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RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 1:37:27 PM

SailingBum

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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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Obviously your life is not as fantastic as you portray it. Maybe just maybe you are looking thru rose colored glasses. Having a couple of bucks in your pocket is fine, thinking your good looking shows you think way to highly of yourself. <along with other things you have said in your post> Someone will always have more cash than you and be better looking. My guess is as other have alluded to is lack of sex is a symptom not a problem. I would suggest counseling of some sort.

Can you say reality check?
BadOne

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Post #: 41

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 2:27:24 PM

wondersubb

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Joined: 12/27/2010
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Maybe he is seeing someone else and doesn't have any energy left for you???
Maybe he's not really into women???
And also looks and money as said before here isn't the be all and end all, look at the Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie love triangle, lots of money and lots of good genes, and still they weren't satisfied.

Maybe the fact that you are both so busy together is a sign that you are both trying to make your marriage work and fill in the cracks and mean something when it doesn't. Being able to just be with each other and be comfortable is important.

I suggest that you go away for a few days to a very private/quiet hotel away from anything that you both are used to, out in the countryside. Leave the mobile phones/ipods/laptops at home. Do nothing apart from walk/talk and breathe in country air, have simple but good food, some wine. There is nothing like getting out of your usual routines and totally relaxed to loosen the mind and tongue, you may just both have something to say to each other after a few days.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 42

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 3:58:01 PM

Docere

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Joined: 1/28/2011
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For this response I'm setting aside the concern whether or not "seeing red" harms the relationship or is a fuel that creates excitement.

I'm also setting aside the concern that it might be a medical thing.

What I want to address is the question that was asked...how to regain interest.

I saw a lot of advice that was really good and I have a new perspective I would like to share with you.

For clarity lets first break the relationship into two elements.

On one, you have the sex, the BDSM, the adrenalin rushes and all of the other excitement. This will be the indulgence elements.

On another you have just your regular talks about life, what you want, dreams, ambitions, planing for the future. There are also times where you give encouragement, support or comfort. These are the support elements.

When both are working in harmony it's like riding the best roller coaster in the world. Sometimes we get so caught up in every day life and seeking refuge in our indulgences we take each other for granted and forget to really connect and support each other. So little by little this person you where enjoying this wonderful ride with begins to slip away and before you know it this person becomes a stranger. Now you are left wondering why you don't care for this person any longer and why is the ride no longer any fun. Yet neither of you can piece together how or why it happened.

It's important to remember that the bonds that we create that make the other person so special takes constant work. If ignored they degrade over time, otherwise the heart would never heal from heart break. Perhaps the answer you are seeking is to set aside your own indulgences for now and take your eyes off of what you want. Spend some time being selfless and put him first and try to recreate the bonds that have faded away over time.

Best wishes

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Post #: 43

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 7:10:59 PM

LPslittleclip

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join him in a netural setting hold his hands and look in his eyes and ask questions. the neutral settin will allow the both of you to be relaxed holding his hands will make physical contact and looking in the eyes will show you are intrested in him and what he says. tell him how you feel have him repeat it back to you and restate it in his words and he do the same. if it is a medical problem then see if it can be resolved if not then see if he will assist you to orgasam.

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Post #: 44

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 8:36:21 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
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First, let me just say that I'm surprised that in all the guesses as to why your man may not be interested in sex, that no one has brought up that it could be he's just not interested right now.

Maintaining relationships takes time and effort. It's the same for physical relationships. Sometimes people just don't have the energy to spare. Sometimes other things take priority.

I suspect your behavior hasn't helped the situation, but I do agree with Docere that strengthening bonds would be a good step towards rekindling interest and shifting priorities.

(in reply to Docere)

Post #: 45

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 9:07:26 PM

Twoshoes

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Joined: 7/27/2010
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Same thing you do to get a woman's passion back...
Don't take it personally. Listen to what they need. See if you can't help. And if you can't, don't take it personally.

Oh, and hope. Hope. Really hope.

There is nothing you can really do if the problem is physiological. And sometimes being more helpful or desirable can't help.

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 46

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 9:14:02 PM

CherryNeko

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From: Mexico City
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Listen.

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Before this night ends?
I'm dying surrounded by white flowers
Which scatter in the sky...

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Post #: 47

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/15/2011 11:08:21 PM

domiguy

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Maybe he would rather jerk off than have to spend a single minute with such a God awful conceited, egomaniacal, self indulgent bitch.

I would.

(in reply to DomForce)

Post #: 48

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/16/2011 12:05:14 PM

SailingBum

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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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ROARING .... That was my second thought It's like really??? Lil "miss perfect" I'd rather have monkey sex than have to put up with her. My earlier post I was having a momentary lapse of judgement. Ya know the constructive criticalness crisis. ie trying to be helpful. That's just how I roll.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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Post #: 49

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/16/2011 12:39:04 PM

Prinsexx

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

join him in a netural setting hold his hands and look in his eyes and ask questions. the neutral settin will allow the both of you to be relaxed holding his hands will make physical contact and looking in the eyes will show you are intrested in him and what he says. tell him how you feel have him repeat it back to you and restate it in his words and he do the same. if it is a medical problem then see if it can be resolved if not then see if he will assist you to orgasam.

This is the only response that has made any sense to me.
Everyone, I believe, has a core 'fantasy'. Call it a core need. Call it a deep desire.
So many I have spoken to iwhi are submissives feel that they have lost touch with this core desire, so focussed have they been on serving their dominant other.
I get the feeling in the OP's situation that her husband feels beholden to such a role and that he hasn't been afforded such a neutral space that you speak of.
Therpay, afterall, of the best sort, offers clients such a neutral and unconditional space. It seems that the first, less costly solutution would be to enable such a neutral space. And by neutral I absolutely don't mean a 'comfessional space'. Again a confessional is often bound to a power dynamic.
In other words give the guy a break.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 2/16/2011 12:40:48 PM >

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Post #: 50

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/17/2011 12:14:43 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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The problem is that the most beautiful neutral space in the world won't be neutral because the op, by her own admission, is incapable of hearing any criticism without becoming bitchy and verbally abusive for days.

A therapist's office is safer because at least in the office, he would be protected from her abuse.

The way to be loved, is to give love. Sadly that does not appear to be a skill she has learned.

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Post #: 51

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/17/2011 12:25:17 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The problem is that the most beautiful neutral space in the world won't be neutral because the op, by her own admission, is incapable of hearing any criticism without becoming bitchy and verbally abusive for days.

A therapist's office is safer because at least in the office, he would be protected from her abuse.

The way to be loved, is to give love. Sadly that does not appear to be a skill she has learned.

Well he could man the fuck up and bitch slap her put her in her place. But thats just me.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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Post #: 52

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/17/2011 6:56:37 PM

DomForce

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Joined: 2/27/2006
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Wow, I did not realise that there are that many of you bothering to read my thread. Well, I would like to thank all of those lovely people who have sent me genuine and constructive advice. As for the others, it is quite entertaining to see how some people can misinterpret, twist my words and generally slag me off over the internet. Hope you all had your cheap thrills.

As for the lovely people who have given me amazing advice:

Thank you again and I wish you all the best. Hope when you need advice, you will find it just like you have given me when I needed it.

Many thanks and warmest regards.

xxx

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 53

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/17/2011 6:58:28 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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Only read the OP and none of the responses....he's probably fucking someone else.

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Post #: 54

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/18/2011 8:25:13 AM

submitting4U

Posts: 64
Joined: 8/16/2010
Status: offline

There is a great book by Michael Bader, Sexual Arousal .... in there he explains what fuels and dampens a man's sexuality ... a great read for both men and women. Suffice to say, men over 40, may need some Viagra or androgel to correct a hormonal deficiency ... but sexuality is lives between the ears as much as between the legs. Counseling can also "free up" the libido ... what subconscious dictates are dampering his libido ... guilt, shame, anger??? I hope this helps ...

(in reply to DomForce)

Post #: 55

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/18/2011 4:10:32 PM

NocturnalStalker

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Maybe he would rather jerk off than have to spend a single minute with such a God awful conceited, egomaniacal, self indulgent bitch.

I would.

You might as well tell me to be asexual.

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Post #: 56

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/18/2011 8:16:17 PM

Prinsexx

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomForce

Wow, I did not realise that there are that many of you bothering to read my thread. Well, I would like to thank all of those lovely people who have sent me genuine and constructive advice. As for the others, it is quite entertaining to see how some people can misinterpret, twist my words and generally slag me off over the internet. Hope you all had your cheap thrills.

As for the lovely people who have given me amazing advice:

Thank you again and I wish you all the best. Hope when you need advice, you will find it just like you have given me when I needed it.

Many thanks and warmest regards.

xxx

I thought you must be British for a while then so great is your skill in irony.

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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
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To my stalker:
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(in reply to DomForce)

Post #: 57

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/19/2011 3:41:53 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

rejection especially sexual rejection and even more especially if it happens on a regular basis is absolutely crap
... especially if you are rejected by your own bloody husband and you know there are Domiguys and Sailingbums all over the shop willing to fuck you senseless... i know exactly how bloody awful it is

anyway... as mentioned before don't nag and indeed find out if he has not switched while you were not looking and maybe he would like you to submit instead of domineer
... in my particular case it was a great step forward when i found it in myself to show my Husband the respect He needed from me... it meant being humble... i struggled very much at first but it worked

all the talking in the world would not have made a difference... my Man does not like talking much at all.

good luck

(in reply to DomForce)

Post #: 58

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/19/2011 11:57:54 AM

sockit2me

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Joined: 2/17/2011
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Passion is desire so the guy has to want something. If he's not passionate, there is nothing he wants that he thinks he can get so he doesn't try. He could be stimulated to the point of having some kind of active response, and maybe that is enough, but for him to be passionate there has to be something he wants. When people adapt to circumstances that lack the opportunity for them to want and get things, their desires become obsolete, and about all they have left is not wanting to lose what they have even if it lacks what they would want if wanting was possible. Passion is set down because it has become a quick trip to frustration. He learned somehow that he's better off not even wanting and not trying, so he goes along in his rut happy to not be suffering worse, but his soul is dormant and his oomph is gone.

To get his passion back is therefor a matter of changing his circumstance to again include opportunities for his wants to be successfully pursued. You would have to know what he wants when wanting is allowed, then promote the proposition of what he wants being available. It's a lot of work to recover a zombie mentality from its snug complacency. I suggest throwing him some curves so he gets disoriented and then pick up on how he reacts to his world being upside down and his security ripped away. He will desperately grasp for something. Whatever he desperately grasps for is what he wants. Use that knowledge of what he wants to force him to work hard to get it, which he will do passionately as long as he can expect getting it eventually.

An alternate approach is to ignore how he feels and just have him do what you want.

< Message edited by sockit2me -- 2/19/2011 11:59:43 AM >

(in reply to DomForce)

Post #: 59

RE: how to get a man's passion back? - 2/19/2011 1:19:05 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sockit2me

Passion is desire so the guy has to want something.

Spot on.
So many marriages fall apart because the man knows he can get what he want.s
Don't yell at me and tell me I'm generalising. I've been through enough to know. (Marriages that is not generalisations).

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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
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To my stalker:
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Post #: 60

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