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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 1:26:42 PM   
FukinTroll


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quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

sex and love are two different things though. i miss far more about my lost love than the sex. lust is often mistaken for love.

needles


quote:



How very presumptuous of you. Do I strike you as someone wanting/lacking sexual opportunities?



quote:


i have absolutely no idea who you are or what opportunities are available to you. however, i wasn't replying dirrectly to you. rather the person who quoted you and used the delightful term of 'humping like rabbits.

needles


I see, however it does not diminish the fact that my experiences are vastly different than yours.The level of investment for you, must stem from a need of self preservation. For me I find it egregious to not love my girl with all that I am. I reserve nothing, seek no refuge from potential disaster simply because I want to live well before I die, and loving with all that I am worth gives ME a sense of living well.

Yes, when the relationship disintegrates I hurt as hard as I love, but it is not shoes for me. It is hard for me to love because I love so hard and I am very happy being that way. If she is deserving of my consideration she is deserving of all I have to give.

Would life be easier if I was a big whore? Hell yes it would, you would see pics all over the positive experience threads of torn up beds. However the women here deserve to have their happy and the least I could do is hurt them if I were that way.

Do I see some here that I know I could fall hard for, sure do. Friends is the best I can do for them because in some way or the other, we are not meant to be and if I allow it, I will love them with all I am, treat them better than they have ever been treated in their lives and when it was over we would both be in agony. They may slip off the shoes and chalk it up as an experience, but I will bleed over it and always long for it, no matter how wrong it was, because when I give the most precious part of me, I give it all.

Everyone, clearly, has their own levels, limits and addendum's to their love.I am all out with it or it just isn't worth my time and a disservice to her.

Edited tae fix sum fukups.


< Message edited by FukinTroll -- 3/12/2011 2:01:35 PM >

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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 1:33:53 PM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixpower


quote:

ORIGINAL: 0ldhen

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins


sex and love are two different things though. i miss far more about my lost love than the sex. lust is often mistaken for love.



Hon, at my age I KNOW this, yet the connection is so powerful that for either of us to see the other causes immediate emotional meltdown followed by all consuming lust.

Edited to add; For me in order to have sex, I must be in love. I simply cannot do/enjoy casual sex or casual play.


In that respect I have to say that the different guys I dated, the guy I usually refer to here as my ex is the only one I don't mind to continue to have sex with on some rare occasions...and they really are rare...whereas with the other ones I can clearly say "no way."

Therefore I believe that it was never real love in the first way with the others. If my ex would need my help and I would be able to help I would be there...just because we dont date anymore doesnt mean to me that I don't care about him as a person anymore. He means a lot to me for different reasons and whilst I have enough reasons to be glad about not to date him anymore, I still love him...but simply am not in love with him...for me its a somewhat different level of love, the way I feel about him these days.


the thing for me though is this. i was not merely 'dating' my ex. we were together for 16yrs. like i said, i couldn't have loved him more if i tried. but now when i look at him i feel nothing. he has hurt me so much that there is nothing left; most certainly not lust in any form.

now when we were together neither of us thought it would ever come to this. i thought i would always want him no matter what. i was rather shocked in the end to find that it's actually like this.

needles

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: On love - 3/12/2011 1:41:58 PM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

sex and love are two different things though. i miss far more about my lost love than the sex. lust is often mistaken for love.

needles



How very presumptuous of you. Do I strike you as someone wanting/lacking sexual opportunities?



i have absolutely no idea who you are or what opportunities are available to you. however, i wasn't replying dirrectly to you. rather the person who quoted you and used the delightful term of 'humping like rabbits.

needles


I see, however it does not diminish the fact that my experiences are vastly different than yours.The level of investment for you, must stem from a need of self preservation. For me I find it egregious to not love my girl with all that I am. I reserve nothing, seek no refuge from potential disaster simply because I want to live well before I die, and loving with all that I am worth gives ME a sense of living well.

Yes, when the relationship disintegrates I hurt as hard as I love, but it is not shoes for me. It is hard for me to love because I love so hard and I am very happy being that way. If she is deserving of my consideration she is deserving of all I have to give.

Would life be easier if I was a big whore? Hell yes it would, you would see pics all over the positive experience threads of torn up beds. However the women here deserve to have their happy and the least I could do is hurt them if I were that way.

Do I see some here that I know I could fall hard for, sure do. Friends is the best I can do for them because in some way or the other, we are not meant to be and if I allow it, I will love them with all I am, treat them better than they have ever been treated in their lives and when it was over we would both be in agony. They may slip off the shoes and chalk it up as an experience, but I will bleed over it and always long for it, no matter how wrong it was, because when I give the most precious part of me, I give it all.

Everyone, clearly, has their own levels, limits and addendum's to their love.I am all out with it or it just isn't worth my time and a disservice to her.



i also love with everything that i am when i give my love. i am not sure why it is not there now, other than it was just smashed. it's not like my first love where he died and therefore i will always love him because there was nothing to ruin it. with my relationship it was chipped away at and when he did that and then cheated on me it ruined everything and the hurt was equal to that of losing my first love to death.

i think it's safe to say that love is the strangest of things and as different to us all as we all are.

needles

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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 1:45:51 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins


quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixpower


quote:

ORIGINAL: 0ldhen

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins


sex and love are two different things though. i miss far more about my lost love than the sex. lust is often mistaken for love.



Hon, at my age I KNOW this, yet the connection is so powerful that for either of us to see the other causes immediate emotional meltdown followed by all consuming lust.

Edited to add; For me in order to have sex, I must be in love. I simply cannot do/enjoy casual sex or casual play.


In that respect I have to say that the different guys I dated, the guy I usually refer to here as my ex is the only one I don't mind to continue to have sex with on some rare occasions...and they really are rare...whereas with the other ones I can clearly say "no way."

Therefore I believe that it was never real love in the first way with the others. If my ex would need my help and I would be able to help I would be there...just because we dont date anymore doesnt mean to me that I don't care about him as a person anymore. He means a lot to me for different reasons and whilst I have enough reasons to be glad about not to date him anymore, I still love him...but simply am not in love with him...for me its a somewhat different level of love, the way I feel about him these days.


the thing for me though is this. i was not merely 'dating' my ex. we were together for 16yrs. like i said, i couldn't have loved him more if i tried. but now when i look at him i feel nothing. he has hurt me so much that there is nothing left; most certainly not lust in any form.

now when we were together neither of us thought it would ever come to this. i thought i would always want him no matter what. i was rather shocked in the end to find that it's actually like this.

needles


When my ex and I stopped dating for different reasons I also thought it would go the normal way out of sight out of mind route...but due to the reasons we stopped dating I evaluated the options I have...at that time i decided to accept it as it is and continue on a friendship basis...I wasn't a happy bunny and there would be plenty reasons to be hurt about aspects which happened...however, over the time I started to value him as a friend and simply more than just a friend but less than falling in love with him again.

I simply name it that I still care about him and that on a very deep level (for him I feel the deepest level from all people I know in regards to genuinly caring about a person despite that we arent together).

Of course it isnt equal to your long relationship, but I am also not on here to win a competition.

I believe that some people simply leave marks in our life that you continue to love them despite that they hurt you and some people dont....and needless to say it also depends on the reasons and level of being hurt.



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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: On love - 3/12/2011 1:58:41 PM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixpower


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins


quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixpower


quote:

ORIGINAL: 0ldhen

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins


sex and love are two different things though. i miss far more about my lost love than the sex. lust is often mistaken for love.



Hon, at my age I KNOW this, yet the connection is so powerful that for either of us to see the other causes immediate emotional meltdown followed by all consuming lust.

Edited to add; For me in order to have sex, I must be in love. I simply cannot do/enjoy casual sex or casual play.


In that respect I have to say that the different guys I dated, the guy I usually refer to here as my ex is the only one I don't mind to continue to have sex with on some rare occasions...and they really are rare...whereas with the other ones I can clearly say "no way."

Therefore I believe that it was never real love in the first way with the others. If my ex would need my help and I would be able to help I would be there...just because we dont date anymore doesnt mean to me that I don't care about him as a person anymore. He means a lot to me for different reasons and whilst I have enough reasons to be glad about not to date him anymore, I still love him...but simply am not in love with him...for me its a somewhat different level of love, the way I feel about him these days.


the thing for me though is this. i was not merely 'dating' my ex. we were together for 16yrs. like i said, i couldn't have loved him more if i tried. but now when i look at him i feel nothing. he has hurt me so much that there is nothing left; most certainly not lust in any form.

now when we were together neither of us thought it would ever come to this. i thought i would always want him no matter what. i was rather shocked in the end to find that it's actually like this.

needles


When my ex and I stopped dating for different reasons I also thought it would go the normal way out of sight out of mind route...but due to the reasons we stopped dating I evaluated the options I have...at that time i decided to accept it as it is and continue on a friendship basis...I wasn't a happy bunny and there would be plenty reasons to be hurt about aspects which happened...however, over the time I started to value him as a friend and simply more than just a friend but less than falling in love with him again.

I simply name it that I still care about him and that on a very deep level (for him I feel the deepest level from all people I know in regards to genuinly caring about a person despite that we arent together).

Of course it isnt equal to your long relationship, but I am also not on here to win a competition.

I believe that some people simply leave marks in our life that you continue to love them despite that they hurt you and some people dont....and needless to say it also depends on the reasons and level of being hurt.




i think that is more to the point phoenixpower, that maybe it's what those people do to us that counts. it's those things which can kill love or not. maybe it is our emotional state at the time of the split and therefore what we are willing to accept as the next stage.

i really have no idea lol

needles

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: On love - 3/12/2011 1:59:31 PM   
lazarus1983


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/25/2006
Status: offline 		Attempting to debate a concept as subjective as love can only lead to disagreements, not a concensus.

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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 2:11:07 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lazarus1983

Attempting to debate a concept as subjective as love can only lead to disagreements, not a consensus.


However it is kinda cool to see where everyone is coming from.

SLURP~

*makes muh list of potential X's*


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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 2:18:43 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

What do you all say...is love everlasting...a rock that stands forever, or is it a fleeting thing like the passing of a butterfly.

I think IT CAN BE everlasting; but to achieve that, you have to constantly 'feed and nourish' it. An emotion as strong as this does not simply 'exist'. It needs a reason to be, a reason to flourish, and a reason to stick around.


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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 2:21:13 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

What do you all say...is love everlasting...a rock that stands forever, or is it a fleeting thing like the passing of a butterfly.

I think IT CAN BE everlasting; but to achieve that, you have to constantly 'feed and nourish' it. An emotion as strong as this does not simply 'exist'. It needs a reason to be, a reason to flourish, and a reason to stick around.





It is called MAKING love for a reason.
SLURP~


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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 2:48:50 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Love is not ALWAYS lasting for me.

I still love my husband who died but it's not the same kind of love I had for him when he was alive. It's now a fleeting memory type of love. I look back on us now and realize our relationship would have never made it even if he were still alive. I now can see the type of person he was and know it was not a good match.

I am not in love with my ex Dom not even a tiny bit. I have absolutely no type of feelings for him whatsoever..good or bad. I don't talk to him or see him, never even crosses my mind. Did I ever love him? Yeah, for a little while.....until I woke up one day and realized he wasn't the person I thought he was. It was like taking a step back one day and feeling like he became a completely different person from the man I met. It was like Jekyll and Hyde.

Onto my current relationship. I love him very much. Could that change? Sure, it could. We could both wake up one day and realize we're just not the same people we were, that what we need or desire is different, that we've grown into different people than we once were. It does happen. It could be we both grow in different directions. I hope and pray that doesn't happen.

I  can't imagine ever not loving him even if we weren't together because his personality is just the type of man I would fall out of love with but it's still a reality that it could happen. I don't deny that. I have no idea what the future holds. I just try to live in the moments of our relationship and know that I love him now.



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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 3:06:03 PM   
Jennislut


Posts: 234
Joined: 2/24/2011
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quote:

However it is kinda cool to see where everyone is coming from.
i agree - what i find very interesting is the gender divide. the "love is forever" group is mostly men - maybe men and women love differently.
i  certainly hope they are right


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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 3:29:20 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
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From: Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

When I hear somebody say "I don't love him/her anymore" all I think is "Because you never did".

What do you all say...is love everlasting...a rock that stands forever, or is it a fleeting thing like the passing of a butterfly.



Neither.
 
For me, love is a breathing, growing thing.  I have loved many times and some small part of me will always love those to whom I have given it.  However, that doesn't mean I love them in the romantic sense.  I am not deeply in love with my exes because my love for them has grown into something different. 
 
I can say "I don't love him/her anymore" but that's an inaccurate statement.  What it really means is that I don't love the person in the same way as I did when we were romantically involved.  It's still love, but there are many kinds of love.  In most cases, it's a healthier situation for both of us.

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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 3:31:34 PM   
stellauk


Posts: 1360
Status: offline 		Love for me is all what I express, share, give, and do for the happiness, fulfillment and pleasure of other people, irrespective of who they are, irrespective of time and place and the relationship between us.

No conditions, no definitions, no explanations, no justification. Just something that is expressed, felt and shared.

It's individual to me and who I share it with, it's part of what people remember me by.

And it's the legacy I leave behind me when I die.

< Message edited by stellauk -- 3/12/2011 3:32:37 PM >

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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 3:33:32 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
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From: Increasingly further from reality
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quote:

And it's the legacy I leave behind me when I die.
I really like that...I hope you don't mind, but I'll probably use that in a poem one day.

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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 3:45:03 PM   
stellauk


Posts: 1360
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

And it's the legacy I leave behind me when I die.
I really like that...I hope you don't mind, but I'll probably use that in a poem one day.


Feel free.

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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 5:02:59 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Love is just a four letter word
but then so are
fuck
feel
free
poem


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 3/12/2011 5:03:22 PM >

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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 5:08:30 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
What do you all say...is love everlasting...a rock that stands forever, or is it a fleeting thing like the passing of a butterfly.


You know how they say that alcoholics are always alcoholics, even if they stop drinking? For me, love is the same way. To me, love is like being addicted to a person. That's true whether it's romantic or pleutonic. Loving someone means that they have changed your life forever. Whether you call that feeling attachment, need, addiction, influence, weight, whatever, it's always there. i feel like i carry all the people i've loved with me wherever i go.

When it comes to romantic love, i can become downright obsessive. That takes a emotional toll that i'm slow to recover from, which is why i don't do relationships more often.

pam


< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 3/12/2011 5:10:45 PM >

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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 5:31:17 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I wanted to come back to the thread after reading some of the interesting replies.

I was so in love with my ex, who I was with for over 12 years on and off. When we started out, we actually felt we could not breathe without the other in the room (yeah, I know, corny as hell). We had love and lust.

Then he slowly but surely let his mask slip; he was not the person I thought he was and as time went on, he got worse. I loved him more than any other man in life, including my ex husband who I married. I did everything for this man and he stomped all over my heart even when I forgave him multiple times.

One could say, and it would be true, that it was my fault for staying and returning to him all the time, but I did not think giving up was the right thing at the time.

It was only when the pain of seeing him overrode the pain of not seeing him, that I managed to break away. He would have continued to pull me into his crap.

I maintain that the reason for breaking up with someone you loved is what will determine whether you retain positive feelings towards them.

Someone said forgive the one who hurt you and all that is left is the love.

Sorry, sometimes someone hurts you so deeply that it shatters whatever was left. Sure, you could still feel lust for them, but not love.

Love is nurturing, kind and requires compromise, selflessness and reciprocity. If one person gives and gives and the other does not and simply takes, what happens? Love dies.

I agree with LadyPact that if the one you fell in love with stayed the same vs. changing into someone altogether different, there is a world of difference in what remains.

I am also not in agreement that after rage and hatred subside you are left with love.

What you are left with is apathy towards that person and that is the state of being I am seeking.

Oh, one final point. My ex continues, after all these years to tell me I am the love of his life, he will love me till he dies, blah blah blah and I used to believe him.

I told him never to utter those words again, because someone else saying that would be bittersweet, but when he says them, it is like a curse.



< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 3/12/2011 5:36:48 PM >

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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 5:50:24 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		Again, everyone deals with it differently. Once I give it, it stays given. However I have enough sense to steer clear of anyone that is not good for me. 

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RE: On love - 3/12/2011 6:33:39 PM   
Jennislut


Posts: 234
Joined: 2/24/2011
Status: offline 		waiting impatiently for the troll to get a sex change...............

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