susannah
Posts: 79
Joined: 10/19/2004
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Ha! Maybe I am more like mom than I thought (she was a "talker"). I rarely write that much, but I just could not sleep for some reason. That is too bad (truly) about your dad - it stinks). I know my sister and I bought T-shirts a few years ago that say: "I Put The FUN In DysFUNctional!" because, I realize that life goes on, no matter what (but I do still think what happened to you stinks). You never really know what people are really thinking, I guess. I think sometimes, something just "stops them" from acting. Nice of you to reach out and try to give him the benefit of the doubt, I think. You did what you could, he was supposed to meet you halfway. You did your part, that is what matters.
I don't believe in Hell (No "loving" Supreme Being I'd want to imagine sends people to burn to death forever in eternity. That just doesn't sound very "loving" to me, and I don't believe it). I know some things may be true regardless of whether I believe in them or not, but I have strong doubts this is one of them. Last Summer, I read all about Bhuddism in a book called "How To Practice - The Way To A Meaningful Life", by the Dalai Lama. It was so simply written and well thought out, I enjoyed it, and it makes more sense to me than some other beliefs about religion.
This other interesting book I read is by psychic Sylvia Browne (who some people think is a quack, but I think she might well be a genuine psychic, I believe a few genuine ones exist, although there are a lot of hucksters out there running things like 900 psychic hotlines). She is a really bad writer, but I don't care, I like what she writes About. I know a lot of people think it's horse-patooty, but I think it's interesting. I guess I have to die to find out if it's true, so it might be awhile before I know.
I am sure there are "equivalents" of this book elsewhere (I am not "pushing" this, btw. I personally think it's kind of fascinating, but I am not looking for certainty as far as any "religion," and I don't care who believes what, if anything. Not up to me). I think it's intriguing, just the same, though.
According to her book, called - "Life On The Other Side" - people decide (or rather their "spirit" or soul decides) to incarnate for a life on Earth, to "speed up" the process of their spiritual growth. It's supposedly "faster" doing it down here, on Earth, than "Over there" (on The "Other Side"which is in another time-space dimension people supposedly return to when they "pass on") The reason is, that on Earth, life is a lot harder, so the challenge is much greater. On the "Other side" everything is a lot easier (weather is perfect 70 all the time, flowers are blooming bigger and more colorfully, no wars ever, anywhere, everyone gets along, and even if they don't always like eachother, they always tolerate eachother, because they all feel "more connected" (it's kind of hard to explain) Even animals don't attack or eat eachother - that instinct is just gone). According to this book, Earth is the only "Hell-hole" in the Universe, and life here is "as bad as it ever gets" (although other planets exist that are popluated, just not by humans, but certainly by other beings).
The theory goes that -before a soul (their spirit, their soul, call it what you will, it has no corporeal body, though I intend to enjoy my body a lot while I am here) - before a soul supposedly incarnates (gets into, steps into) - a body (and supposedly a soul gets to choose things like their hair, eye color, looks, hieght, weight, medical complications or conditions - everything, and they do it for a good reason), they get to choose the other souls (who become people of course, once they are born) - the people who will be included in their life during their incarnation as a human - their parents, their spouse or significant other, their children, their siblings, anyone significant, and some who might not be considered significant (like the dry cleaning clerk, perhaps, or a neighbor), even their pets. Once they are "Born" - their "life plan is erased from their conscious memory (because if they knew what was going to happen, how, and with who - all of the challenges they might face - well, it wouldn't be a challenge).
I think it's an interesting idea, and it could be true, who knows? People might think they know for certain and some have set ideas about who's good and who's bad, in their lives (and they could be right, and should trust their judgment. But they could also be off base in some cases, because, according to this book, things are not always what they seem, as far as that goes).
If there are really bad people someone chooses to include in their life in a major way (think true sociopath, people who care about absolutely nobody else and will step over anyone to get what they want, anytime,with no guilt whatsoever. I mean really Bad. Think Ted Bundy, Hitler would work. Sadaam Hussein. Killers. Chronic hard-core criminals. Chronic wife and child beaters who give others no choice in the matter. Not just "annoying", or occasionally mean people who inconvenience or make one's life an occasional or frequent "pain in the butt" (no pun intended). In this category - "pain in the butt" - I also tend to include any of my own family members I considered "dysfunctional").
**However, only because their "spirit guides" (who helped them "plan their incarnation" on the Other Side before they were born, considered some souls to be spiritually advanced (not more important) that they knew they were absolutely "up to the challenge" (spirit guides don't wish failure on anyone, it's not their fuction) they will allow certain souls to become what this book calls "Mission Life Entities". I think some people from families where there has been a lot of (abusive) dysfuction, may fall into this category. I am Not in this category, but I think people some would never suspect might be, because supposedly, these are souls who will sacrifice physical and emotional comfort, and set aside any fear of the unfamiliar to complete the "mission" their soul has signed on for. They tend to choose difficult lives and pretty demanding "themes" for their lives. Mother Teresa, yeah, and this book says they are often everyday, run-of-the-mill people too.
**This is the thing that makes me think twice about who might indeed be one --according to this book, everyones life has a "theme" (a main one, and a secondfary one) that defines the real drive that impels them forward to reach their soul's goals. All of them are considered valuable - each one describes something the soul wants to 'work on" - the book lists all of the "themes" in detail - and gives many examples of what someone might be doing with that "theme" if they were living them "at their best" and "at their worst" (poeple do both of course as nobody is perfect all the time). I am listing a few of them I read about "at their best" (or just a quick description), and one or two at their "worst".
I understand most of them, but am unclear on what one or two really mean.
They have names like:
*Activator (Troubleshooters. They get a job done "right", pick up slack where others fail. Biggest danger: spreading oneself too thin).
*Aesthetic Pusuits (painters, authors, poets, novelists, playwrights, artists, opera singer's)
*Analyzer (researchers. Brilliant at technical work)
*Builders (behind-the-scenes-heroes who make others "look good". Often parents).
*Catalysts (inspire, mobilize the "troops": hear them say things like "Just Do It")
*Controllers (organize, delegate responsibility),
*Emotionality (intense feeling for others and self)
*Experiencers (your "adventurers"- maybe lots of bdsm scene folk here? I don't know - it's all good anyway).
*Entertainers- Performers - (Jerry Seinfeld, etc., but could be the guy who is always telling jokes at work, or elsewhere, too)
*Healers - medical personnnel
*Infallibility - their problem is, they appear to have no problems. Movie stars, other famous people and very wealthy folk. When they do have them, they may not be taken seriously because they "have it all."
*Justice - endless pursuit of fairness in courts of law, outrage against "inequities" in life.
Dangerous if misused when it inspires things like vigilantism and hate crimes
*Lawfulness - lawyers, judges, etc. Can be dangerous if "corrupted" by power.
*Manipulators - can be very influential contribtors, Franklin Roosevelt was supposedly a master manipulator, and it's one reason the US. won WWII).
*Peacemakers -zealous in their pursuit of non-violence (anti-war protestors).
*Poverty- not necessarily material deprivation (though that's here too), but an attitude of constant deprivation even with material wealth.
*Rescuers - these people rush to the aid of anyone they perceive is a victim. They excel in a crisis, can be taken advantage of, but can be selfless. Need to learn to discriminate between a real crisis and an imagined one.
*Responsibility - These folks are happiest when they have a job or project to accomplish, and may get anxious when they don't. Very difficult for them to ignore anything that "needs to be done."
*Warriors - soldiers (soldiers, firefighters, paramedics, police).
Some of the most difficult themes include these:
*Fallibility (people who have severe physical and/or emotional or mental handicaps - Helen keller, quadraplegics, mongoloids and kids with Down's syndrome - advanced souls get this one, it says, advanced souls are often their parents).
*Patience -this one is listed as very tough to do, long-term. Guarantees lapses when stress becomes overwhelming, not to mention occasional resentment when those who can fail to demonstrate it seem to get immediate attention and results
*Rejection - Often includes the choice of a childhood in which abandonment or estrangement will play a major role.
*Victim - Sacrifice themselves for the eventual betterment of humanity (includes abuse and murder victims, especially children, and targets of hate crimes. Holocaust casualties and survivors. Wrongly convicted and imprisioned felons (anyone whose innocent misfortune shines a spotlight on societal inadequacy and injustice).
Persecutors and Vicitmizers - Pretty rare entites (but definitely exist). Not some "victim of circumstance" on any level. Choose true evil repeatedly and things like killing, serial killing, chronic wife, spouse or child abuse or a true life of crime on a continued basis (does not include "everyone in prison" and not just petty criminals). They will continue to do what they do best to really harm others with no remorse whatsoever. Don't always know who they are, but think Charles Manson - Really Bad Sociopaths mentioned before, are not here to improve their souls, and will not, when they "pass on", according to this book, go to the Other Side (eventually they will, because the Supreme Being - the Great Ball of Consciousness In The Sky - God (whatever you call him, if you believe in one) is not going to allow them to "wander" forever. Eventually, they get to the Other Side. Hitler is in listed in this slot. I guess without Hitler, could there have been Holocaust vicitms? That doesn't make them good, it just makes them "necessary." I am not sure I buy this, but maybe.
The idea is that when people finish living out their particular "theme" (which they chose ahead of time), they "pass on" (die), and go to the "Other Side", they get to do a "life review" - they 'watch every choice they made, every interaction with everyone they had - and they get to see how other people affected them and how they affected others - but from a completely compassionate, non-judgmental viewpoint they can't really feel when they're here - (maybe they felt guilty about "destroying someone emotionally" and that person wasn't as affected by their rejection or absence as they thought. Maybe they were - in any case, this person gets to see how their plan worked out, Maybe it says, there will be a bit of disappointment, but no endless beating themselves up over anything.
If someone does have a true sociopath in their lives (they are listed as "pretty rare" but they're out there) -they've included them for a reason, and from what I gather, that reason is because their "spirit guide" (who helps them plan their "incarnation", thinks they are strong enough to have them around in their life long enough to "learn" whatever that person is supposed to help their soul grow (I have a hard time completely swallowing this, but I can see it on a certain level, it just leaves a icky feeling in my stomach). Hmmm - maybe. I realize it's "someone's theory" and they are selling books - but I think it could maybe be true.
Tragedies and very difficult events in another person's life, because that is what is included in their "life plan" for their own incarnation can happen to "mission life entities" more often and with more intensity, this book states (I have an uncle who had a terrific drinking problem. His mom was a prostitute, and his dad was an alcoholic dentist, who beat him up until he was five. Then both of his parents went to court because neither one of them wanted custody of him. He was abandoned (evetually adopted) His daughter, my cousin, had Cystic Fibrosis for years, and was dying from it. He killed her in a car accident (because he was drunk) when she was ten years old - (which may have been a merciful occurence, since she required 24/7 care and her very slow demise was really tearing him up). He had two more car accidents after that, one in which someone was killed and was convicted of "manslaughter." He now runs an alcohol treament center in Michigan and just became a priest (my aunt is dead). I think he is a mission life enitity (who knows what his plan was - whatever it is, it was Hard, and it took him almost his entire life to complete his "mission" - he retired last year, at 76.
According to this book, there are no "accidents", it's all planned ahead of time, by oneself. While on one level this is very hard for me to swallow on another one it sure explains a lot, and I find it (sort of) comforting, if it's all really "happening for a reason."
The idea that people choose major life obstacles is supposedly because they are in fact "working" on their spiritual goals.True sociopaths are supposedly pretty rare, but "difficult people" are not. Their soul supposedly has set things up for their own incarnation because the person they are "with" (partner) has agreed to "help them" work on some trait they want to improve in themselves while they're here. I understand this whole theory, and I "get it" but it's still hard to buy completely because it can end up sounding pretty self-righteous. I certainly wasn't about to tell my mom, when she was dying of cancer: "You chose this ahead of time" (but I think she maybe could have - it's possible).
*Re kids: At this point in life, I have gotten spoiled having all the room in the house split between two people, and my volunteer work is truly enough "child time" for me. That opportunity has come and gone (and if I'd have desperately wanted it, I'd have done something). But I appreciate the compliment. I like working with kids (l also confess I like leaving after four hours on a Saturday when it's so noisy there I can hardly hear myself think).
I like to try to remember the good things about my parents (there were many, and it has nothing to do with the fact I lived with both of them, because they argued a lot, and my sisters and I heard all of their arguments, it really bothered me at the time, but that was years ago.
I do think that for far too long, my mother was pretty narcissistic, (I had a wee bout with anorexia due to an obsession with weight that I think she triggered. But she had no idea she was doing it, it was never intentional, so no big deal. She was a runway model for three years, and I spent some time trying to "'measure up" as far as being "thin enough" - and I am not "naturally thin", by anybody's estimate (I am average to 15 pounds overweight most of the time). I got over it - it was in 1973 - and it's never happened again. However - in situations where making up her own mind and "doing the right thing really mattered, I think she had great judgment - she was a champ. There was some drinking in our house - nothing very drastic happened as a result, but she liked her scotch. I attribute this to my mother being 100% Irish, among other things, she wasn't ready to get married when she did - she told me this (over and over) for years when I was small (and I didn't really need or want to hear it). But, life goes on. I do miss her, even if we did argue a lot when I was growing up. - susannah
< Message edited by susannah -- 10/22/2004 3:58:46 PM >
_____________________________
" I had been my whole life a bell - and never knew it until at that moment I was lifted and struck".
- Annie Dillard (1945 - )
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RE: Developing Non-Judgemental Attitudes - 
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