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Pain - 2/16/2011 11:00:20 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
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This post is not for maso's really but feel free to answer.

Why is it that many subs associate the lfestlye with pain?. Maybe it is what they have seen or heard? Pain hurts it does not put me in a good headspace, i even put in my profile no severe pain. Yet (before i met my Master) there were some doms that contacted me that said pain is a part of their play. Maybe it is because i am not a maso that i don't understand. I mean i don't mind a good spanking but that is about the only "pain" i like. Master is a sensual Dom not a sadist. I don't like to be hurt and he does not like to hurt me unless it is a punishment. Even with a punishment he does not like to hurt me that much. Enough so i feel it,but not so much i will have bruises.

So can someone explain to me why so may subs equate the lifestyle with pain?

Matt's litleone

Post #: 1

RE: Pain - 2/16/2011 11:04:00 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Well, since my entree into "the lifestyle" was recent I remember it well. Bluntly, pretty much all you see is sadism and masochism. I'd say that 90% of what I encountered was pure top/bottom involving sadism and masochism. Of the remaining 10% that were doing D/s of one sort or another, I'd venture to guess that roughly ALL OF THEM were also involved in S/m. So really, it's not all that surprising that new people encountering BDSM would think that it is synonymous with S/m. In fact, there are more than a few posters on these boards who see it that way.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 2

RE: Pain - 2/16/2011 11:06:18 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I would hazard a guess that people who like pain are masochists? I guess people in general associate BDSM with pain. I know whenever I mention my interest in it to vanillas they immediately recoil and say, OMG you like PAIN? And I patiently explain that no, it is not all about pain and that I am not a masochist.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 2/16/2011 11:09:05 AM >

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 3

RE: Pain - 2/16/2011 11:17:44 AM

Nanako

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/7/2011
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline

I'm not a masochist and I don't like pain, but I know I deserve it sometimes and will obediently submit to it if my owner desires to be sadistic

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 4

RE: Pain - 2/16/2011 11:43:48 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

there are a lot of subs who are also masochists (*raises hand*) so those things often get associated. there are a lot of Dominants who are also sadists, so those things get associated, too.
however, for me, S&M isn't the meat of D/s. i think it's the biggest/brightest star in the sky sometimes -- the play is what tends to bring people in for events and such, and organizations that need money want to cater to the lowest denominator. sure that excludes some people, but when you are organizing events and need paying attendees, that's sorta what you have to do at times.
so for a lot of new people, the S&M is the first thing they come in contact with, and honestly, it's often the first thing they're interested in.
i got interested in power exchange at some point on the journey from having "crazy" fantasies when i was younger, to getting online and finding kinky porn, to then finding this huge world where the sex/S&M was only a part of it. that's not an uncommon journey for people to find themselves on.

so for many, they originate at S&M and then travel along and find other things. sex is something people can easily relate to, and SOMETIMES it's easier to deal with/admit to yourself than something that seems more complicated like a LIFESTYLE -- literally the way you want to live your life. just having kinky sex seems less scary and it seems like you confront fewer of your own personal hurdles going that route. once i really started contemplating D;M/s, i had a lot more personal struggle than i did just accepting that i was a masochist.

and really, "BDSM" stands for "bondage, domination/discipline, sadism/submission, and masochism" to most people -- sadism and masochism are factored in almost automatically, and it's up to each individual person to factor them out if they want.

(in reply to Nanako)

Post #: 5

RE: Pain - 2/16/2011 12:33:29 PM

oceanwynds2

Posts: 66
Joined: 1/8/2011
Status: offline

Hello littleone
When I started to explore BDSM a mere 5 yrs ago, I too came across a lot of S&M, and thought perhaps this was required. The more I read the posts here at CM, and got to know some rt people, I found that is not always the case. I am turning 60 in April, and my body cannot take a lot of pain. I though am very comfortable in Ds, just got to find a dom who is not sadistic. I have heard they are out there. I plan to start looking when I finally move back to Florida in June.

Littleone, thank you for creating this OP. It will be good for those who do not take pain well, or cant because of physical conditions.

oceanwynds

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 6

RE: Pain - 2/16/2011 12:47:10 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds2
Littleone, thank you for creating this OP. It will be good for those who do not take pain well, or cant because of physical conditions.

... or for those that just aren't into it. I don't think there needs to be any reason beyond "doesn't float my boat". I leave it to others to decide whether it's "really" BDSM or not.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to oceanwynds2)

Post #: 7

RE: Pain - 2/16/2011 12:49:17 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

I am not into pain. But the more sexually excited I am, the more pain I can tolerate... I have been known to beg for more if I notice the pain I can accept is turning the man on.

But I gotta be turned on first!

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 8

RE: Pain - 2/16/2011 1:01:10 PM

Wheldrake

Posts: 477
Status: offline

It's definitely possible to explore dominance and submission (and bondage, humiliation, and many other fun things) without pain being involved. However, I think pain is interesting to many people not only because of sadism and masochism per se but also because inflicting pain can be a very intense and unambiguous way of asserting power over someone. It's possible to not enjoy pain and still get submissive pleasure out of being controlled by a person who can and will hurt you, if that makes any sense. I basically feel this way myself, although my response to pain is a bit more complicated because there's also something about the sadistic mindset that appeals to me on a deep aesthetic level. I simply find it hot and exciting to be around a sadist, and especially to be the focus of sadistic attention. I wrestle sometimes with the question of whether I should call myself a masochist, but I don't wrestle too hard. I'd rather describe my feelings than worry about how to label them.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 9

RE: Pain - 2/16/2011 1:04:02 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

This post is not for maso's really but feel free to answer.

Why is it that many subs associate the lfestlye with pain?. Maybe it is what they have seen or heard? Pain hurts it does not put me in a good headspace, i even put in my profile no severe pain. Yet (before i met my Master) there were some doms that contacted me that said pain is a part of their play. Maybe it is because i am not a maso that i don't understand. I mean i don't mind a good spanking but that is about the only "pain" i like. Master is a sensual Dom not a sadist. I don't like to be hurt and he does not like to hurt me unljavascript:void(AddText(''))ess it is a punishment. Even with a punishment he does not like to hurt me that much. Enough so i feel it,but not so much i will have bruises.

So can someone explain to me why so may subs equate the lifestyle with pain?

Matt's litleone

I don't equate them, I just happen to like both the d/s part and the pain part.

I can't answer for others, except to say that there are probably some who equate them because submitting to pain is... well, it's submitting, and that pleases them. If you get off on submitting to the desires of another, and their desire is to subject you to pain, there can be pleasure in it.
But if you don't get that pleasure, then there's no reason you have to do it. To each their own, and that's a good thing.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 10

RE: Pain - 2/16/2011 1:36:09 PM

oceanwynds2

Posts: 66
Joined: 1/8/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds2
Littleone, thank you for creating this OP. It will be good for those who do not take pain well, or cant because of physical conditions.

... or for those that just aren't into it. I don't think there needs to be any reason beyond "doesn't float my boat". I leave it to others to decide whether it's "really" BDSM or not.

I like that Leadership. Thank you so much for showing me another way to view this.
Oceanwynds2

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 11

RE: Pain - 2/17/2011 12:50:08 AM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

i am a maso slave but pain is a small portion of the dynamic most of the time is as my Mistress slave and i am at Her whim. the pain play is a treat when W/we go to a play party and i get to please my Mistress's sadistic side and i enjoy it too. but most M/s porn is pain related so it is understandable

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to oceanwynds2)

Post #: 12

RE: Pain - 2/17/2011 1:05:19 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Bondage, Discipline, Masochism, Sadism.

nuff said.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 13

RE: Pain - 2/17/2011 4:38:12 AM

ThePeripatetic

Posts: 139
Joined: 12/21/2010
Status: offline

OP, very interesting topic you've presented here. Thank you.

I've often dwelt with this same issue while dissecting what submission means to me. When I first entered the scene, I was sure I had no interest in most pain. I didn't consider myself a masochist then and I don't really now.

But I've essentially grown to accept and embrace pain for two reasons.

First, I appreciate where it takes me mentally. I've never really experienced such mental twists and turns as when I'm submitting and experiencing pain. It's exhilarating and challenging to build up the mental fortitude to weather the pain. Plus there's the mind-fuck of it all, early in a scene, before the pain comes. My pulse is absolutely racing in those moments thinking about what's soon to come. And then the flip-side of this is the moments after a scene, when my Mistress is pampering me with aftercare, the comfort I feel mentally and physically is fantastic and much more profound had the pain not been there.

The second reason I've come to embrace pain has to do with the pleasure it brings to a sadistic Mistress when I submit. I love to please. I typically don't understand or relate to Her need to inflict pain but it's not my place to question, I have trust in Her and that's enough. And I'm happy to take the pain that She dishes out if it's bringing Her enjoyment or release. I love to hear Her words of affirmation and pride after I've endured the pain. I fight through the blows, battle the mental "demons", and keep pushing forward just to hear Her whisper, "I'm so proud of you!" That's often enough for me.

These are two of the most essential dynamics that I crave and enjoy from BDSM play. And pain is the tool that brings it all about.

_____________________________

"The Journey is the Destination" - Dan Eldon (One of my heroes. R.I.P.)

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 14

RE: Pain - 2/17/2011 6:13:38 AM

Sundowner

Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35
So can someone explain to me why so may subs equate the lifestyle with pain?

It's far too complex to "explain" the variety of views on this (i.e. I don't know the answers) but one aspect, which seems fairly widely relevant to me, is to think not of pain but of a strong, intense sensation.

One can stroke or kiss an erogenous zone (think bum for example) and the sensation is pleasing. Increase the sensation slightly and one can continue to find the sensation pleasing and become aroused. Slowly and carefully one can continue to increase the level of sensation and one can increase the pleasure and arousal.

Thus a firm spanking can simply be seen (felt) as a very strong intense physical sensation in an erogenous zone which is erotically pleasurable. Add to that a mental submission element and the result can be hugely powerful.

Take away the erogenous location and maybe it's not so clever - could be why people are generally not beaten on their elbows?

But the "pain is just an intense pleasure sensation" idea doesn't fit at all for loads of people and I'll bet you could find somewhere people who can get off on being hit on the thumb with a hammer; is just I'm not one of them.

The other simplistic aspect is that pain = suffering = punishment = the lot of a slave; pain becomes a very tangible confirmation of slavery/submission.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 15

RE: Pain - 2/17/2011 6:55:01 AM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

It's hard to put into words really, but I get a thrill and a rush out of the intensity of taking sadistic treatment from the hands of the one I love. He's my safety and my torment in one. I am a tough woman in my day to day life, so I welcome the release of being whipped or tormented until I cry.

There is also the factor that he likes to see me that way, he loves me say to him "Please hurt me." He loves to see me cry. I don't know, it's primal and visceral.

I'm with Greedy. The old school acronym of BDSM stands. Obviously sadism and masochism are a huge part of it, and what drew me to him. I would not ever be content with a man that wasn't comfortable inflicting pain. I need that dimension to be fulfilled.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 16

RE: Pain - 2/17/2011 7:25:47 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35
So can someone explain to me why so may subs equate the lifestyle with pain?

It's far too complex to "explain" the variety of views on this (i.e. I don't know the answers) but one aspect, which seems fairly widely relevant to me, is to think not of pain but of a strong, intense sensation.

One can stroke or kiss an erogenous zone (think bum for example) and the sensation is pleasing. Increase the sensation slightly and one can continue to find the sensation pleasing and become aroused. Slowly and carefully one can continue to increase the level of sensation and one can increase the pleasure and arousal.

Thus a firm spanking can simply be seen (felt) as a very strong intense physical sensation in an erogenous zone which is erotically pleasurable. Add to that a mental submission element and the result can be hugely powerful.

Take away the erogenous location and maybe it's not so clever - could be why people are generally not beaten on their elbows?

But the "pain is just an intense pleasure sensation" idea doesn't fit at all for loads of people and I'll bet you could find somewhere people who can get off on being hit on the thumb with a hammer; is just I'm not one of them.

The other simplistic aspect is that pain = suffering = punishment = the lot of a slave; pain becomes a very tangible confirmation of slavery/submission.

Toad.

now I have to have this in my head while I attempt to sleep. I hate you.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Sundowner)

Post #: 17

RE: Pain - 2/17/2011 8:59:46 AM

Sundowner

Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner

<
some stuff
<

Toad.

now I have to have this in my head while I attempt to sleep. I hate you.

Sometimes, when I ask a girl "how many strokes do you deserve" and she says something like "a dozen", she's surprised when I say "nah - 1,000 to start". It actually doesn't take that long (with a bit of caring caressing in between) to administer 1,000.

Keep your head where it is and start counting the strokes instead of sheep. At least if you don't fall asleep you'll have mind-fun.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 18

RE: Pain - 2/17/2011 9:17:56 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

So can someone explain to me why so may subs equate the lifestyle with pain?

Greetings,

My initial interest in submission was not inspired by sadism or the exploration of masochistic tendencies. I found favor with the mental connection and its death like grip instead. Rumi addressed the subject in his writings but I believe within BDSM we're apt to view pain in the physical and rarely give attention to the other manifestations that are often more impressionable than their well known kin. The catharsis I've come to crave has its roots in each, but the descent and the explosion that follows operates on a different plane. Do I enjoy pain? Yes, but I don't limit myself to whips and chains. In my mind pain is merely a tentacle of control as directed by the dominant. It isn't a necessity for some, but an added extension of his authority for many that enjoy it.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 19

RE: Pain - 2/17/2011 9:18:52 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I hate you.

I'm half Scots.. it is supposed to be sheep!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Sundowner)

Post #: 20

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