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ElanSubdued -> RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? (3/13/2011 11:22:11 PM)
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seekingOwnertoo,
I appreciate the feedback you've been given and the various cases made for poly and, I suppose, to call a spade a spade, the cases made against monogamy. In terms of logistics (spreading getting needs met over more than one person, multiple incomes, multiple partners to keep one warm, etc.), I get it and, on a logical level, I agree with the principles. I don't, for example, limit the number of deep friendships I have. Actually, for accurate representation, it's fair to say I *do* limit the number of deep friendships I have because there are only so many people I wish to share with on that level and who I wish to know about me on that level. At any rate, for the purpose of this discussion I'll take the general case - no limit to the number of friendships a person makes. I think polyamorous and monogamous people are fairly in sync in this regard.
Here's where I get to a BIG kink in all this. I *am not* polyamorous. It's that simple. I've considered it and I've experimented a bit. Now I know, from talking to people who've gone from monogamy into poly that the change doesn't happen overnight. It's a slow process that takes lots of reflection and communication with oneself and with partners. Okay. Fine. But when I go down this path, it doesn't feel right for me and I have no desire to go further. It's as simple as: I *do not* wish to share my intimate partner with other partners, and I don't wish to share the privacy of my intimate relationship with other people, excepting my partner. I'm flexible in that non-sexual play with others can be negotiated. And, in some cases, even sexual play can be negotiated, but that's not what I want the focus of my relationship to be. I ain't gonna' sugarcoat this and I won't bend due to what seems like a shortage of monogamous, dominant women. I'd rather be single than court someone in a way that doesn't feel right for me.
So, my point in contributing is... consider what is right for you. This isn't a logical debate and it's not one of statistics of the supply and demand ilk. You can't force yourself to be something you're not. If the idea is compelling to you or you're at least interested enough to experiment, I support that. But, I think it's a mistake to go into poly thinking "well, I can't find a monogamous domme which is what I really want so poly will have to do". Such an approach, on my radar, registers much trouble and unhappiness down the line.
Hopefully, I'm not raining on your thread as this isn't my intent. :-)
Elan.
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