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RE: Pain - 2/17/2011 11:26:56 AM

Missokyst

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Bondage, Discipline, Masochism, Sadism.

nuff said.

^^^
THAT

I am masochist. I associate BDSM with pain because I am a masochist.
I also happen to be submissive. But I do not regard that as BDSM. Or in anyway kinky. For me being submissive is just a natural way of relating to my mate. It is old fashioned. It was the way I grew up. No part of that is kink. ALL of it is personality. I think people tossed domination and submission in the kinky arena because the old fashioned way fell out of favor. Although I do think that femdom/malesub would have been considered deviant simply because that was not the norm. Perhaps that idea flipped over to the maledom/femalesub side when it became less acceptable to have a single sex head of the house.
*just contemplating after coffee*

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 2/17/2011 11:28:00 AM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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Post #: 21

RE: Pain - 2/17/2011 12:40:02 PM

DesFIP

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Unfortunately there are a lot more people interested in sadism and masochism than in bondage and discipline.

Plus it's easier to talk about flogging someone than teaching them repeatedly how you like your tea until they no longer automatically add milk to it as they do to their own. Tea making is boring, or teaching them to always have black pens on your desk, not blue. Whips and chains garner more interest especially from the fantasizers, in whose category I include all of us. I have to admit I have never fantasized at being told to go clean out his car, the other stuff is more fun.

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Post #: 22

RE: Pain - 2/17/2011 12:52:54 PM

sweetsub1957

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~FR~
I was in my 20s when I'd first heard of kink, before I ever really knew anything about it. I had been told more than once that "Oh. They're perverts who like to give and receive pain" and I knew I was more submissive in nature so I thought I'd have to be in excruciating pain to be involved at all. So I avoided finding out anymore since pain didn't turn me on. When I finally couldn't stand it anymore and got up the nerve to explore at the age of 50, I was going in with that in my head. I think the general public thinks that bdsm is always about pain because that's what they see in porn maybe, so some of us come into it with the same idea cause that's all we've ever been told. Now I know that's not true, even though I am starting to like it more.

~sweetsub~

~edited for typo~

< Message edited by sweetsub1957 -- 2/17/2011 12:53:59 PM >

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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Post #: 23

RE: Pain - 2/17/2011 1:28:35 PM

Missokyst

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I actually find bondage to be quite painful, which is again a sadistic/masochistic thing. And discipline can be painful, either physically or mentally, which is also a sadistic/masochistic thing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Unfortunately there are a lot more people interested in sadism and masochism than in bondage and discipline.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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Post #: 24

RE: Pain - 2/17/2011 2:03:39 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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~Fast Reply~

As I've been re-reading some of the speculations on this thread I'm wondering about another possibility.

I mean seriously, let's face it. Who wants to be the guy wielding the fur mitt when you could have a single tail coiled dashingly (and threateningly) at your hip? Well, who other than me of course. But seriously, in an online venue where many people (unlike me) are in fact seeking so they need to have some air of credibility about them I can see the reasons to conform to the norm and do so excessively. One might (erroneously) reason that it would increase your eligibility in courtship game... on both sides.

~Jeff

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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Post #: 25

RE: Pain - 2/17/2011 2:40:35 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

So can someone explain to me why so many subs equate the lifestyle with pain?

I doubt they do, actually. I think most folks get one or two fantasies into their head and enter in play or relationships with those one or two things at the forefront. I had never even heard the term BDSM when I first started so didn't think it had any sort of pain involved at all. I was all about the bondage and getting my own rocks off (you know, back when the dinosaurs walked the Earth.. lol)

BDSM the acronym gets confused with being an actual word instead of what it really is so I think it's important to reiterate on occasion that one can take any, all, part of or none of what the term stands for and apply it to their day to day if they so choose or have an occasional weekend fun trip and it's all good. Some folks use all the letters, some don't use any of them instead concentrating on strictly M/s or D/s or even something like authority for Head of Household and that's that. Pain *can be* part of ones dynamic, but it is not a requirement, so getting the word out that all the flavors are available is a good thing and no one has to eat Rocky Road if they hate marshmallows.

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Post #: 26

RE: Pain - 2/18/2011 8:21:38 AM

Masterq81andcali

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Its not just subs that associate this lifestyle with pain... Now I am not going to say for one minute I do not love it when I see that look in my Masters eye, that has me knowing the chances of getting out of bed the next day will be slim

However, what annoys me is when people assume thats all this lifestyle is about... They seem to not realise the huge amount of diversity...the trust, the depths of love I have seen and feel from a slave to her Master, the devotion... I could go on but it starts to make it all sound cosy and rosy.. and the only thing I fancy rosy right now is my bottom.

*Cali - Posting with her Masters consent.

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Post #: 27

RE: Pain - 2/18/2011 10:06:10 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterq81andcali
However, what annoys me is when people assume thats all this lifestyle is about...

People assume that the lifestyle is all about what the lifestylers say it's all about. I can't imagine why that'd annoy you.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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Post #: 28

RE: Pain - 2/19/2011 9:56:20 AM

txurinal

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This is a very tough question to answer and i have been asked it before. i guess i find it exciting. Nothing excites me more than heavy discipline followed by gentle touches. i think i like the attention. When one is receiving pain it usually has the full attention of the one delivering it. And of course there are degrees of pain. i can take a paddling much longer than i can CBT. Once the pain gets those endorphins really going, that is when the pleasure kicks into high gear

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Post #: 29

RE: Pain - 3/4/2011 7:25:18 PM

SlaveSubtoserve

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Joined: 6/21/2006
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pain turns the afterburner on with my submission so........

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Post #: 30

RE: Pain - 3/4/2011 8:44:42 PM

poise

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wheldrake

However, I think pain is interesting to many people not only because of sadism and masochism per se but also because inflicting pain can be a very intense and unambiguous way of asserting power over someone. It's possible to not enjoy pain and still get submissive pleasure out of being controlled by a person who can and will hurt you, if that makes any sense.

There are times I have come across a thread or 5 that were so descriptive that I
physically winced in imagined pain. I'm such a wuss!

But it is that very deliciously intense feeling of being in his control that inspires
the desire and almost incessant need to endure. Label me happy!

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Post #: 31

RE: Pain - 3/4/2011 9:39:44 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wheldrake

However, I think pain is interesting to many people not only because of sadism and masochism per se but also because inflicting pain can be a very intense and unambiguous way of asserting power over someone. It's possible to not enjoy pain and still get submissive pleasure out of being controlled by a person who can and will hurt you, if that makes any sense.

I'm not a pain slut. I really don't want to be. It was hard enough accepting my masochism. I'll keep telling myself I'm not for good measure.

As to your statement, I enjoy having pain ripped away and forced upon me. Two different actions that have a decidedly unique impact. I think this is one of the reasons why I delight in mental torment. It swings like a pendulum offering both elements with undetectable rapidity. I know the whip is coming, but there are a million avenues one can take on the mental plane. It's rather delish.

On the receiving end, I was never a big fan of being hit. Maybe in a small measure, but not a glorified smack down. It hurt and I really couldn't convince myself that was alright. It hurt rang a lot louder. To this day it still does. I simply accept it for different reasons and transmute the ouch to a gut wrenching yes instead.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

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Post #: 32

RE: Pain - 3/7/2011 7:22:44 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Bondage, Discipline, Masochism, Sadism.

As a side note, it's actually: BDSM = Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, Sadism & Masochism

Granted, you may have left out the "Domination & submission" part intentionally, but if not, I thought I'd post the full definition.