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RE: Blindsided - 2/25/2011 10:13:40 AM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Eclipse, I wasn't blunt enough. My eyes glazed over shortly after I started reading your post. If you talk the way you write, I bet that your man is tuning you out.

It's the prejudice of that glaze. I re-read it and personally, I find nothing wrong with her writing. One is required to read it correctly.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Blindsided - 2/25/2011 10:53:14 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: 0ldhen


quote:

ORIGINAL: suddeneclipse

Dominance in it's purest form. The moment I was in his presence I began to feel his energy. It was as though he was a tuning fork and I could not help but feel the vibrations emanating from him.

I am not a young woman and I have lived a full life and known great love.


Me darling fellow s- Having had that, felt the reverbations of this primal male force rend through me until I no longer existed as myself, until I was but the female compliment to this burgeoning, overwhelming state of being, I understand.

Having since lost this long and long ago, I know your angst.

Be at peace within your soul, better to have known this once than live holding ever so tightly to the fallacy that it never existed at all.

One moment of Nirvana is worth so much more than a lifetime of half satisfaction.



I totally agree with this. I don't think the OP did anything wrong in posting this nor do I think her writing was unclear. If someone does not hear what she is saying, they are not listening correctly. It may be a case of how men and women listen and what we all hear based on our experiences.

Sometimes remaining in something that is just ok, is not ok for that particular person. Some of us need to feel whatever it is we need to feed our souls, not just live within the confines of day to day living.

I feel badly for the OP as I do for anyone in pain.

Although I am having a debate within myself whether it was better to have felt Nirvana than never having had it because as they say, ignorance is often bliss, while knowledge and experience only shows what you are missing now. If you never had it, you would never truly know the pain of the loss.

I am rambling, but this has been a nightmare week on many levels.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 2/25/2011 10:54:05 AM >

(in reply to 0ldhen)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Blindsided - 2/25/2011 12:16:35 PM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		so you are stuck in a rut and have seen a hint of exitement elsewhere...
it is nice to feel your heart beat faster again
use the thrill... stop the not-getting-you-anywhere talking with your man and use the energy to reinvent yourself instead... take a short break with a (girl)friend... have your hair done, buy a new scent
When you feel good about yourself then you present yourself properly to your husband... you know... slave like, on your knees butt up in the air kind of stuff... if he does not respond at all... go looking for that dom that got your fire going again and have some fun with him instead... you only live once
good luck

(in reply to suddeneclipse)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Blindsided - 2/26/2011 5:55:34 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Sorry your relationship's foundering. I hate to be so blunt, but if you work on your communication skills, that might help. I favor concise, direct communication.
  I don't.  If a woman starts communicating like a man, she becomes more masculine.  I prefer feminine women.  Their communication style is radically different to a man's.

One of the problems with many people is they fail to celebrate and enjoy the differences between the genders.  This attempted erasure of sexual polarity is one of the reasons why young women today have become dissatisfied with traditional feminism and its eternal quest to defy the reality of gender.

Perhaps you like masculine women, so this works for you.  Personally,  I've had to educate women recently on why "I'm just like one of the boys" is not a desirable state if they aspire to femininity.  If a woman is one of the boys, then we have no desire for her.  If we wanted someone masculine to have sex with, we'd be gay.


_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Blindsided - 2/26/2011 6:11:30 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Eclipse, I wasn't blunt enough. My eyes glazed over shortly after I started reading your post. If you talk the way you write, I bet that your man is tuning you out.
  Your short attention-span is not her problem.  I found no problem with her post, but then, I generally have no trouble holding onto a single concept for more than five seconds.

The OP joined the day she posted this.  That and the content suggests she's an old poster with a new name.  And you have an idea who she is.  Nothing else explains your lack of courtesy, especially when you normally spend so much time playing the popularity game.


_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Blindsided - 2/26/2011 7:21:16 AM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Sorry your relationship's foundering. I hate to be so blunt, but if you work on your communication skills, that might help. I favor concise, direct communication.
  I don't.  If a woman starts communicating like a man, she becomes more masculine.  I prefer feminine women.  Their communication style is radically different to a man's.

One of the problems with many people is they fail to celebrate and enjoy the differences between the genders.  This attempted erasure of sexual polarity is one of the reasons why young women today have become dissatisfied with traditional feminism and its eternal quest to defy the reality of gender.

Perhaps you like masculine women, so this works for you.  Personally,  I've had to educate women recently on why "I'm just like one of the boys" is not a desirable state if they aspire to femininity.  If a woman is one of the boys, then we have no desire for her.  If we wanted someone masculine to have sex with, we'd be gay.



http://www.myfacewhen.com/106/


_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Blindsided - 2/26/2011 7:29:16 AM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Sorry your relationship's foundering. I hate to be so blunt, but if you work on your communication skills, that might help. I favor concise, direct communication.
  I don't.  If a woman starts communicating like a man, she becomes more masculine.  I prefer feminine women.  Their communication style is radically different to a man's.

One of the problems with many people is they fail to celebrate and enjoy the differences between the genders.  This attempted erasure of sexual polarity is one of the reasons why young women today have become dissatisfied with traditional feminism and its eternal quest to defy the reality of gender.

Perhaps you like masculine women, so this works for you.  Personally,  I've had to educate women recently on why "I'm just like one of the boys" is not a desirable state if they aspire to femininity.  If a woman is one of the boys, then we have no desire for her.  If we wanted someone masculine to have sex with, we'd be gay.



http://www.myfacewhen.com/106/




Hahahahaha, Really. Being direct makes for a masculine woman? Jesus. I thought it made for a direct one. Silly me. I guess we need to go back to being coy, playing games, etc. I think 80 % of the relationship problems occur  from being indirect, and leaving men to guess what we really want, instead of being direct and telling them. Clear concise communication skills work in business and they work in relationships. I haven't yet noticed any men I have been with complaining about me being masculine. You can trust me on that one. .


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to NocturnalStalker)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Blindsided - 2/26/2011 7:40:03 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Sorry your relationship's foundering. I hate to be so blunt, but if you work on your communication skills, that might help. I favor concise, direct communication.
  I don't.  If a woman starts communicating like a man, she becomes more masculine.  I prefer feminine women.  Their communication style is radically different to a man's.

One of the problems with many people is they fail to celebrate and enjoy the differences between the genders.  This attempted erasure of sexual polarity is one of the reasons why young women today have become dissatisfied with traditional feminism and its eternal quest to defy the reality of gender.

Perhaps you like masculine women, so this works for you.  Personally,  I've had to educate women recently on why "I'm just like one of the boys" is not a desirable state if they aspire to femininity.  If a woman is one of the boys, then we have no desire for her.  If we wanted someone masculine to have sex with, we'd be gay.



I am a very feminine woman.

My Master values that about me.

However, there is a time and a place for concise communication and my Master does value that very much as well, which is expressed beautifully here:

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: 0ldhen

I thought it was a beautifully expressive post. Sounded to me like someone in pain and confusion.
Yes, but that doesn't mean that Steven's point of view from male half isn't valid.

Master once told me, "Think of me like a dog. I hear 'Daddy' blah blah blah cookie blah blah blah play blah blah blah." Keep it simple and concise.


That was something I had to learn and am reminded about from time to time.

It has nothing to do with his wanting someone masculine, and that seems a silly (and extremely negative) way to view it.
It has to do with economy.

Sometimes, even though he values my way of expression through words, he would just prefer I get to the point first and fill in details as needed.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Blindsided - 2/26/2011 8:13:37 AM   
strangedesire


Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Sorry your relationship's foundering. I hate to be so blunt, but if you work on your communication skills, that might help. I favor concise, direct communication.
  I don't.  If a woman starts communicating like a man, she becomes more masculine.  I prefer feminine women.  Their communication style is radically different to a man's.

One of the problems with many people is they fail to celebrate and enjoy the differences between the genders.  This attempted erasure of sexual polarity is one of the reasons why young women today have become dissatisfied with traditional feminism and its eternal quest to defy the reality of gender.

Perhaps you like masculine women, so this works for you.  Personally,  I've had to educate women recently on why "I'm just like one of the boys" is not a desirable state if they aspire to femininity.  If a woman is one of the boys, then we have no desire for her.  If we wanted someone masculine to have sex with, we'd be gay.



Wait, so if a woman can communicate her needs directly, it's like having sex with a man, and therefore undesirable?

*wanders off, mumbling about rape culture*


_____________________________

On that other site as Exegesis.

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Blindsided - 2/26/2011 8:21:40 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Okay.  I need to weigh in here again.  Her post could have been stated as "I have had a great relationship.  But now it's just comfortable.  I felt Dominant vibrations again from another man and it just felt wonderful."

I have a particular trigger with florid, indirect verbiage, and I apologize for it.  That said, it's there, and it's not going away.  My ex wife used to talk at length about her feelings on an issue that could be resolved quickly.  She would focus on her feelings and not on resolving the problem.  She was happier with a relationship with problems, which she could describe to me, than a relationship in which both parties were actively working to resolve them.  I found it frustrating to try to understand her feelings without first knowing why she had them.

It sounds like eclipse had grown used to a relationship with no sex, no touch, and according to her was content with that until she ran across another Dom.  She talked about how she will not settle again.  It sounds to me like she's planning to cheat and is floridly justifying her intent.

eclipse, if you're listening - try to salvage the relationship you have,  I suggest a Marriage Encounter. They're specifically designed to rejuvenate stagnant relationships and work on communication skills.

Oh, and Awareness?  Are you suggesting that women are incapable of direct communication?  I've known quite a few that were, some better than I am.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 2/26/2011 9:18:34 AM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Blindsided - 2/26/2011 9:11:51 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Eclipse, I wasn't blunt enough. My eyes glazed over shortly after I started reading your post. If you talk the way you write, I bet that your man is tuning you out.


THIS!


OP, I can certainly identify with your feelings. But communication is a two-way street. Are you talking at your D, or with him? Your OP was painful to get through, as much as I do understand the feelings behind it. Being overly wordy and dramatic will not effect change, in your life. Real communication with your dominant is needed. If you're feeling like your soul is just dying away, (or whatever- I am not wading back into that OP) how do you think he feels?!

You are each the controllers of your own lives. I'm sorry things went south, and that you're afraid you may never get back what you had- but deal with it. Do something about it. Change your life, in whatever ways that you need to. Don't be ruled by fear.

And based on your OP: don't assume that you've been communicating effectively with your dominant, up to now. Give that another try, with him. Cut your ten sentences down to two, and try listening to his ideas for solutions. And then try the solutions the two of you can agree on. Make a plan with him, and act on it together. Even if the plan is to split up. Sometimes love really does mean letting go.



_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Blindsided - 2/26/2011 1:16:27 PM   
stellauk


Posts: 1360
Status: offline 		FR

The problem as I see it is here.. 'perfect'... 'M/s' and 'puiest'... absolutes just like permanence are all illusions. There's nothing absolute in this world.

This creates expectations, and it's rigid expectations which can undermine a relationship and bring disappointment and heartache.

If you don't believe me go over on the other side where you'll find a vast number of people bitching about other people and not being able to find that perfect or ideal relationship in their profiles. many keep the same profile going for donkey's years. Clinging to false illusions is never going to lead to a fulfilling relationship. This is all caused by one thing - unfulfilled expectations created on ideals or standards.

Other people have it arse end backwards - they have the entire relationship worked out. It's the perfect relationship. The only problem is is that they're on their own, they cannot find another person prepared to fit in with all their expectations, and the relationship doesn't exist.

The thing is without basic friendship, acceptance, trust, and communication there is no relationship, no dynamic, and no M/s.

Don't believe all this nonsense about submission is a gift, or 'it's all about me' or any other Harlequin or Castle Ream codswallop. A relationship is about the two people involved and no relationship exists on the basis of the friendship, the communication, the acceptance, and the communication, interaction and level of agreement and shared objectives.

Having expectations about a relationship before you've really got to know the person and communicate and understand with them makes about as much sense as trying to climb a mountain without rope. The best relationships are best developed by two people, not one.

(in reply to suddeneclipse)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Blindsided - 2/26/2011 4:16:22 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I never knew I was actually male. Learn something new every day I guess.

Clear communication is essential if we are to be happy. Expecting the other person to be a mind reader is garbage. You have to know what you need from them and be able to explain it in a way they can hear. Snow may look nice coming down but when it's ruining your transmission, it isn't pretty. Indirect communication is like snow on a tv screen, it prevents you from understanding what's really happening.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to stellauk)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Blindsided - 2/28/2011 2:28:46 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88
. Being direct makes for a masculine woman? Jesus. I thought it made for a direct one. Silly me. I guess we need to go back to being coy, playing games, etc. I think 80 % of the relationship problems occur  from being indirect, and leaving men to guess what we really want, instead of being direct and telling them. Clear concise communication skills work in business and they work in relationships. I haven't yet noticed any men I have been with complaining about me being masculine. You can trust me on that one. .


He has a point though... in my personal experience my direct and concise communication skills were taken by my severely lacking but much dominant Husband as nagging and rude and blunt and unwelcome criticism... too dominant and uppity for His taste
Once i stopped pestering Him with my direct and concise verbal attempts to change things and i decided to go the manipulative route everything moved the right way very quickly and i was staggered at how simply the problem was solved really...

(in reply to Aynne88)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Blindsided - 2/28/2011 7:57:48 AM   
marsman


Posts: 115
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence because the cows poop there.

Be careful, its possible the relationship you are in started the same way.  Relationships change, and yes, they become more comfortable and yes, sometimes the electricity and spark changes...

having once been a serial monogamist -- moving to the next exciting spark when the other one dimmed -- I can tell you, in the long run, its not the best thing.

I'd give it a chance though, your current relationship, not sure how long you've been together but do talk; its probably worth it.
...


I agree that "serial monogamy" is not the best thing.

When people are possessive and monogamous then there will always be the "forbidden fruit", the greener grass on the other side of the fence.

When people are polygamous and not so possessive, then the over the fence grass is always available and not so green and you start to notice the cow poop.

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Blindsided - 2/28/2011 8:15:45 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I never knew I was actually male. Learn something new every day I guess.

Clear communication is essential if we are to be happy. Expecting the other person to be a mind reader is garbage. You have to know what you need from them and be able to explain it in a way they can hear. Snow may look nice coming down but when it's ruining your transmission, it isn't pretty. Indirect communication is like snow on a tv screen, it prevents you from understanding what's really happening.


Agreed.

However, my experience is that clear communication fails with narcissists. With them, flattery / providing narcissistic supply is much more effective.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Blindsided - 2/28/2011 8:35:19 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marsman


quote:



I agree that "serial monogamy" is not the best thing.

When people are possessive and monogamous then there will always be the "forbidden fruit", the greener grass on the other side of the fence.

When people are polygamous and not so possessive, then the over the fence grass is always available and not so green and you start to notice the cow poop.




I was not aware that monogamy meant you were possessive, thanks for enlightening us.

(in reply to marsman)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Blindsided - 2/28/2011 9:54:27 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I've found that short, direct communication works MUCH better with men than long, lengthy, emotion-packed descriptions. And, I believe that men are much more RECEPTIVE to short, direct communication. Saying "We haven't had sex much lately and I miss it, can we talk about it?" seems to get a much more constructive response than wailing something like, "You used to fan my flames and make be quiver inside, but now I feel lost and broken-hearted, like an abandoned child crying and starving for your love....." God, that even makes me want to barf, lol.

There are many other ways to display your femininity.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Blindsided - 2/28/2011 9:57:44 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marsman


quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence because the cows poop there.

Be careful, its possible the relationship you are in started the same way.  Relationships change, and yes, they become more comfortable and yes, sometimes the electricity and spark changes...

having once been a serial monogamist -- moving to the next exciting spark when the other one dimmed -- I can tell you, in the long run, its not the best thing.

I'd give it a chance though, your current relationship, not sure how long you've been together but do talk; its probably worth it.
...


I agree that "serial monogamy" is not the best thing.

When people are possessive and monogamous then there will always be the "forbidden fruit", the greener grass on the other side of the fence.

When people are polygamous and not so possessive, then the over the fence grass is always available and not so green and you start to notice the cow poop.



I disagree. This just makes it acceptable to keep bringing home new cows to scratch your itch and clean up cow poop, instead of taking care of the cow.....and poop.....that you already have.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to marsman)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Blindsided - 2/28/2011 11:14:25 AM   
ImaginativeWhims


Posts: 81
Joined: 2/8/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Sorry your relationship's foundering. I hate to be so blunt, but if you work on your communication skills, that might help. I favor concise, direct communication.
  I don't.  If a woman starts communicating like a man, she becomes more masculine.  I prefer feminine women.  Their communication style is radically different to a man's.

One of the problems with many people is they fail to celebrate and enjoy the differences between the genders.  This attempted erasure of sexual polarity is one of the reasons why young women today have become dissatisfied with traditional feminism and its eternal quest to defy the reality of gender.

Perhaps you like masculine women, so this works for you.  Personally,  I've had to educate women recently on why "I'm just like one of the boys" is not a desirable state if they aspire to femininity.  If a woman is one of the boys, then we have no desire for her.  If we wanted someone masculine to have sex with, we'd be gay.




WAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIT A MINUTE.

I'm not sure what little sandbox you're trying to peek out of here, but this is a very closed-minded statement. A woman decides to make her responses more clear, concise, and to the point.... and suddenly she's dudely? I'm sorry, I couldn't even agree with this if I was drunk.. and I'm a very agreeable slosh.

Look at what I bolded. Now look at it once more. Take about 10 seconds to reread it just one last time:

Every time I'm looking over a woman's mons and up into her eyes with a mouthful of ... well anyway... I don't think that people today have any issue enjoying and celebrating the difference in genders. Sex is entirely too much fun. If you try to tell me that sex isn't enjoying different genders, you're going to set a fire you won't be able to put out.

As for this underlined portion here:

I'm just gonna let that go. We're not supposed to attack people personally.

... and for the coup de grace, the italics:

How you like your women is wonderful, but don't say "we", please. I'm begging you. Your preferences don't apply to all of us.


_____________________________

I am inflexible in my needs, reasonably flexible in my wants and stand absolutely firm on my dynamic. -FT

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 60
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