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RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/6/2006 5:39:38 PM   
SubtleCuriosity6


Posts: 25
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		I met my "one" and (wouldn't you know it) 3 weeks later he was deployed overseas.  Life does have it's way of throwing curve balls.

(in reply to darkslife)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/6/2006 6:10:40 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Not found as yet..but as with anyone you just know it..that instant thing that has you exchanging easily ideas and thoughts that makes you want to talk and talk and talk.The physical attraction that has your heart pumping a wee but..The laughter and comfortableness you experience.The feeling that you have known this person forever...be well...Tempting

(in reply to SubtleCuriosity6)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/6/2006 6:34:39 PM   
unquenchable


Posts: 155
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

For those looking and those who have found...Dom/mes and subs.
How do you choose your one? 
Is it something they say or do?
Is it the butterflies that you feel?
The comfort you feel when in their presence?
Gut instincts?  Chemistry?
All of the above, plus more?
None of the above?
Have you just settled until another comes along?

What makes you stop and say  "Ah, I'm done looking."





I never look, but I never close doors either. 

In the past it has been that 'feeling' that ' i need to hold onto this Guy and not let Him go.'  

Like anything else it is a relationship, one that begins as friends talking and turns to ...could this really be Him.   Not sure I have said it well, but my thoughts anyway.

un---------

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/6/2006 8:59:00 PM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: obis

...her presence alone makes me want to eliminate the bad I do and increase the good, not to impress her or puff up my chest, but because she deserves for me to be that better man.


Very nicely said... that is something that would excite any partner,  to bring out the best in one, motivate them to their highest aspirations.   

(in reply to obis)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/6/2006 9:08:02 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

How do you choose your one? 


My first real life dom found me in a chat room on a cam site, i wasn't looking. When that ended i explained the lifestyle to Hubby and He became my Dom.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/6/2006 10:24:03 PM   
Ceyx


Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		This is a harder question than I thought it would be. Here's the short answer: miss is the one for me because the vision I have of her is the same one she's always held of herself, quietly, in her heart.

But that summary leaves so much unsaid. We've been drawn to one another from the outset. We took our time getting to know each other, were friends and then lovers before we started to talk seriously about D/s. I can be completely honest with her and I trust her entirely. She shares my interests and my dreams. We're best, and most ourselves, in one another's company.

She's in my heart, where no one else is. I feel like she was made to be mine. Perhaps it's silly, but that's how I know.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/7/2006 12:30:11 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		He loves me.
We make each other laugh.
He is more intelligent than me.
He delights in my intelligence.
We can share our 'kinky' sides with each other.
He is friend, daddy, Master, lover...and...anything else I might need.
He stuck around when I pushed Him away.
I love Him.

(in reply to Ceyx)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/7/2006 12:43:36 PM   
sskitten


Posts: 43
Joined: 9/15/2005
Status: offline 		Aileen, I like your question, but may I ask why you are asking?  Would you consider sharing with us how you have chosen in the past and how you think you might choose in the future?
 
Occasionally I have looked at your profile after reading a post of yours, and for awhile you were sharing the happy news that you had found what you were looking for.  Then a little over a month ago you removed all your journal entries and posted a notice that you were looking again.  In one of your forum posts you said you had received 800 new messages in the week and a half since you had changed your profile.  Now your journal states that you are not looking, and any and all messages will be ignored.  Your poetic profile describes what you crave, ending with, "Let me feel your miraculous power and strength."
 
If you know what you are looking for, that's all that matters, isn't it?
If you are looking for miraculous power and strength, are you wondering if you have set your sights too high... or too low in the past?
If you are not looking... are you inundated? or hurting? or happy? 
 
Whatever makes us stop and say, "Ah, I'm done looking" is intensely personal.  I felt that way after my first lunch meeting with the one who quickly became my Dom, and I had not been looking for a Dom.  I felt immediately comfortable and happy in his presence, but most of all, I felt submissive, and before the day was done I felt claimed.  But I'm feeling a bit bashful to describe in a public forum how I knew.  And even though I knew, that didn't mean I stopped wondering about it...
 
Many of the posts here have described a growing friendship and sometimes a soulmate connection.  I wasn't looking for that, though I can see where that would be wonderful.  I once read a profile by an unowned slave who started off by saying, "Don't expect us to be friends or confidantes.  I just want to be able to serve you and devote my life to you."  In her case, too much connection was detrimental to her submission.  I wondered if it might be that way for me, too. 
 
I do enjoy hearing and learning from others' stories, and I would very much like to hear yours, while realizing that at the end of the day, the only story that really matters is our own.
 

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/7/2006 12:48:57 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Hmmmm.....

I don't believe in this so called "One" -- I think we are quite capable of finding happiness and compatiblity with many people either one at a time or together.

Frankly its the same as in a vanilla relationship -- you get to know each other, you spend time together, you told about your goals, needs, desires, and you should discuss the boundaries of your relationship.

After all, BDSM is really just different ways of having human relationships.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/7/2006 12:54:44 PM   
Halcyone


Posts: 93
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

For those looking and those who have found...Dom/mes and subs.
How do you choose your one?


I didn't choose him. I wasn't even looking for someone but we bumped into each other and it just went naturally from there.

quote:


Is it something they say or do?
Is it the butterflies that you feel?
The comfort you feel when in their presence?


I'm not sure I can find the words that will describe what it was about Ceyx that caught my eye. It was everything he said and did, every tiny little unimportant thing. It was instant fascination, immediate comfort with him.

quote:


Gut instincts?  Chemistry?
All of the above, plus more?
None of the above?


I joke that he's my magnetic north, and I was just spinning until he came into my life, allowing me to focus on him. It did feel that way. From the moment we met, I couldn't get him out of my mind. We've been moving closer together from that point on. Early on in the relationship, I kept waiting for the energy between us to fade into more of a slow burn, as previous relationship had for me. It never has and so I've stopped looking over my shoulder for that to happen.

quote:


Have you just settled until another comes along?


No. He's everything I've ever wanted, openly and privately. I'm everything I've wanted to be with him.

quote:


What makes you stop and say  "Ah, I'm done looking."


I never stopped and said that, that never came to me. It just happened, growing on my gradually until the reality of it became as much a part of me as my voice or body.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/7/2006 1:39:17 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

For those looking and those who have found...Dom/mes and subs.
How do you choose your one? 
Is it something they say or do?
Is it the butterflies that you feel?
The comfort you feel when in their presence?
Gut instincts?  Chemistry?
All of the above, plus more?
None of the above?
Have you just settled until another comes along?

What makes you stop and say  "Ah, I'm done looking."



I was not looking.  In fact, I was at the point of calling myself a failure as a submissive and "giving up."  And then I was contacted by this stranger...

Chemistry and connection, all the way.  I felt his power in our first conversation.  I was drawn to him, by the way he talked to me, and challenged me, while not insulting me.  I loved his near-arrogance confidence and yet his ability to listen to me and understand what I was saying.  I did feel butterflies but they were a combination of absolute fear mixed with nervous excitement.  I loved his clarity and consistency, and his unbending strength. He was unlike any other I had spoken to, and his ability to read me was uncanny.  So, I'm not sure I really had a "choice," rather I needed to belong to him.


(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/7/2006 5:54:18 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		What sealed it for me, is the moment he looked into my eyes, touched my cheek and then held me so tight I couldn't breathe.  That was when I knew that I was done looking. 

What lead up to that moment was his consistent demonstration of all the character strengths that I desired in a partner.  It wasn't one thing, it was all the things he said and did.  All he had to do was be himself and that was enough for me to know. 

Sounds simple, but it was just a slow, consistent building of trust that over time laid a strong foundation for our relationship.  There were no big fireworks or grand gestures, there was just one day when I realized that I can't not give this man everything that he wants and what he wanted was everything that is me.


Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/7/2006 5:55:05 PM   
SweetEscravo


Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		It is the same way as any relationship goes- you meet, hit it off and things develop.  You just know when you've found someone good.

(in reply to darkslife)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/7/2006 6:06:52 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

They remind me of my mother...


That is so weird, because that totally does it for me too.  CrappyMom is a catch!

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/7/2006 8:40:29 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Aileen -

You know when it's right.  Your needs are being met, as you strive to meet his needs as well.  He provides you the style (depth and content) of domination that you've always known was possible.  You have enough going between you to keep things maintained in the vanilla and kink aspect of the relationship.  When he takes what is his (you!) it feels right.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Sensualips)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/8/2006 5:05:46 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sskitten

Aileen, I like your question, but may I ask why you are asking?  Would you consider sharing with us how you have chosen in the past and how you think you might choose in the future?
 
Occasionally I have looked at your profile after reading a post of yours, and for awhile you were sharing the happy news that you had found what you were looking for.  Then a little over a month ago you removed all your journal entries and posted a notice that you were looking again.  In one of your forum posts you said you had received 800 new messages in the week and a half since you had changed your profile.  Now your journal states that you are not looking, and any and all messages will be ignored.  Your poetic profile describes what you crave, ending with, "Let me feel your miraculous power and strength."
 
If you know what you are looking for, that's all that matters, isn't it?
If you are looking for miraculous power and strength, are you wondering if you have set your sights too high... or too low in the past?
If you are not looking... are you inundated? or hurting? or happy? 
 

I tend to not post where I feel I have no experience.  That's why I haven't actually answered my own question until now.  I rely on gut instinct and chemistry and first impressions.  My only avenue for meeting is here online so I pay close attention to their words. I've set a standard for what I need...and have waited patiently for one to come along and fill that role.  In my eight months here only two out of literally thousands of emails have made me stop and catch my breath.  I've met both as a result.  Yesterday morning I was content.  Yesterday afternoon I felt that power and strength for the first time ever from the very first one that I ever hotlisted.  Today I am extremely happy.  My intuition to wait eight long months to meet this one have been correct.  I will always rely on those butterflies because they have yet to fail me.

(in reply to sskitten)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/8/2006 5:12:05 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Aileen - the only advice I can give is take your time, let it grow, don't rush it.  You may be surprised.  I'm glad you are in a happy place.



_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sealing the Deal - 5/8/2006 11:21:50 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks.  I didn't intend for this to become personal. 
I was just curious as to whether it was instantaneous, or slow building for people.
Did you know right away or look back over time and get taken aback by what was right under your nose.

Thanks all for the responses.  I'm feeling fairly normal now.  :/

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 38
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