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Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/23/2011 4:37:49 AM

TiedKat

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Joined: 9/9/2010
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You and your slave are not.. written-contract-signed or such. But you have a mutual feeling on the entire relationship. Almost no disagreements- if they are they're small and nothing that's truly threatening to the relationship. You and your slave both agree that you will listen to his/her complaints and consider them and limit it- not just that one time but forever or until it is made a soft limit.

Something comes up. Big, but not their fault, they are only a bystander. But your only thought is to give them a single command on it- which as it was not discussed before- you find out is something they cannot deal with and is a hard limit, by far.

Basically:
You command something against their hard limit and they resist all they can without being disrespectful. It is non-sexual. What would you do?

On a side note, this has already been cleared up, but I just have to ask. He seemed to understand, as it wasn't something that would normally be brought up.

Post #: 1

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/23/2011 4:46:30 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TiedKat

You and your slave are not.. written-contract-signed or such. But you have a mutual feeling on the entire relationship. Almost no disagreements- if they are they're small and nothing that's truly threatening to the relationship. You and your slave both agree that you will listen to his/her complaints and consider them and limit it- not just that one time but forever or until it is made a soft limit.

Something comes up. Big, but not their fault, they are only a bystander. But your only thought is to give them a single command on it- which as it was not discussed before- you find out is something they cannot deal with and is a hard limit, by far.

Basically:
You command something against their hard limit and they resist all they can without being disrespectful. It is non-sexual. What would you do?

On a side note, this has already been cleared up, but I just have to ask. He seemed to understand, as it wasn't something that would normally be brought up.

Add it to the list of forever or until such a time as it becomes a soft limit limits.
And be aware that situations like this will happen again. Its the learning process of any relationship.

< Message edited by poise -- 2/23/2011 4:47:08 AM >

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

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Post #: 2

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/23/2011 4:50:03 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TiedKat

You and your slave are not.. written-contract-signed or such. But you have a mutual feeling on the entire relationship. Almost no disagreements- if they are they're small and nothing that's truly threatening to the relationship. You and your slave both agree that you will listen to his/her complaints and consider them and limit it- not just that one time but forever or until it is made a soft limit.

Something comes up. Big, but not their fault, they are only a bystander. But your only thought is to give them a single command on it- which as it was not discussed before- you find out is something they cannot deal with and is a hard limit, by far.

Basically:
You command something against their hard limit and they resist all they can without being disrespectful. It is non-sexual. What would you do?

On a side note, this has already been cleared up, but I just have to ask. He seemed to understand, as it wasn't something that would normally be brought up.

I'd be aware that everyone has trip wires in their head. Sounds like you just, inadvertently, ran across one. Make note to self re limit, file it in the appropriate category, do what's needed to set things right, carry on.
Rinse, repeat.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to TiedKat)

Post #: 3

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/23/2011 5:01:43 AM

TiedKat

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Joined: 9/9/2010
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We already have- but it was an important issue to him. Usually, even if its not as harshly opposed, he'll continue to push it. *Shrug* just looking for how others treat it.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 4

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/23/2011 5:12:06 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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For me it entirely depends whet the circumstances were and the possible outcome was. If, for example, the command (possibly given in a whiplash type command voice), was a reasonable was to save you from possible harm or injury or to keep you out of some physical happening of which you were not aware, I would hope that you would obey instantly and I would explain things to you later. I have yet to see a situation where every possible event or happening can be covered in the basic training manual for sub/slaves.I have the experience of handling unexpected happenings and both crowd control as well as personal protective service to make sure I am aware of what is going on before others do so I have a chance to protect therm from harm. To cove all bases, I train any slave I own that if I call "Code RED" she instantly follows my commands. I do, or have done this with clients both local and international too. So far haven't lost a client.

Other than that, I just grab a girl and draw her close to me for protection and comfort if needs be and discuss things as they happen. We can both learn this way with no drama.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 2/23/2011 5:14:29 AM >

_____________________________

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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Post #: 5

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/23/2011 7:01:27 AM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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It happens.

It's not really a BDSM issue. It's a relationship issue. Vanillas encounter this as well, when suddenly he realizes he cannot stand to go clothes shopping, or she realizes that she can't handle his old college roommate. Just talk about it and work it out.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 6

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/23/2011 7:15:53 AM

SpiritedRadiance

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Consider its impact. Think of why its such a no go for you and move from there. Explain in detail why you cant go there, what it makes you feel, your perceived harm of the situation

IF he is pushing it PUSH back and tell him NO this is a HARD LIMIT dont go there....

If he disrespects it, if it were my partner hed no longer have me as His own. I dont have limits just to have them and breaking them is the number one fastest way to have me turn around and walk out the door.

_____________________________

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 7

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/23/2011 7:31:40 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
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I'm with Spirited here.

I have very few hard limits, but they're there for a reason. I quite happily told him things that I wasn't keen on or was worried by but would, with his support and guidance, get through them for him. But hard limits stay just that - totally non-negotiable.

Something new came up for us a few weeks ago, and I realised this was seriously a hard limit. It triggered a fight or flight reaction that scared me. Fortunately I managed to keep it together so that I didn't run. He dealt with it very well, calming me down without being all 'poor baby' (which would have been the wrong thing to do), and later on we discussed it. It's now a hard limit, but we moved on to all the thousands of other things we're both able to do without harming ourselves.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 8

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/23/2011 8:14:36 AM

NuevaVida

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Joined: 8/5/2008
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This has come up with us, although I don't have "hard limits" per se, I do have issues which trigger some past traumas in me and create undesired reactions. Most of those we have talked about but there's the occasional land mine in which something comes up that surprises us both.

Usually he can tell by my facial expression, body language, and panicked tone of voice when something occurs that causes a mild panic in me or if it's some place I just can't go. And he'll pull back immediately, and we'll talk about what's going on. If it's something I find I just really don't like and really don't want to do....but no traumatic feelings involved....then I suck it up and do it. If there's time in advance, I tell him how I'm feeling about it and he decides if we continue or not. If it's a "Do it now, don't ask" situation, then I suck it up and do it, and we talk about it later.

It's nothing we argue over; we just work it out. If I think he's not understanding the impact on me, then I find a better way of explaining myself. If I see that it's something really important to him, then I figure out how to work through my emotional/mental barriers so I can provide it for him. And we move forward together, however he decides we will proceed.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to TiedKat)

Post #: 9

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/23/2011 12:25:34 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

TiedKat asked:
You command something against their hard limit and they resist all they can without being disrespectful. It is non-sexual. What would you do?

Carol and I are in a TPE relationship. I expect her to obey or, to quote Leonidas, "escape if she can".

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to TiedKat)

Post #: 10

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/23/2011 12:27:32 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You discover unknown hard limits all the time. Any time you try new things, you run the risk of hitting a trigger. If it's something he needs and you categorically can't do, you decide if there's a way for him to do it without you. Or you end the relationship if it's that important.

Otherwise you file it under something new is learned every day and go on without it. What else can you do?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 11

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/23/2011 1:54:53 PM

Palliata

Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline

the ideal is to break down hard limits to create perfect submission, but the prime directive is First Do No Harm. I would accept the new reality of what our interactions are based upon, and go forward as before after making amends to each other for the unpleasantness which undoubtedly occurred. Everyone has little cataracts in their mind, and they aren't always aware of them until our proverbial boat slips in. The key is not to let it sink beneath the tide, and I think the key to that is flexibility, humility, and understanding on both parts.

_____________________________

I speak not of The Way, but only My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

I'm male. I know it sounds female. Work with me.

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Post #: 12

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/23/2011 4:16:28 PM

agirl

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Joined: 6/14/2004
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I don't have any hard limits as yet....maybe in another 5yrs/10 yrs, I'll come across a few.

The last spanner-in-the-works was an elastic band twanged on the sole of my foot...who'dda thunk it? Out of the blue, a silly moment. I freaked out......considering he's stapled my gob shut, branded and pierced me, it seemed an over-reaction!

Neither of us know why it caused such an over-blown reaction..and yes, he'd do it again because we both know I can *do* it. I resist an awful lot of things, but that isn't any reason not to do them.

I never want an elastic-band twanged on the sole of my foot ever again.......He'll do it, maybe 3 months, maybe 6 months..maybe a year .....but he'll do it.

agirl

(in reply to TiedKat)

Post #: 13

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/23/2011 4:47:54 PM

LillyBoPeep

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Joined: 12/29/2010
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if you can't wear the limit away, but it's something you're determined to mess with, it may be a point of incompatibility.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/23/2011 9:26:50 PM

porcelaine

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Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

If I see that it's something really important to him, then I figure out how to work through my emotional/mental barriers so I can provide it for him. And we move forward together, however he decides we will proceed.

This. :)

Greetings,

I have learned through experiences that I have areas of discomfort rather than hard limits. Given the right circumstances and motivation I'll budge. And I'm not inclined to have a lot of barriers between myself and the other person. I'd rather work through them whenever possible.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 15

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/24/2011 2:29:14 AM

DMFParadox

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Joined: 9/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
considering he's stapled my gob shut

Ok, I had to take pause on this one. Are you saying actually stapled, as in with metal bendy bits shoved through your lips and holding them together stapled?

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/24/2011 3:40:13 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
considering he's stapled my gob shut

Ok, I had to take pause on this one. Are you saying actually stapled, as in with metal bendy bits shoved through your lips and holding them together stapled?

Yes, with a surgical stapler.

agirl

(in reply to DMFParadox)

Post #: 17

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/24/2011 7:29:34 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

I have PTSD.
My Master is aware of this.

For the most part, things are very manageable on my end and triggers are far and few.
In the 2+ years we have been together he has only done something that triggered me full-blown once.

Unfortunately, the 'now few' are not things that either of us are able to fully anticipate.
It is a live and learn kind of situation.

To some degree or other, we all have emotional triggers.
For us it is a learning process.

edit: clarity

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 2/24/2011 8:13:34 AM >

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RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/24/2011 8:02:39 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
considering he's stapled my gob shut

Ok, I had to take pause on this one. Are you saying actually stapled, as in with metal bendy bits shoved through your lips and holding them together stapled?

Yes, with a surgical stapler.

agirl

Ouch, my legs just involuntarily closed themselves. You're a better woman than I am!

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

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Post #: 19

RE: Commanding on an Unknown Hard Limit - 2/24/2011 8:48:14 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
considering he's stapled my gob shut

Ok, I had to take pause on this one. Are you saying actually stapled, as in with metal bendy bits shoved through your lips and holding them together stapled?

Yes, with a surgical stapler.

agirl

Ouch, my legs just involuntarily closed themselves. You're a better woman than I am!

Not THOSE lips...... The lips on my face!....lol

He keeps threatening to do the other lips, though....I can't imagine that'd hurt a great deal more than my mouth did. And that hurt, a lot. He also stapled from the top of my bum right down the back of my legs and threaded ribbon through, like laces, so that I could only hobble....VERY carefully. That also hurt a lot more than I thought it would and I cried throughout most of it.

He did let me put one in his arm though, he's nice like that :)

agirl

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 20

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