RE: Newcomers who can't get involved with their local group

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RE: Newcomers who can't get involved with their local g... - 5/6/2006 3:23:16 AM

Dustyn

Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
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Most kinksters wear odd things... I've been known to wear a single wrist cuff witha D ring on it from time to time, cufffs on my belt, plus a few shirts over the years with odd sayings that could imply bdsm... most of us aren't shy about who we are and will advertise it subtly from time to time... just keep yer eyes open... never know what you might see around you...

- Dustyn

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RE: Newcomers who can't get involved with their local g... - 5/6/2006 3:33:16 AM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
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Some do, but certainly not all, or even MOST... especially not on a day-to-day basis. My mate and I are indistinguishable from the people that we work with. Even when we attend events, we dress up, but dress-up for us means a nice, crisp suit, or a comfortable dress and jacket, or something along those lines. We've noticed, as we've wandered through the community, that an awful lot of the community looks darned near normal. (In fact, at our first munch after moving to Houston, we weren't even sure we were in the right place... there wasn't a speck of leather, a collar-looking collar, a stray piercing... and the only tattoos that I -knew- about in the place where the two I had, because nobody else's were visible!)

Especially in locations where the "scene" is very underground, there may not be a single external distinguising characteristic to "mark" someone as BDSM/D-s oriented.

Lady Zephyr

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RE: Newcomers who can't get involved with their local g... - 5/6/2006 5:36:37 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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and with so many college kids in our area that think its "cool" its hard to distinguise fashion over real........I have never gotten into wearing studs and whips on my person.......laughing

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RE: Newcomers who can't get involved with their local g... - 5/6/2006 9:23:05 AM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

Several years ago....as a newcomer making my first foray into the local "group" was a bit of a disaster.....immediately upon joining...the moderator felt it necessary to give me unsolicited...and what i would consider private information about others in the group.
One of the requirements of being invited to a munch...was to meet with an established group member and be..."approved" for lack of a better term. When i did so...this person also felt it necessary to try and gossip about group members to me......overlooking all that...i attended a few munches....only to be treated like fresh meat...by most of the male Dominants....whether single or married. What soured me the most....was when the married...or otherwise non single Doms...who knowing my proclivity for f/m/f dynamic....suggested that we engage in one on one play...without their partners knowledge....i also didn't feel comfortable with all the "insider" attitudes...instead of encouraging newcomers.

This has made me hesitant to embrace the new group that is now in place....maybe one day soon i'll feel comfortable enough to give it a chance....

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RE: Newcomers who can't get involved with their local g... - 5/6/2006 1:58:03 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
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Personally, I will not get involved with my local group. I have friends who go to the local munches [only about a 15 min drive from where I live], even my mentor and her husband go to them [and have graciouslly invited me to go with so I know a few people], but I get physically ill when I drive by that location when I know they are having the munch.

I suggest that newcomers who don't like the 'public' scene or they are too far from a local much, to find a few friends and/or mentors that they can meet with one-on-one and get to know, as well as read a few books to get familair with terminology and the like; "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns..." is the one I recommend the most, since it is easy to read and its a good book to get your feet wet with.

Online has really opened this up so it is easier to find others to talk to and learn from. I know a handfull of people locally to me, and once we can get schedules to 'mesh' I will be meeting up with a few people, as much to talk as it is to put a face to emails, IMs and phone calls. It doesnt matter who a personconnects with whether they be of the same 'station' or not, same gender or the like, as long as a newcomer can find a few people to talk with in an open fashion and not be afraid to ask questions and learn.

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RE: Newcomers who can't get involved with their local g... - 5/7/2006 5:25:38 PM

ArchangelMichael

Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Don't read a single website devoted to D/s...

You know, I really agree with that. So many people seem to get their ideas about D/s from Castle Realm. That site has a lot of misinformation on it and it focuses too much on online D/s rather than the real thing. I agree with using the books.

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RE: Newcomers who can't get involved with their local g... - 5/7/2006 5:57:52 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

Then I guess the question should be posed back to the individual in question: "Are you really ready to explore this lifestyle in RT yet, or is this an online thing for you?"

Now more than ever, there is almost instant access to most BDSM groups, events and happenings around the US and abroad. It's not like it was even 10 years ago where you had to know someone to get into an event or party or group.

In my mind, if someone is committed to becoming involved, they will. And it will happen regardless of the speed bumps ahead of them. If they're not ready (or able) to broach the 'going RT' journey, it's perfectly ok to stay as an online participant, so long as they're not baiting/gaming RT people.

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