Physical attraction....important?...or shallow...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Physical attraction....important?...or shallow...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Physical attraction....important?...or shallow...

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 6:15:26 AM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

I know this subject was touched upon in another thread regarding who was more shallow...men or women. However it got me wondering how important physical attraction is to most.
In everyday life....when we cross paths with someone there generally must be some form of physical attraction to ignite interest. On the internet it tends to be the opposite, and we can become attracted to somone simply by the written word...and getting to know somone basically from the inside out.

I'm sure we've all seen this dynamic played out.....two people meet online...have wonderfully deep conversations....many common interests...etc....then...when they meet face to face...one..or the other...or both...face the possibility of a lack of physical chemistry.

I believe that in many cases....knowing the person inside before meeting... can enhance the the probability of attraction regardless of physical attributes. I've known beautiful people...whoose personality has rendered them unattractive ....as well as average....or plain people...whoose personalities have made them more physically attractive to somone...then thay might have been if met casually at social functions etc...

There are certain physical aspects of both Men and Women that i find myself most attracted to. As a tall woman, i tend to be more attracted to men who are taller than myself, unless the Male in question has a very commanding (not to be confused with obnoxious or overbearing) personality....it's hard to feel submissive towards someone you tower over physically, and in regards to females....i kind of like them curvy...neither of those things are absolute to me....but...i cannot say that they do not influence me...

is it shallow?

Post #: 1

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 6:26:50 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Is it shallow to value someone based solely on their looks? Yes. Is it shallow to require that a person who interests you also possess something that attracts you physically? I would say no.

As someone who has a reputation as a bit of a rake and who often has hot young things around, while that is something I enjoy, it is brains and intellect that will win every time, especially if it is my heart in play!

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 2

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 6:30:52 AM

Halcyone

Posts: 93
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

Physical attraction earns that first look from me but it's what's inside that keeps me coming back. There are things about a man that consistently attract me (I like tall men too!) but none are so set in stone that I haven't ignored their not being there. So, I don't think it's shallow to find physical attraction important. It's shallow if that's all you care about.

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 3

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 6:33:22 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom
Is it shallow to value someone based solely on their looks? Yes. Is it shallow to require that a person who interests you also possess something that attracts you physically? I would say no.

Well said!

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 4

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 6:35:35 AM

OnyxGoddess

Posts: 242
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Personality determines who I will associate with. In addition to personality, common interests decide who i will play with. In addition to both of those physical attraction and intelligence determines who I will have intercourse with. They dont necessarily have to be runway gorgeous. But i like a person who is fit (fit does NOT mean thin. i've had larger people run/swim circles around me) and tall. I also like intelligence. Talking to a person with no brains is boring.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 5

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 6:54:14 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Needing to feel an attraction to someone is important to me- on ALL levels.

We get to decide what we want in a partner- and if we decide we need someone who adores playing wordl or warcraft then that's no worse than deciding we need someone 5'8", blonde, blue eyed, and skinny.

I certainly have an "ideal" partner that I lust for. None of my partners look anywhere CLOSE to that "ideal." But it is important that I find them attractive to me. I just don't have a very specific concept of what "attractive" entails for me.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 6

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 7:26:48 AM

RapturesDaddy

Posts: 25
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

Of course it is important. Shallow? I think not. The laws of physical attraction, wether we like to admit it or not, are what initally daraws two human beings to each other at first sight. So in a word, yes. Physical attraction is very important in any relationship, no matter what the twist may be.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 8:34:17 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I have to be attracted to someone in order to have an intimate relationship with them. That being said I have been attracted to many sorts... My last dom was 55, slightly shorter than myself, and bald... but he was extremely sexy and had the prettiest hazel eyes. For me someone does not have to be the "standard" of attractiveness for me to be attracted, but the chemistry is crucial. It usually begis between the ears for me anyways, I am never attracted sexually the first time I see someone.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 8

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 9:12:16 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings to all

I do agree the brain is the sexiest part of anyone
person, if i can not speak with you on my own level
it just does not works. A smart man is so attractive no matter
what his looks maybe. The eye have it too, soft but strong eyes
tell the whole story of what this person maybe like inside and
that is where is all comes down to what is inside of this person i choose.
I meant very handsome men but it does not matter if i can not get them to
talk about any subject. I agree with the others what inside counts so much
more. When a person write to you they are more willing to tell their true self through
how they write, not boosting about a job ect, but what they say to questions you ask.

best wishes

mons

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 9

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 9:27:43 AM

TigerLily23

Posts: 53
Joined: 12/16/2005
Status: offline

I don't think you are shallow at all...everyone has preferences...the nice thing about maturity, is that you learn to value and/or appreciate characteristics in people that you otherwise would not. When I met my husband (who has since become my Master), I was not physically attacted to him in the least -our first date was a disaster. But we had a lot of things in common, and getting to know him, as a person, turned me on to no end...three weeks after we met we were engaged...four months after we met we were married. And now, that he has permitted me to update his "look" he is hit on everywhere we go.

_____________________________

Lily

Nosce te ipsum...Know Thyself

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 10

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 9:42:07 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I agree with most of the posts. There has to be some level of physical attraction however, as much as we are all very different in appearance we are also very different in what we each find attractive. My biggest turn offs are poor personal hygiene, there is no way I could ever find someone attractive that did not value themself enough to take care of themself. I am also picky about scents...bad perfume, body order, stinky breath, smoking smell......all turn offs.

(in reply to TigerLily23)

Post #: 11

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 10:27:15 AM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

I'm not so concerned about looks as I am with health and hygiene. Are they so obesely overweight that they can't take a walk with me, or so skinny that they've become a bit listless? Are their teeth brushed? Are their fingernails clean? Do they smell like they forgot to shower? Stuff like that is important to me.
If someone appears to be healthy and well-groomed, they probably pass my "appearance test".

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 12

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 10:40:08 AM

shyandsilly

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/28/2005
Status: offline

i think men and women can be equally shallow. i also think that it really depends on the situation. while out at a bar one might be very shallow to begin with but as the night wears on, the cute little tubby girl with no friends starts looking yummier. but i hate bars.

i knew a guy who i met here on cm who didn't exactly have the looks of a runway model. in fact he would be the first to point out all his flaws and not many would argue with him. he was fat, balding, thick glasses and i mean thick, he had way to much hair, and vary bad teeth. he wanted so much to be a different person. we talked for hours late into the night sometimes. he was attracted to me but knew i wasn't attracted to him. what with that whole dangly thing between the legs. lol.

he has been the only person in my life who listened and talked and genuinely shared an interest in my history as much as he was willing to share his own. and to all the cynics; he probably did want to screw me, but he never even made a move except by flirting with little comments. i really wish i could find a woman as wonderful as he was.

he did talk with other women. probably as much as he talked with me. eventually he would meet them and even if they went on a few dates, eventually he would be dumped. did he treat these women differently? did he talk with them any less sincerely? was he any less wonderful? i don't think so. i think it was his physical appearance that turned them off.

that is how i define shallow.

sincerely,
shyandsilly.

ps. i guess that makes me a hopeless romantic for believing that the beauty and the beast story might actually have many real life modern conterparts? i want everyone to find their beauty or their beast. it does make life happier. especially if my beast is clad in a leather corset and carries a whip. lol.

< Message edited by shyandsilly -- 5/4/2006 10:47:21 AM >

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 13

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 10:41:47 AM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

Attraction is a gestalt for me, and I have trouble parsing out the physicality from the intangible things like personality and intelligence.

A person can be the cultural physical idea, but if we don't mesh on a personality level, he isn't attractive to me. Inner beauty is my compass. My last partner was too thin and awkward looking, and had NO dress sense. However, he had beautiful eyes -- they reflected who he was -- that I fell into the moment that we met. Knowing who he was as a person, I thought he was attractive; I know that "objectively" he wasn't. Eyes are a big draw for me, as are hands and ... just the way someone relates to their own body. I wish more men wore scent ... I love leaning into someone's space and smelling his masculinity.

There are things that don't work for me. I met someone who was insanely obese (meaning more than myself, I guess!) and it didn't work. I know I want someone to be at least a few inches taller than me and to not be overly hairy. Bad teeth are distracting.

I have a bias against people who are physically "perfect" or who are the mainstream ideal of gorgeous. That kind of beauty can be a little sterile.

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 14

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 10:47:43 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I guess that physical attraction does play a pert in any relationship.. height is one thing which seems to be important to many. I know many guys who are height impared have a self esteme problem if partnered with a taller woman and yet will often attach them selves with a big bloke.... Facial features of hair, its style, colour and length or lack of hair may be important to some as well. For some it's just maybe on or two features which will be a turn off for perhaps those features may be a living reminder of some with whom they had a bad experience. For others perhaps it may be the general build or rugged fuatures may be a link to their ideal person (often a fantasy). However if the chemistry is there and the inner attributes are viewed too, often the ugliest person become the ideal person to be with.. It is so much dependent on personal tastes that it impossible to generalise or clearly define....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to shyandsilly)

Post #: 15

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 11:11:16 AM

GeekFreak

Posts: 102
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline

Well, here's how it works for me...we'll see if it works this way for others as well.

If I know the person's personality, and think it's attractive, I can be attracted to that person regardless of how they appear physically. It's almost if I get this new image of them in my head, and even though they have physical imperfections and my eyes see them, there is a filter in my brain that blocks it from ever realizing I'm looking at anything that's not wonderfully attractive and sexy.

Now, if I just see someone on the street and have to decide whether I feel they're attractive (solely by looks) I sorta go against the whole "don't judge a book by it's cover". I specifically judge what I think the contents of her character will be based on the outer shell. I will make certain prejudices against this person based on their looks, either negetive or positive. As an example, my mind has all these memories and ideas about what a nice, sweet, and intelligent person looks like (I can't cognitively understand them, but these ideas are there), if I think this person appears to be one of those I feel they are "attractive". Some girls may have a nice body, but the way the dress or walk, or what not, may make me think they're not the kind of person I'd be attracted to. Now, certainly I'm wrong sometimes...but it's my mind's natural way of weeding out people, and I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with that.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 16

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 11:19:55 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

We're fooling ourselves if we think we can escape physical attraction. I'm not above fooling myself that a dumb blond has an IQ higher than 30 if she is going to allow me to have my wicked way with her. I mightn't want to be in too many situations where I find time to talk to her though. That being said, intelligent women are sexier but rather demanding, which can be fun fun fun or make you feel like you really don't need the hassle.

I'm sure most people have seen those tests were you compare photos of people and you have to guess the couples. It seems people drift towards people that are roughly equal on the looks scale.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 17

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 11:42:09 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

Looks are important to me. This was brought up in another thread; I'll repeat what I said there. I am shallow enough to care about how a person looks; in addition to that, I look at overall health. I work out, I eat right; I want the same in a partner. However, the way a person looks is not what will eventually hold my attention; I also enjoy intelligence in a man.
But I am shallow enough to admit that if they don't look good physically to me, they will not get a second glance.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 18

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 11:43:29 AM

MstrTiger

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/14/2006
From: UK
Status: offline

I think it is extremely shallow to rate someone based only on their looks even though I know they play an important part in if people are attracted to each other or not. I don’t like people who see the way someone looks as the only basis to engage in a sexual relationship. There is nothing more annoying than getting a message on a profile based website like this from someone who has obviously sent the message on the basis of a persons pictures and not what is written on their profile.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 19

RE: Physical attraction....important?...or shallow... - 5/4/2006 11:47:03 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

Actually discussing things like this is rather irrelevant because we will all couple up with who we can. We might not want someone but we can't make someone want us.

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Physical attraction....important?...or shallow...

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094