Can integrity be taught?

Can integrity be taught? (Full Version)

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Proprietrix -> Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 12:00:50 PM)
I'm wondering how people (be it mentors to mentees, Dominant to submissive, Owner to charge, etc...) teach concepts like intergrity and honor and character. I have no problem teaching time management, healthy habits, house-keeping, positions, tricks-of-the-trade, and millions of other concepts in the lifestyle, but I'm finding myself 'stuck' when it comes to teaching moral rectitude, ethics, and integrity as it relates to the lifestyle. I'm not talking about a specific protocol and etiquette, so much as a general level of honorableness. Is this even possible? To teach another adult concepts like incentive, honor, and principle? I'm not talking about trying to make a jerk-off asshole into Mother Theresa. More along the lines of someone who is ignorant (not stupid) to these concepts in the lifestyle; not someone who is 'dishonest' and 'corrupt', but more like someone who is naive and inexperienced with ever having their character tested or their ethics put on the line. Someone who has just floated along in the status quo, and has never really had a chance/opportunity/reason to develop and mold their own caliber. When I think of teaching another person these concepts, my first thought is to teach by example. Beyond that though, I can't think of a good "teaching mechanism" to instill virtues. I suppose I can encourage volunteerism, and recycling, and the like, but those things seem almost a superficial band-aid method of teaching. I know the armed forces tries to teach these things. And sometimes clergy, boarding schools, etc... How do people in the lifestyle teach integrity and character, to their slave/student/charge/mentee, beyond just trying to be a good role model?

Kidless -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 12:02:53 PM)
People will follow selfish motivations to get what they want. Integrity is nothing more than seeing to that interest. It's not altruistic. So can you teach people to do what works for them? No,they have to figure it out on thier own.

BitaTruble -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 12:03:20 PM)
I learned such things from my grandparents and in turn, taught them to my children. Celeste

Areflectionofyou -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 12:09:43 PM)
of course it can be taught....ive learned it from my parents and they..their parents

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 12:15:25 PM)
Can it be taught to adults? Yes. But it takes a bit more thwacking on the head and energy. Very few people totally lack integrity- the problem is that how they value things in the world may not be how others value things. While they might be operating under a system that completely condones and even supports what they do, it might not be the same system as someone else. So you have to break down their current system and completely rebuild it into another one. That's not easy. But it is possible.

kittensmailbox -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 12:16:00 PM)
Yes i too agree... i feel that most everything is able to be taught...

meatcleaver -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 12:16:11 PM)
I don't think so, integrity and character is something you acquire through upbringing. My bete noir went on endlessly about integrity saying she had it in her private life and professional life. She was a drug clinic director so she had had plenty of professional training but she had none when it came to playing a malicious trick on me. No idea why she did what she did because she wouldn't explain herself or appologise. I put it down to moral cowardice so she might have internalised integrity but she couldn't live up to it, not even to apologise. I asked her what happened to her honesty and integrity and she turned round and called me crazy. My integrity went out of the window then as I was determined to get even with her and let her know what crazy was. (Which wasn't violence)

Kidless -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 12:19:16 PM)
What bugs me about people who preach integrity, is that they often dance around it themselves. don't say-do.

CrappyDom -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 12:21:30 PM)
I hate talking about integrity because there are very very very very very few people who ever say they lack it. In fact, I would wager nobody lacks it although when that check comes due it is funny how often it bounces. I think my objection to much of this comes from how I hear the argument. "Comming from a place of perfection, how do I teach another to reach that state" I am NOT directing this at the OP or anyone else, this is a general statment. The only way to teach integrity is by example and by being the sort of person others want to emulate. At least that is what I believe. In my case, despite my arrogant posturing, I make sure that my sharpest barbs are directed at myself, I try to turn the other cheek and express regret when I don't, and I talk about my failures, my attempts to grow, change, and learn, and when it really counts, I at least try and be modest.

Wulfchyld -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 12:31:00 PM)
Hmm... This is defiantly one you would have to Top yourself on. You have to view integrity by your cultural, lifestyle, moral and ethical standards. I am with CrapyDom on this in a sense. I like to think I have a great deal of integrity, but it applies to my own perception of integrity and may drastically differ from someone else’s. Have no problems calling a spade a spade, however I must see that spade being a spade first. I try very hard not to judge people by they’re past and give them a chance to show me who they are. However, too often their past and reputation turn to be out whom they are now and will always be. I do like to offer the benefit of the doubt until the spade has shown itself to be a spade. As for my integrity, I feel I have integrity. I will do what I say I will do and so on. But I have enough sense not to commit myself to something I don’t want to do. Respectively

MistressSassy66 -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 12:42:55 PM)
I ended up letting a submissive go because I couldnt get it through their head to be polite. This submissive had a bad attitude towards most people and his manners were horrible. I tried to teach him manners and respect by example, by making comments,reminders to be nice and by punishments . But to no avail....he really didnt want to change that behavior,so I was banging My head against the wall.The only left to do was dismiss him. Its impossible to teach someone to do something they dont want to do. Perhaps a shock collar would have had a better effect.

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 12:45:36 PM)
I feel that integrity is one of those subjective words. What I consider honorable behavior might not be very important to someone else. Therefore, it is important to know that the playing field of relationships is on an even keel regarding what constitutes integrity. It is, or should be taught, as people are growing up, by parents, grandparents, teachers, et al. It often isn't, or the backgrounds are too vastly dissimilar to meet in the middle. If someone had a true desire to alter their perceptions and was open to listening and taking instruction regarding their behaviors, then it might be taught over a period of time. If they are not, and feel they already have all the integrity they need, chances are these attitudes and behaviors are well ingrained, and they are not going to change. Another important "match point".

texasbutterfly -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 6:20:01 PM)
i have found that sometimes people just do not realize how what they are saying or how they are acting is seen by others. maybe some kind of role playing, making the student play one side and then the other would open the eyes to see. might not work, but then again...

CreativeDominant -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 6:21:32 PM)
Difficult question to answer. I want to believe it can...by example and by explanation. But the other person has to want to emulate that behavior. Integrity is a very hard principle to live by...meaning what you say, not just now but later, staying true to yourself and not compromising yourself. I've been successful a few times...I've watched a loved one go from being undependable and dishonest to being honest and worthy of trust...but it took a lot of time and hard work. I've also been spectacularly unsuccessful...and it cost me a lot in terms of pain and loneliness.

Kidless -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 6:22:20 PM)
I see a lot of folks on sites like this "playing" at being something they think they need to be validated. Whether they ARE what they "play" is another matter.[&:]

Proprietrix -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 6:30:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: texasbutterfly maybe some kind of role playing, making the student play one side and then the other would open the eyes to see. might not work, but then again... Thank you for this suggestion. This is more what I was looking for when I made the post. I wasn't so much concerned with how people grew up learning integrity. (I think we all would agree that parents are the primary influence along these lines.) But more how to teach integrity to another. Maybe I should have phrased the question "If a sub/mentee/charge/student asked you to teach them integrity and character in the lifestyle, how would you teach them beyond modeling that behavior?" Role-playing is a great idea I hadn't thought of, and exactly the kind of "technique" I was looking for.

CERCKL -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 6:32:52 PM)
quote: I feel that integrity is one of those subjective words. What I consider honorable behavior might not be very important to someone else. Therefore, it is important to know that the playing field of relationships is on an even keel regarding what constitutes integrity. It is, or should be taught, as people are growing up, by parents, grandparents, teachers, et al. It often isn't, or the backgrounds are too vastly dissimilar to meet in the middle. If someone had a true desire to alter their perceptions and was open to listening and taking instruction regarding their behaviors, then it might be taught over a period of time. If they are not, and feel they already have all the integrity they need, chances are these attitudes and behaviors are well ingrained, and they are not going to change. Another important "match point". Integrity, honor, ethics...I have to agree are situational...as far as can it be taught? You can teach definitions, perceptions...but it is the other's acting upon that which makes it an actuality...I know a lot about Catholicism...but I am not Catholic, for example...nor is it likely that I ever will be; still I understand it from may different layers...same with behavioral and even if you can train another to act in a manner which mirrors your teachings, how effective is that if they do not believe? Personally, I feel that there is alot of leeway towards an individuals actions if some of the 'basics' which are important to me are similar but for example we have different definitions/perspectives/meanings for critical values ( honesty, trust, pick anything which you value) then there is not much liklihodd of a strong relationship developing...respect, friendship to a degree perhaps...but if all you are looking for is a certain degree of etiquette, then behavior modification is relatively easy to attain...can take a bit, but can be done. C

Sabella -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 6:32:57 PM)
Like in "The Mask of Zorro" where the scruffy young man is "taught" not only table manners but how to be honourable even in battle, courtliness, consideration, style, charm and ultimately pride in himself? Yes I think it can be "taught" in a sense that as with most all character changes - the person has to WANT to change and be an active participant. There has to be a goal, even if it's as elusive as "I want to be more like HIM/HER" that they can model themselves after, and look up to. With no incentive why would someone change? They could make some minor adjustments on their own they could feel proud about "I'm not going to swear anymore" or "I'm going to quit taking the free mints at the diner, it looks tacky" but I think you're talking more about a life-a-tude adjustment. For that, it would take a changed life.

texasbutterfly -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 6:34:05 PM)
wow, you mean i actually said something that makes sense...whoohooo. <strolls off singing "o happy daaay...o happy daayy>

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Can integrity be taught? (5/5/2006 6:35:17 PM)
I think most people are taught integrity by their parents..If there is a lack of integrity, it is simply that it was not shown,taught while growing up.Most peoples lack of integrity simply stems from just laziness and by that I mean they prefer to take the easy way out of any situation, or their upper most thought is that "no one will know ,so why not"....So as with our children you start with the basics..You show them integrity by practising it yourself, you see or hear of them behaving with no integrity and you confront, sit down and ask why and then what could they have done differently.If their answer is unacceptable then you point out what it is that could of been done differently.You explain the consequences their actions have on others..You teach them to focus not on self but upon others first...Then you repeat...over and over and over until the mindset becomes easier, more natural....be well...Tempting

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