman that looks good, but really leaves a sour taste in your desire buds?

If you can't see that... it is time to see it. Dominance is not anger manifested and is no excuse for it.


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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 9:20:10 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomForce


Dominant woman here is not dealing with being rejected very well. Any suggestions as to what to change on or what to do?

Thanks for reading my post. All genuine replies are welcome.




Do you normally place your profession before your committed relationship role? The bolded portion would have read
much better as Loving wife not dealing with rejection well, since you are not in a D/s relationship with your husband.

I think you need to learn how to leave your profession out of your marriage, and focus more on being a loving wife.
Imagine your husband being in the fertilizer business. Would you appreciate him bringing his shit home everyday?

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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 9:35:41 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		If you have lost your husband's interest, coming here won't help.

Being a bitch will not help and nagging won't help.

It does not matter at all how good looking you think you are or even if your husband thinks you are good looking. I have a stunningly gorgeous friend whose husband left her after 7 years of marriage for a woman that was far less attractive, but whom he said made him happier. He ended up telling her that she did not make him feel like a man as much as this other plainer woman did.

There is more to passion than looks. Your husband could be passionate with someone you think is less good looking than yourself.

Why? Because it takes something intangible, a chemistry that needs to be developed. Once you have that chemistry, it needs to be nurtured to keep the flames high.

If you communicate honestly with him and really, really ask him what is going on, that is the only way you are going to find out.

Playing the guessing game here is just leading to more frustration.

And like Lockit says, being Dominant does not excuse "seeing red" and having anger management issues.

If, after all the communication is happening, it may just be that the passion has run it's course and you may have to decide whether your friendship is enough to sustain your partnership, or you need more. In which case only you can decide which direction to go in.

Good luck with it.

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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 9:38:31 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'd think he's turned off by you blowing your top and being a bitch for days on end. That kind of behavior doesn't say dominant to me nor is it going to arouse me. I'd suggest you talk to him, which requires that you not punish him by losing it and making his life a misery for telling you the hard truths you aren't going to like to hear.

Possibly get some anger management help first.


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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 9:44:09 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		It's been my philosophy for a long time now that it's not what you have, but who you have it with. Draw your own conclusion.

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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 11:01:35 AM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		Alrighty... lady, you're getting real good advice here from a lot of luvly women that can speculate on the issue or dynamic. Because in their issue or dynamic they know their partner, know the needs, wants and desires of their partner(s).

However, the FemDom world isn't going to help you here. Again you are getting great advice from women who can poke a stick at your perceived problem, but if you want answers you are going to have to come off the FemDom high horse and engage the men here.

The women are brilliant and awesome sources of advice but if I need info on why my doink is doing x, my first choice is not a woman... however I will defer to any woman that has all the cool lil initials after her name that sez she knows more about my doink than I do. Just like you are going to your Fem Gyno.

Engage the men, parley, let us cut through the crap and maneuver conversation to point we can see where HE is coming from, cuz the girls can help you a lot, but the guys are gonna give you the answers, like it or not, that you are looking for.

YMMV


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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 11:03:19 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Pft... Im not a FemDom

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Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 11:20:36 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm not a FemDom either, tazzy...

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 11:27:36 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		ok.. hmm... in a fem... not a Fem... you are a Dom... between us...

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 11:35:47 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds2
That only intensifies the problem. Nagging and complaining will do more damage than anything else.

This.  Nagging is a whole different ball game than sitting down and having honest communication.  All nagging does is make him feel like crap and being pressured about the situation.  Being pressured makes a person less likely to want to perform, creating additional barriers.  That's on top of whatever problem was there to begin with. 

Instead of nagging, approach the situation coming from the standpoint of the friend that you say you are, rather than the unfulfilled wife.  Can you sit down over a cup of coffee and discuss the possibility that this might be a medical problem and suggest he get a physical?  There is a possibility that it's a health issue that is being overlooked.

If there's not a physical issue, there is also the possibility of it being an emotional one.  In that case, the nagging certainly isn't going to help.  If he's depressed, all the nagging is doing is complicating the matter.

When the two of you sit down to talk, include in that your message that you're going to stop the negative approach that you may have been taking up to this point.  From that point, follow through.  Don't vent about the lack of sex and don't complain.  Let him know that you'll be discussing it together and working on the solution together, rather than making the problem worse.



What LadyPact said and especially the part I bolded.

Here's the deal as I see it. You are making it allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll about you! For fuck sake it isn't allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll about you, it is ALL ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP. Get off your bitchy dominant high horse and focus on him for a change. Life isn't allllllllllll about US, even if the US is a self proclaimed hot piece of ass, bitchy, thinking being bitchy makes her a dominant. All being bitchy is making you is a selfish bitch.

I would love for life to be all about me, but that isn't the reality. Most of the time it's all about every other damned thing. Work, family, loved ones, even the furry babies......all of their NEEDS take priority over my WANTS. You want sex, your husband needs something else. Start being the good friend you think you are, and help him out. Find out what he needs and help him get it.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 2/15/2011 11:36:28 AM >

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 1:11:31 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		OK, I'm a guy who historically, at least, had "sex problems". My unwillingness to initiate with Carol (and oft-times my resistance to her initiating) had nothing to do with not finding her attractive. Nor was it based on any of the other typical things one might think. Amazingly enough, it is in fact possible for males to get hung up around the psychology of sex. That's not limited to simply women.

So in my own head I see a few possibilities:

a) Your emotional love affair isn't as good as you think it is so the decline in libido reflects dissatisfaction in the emotional landscape.
b) He's got some psychological hangup like I did.
c) He's got a physiological problem.
d) He finds you a boring sex partner
e) You're an OK sex partner, but he finds someone else distracting.

It seems to me that all of those things but (c) are going to require a fair amount of talking to get to the bottom of. All of them are fixable except for maybe (c) again. So I'd say get a physical exam scheduled so you can find out if it's (c) or not. Either way, the rest of the path becomes a lot clearer.

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 2/15/2011 1:13:10 PM >

_____________________________

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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