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I still feel collared - 5/5/2006 2:37:50 AM

tendergirl

Posts: 103
Joined: 11/25/2005
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My Dom dumped me by telephone and I still feel collared and owned,....now what?

love from tendergirl

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/5/2006 2:52:52 AM

Areflectionofyou

Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
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its hard for anyone else to tell you what to do. Pick yourself up , dust yourself off and begin the healing process in your heart.

(in reply to tendergirl)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/5/2006 3:14:00 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
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Although the split with my dom was mutual, I know how you feel. It's very hard, but you'll be ok. Just give yourself some time. Don't rush into anything. Be good to yourself.

(in reply to Areflectionofyou)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/5/2006 3:42:04 AM

masterdeltafire

Posts: 81
Joined: 9/26/2005
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*Sends a hug of comfort. Sorry you had a bad experience. Hope things go better for you in future.

As for the feeling owned, it takes a little bit for the shock to wear off of the collar being gone. And there is nothing to really say to make it any easier.

*hugs.

(in reply to bandit25)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/5/2006 4:19:18 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
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He did it by phone?

Take that under consideration... the wuss couldn't do it in person. Where is the respect, courtesy or accountability in that. I would say that this guy has a great deal to learn about being an owner... slapping a collar around your neck sure didn't qualify him a title of master.

Break-ups are hard but they aren't the end of your life. Now is the time find closure, learn from the experience & then move on.

Good luck to you.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/5/2006 5:59:00 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Give it time.

Wat a few months before even considering making a commitment to someone else.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to tendergirl)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/5/2006 8:05:09 AM

RapturesDaddy

Posts: 25
Joined: 4/29/2006
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Doing something by phone is pretty lame. Not the worst he could do but close. Trust me when I say there is a worse way to end a relationship and I have experienced it.

There are others, and those you will find to be "better". I know this is hard to explain but if he didnt have the guts to say the words to you face to face, then he is no sort of "dominant" in my book. A cowardly move and cowards make poor protectors.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/5/2006 10:59:40 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tendergirl

My Dom dumped me by telephone and I still feel collared and owned,....now what?

love from tendergirl

You need to allow yourself to grieve, tender. The death of a relationship needs to be mourned and that takes some time. You don't have to be a pillar of strength all the time. It's ok to be human, be pissed, cry, blame, be confused ... those are all natural and part of the process, but do allow yourself the process.

I wish you well.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to tendergirl)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/5/2006 11:04:52 AM

tendergirl

Posts: 103
Joined: 11/25/2005
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As pathetic as this sounds...I simply adored Him and was absolutely devoted to Him.

I miss Him dreadfully. But the man I now know is the not the Dom I knew. He disappeared. I grieve Him as if He died, but I don't grieve for the man that is left in His shadow.

How I will ever submit again, I do not know.

love from tendergirl

(in reply to BitaTruble)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/5/2006 11:14:01 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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Too deep in the tunnel to see the light at the end of it petal, no point in worrying about submitting again yet, because things are too raw. Just accept that you'll be able to look at it clearer somethime later down the line.

Just concentrate on you for now, finding what you need to be able to give yourself time to heal.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to tendergirl)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/5/2006 3:16:39 PM

Samwhiplash

Posts: 191
Joined: 10/5/2005
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Tendergirl...... I 100% understand these feelings.... and while right now it probably seems like you will never be owned by such a wonderful master again... trust me..... time is the thing that will change all this for u. be strong to get thro. U will be fine :D

(in reply to RavenMuse)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/5/2006 4:57:24 PM

iisloki

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

Simply reach up on the dashboard of your car, yank it loose. Then beat him vigorously with your little baby Jesus. Gawd, what a fucktard.
By nature, on who owns is a responsible person. there is no sorta/kinda
Loki

(in reply to tendergirl)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/5/2006 8:52:52 PM

CanadianGuy

Posts: 219
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tendergirl

As pathetic as this sounds...I simply adored Him and was absolutely devoted to Him.

I miss Him dreadfully. But the man I now know is the not the Dom I knew. He disappeared. I grieve Him as if He died, but I don't grieve for the man that is left in His shadow.

How I will ever submit again, I do not know.

love from tendergirl

Oh sweetheart, you WILL submit again. :( What a horrible thing to happen. It sounds like you had an intense connection with him and that's going to take you a very long time to get over - if you ever fully do. But you will submit and love again. Please, take your time. I mean weeks, months, maybe more. You need to take control of your own life again, which is going to hurt, because it used to be HIS. Feeling still collared - this may continue for a while. It's likley a self preservation mechanism, and you can't shake it, you can't rush it. Let yourself feel collared and safe. It's not going to hurt anything. It will slowly fade as you're able to cope with the loss of control he gave for so long. Keep busy, be with friends you can trust, stay out of relationships. Love yourself, treat yourself to something nice, make yourself feel good. Don't let yourself slip into depression over it. If you feel youself going that way, reach out.

You'll someday find one who understands you, and hopefully then it won't end this way. Don't let it get you jaded. *hug*

(in reply to tendergirl)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/6/2006 6:41:50 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I understand how that feels, I was dumped by not being dumped. In other words he refused to release me but would not speak with me anymore. At least you have your closure! It may not seem like much but in the coming months it will help you move on. When you let someone into your head like we subs do it takes a while to get them out. I have one or two little things that my mind goes back to that he would have me do for him. It is natural because we attune ourselves to be pleasing to our dominant. It DOES get better and you WILL find someone else. We ended our romance in November and I have met many new people through other BDSM singles sites and this one. I have even met someone I REALLY like and I am anxious to see where that will go .. Give it time and remember there are other doms in the sea.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to CanadianGuy)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/6/2006 7:53:50 AM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I understand how that feels, I was dumped by not being dumped. In other words he refused to release me but would not speak with me anymore. At least you have your closure! It may not seem like much but in the coming months it will help you move on. When you let someone into your head like we subs do it takes a while to get them out. I have one or two little things that my mind goes back to that he would have me do for him. It is natural because we attune ourselves to be pleasing to our dominant. It DOES get better and you WILL find someone else. We ended our romance in November and I have met many new people through other BDSM singles sites and this one. I have even met someone I REALLY like and I am anxious to see where that will go .. Give it time and remember there are other doms in the sea.

I went through that exact experience last September Julia and it can be devastating, it took me longer to get over that than it has any other relationships ending that i've ever experienced...to include my marriage. It's what prompted me to join this site. i later found out that by mid october...He had moved on to the point of collaring not only another submissive...but two of them
The crazy thing is after a few months of not speaking to me in any way...at the first of the year...He started messaging me on occasion....much to my own detriment....i can't seem to resist obeying if He makes a request of me...(stupid i know) I wish i could exersice (sp?)
His influence over me.
Bizarre coincidence....was just thinking it had been a while since i had seen Him online or heard from Him...and i recieved an IM this morning...saying..."hello little slave"
I'm glad i wasn't at the computer...because i know i would have answered Him.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/6/2006 12:35:19 PM

tendergirl

Posts: 103
Joined: 11/25/2005
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I am still getting messages from Him saying He might come back once he has gotten His head together. It is so distressing to see my "Dom" acting so unstable and weak. I know that I could never feel safe as He is clearly not able to cope. I must accept this.

(in reply to spankmepink11)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/6/2006 1:23:07 PM

swtnsparkling

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

He did it by phone? Take that under consideration... the wuss couldn't do it in person. Where is the respect, courtesy or accountability in that. I would say that this guy has a great deal to learn about being an owner... slapping a collar around your neck sure didn't qualify him a title of master.

Amen to that but at least the wuss did it by phone and could hear his voice and not online (super coward) like some one I know.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/6/2006 3:54:10 PM

tendergirl

Posts: 103
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Just to update everyone. I no longer feel collared.

I finally was told that it was me he wanted rid of, my vanilla self, not my sub self.

Obviously, I told him to f**k off and never contact me again.

love from tendergirl who feels much less collared and much better all around.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/6/2006 5:08:35 PM

Samwhiplash

Posts: 191
Joined: 10/5/2005
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Oh... Im so saddened to hear the why... but DELIGHTED to hear that ur feelings have swung the opposite direction.

Some ppl simply shldnt be allowed to Dom(me) others.....

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RE: I still feel collared - 5/6/2006 5:11:06 PM

RavenMuse

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tendergirl
love from tendergirl who feels much less collared and much better all around.

Glad you are seeming a little more positive sweetie. You will get through this.
You know how to contact me if you need to.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to tendergirl)

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