you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (Full Version)

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nakedplaything -> you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/22/2011 8:40:26 PM)

imagine your feeling very randy. you lay back on your bed and start fantasising. you get sexualy aroused and masterbate to it. its incredible. then, in reality, you experience the exact same fantasy, for real, down to every last detail, yet you dont become sexually aroused by it, even though you have an intense psychological and emotional experience from it. why is it that you can fantasise about something and its incredibly sexualy arousing, yet the same thing when you experience it for real doesnt sexually arouse you? is it just inherently the case that fantasy and reality are never going to have the same effect, even if the reality is exactly the same as the fantasy. should we  just expect the realisation of a fantasy in the real world to not sexualy arouse us, and instead expect that it just effects us in a different way in reality, other than sexual arousal?



sweetsub1957 -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/22/2011 8:44:25 PM)

Hmm, I'm not sure. I do know I've fantasized about being whipped silly and got off on it b ig-time, yet, I know if it really happened it would suck huge donkey dong cause it would hurt too much for me.[:D]

~sweetsub~



littlewonder -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/22/2011 8:47:16 PM)

if I fantasize about something and then I don't like it with one person I have found I may like it with someone else. For me it just depends on who I'm with and not the activity itself.



tazzygirl -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/22/2011 10:21:18 PM)

Many reasons. Could be shyness or shame surrounding the act itself. Could be the person you are experiencing it with. Could be a host of many reasons.

Could be that some fantasies are meant to be just that, a fantasy, never a reality.



FukinTroll -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/22/2011 10:41:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nakedplaything

imagine your feeling very randy. you lay back on your bed and start fantasising. you get sexualy aroused and masterbate to it. its incredible. then, in reality, you experience the exact same fantasy, for real, down to every last detail, yet you dont become sexually aroused by it, even though you have an intense psychological and emotional experience from it. why is it that you can fantasise about something and its incredibly sexualy arousing, yet the same thing when you experience it for real doesnt sexually arouse you? is it just inherently the case that fantasy and reality are never going to have the same effect, even if the reality is exactly the same as the fantasy. should we  just expect the realisation of a fantasy in the real world to not sexualy arouse us, and instead expect that it just effects us in a different way in reality, other than sexual arousal?


I'm guessing Pavlov's dog is the culprit. Trying didling your clit the next time the reality confronts you.

YMMV
SLURP!



wittynamehere -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/22/2011 10:43:35 PM)

Imagine you think about a food you haven't tried yet, and it seems like it would be so delicious. You try it, and it's not. Why ask why it wasn't as good as you thought it would be? Apparently you guessed incorrectly - happens all the time.



Scala -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/23/2011 1:39:15 AM)

Maybe because in your fantasy everything is going to play out exactly as you would like it to be, after all its your fantasy right. So you have the full control in how its going to play out. In reality you don't. There are also going to be differences especially in how you feel at that moment in time. If the fantasy is being duplicated to every last detail as you state, maybe that is the problem as its your fantasy that is being played out and not one that is coming from your play partner. 



poise -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/23/2011 3:30:47 AM)

In fantasy, your mind is in control of how everything is played out, each
measure and countermeasure has been perfected. In reality, and even in
dreams not so much. The choreography changes, which will affect your dance.

As an example, after reading the many threads on rape fantasy here,
the thought of experiencing it started becoming more and more arousing.
However, I awoke at the ungodly hour of 3 am because I had a dream
that I was about to be raped, and while I managed to fight him off
(hey..it was a dream!) the experience was unpleasant enough to keep me
from falling back asleep.



Aileen1968 -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/23/2011 5:04:38 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: nakedplaything

imagine your feeling very randy. you lay back on your bed and start fantasising. you get sexualy aroused and masterbate to it. its incredible. then, in reality, you experience the exact same fantasy, for real, down to every last detail, yet you dont become sexually aroused by it, even though you have an intense psychological and emotional experience from it. why is it that you can fantasise about something and its incredibly sexualy arousing, yet the same thing when you experience it for real doesnt sexually arouse you? is it just inherently the case that fantasy and reality are never going to have the same effect, even if the reality is exactly the same as the fantasy. should we  just expect the realisation of a fantasy in the real world to not sexualy arouse us, and instead expect that it just effects us in a different way in reality, other than sexual arousal?


I've found the opposite to be true for me.
When he's done things to me that I've only had experience with through fantasy...he blows me away.
It has always been a million times better and more intense than my mind could ever touch.
But then again, I'm incredibly in love with him and that just might be the deciding factor.



NuevaVida -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/23/2011 8:22:58 AM)

Often times reality doesn't mimic fantasy because when we're fantasizing, we fill in the blanks of the things we don't know.  If it's something we haven't experienced yet, we really have no idea how we'll react, so it's the idea of it that excites us.  But there's a big field of unknown in fantasies, and that's what we often fill with our excited reactions.

I don't think I'm saying it right - can't find the right words.  But think of it this way - how often have you thought you were afraid of something (whether or not BDSM related) and then you tried it, and it wasn't scary at all?  Or how often have you thought you might hate this or that type of food, but then you tried it and liked it?  Our mind fills in the gaps when we haven't experienced something in reality, but because we haven't experienced it, our minds might not be accurate about it. I suspect the same would apply with fantasies.

On that note, I've also experienced what Aileen is saying - a fantasy I never expected to live out, yet did, and the reality was incredibly better than what I had played in my head for so many years.  I suppose it can depend on circumstance, who you're with, where your head is at the time, etc. 

quote:

should we  just expect the realisation of a fantasy in the real world to not sexualy arouse us, and instead expect that it just effects us in a different way in reality, other than sexual arousal?


Expectations can create our reality.  No, I don't expect that a fantasy won't arouse me.  I expect that, while I have a concept in my mind of what reaction I'll have, I really don't know, so I remain totally open to any possibility, and trust in my owner that if things go awry, he'll take care of me.



sexyred1 -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/23/2011 8:29:13 AM)

For me, I never expect to live out my fantasies, as they are all too wild.

However, I have experienced the feelings I get from these fantasies while doing something else with a partner, if that makes sense. And those feelings always have been fulfilled.

I believe that fantasies are based in a feeling, rather than the actual activity (say you fantasize about getting raped by a bunch of pirates on the South Seas). It would not be reasonable to fulfill that particular fantasy but the feeling of being overpowered, overtaken, ravished, controlled, etc. can easily be duplicated with the right partner.

So, I cannot say that I have been disappointed in my own feelings from my fantasies.




littleone35 -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/23/2011 9:22:51 AM)

I have found for me many times fantasies are ment to be just that. Leave then in the fanastsy world. In he past i have tried something that was one of my fantasis and it was a big let down it was not like i thought it would be at all. Like others have said there are varations in the real world. I am glad some people had good experiences for me the reality did not do much for me.

Matt's littleone



LillyBoPeep -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/23/2011 9:29:52 AM)

i think it depends on the scope of your fantasies, too. some fantasies are smaller in scope and more realistic than others.
some of them take aeons to put together and actually work out, and once they do, they're worth it.
some that aren't very realistic should probably just be left alone.
also, really it also depends on how much expectation you're investing in the outcome. sometimes you take a situation, and find worth in it, even if it didnt turn out exactly how you imagined -- sometimes the real outcome is better than the imagined one. but if you've overly invested in THAT outcome, anything else becomes a disappointment.
and sometimes, too, the fantasy isn't carried out with the right people. maybe you need to hold onto the fantasy until you have some really powerful connection with a future D/M/O. some things work out in the framework of an established power exchange relationship (depending on your headspace/how your brain works), even if they don't work out elsewhere.




porcelaine -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/23/2011 11:18:37 AM)

Greetings,

I make a clear distinction between the thoughts I find mentally appealing and those I'm willing to bring into fruition. I also weigh whether the idea is something unique to a particular person/situation or an act I'd routinely like to engage in. In other words, I add a dose of reality to the activities I'm interested in. Doing so alleviates many of the problems noted.

Namaste,

~porcelaine



agirl -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/23/2011 11:33:30 AM)

I regularly experience many of the things I fantasize about, but I don't have any expectation that they'll affect me in the same way. They are totally different experiences and that's how I prefer it.

When I lay back, shut my eyes and drift off into la-la land.....the ropes don't scratch, my legs don't ache when spread wide, I don't get an itch on my nose the very moment my hands are tied, my hair isn't plastered to my forehead with sweat, vaseline, baby oil or lube, if I gag it's always sexy, I don't get carpet burns, if I cry I don't get a runny nose, pillows don't slip down onto my head making me horribly hot, if I get whipped, buggered or caned it doesn't hurt and I can do it for hours on end.

The real-life version of any of the above has it's own perfection..... the scratches, the itches, the aches, the nasty hair, the runny nose, the hideous pain etc........well, they are like the moon-on-a-stick....because, look who's causing it!

agirl







DesFIP -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/23/2011 12:31:13 PM)

Because it's a fantasy, not real. People fantasize about all kinds of extreme things they can't do. Some people get off imagining themselves getting choked to death, doesn't mean they have to run out and try it.

This is the problem of deciding that all fantasies should be tried in reality. If that were the case they wouldn't be fantasies, they would be wish lists.



NuevaVida -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/23/2011 12:52:36 PM)

Oh girl I just loved your post! All of it! You summed it up perfectly :)



Aileen1968 -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/23/2011 1:35:03 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Oh girl I just loved your post! All of it! You summed it up perfectly :)


I agree too. That's why I love the reality so much better than what I fantasized about. Fantasies don't provide the rawness. The touch, taste, smell and sound of it all.



agirl -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/23/2011 5:06:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Oh girl I just loved your post! All of it! You summed it up perfectly :)


I agree too. That's why I love the reality so much better than what I fantasized about. Fantasies don't provide the rawness. The touch, taste, smell and sound of it all.


I have to admit that I love them both with equal measure.

After so many years with him, I also tend to *fantasize* about things he's done with me/to me........a bit like *fantasy in reverse*. He keeps me in great supply of *things to wank over* :)

You may well be right Aileen, I'm passionate about him, perhaps that's the thing that does it. He doesn't just float my boat , he STILL launches it with fireworks, marching bands, stopped clocks and passing flocks of Canada geese.

agirl



LillyBoPeep -> RE: you fantasise about it, it arouses you, you experience it in reality, and it doesnt - why? (2/23/2011 5:12:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl



After so many years with him, I also tend to *fantasize* about things he's done with me/to me........a bit like *fantasy in reverse*. He keeps me in great supply of *things to wank over* :)

You may well be right Aileen, I'm passionate about him, perhaps that's the thing that does it. He doesn't just float my boat , he STILL launches it with fireworks, marching bands, stopped clocks and passing flocks of Canada geese.

agirl



that's pretty flipping lovely ^_^

(*totally gets fantasies in reverse haha*)



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