RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory?

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (Full Version)

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Tantriqu -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/12/2011 6:30:19 AM)
It's not ego; it's libido. As my name suggests, I adore Tantra. To grind one's self against two hard, hot men, or first one, then the other over and over again, and to lie back (or stand up!) embraced by one man as another pleasures you, and especially to have two smiling mouths attending one at the same time: BLISS. It became progressively more exciting as the choreography and communication became soundless, and each man knew how best they could continue: and just when I thought I didn't have another orgasm in me, they would exchange brief smiles as they changed places or positions. And to fall asleep with a man at each breast, or spooning one good man in front and another behind: le sigh! And then there's the waking up the next morning instantly to a smile between one's thighs and a simultaneous 'Good Morning, Beautiful!' around one's nipple: more bliss. If any ladies don't enjoy camping, I suggest going with two straight male subs: all the work done for you, then ravishing two good men under the stars. I wasn't 'out' to anyone except my best friend, yet it didn't look suspicious to be seen en trio in public, just a girlfriend tolerant of her boyfriend's friend always hanging [cough] around. And of course, to always have one man or the other available for social events as well as sex, so if one was studying or driving his sister to a dance audition, the other would be on my arm or in my bed . . . until the other one hurried back. Ah, graduate school!

Arpig -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/12/2011 8:20:22 AM)
I'm not a sub at all...but even I found that description hot as hell!! Oh yeah...I really like your avatar[;)]

Arpig -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/12/2011 8:26:08 AM)
quote: But what about communication, trust and intimacy? Can these three aspects, be achieved with several people, at the same time? Of course they can. Just think about the many people in your life with whom you are already such things (intimacy in this context doesn't mean sexual...but rather openness & closeness). I communicate with, trust, and am intimate (in the sense mentioned above) with my whole family, my long term friends...and a few others. I am willing to bet that most of us are as well...so its possible...we are just talking about a deeper, more intense level of those three things when discussing a poly relationship.

SthrnCom4t -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/12/2011 8:55:36 AM)
FR~ This is the first answer to the OP, and his response right after. Immediately I can see a discord about why he might not be finding his perfect Lady. OP, you post a topic and ask for opinions and feedback. DD gives you some feedback about your profile. Instead of thanking her for her time and considering what she said, you immediately dismiss what she has to say. No, you weren't ugly about it, but the impression given is that you really don't want to hear what people have to say. For me, personally, that's enough to have me passing you by in search of someone else who might be more open-minded. quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo quote: ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming I'm open to poly. OP, filling out the interests section in your profile may help you in your search. I perved you, and there's nothing at all listed there. This puts a prospective domme in the position of messaging you to ask you about your interests. Most aren't likely to, IMHO. Edited to add: FLR is a must, with me. Perhaps You do not realize, the interest section works two ways. Pro and Con. And so You perved my profile ... You are not the first! ROFL And if I recall correctly, I say FLR is my Primary interest. THAT SAID, *the point is* NOT MY PROFILE! The Best Ladies on the boards, already Know Me! My goal here, is to develop a smart discussion ... so please feel free to contribute!

LadyPact -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/12/2011 9:15:56 AM)
I think My stance on female led relationships is pretty evident. The same with My thoughts on a poly household. Instead, I'm going to make some comments on the original from My perspective. My other half and I became poly because we are not suited for each other from a D/s standpoint. Neither of us is submissive in any way so if we are going to be involved in authority dynamics, it can't be with each other. The top/bottom thing doesn't work for us because neither of us enjoy bottoming and that makes it pretty futile. Yes, I've literally been told that I am too sadistic for him and since he is neither submissive to want to take pain for Me, nor a masochist, that just kind of kills My buzz for it. That was a primary reason for us to move from monogamy to poly. With this in mind, I'm not going to give you any crap for considering poly to get your wants met. What I will ask you to do is examine yourself and your motivations. One thing I will tell you is don't make this choice out of a form of desperation. You could be setting yourself up for failure. Look at yourself and who you really are as far as what you can and can not do in a relationship. Do that before you involve other people. They deserve that. Often we discuss 'converting' people from vanilla to kinky. (Bad terminology. You'll have to excuse Me for not using better phrasing.) I don't do that. However, I will stand up and say that I've 'converted' a few folks from monogamy to poly. Looking back, about half of the subs that I've had were monogamous up until the point they wanted a dynamic with Me. They may not have had other partners, but they automatically had to accept that I did. (I call that 'poly by extension'.) Some were very successful at it, with the normal bumps along the way that we encountered. Not all. The ones that weren't didn't do the kind of self-exploration that I'm suggesting that you do now. While you can't feel what a situation is like until you encounter it, you an run through the 'what ifs' in your head and draw some conclusions. The ones that worked out best? Those were the ones that converted to poly because it was Me that they wanted to serve. The ones who felt that strong connection to Me as a person, rather than just looking at it from a situational aspect. I think that made a significant difference.

LadyNTrainer -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/12/2011 9:23:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo But I am wondering, what are the right reasons? Even when one is willing to take thier time? I don't know what the right reasons would be for you. For me, the right reasons were that I grew up with healthy poly relationship models, and I feel completely comfortable with the ins and outs of this particular lifestyle. When I want to add someone to an existing relationship, I don't do it solely for reasons of "oooh, shiny", or because I'm chasing my hard dick and can't think clearly about anything else, but because we all agree that we want to grow into a loving family together. For me, those are the right reasons. Some examples of what I think are very often the wrong reasons are doing poly just to make another person happy, doing poly out of desperation because you don't think you can find the monogamy you really want, and impulsive dick-chasing without taking time for everyone in the relationship to really want to move forward of their own accord. quote: Clearly, a relationship is not something a mature person jumps into .. but why would You be in a Poly Relationship? If i may ask? Because I love them both.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/12/2011 10:53:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo Ms. SylvereApLeanan, Thank You for Your insight! And thank You for the web reference and book titles. You're welcome. I've got lots more references if you decide you want to learn more. quote: If I may ask, what is it about Poly then? Why is it more appealing to You, then monogamous? It seems to me, that so far, everyone has expressed the same virtues as are required in a monogamous relationship. So why is poly Your preference? A sense of power? Well, for me, it has little to do with power. It has much more to do with the unspoken and unrealistic expectations inherent in monogamy. For example, monogamy operates on the premise that you will be emotionally and sexually exclusive to one person for life. We've been sold a Disney fairytale of "happily ever after" if we can just find The One. However, we all know this doesn't happen. The number of married men looking to cheat on their spouses who appear on this board alone should be enough to convince you of that but, if it's not, I can toss some statistics at you. Monogamy also operates from a position of shortage - if Jane loves Bob and then starts to have loving feelings for Sam, then she must be taking love away from Bob. But, if you think about it, that isn't true either. Which of your parents do you love? Monogamy's premise of "one love" says you can only love one of them. When you marry, you must transfer your love to your spouse and take love away from your family. Do you really think that happens? Saying you can only love one person at a time is ridiculous, but that's the unspoken mythology of monogamy. Polyamory rejects those myths. I understand that no single person can fulfill all of my emotional and sexual needs and I don't expect anyone to do so. Let's face it, that's a lot of pressure to place on one person. It's both unreasonable and unfair, both to the other person and to me. I don't want my partners to expect me to meet all of their needs any more than I expect them to meet all of mine. Now, I could be like some of the guys on this site and cheat on my spouse, but that's a pretty shitty thing to do to someone I'm supposed to love. I could leave my husband, but that would deprive me of all the ways in which he does meet my needs. Polyamory is the ethical solution. Polyamory also works on the premise that love doesn't lessen for each person in the group, it grows. This is true in my experience. When I have more than one partner, my love for all of them increases. (So does my energy and my sex drive.) I also receive more love since there are more people giving it to me. Think about how good it feels to love and be loved. Now multiply that by however many partners you have. That's pretty effing awesome, IMO. Why in the world would I want to deprive myself or my partners of any of it? Now this isn't to say that monogamy doesn't work for some people or is somehow less valid than polyamory. There are people who choose monogamy and are very happy with it. Poly people aren't any more enlighted than anyone else and some people who identify as polyamorous are fekkin' idiots. Seriously. However, there are a staggering number of people for whom monogamy just isn't working. It's not easy to contradict millions of years of evolution that promote non-monogamy as the most prevalent reproductive model on the planet. To me, it makes more sense to follow the biological imperatives with which I evolved but do it in the most ethical fashion possible.

LaTigresse -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/12/2011 1:50:13 PM)
I kind of fell into the concept of poly through wanting one thing but not wanting to give anything up. Then I realized I didn't have to give anything up. Each and every poerson I have a relationship with, means a different relationship. The differences may be slight, but they exist. To make it understood I approach it from the idea that, my mother had 6 children, each was equally loved but not loved exactly the same. A subtle difference in description but if you really think about it, a big difference. I can love many people to the fullest extent of my capacity to love, but each in a different way. Each relationship is different and special. Each relationship is as special as the person. I think the best thing about poly to ME, is not demanding or wanting anyone to be anything they are not. I can appreciate each person for the individual they are and express with each a slightly different facet of myself. My biggest, hugest consideration when getting to know a person is how that person is going to impact my existing relationships. I am very protective of the people I love. I am always going to make the people I love and the existing relationships my priority. Absolutely it is a hurdle for anyone new coming in, scary and intimidating. But it doesn't have to be difficult. No one has ever come to my home and not felt completely comfortable and welcome. That tells me I am good at vetting and knowing rather quickly if a person is going to be a good fit. They may end up being a friend and not a slave/submissive, but if they end up getting that invite I already know there is some potential for something good. The key for ME is not to have any grand expectations but to give it every oportunity to happen organically.

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/13/2011 4:32:53 AM)
First, and foremost, I wish to thank everyone who has contributed thus far. Clearly, there is some really good, practical insight here, from people who know. That is important! One can read many books, and clearly I should be, yet it is somehow reassuring to hear others with experience. And I sincerely appreciate the real life experience You have all shared.

LadyPact -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/13/2011 4:43:18 AM)
If you should ever want to talk, My poly family will do our best to help you sort yourself out. My best wishes to you, as that is all I have to give. LP

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/13/2011 4:53:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan I understand that no single person can fulfill all of my emotional and sexual needs and I don't expect anyone to do so. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact My other half and I became poly because we are not suited for each other from a D/s standpoint. quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I kind of fell into the concept of poly through wanting one thing but not wanting to give anything up. It would seem, that diverse needs and wants, are part of the motivation for some to enter into this dynamic. And I know from your writing, you are intelligent and thoughtful people. Do you find your lives are more fulfilled and productve, as a result of living the polyamourous dynamic?

LadyPact -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/13/2011 5:08:35 AM)
My life is. It's just who I am. Sorry. I can't expand at the moment.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/13/2011 9:25:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo Do you find your lives are more fulfilled and productve, as a result of living the polyamourous dynamic? Absolutely. Remember where I said my energy level increases? Well, having more energy lets me accomplish more. If there are more partners pitching in to take care of the household chores and care for the offspring, everyone has more time and energy to do the things that fulfill us. Polyamory lets me reach the top of Maslow's Hierarchy because I'm not spending all of my time and energy on the bottom tiers. That's a pretty equitable trade-off for all the work I have to put into maintaining the relationships, IMO.

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/13/2011 11:11:57 AM)
quote: Polyamory lets me reach the top of Maslow's Hierarchy because I'm not spending all of my time and energy on the bottom tiers. That's a pretty equitable trade-off for all the work I have to put into maintaining the relationships, IMO. That is a very astute insight. One i never would have imagined. (As i take the garbage out! ;) Yet i imagine, maintaining the relationships does require a lot of work and effort on Your part. And at times, it must be stressful. Perhaps, the only experience I can equate it too is managing a team of people at work. And there are times this simply exhausts me. Although it is a more satisfying experience (aka Maslow's hierarchy) when things go well. Thank You for sharing Your experience and Your insight! It is greatly appreciated.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/13/2011 12:32:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo Perhaps, the only experience I can equate it too is managing a team of people at work. And there are times this simply exhausts me. Although it is a more satisfying experience (aka Maslow's hierarchy) when things go well. Now you're getting it. A friend used a very apt naval metaphor to describe how it works (for him) in a D/s relationship. He is the captain of the ship, but his s-type is like the navigator. The navigator gives information and acts as an advisor, but it's up to him to make the final decision. It's much the same for me. This is one of many reasons the doormat/pathetic worm stereotype is so repulsive to me. I may be the captain of my relation ship, but I need people who can step up and keep us on course so I can deal with other things or when I need a break. I don't have the time or energy to micromanage. A poly relationship requires the most work in the early stages of bringing in a new person or adjusting to a change in life circumstances, such as when you've been dating someone and you decide to move in together. Otherwise, you're putting in the same maintenance you'd put into a monogamous relationship. Time management is one of the biggest issues. Love may have no limits, but time sure does. I'm happy to answer questions about how polyamory works for me. Just remember, there's no "twue poly way" so others will have different perspectives. Just because it works for me doesn't mean it will work for you. However, that doesn't mean poly won't work for you at all. It really depends on you and the people with whom you're involved. Your first attempt at polyamory could work fabulously or it could fail in the most epic way. If you decide to try poly, take it slow and don't get discouraged if it doesn't work exactly the way you anticipated the first time. There's definitely a learning curve involved.

SexyBossyBBW -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/13/2011 2:35:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo Perhaps You do not realize, the interest section works two ways. Pro and Con. I could not agree more with you about this reply. I don't know if most submissives actually need an extensive list to attract partners. Those lists make me think, "he would never be happy submitting to me," someone who doesn't enjoy even 50% of the things on his list. So, I cannot consider him. Kinks aren't needs for me. As always, YMMV. ETA quote: 1. Please share Your thoughts on my dilemma; but more importantly What do you mean when you say, you're seeking the perfect woman? Maybe add that to your profile, so she'll know it, and perhaps identify with it. quote: 2. Your thoughts on matriarchal relationships I naturally prefer them, since I am a woman, and am the leader in my personal relationships. Why? I cannot go there, because while I do feel women lead differently, it may very well be because of how we have been socialized to, even in positions of authority. quote: 3. And Your thoughts on the Lady as Domme, owning multiple men, in Her household! I've not owned multiple men. I have thought about it being the best thing for me, since it is extremely rare, that I've met, and have been with a man, who was interesting, sexually exciting, and service oriented. Having said that, it is not an option for me, given I have a little one, and my family to consider, in terms of appearances. M

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/13/2011 5:50:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan It really depends on you and the people with whom you're involved. Dear Ms. Sylvere ... As I have thought about it this weekend, this is the crux of the matter! You just nailed it! Yes, I can enter into poly, if I am madly in love with the Lady .... but doing it, for any other reason, is foolhardy. Of course, no two relationships are the same. Nor are other peoples experiences! In the end, i guess W/we must rely on O/our own judgment, and trust it is right! I truly appreciate Your sharing of Your thoughts and experiences! You are a brilliant Lady, and have great insight! You have really opened my eyes to a new line of thinking! And to me, it is the thinking that is important! [;)] Best of luck, in all Your endeavors!

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/13/2011 6:05:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW I could not agree more with you about this reply. (sOToo's response to changing his profile) I don't know if most submissives actually need an extensive list to attract partners. Those lists make me think, "he would never be happy submitting to me," someone who doesn't enjoy even 50% of the things on his list. My experience, from the "s" side also .. [:)] Typically, many/most Dommes want to know how i will satisfy THEIR interests ... not what my interests are! [:)] thank You for sharing! quote: you're seeking the perfect woman? ohh ... Your not asking me to name names now, are You? [;)] [;)] [;)] quote: it is not an option for me, given I have a little one, and my family to consider, in terms of appearances. Totally understood ...

LadyNTrainer -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/13/2011 7:12:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo Do you find your lives are more fulfilled and productve, as a result of living the polyamourous dynamic? Fuck yeah. Three incomes, three cars and three pairs of hands to get shit done equals a very fulfilled and productive household. Two hot studmuffins in my bed ain't nothin' to sneeze at either. ;)

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/13/2011 7:14:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo Do you find your lives are more fulfilled and productve, as a result of living the polyamourous dynamic? Fuck yeah. Three incomes, three cars and three pairs of hands to get shit done equals a very fulfilled and productive household. Two hot studmuffins in my bed ain't nothin' to sneeze at either. ;) Nice! [:)]

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