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Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 7:37:51 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

Yes, I am tired of the postings lately.

And I feel it is time to start doing some thoughtful stuff, like we used to. So here goes.

As many of You know, i am an experienced submissive, in search of the "perfect Lady" to worship and adore.

However, i am getting older, and no longer, can have everything the way I imagine it should be.

That said, i am wondering, if I should consider a polyamourous relationship.

In my mind, worshipping and adoring One Woman (Lady) is really all I need. But She must be at least my peer, mentally ....

However, there are so few Dominant Ladies, who are available for a one on one relationship; well, perhaps I need to find a wonderful Lady who already has a man.

Except She is open to Owning multiple men.

So:

1. Please share Your thoughts on my dilemma; but more importantly,

2. Your thoughts on matriarchal relationships; and

3. And Your thoughts on the Lady as Domme, owning multiple men, in Her household!

Most importantly, Your thoughts on matriarchal relationships ... are what make a great discussion topic!

So Please share!

Post #: 1

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 7:54:38 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

I'm open to poly.

OP, filling out the interests section in your profile may help you in your search. I perved you, and there's nothing at all listed there. This puts a prospective domme in the position of messaging you to ask you about your interests. Most aren't likely to, IMHO.

Edited to add: FLR is a must, with me.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 3/11/2011 7:56:30 PM >

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(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 2

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 8:06:33 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

I'm open to poly.

OP, filling out the interests section in your profile may help you in your search. I perved you, and there's nothing at all listed there. This puts a prospective domme in the position of messaging you to ask you about your interests. Most aren't likely to, IMHO.

Edited to add: FLR is a must, with me.

Perhaps You do not realize, the interest section works two ways. Pro and Con.

And so You perved my profile ... You are not the first! ROFL

And if I recall correctly, I say FLR is my Primary interest.

THAT SAID, the point is NOT MY PROFILE!

The Best Ladies on the boards, already Know Me!

My goal here, is to develop a smart discussion ... so please feel free to contribute!

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 3

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 8:13:43 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

As a polyamorous, dominant woman, I'm obviously going to be in favor of female-led poly relationships. However, polyamory isn't something you should do as a "last resort" because you're frustrated. Successful poly relationships take a lot of work. Poly isn't a place for anyone with major insecurities, so you need to be self-aware and make a habit of self-examination. Before you decide to enter a poly relationship, I suggest you explore this site http://xeromag.com/fvpoly.html and read as as much as you can. I'm especially fond of Tristan Taormino's book Opening Up. This is the best book on polyamory I've ever found, hands down.

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(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 4

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 8:15:38 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I'm poly. I am also in thank-goodness-I'm-single mode....

Poly is not for everyone. It's harder than monogamy. Being honest is important, and recognizing jealousy an dealing ith it is vital. if you're up front about what you want and NEED, and are okay with not being #1, but part of a group, it can work for you.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 5

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 8:24:38 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

My thoughts are mainly that a poly D/s household of any gender configuration tends to work best when there is as much attention paid to the human dynamics of poly as to the D/s, and when the dominant doesn't take "domly shortcuts" when dealing with the human but not necessarily very submissive or slavelike feelings that can crop up in poly situations.

Raven Kaldera wrote a very good book called Power Circuits on poly D/s households; I just ordered a copy, and it is pretty congruent with my own experience.

The fundamentals of working poly are clear communication, honesty, self-knowledge, personal responsibility and going as slow as the least comfortable person in the relationship is comfortable going. This doesn't change when D/s is involved, and in my experience if you try to shortcut any of those things with "I R TEH DOMINATE AND I SAY SO", you're in for major unhappiness and drama of the potentially relationship-ending variety.

Yes, a poly D/s household can work. I live in one. We're all pretty happy. But it took us a good long time to get here, and we went slow and did a whole lot of in-depth communication along the way. It's complicated, and it isn't necessarily for everyone. If you try to hop into it for the wrong reasons, especially if you move too fast, it might not end so well for anyone involved.

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(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 6

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 8:32:39 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I'm poly. I am also in thank-goodness-I'm-single mode....

Poly is not for everyone. It's harder than monogamy. Being honest is important, and recognizing jealousy an dealing ith it is vital. if you're up front about what you want and NEED, and are okay with not being #1, but part of a group, it can work for you.

Lady Hib,

Thank You for Your insight! It is appreciated.

Myself, i am a hot blooded Scorpio, and jealousy runs though my veins, as sure as red blood does! LOL

As such, I would never be comfortable, myself, not being number one.

Moreover, I am more of the Pathfinder type ... and groups deter me. They hold me back from my adventurous instincts.

So I suspect, from Your description ... poly might not be right for me.

What makes poly work for You?

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 7

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 8:47:03 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

My thoughts are mainly that a poly D/s household of any gender configuration tends to work best when there is as much attention paid to the human dynamics

The fundamentals of working poly are clear communication, honesty, self-knowledge, personal responsibility and going as slow as the least comfortable person in the relationship is comfortable going.

Yes, a poly D/s household can work. I live in one. We're all pretty happy. But it took us a good long time to get here, and we went slow and did a whole lot of in-depth communication along the way.

It's complicated, and it isn't necessarily for everyone.

If you try to hop into it for the wrong reasons, especially if you move too fast, it might not end so well for anyone involved.

Lady N Trainer,

thank You for Your thoughts ... and insight; based on experience!

I am thinking that what You describe as Fundamentals: communication, honesty, self-knowledge, personal responsibility; pretty much apply, whether monogamous or poly.

But I am wondering, what are the right reasons? Even when one is willing to take thier time?

Clearly, a relationship is not something a mature person jumps into .. but why would You be in a Poly Relationship? If i may ask?

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 8

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 8:57:18 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

As a polyamorous, dominant woman, I'm obviously going to be in favor of female-led poly relationships. However, polyamory isn't something you should do as a "last resort" because you're frustrated. Successful poly relationships take a lot of work. Poly isn't a place for anyone with major insecurities, so you need to be self-aware and make a habit of self-examination. Before you decide to enter a poly relationship, I suggest you explore this site http://xeromag.com/fvpoly.html and read as as much as you can. I'm especially fond of Tristan Taormino's book Opening Up. This is the best book on polyamory I've ever found, hands down.

Ms. SylvereApLeanan,

Thank You for Your insight! And thank You for the web reference and book titles.

If I may ask, what is it about Poly then?

Why is it more appealing to You, then monogamous?

It seems to me, that so far, everyone has expressed the same virtues as are required in a monogamous relationship.

So why is poly Your preference?

A sense of power?

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 3/11/2011 8:58:17 PM >

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 9

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 8:59:39 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

I've only had one mmF relationship, and it worked well I think only because the men were friends with common interests. Jealousy derailed it when the smarter plain one gave me an ultimatum [never a good idea with a domme!] of marriage or he'd leave, so I left him. Alas, that left me with the gorgeous dumb one! So I lived and learnt, and dumped the cute guy within the year.
But every lady should have two straight subs, at least once!
So as most here have already posted, do you think you could share a domme's attention?

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 10

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 9:04:50 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

quote:

That said, i am wondering, if I should consider a polyamourous relationship.

Absolutely! Consider it, think about how you would deal with the various issues that you might see arising, Mull it over in your head from every angle you can...just make sure that
1) You are damned sure that you could be happy in that situation
2) You are damned sure that you could deal with that situation

As to your other question...I really don't have any thoughts on it, I don't think about it, but hey, whatever makes your panties wet..go for it! We're only here for one go-round so you best enjoy it while you can.

_____________________________

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Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

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(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 11

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 9:27:26 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

I've only had one mmF relationship, and it worked well I think only because the men were friends with common interests. Jealousy derailed it when the smarter plain one gave me an ultimatum [never a good idea with a domme!] of marriage or he'd leave, so I left him. Alas, that left me with the gorgeous dumb one! So I lived and learnt, and dumped the cute guy within the year.
But every lady should have two straight subs, at least once!
So as most here have already posted, do you think you could share a domme's attention?

Indeed I love Your insight!

And I love how You describe what You experienced!

To me though... why do You say a Lady should have two subs? Please share!

I am really curious! Is it ego?

You also ask ... could I share a Lady's attentions?

My answer is .. yes I could ...

... if it was a Lady who took my breathe away!

And in the last year, there might have been one ... well two ... who have that ability ...

To me there are some real key aspects to a relationship. Including those really important things Lady N Trainer pointer out.

My additional thoughts are ... for a lack of a better descriptioon ... Your mind needs to be able to operate with me ... at a very high level.

Not many can .. and I am not bragging. Sometimes, it is tough, not to get bored.

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 3/11/2011 9:32:22 PM >

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 12

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 9:31:58 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I am a deeply loyal person, but the notion that ONE other human can be my everything doesn't work for me. That's even more true when kink is added to the equation. I love to play, and I am a sadist. I also expect certain kinds of service and companionship. Then there is sex. It's theoretically possible that one person could meet all my needs, but it sure hasn't happened yet!

When I was in relationship mode, I wanted one non-sub primary, and a male and female. Sigh.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 13

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 9:40:21 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am a deeply loyal person, but the notion that ONE other human can be my everything doesn't work for me. That's even more true when kink is added to the equation. I love to play, and I am a sadist. I also expect certain kinds of service and companionship. Then there is sex. It's theoretically possible that one person could meet all my needs, but it sure hasn't happened yet!

When I was in relationship mode, I wanted one non-sub primary, and a male and female. Sigh.

I guess this is understandable.

But what about communication, trust and intimacy?

Can these three aspects, be achieved with several people, at the same time?

In my experience, not to the same level.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 14

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 9:45:16 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

That said, i am wondering, if I should consider a polyamourous relationship.
Absolutely! Consider it, think about how you would deal with the various issues that you might see arising, Mull it over in your head from every angle you can...just make sure that
1) You are damned sure that you could be happy in that situation
2) You are damned sure that you could deal with that situation

As to your other question...I really don't have any thoughts on it, I don't think about it, but hey, whatever makes your panties wet..go for it! We're only here for one go-round so you best enjoy it while you can.

Yes, those issues are the real question!

I look at LNT's comments, and I see the same things that are important in a monogamous relationship. Just multiplied!

Would I be happy in it? Could I deal with it?

Good questions .. yet I have no answer.

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 15

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 9:56:22 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

Jealousy derailed it when the smarter plain one gave me an ultimatum [never a good idea with a domme!] of marriage or he'd leave

Smiles ... I did this too, in my younger days ...

It is funny, but as a man, I think we become more accepting, as we grow older ...

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 16

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 10:00:33 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

female led relationships are great for me but not all so i enjoy it in my dynamics with my wife and my Mistress. as far as the Dominate owning multiple men that would have to be up to those in the dynamic for many it is a wonderfully experience some it only lasts a short time otheres for a lifetime myself i am open to it with my Mistress. as far as seeking the perfect one to serve keep looking don't give up you will find Her.

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Post #: 17

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/11/2011 10:10:06 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

female led relationships are great for me but not all so i enjoy it in my dynamics with my wife and my Mistress. as far as the Dominate owning multiple men that would have to be up to those in the dynamic for many it is a wonderfully experience some it only lasts a short time otheres for a lifetime myself i am open to it with my Mistress. as far as seeking the perfect one to serve keep looking don't give up you will find Her.

From my online interactions ... I see ... You have a wonderful Mistress!

A Lady worthy of admiration and respect!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

It is nice to get the view point of a male in ... well ...

... guess I am the OP! LOL

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 18

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/12/2011 1:47:01 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Yes I am wired for poly. For Me it's a matter of wanting at least 2 men in my life - a Master for my sub side (got Him) and a sub for My Domme side (had plenty short term, still looking for the right long term one to complete the family). For Me poly is about becoming a family, with Master as HoH, Me as His sub but Domme of My sub, who loves to serve Me and who gets on well with and behaves respectfully to Master. It is a loving family ... I can't see it in any other way. It DOES put a lot of onus on Me as to how well it works ... I am the one who has to respond to both all the time ... to make sure I share My time well, to make sure both men feel loved and cared for. As far as sex goes, Master would appreciate the help in keeping Me satisfied LOL! And heck, He's 15 yrs younger than Me! So that's not likely to be an issue. Master has already experienced and dealt with His feelings about me having sex with someone else so in the appropriate context and manner, He should be fine with that. Of course, the incoming sub also has to be fine with that, ie not the super-jealous type. he should be primarily driven by the motivation to contribute to My happiness, and in doing so, finding his own.

I can't see Myself owning more than 1 sub at a time ... but I also never say never! I guess it could be that I find a boy and then a girl and it all works out. But that seems greedy LOL ... right now I'd be thrilled to find the right ONE. Also Master's not sure He'd want 2 women in the house even though He is poly, He'd like a second sub girl more as a visiting one than a live-in! Don't know WHY that would be *grin* ... scared of territorial battles over the kitchen perhaps?

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 19

RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/12/2011 1:50:16 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

quote:

Would I be happy in it? Could I deal with it?

Good questions .. yet I have no answer.

Then do more thinking...or go to the site Sylvere suggested. Get the book she mentioned and read it.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 20

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