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LadyPact -> RE: On love (3/13/2011 1:31:19 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I wanted to come back to the thread after reading some of the interesting replies.
I was so in love with my ex, who I was with for over 12 years on and off. When we started out, we actually felt we could not breathe without the other in the room (yeah, I know, corny as hell). We had love and lust.
Then he slowly but surely let his mask slip; he was not the person I thought he was and as time went on, he got worse. I loved him more than any other man in life, including my ex husband who I married. I did everything for this man and he stomped all over my heart even when I forgave him multiple times.
One could say, and it would be true, that it was my fault for staying and returning to him all the time, but I did not think giving up was the right thing at the time.
It was only when the pain of seeing him overrode the pain of not seeing him, that I managed to break away. He would have continued to pull me into his crap.
I maintain that the reason for breaking up with someone you loved is what will determine whether you retain positive feelings towards them.
Someone said forgive the one who hurt you and all that is left is the love.
Sorry, sometimes someone hurts you so deeply that it shatters whatever was left. Sure, you could still feel lust for them, but not love.
Love is nurturing, kind and requires compromise, selflessness and reciprocity. If one person gives and gives and the other does not and simply takes, what happens? Love dies.
I agree with LadyPact that if the one you fell in love with stayed the same vs. changing into someone altogether different, there is a world of difference in what remains.
I am also not in agreement that after rage and hatred subside you are left with love.
What you are left with is apathy towards that person and that is the state of being I am seeking.
Oh, one final point. My ex continues, after all these years to tell me I am the love of his life, he will love me till he dies, blah blah blah and I used to believe him.
I told him never to utter those words again, because someone else saying that would be bittersweet, but when he says them, it is like a curse.
I'm actually really glad that you did. In fact, I was waiting for it. Yours is a perfect example of what I was talking about in My previous reply.
(Don't let Me put My foot in My mouth here because I really have this feeling that I'm going to screw this up.)
I have every reason to believe that if he was the man that you thought he was, you'd still be in love with him. Had that mask been the real person underneath, the person that you thought he was, it would have turned out differently.
I'm saying this not to nail you to the wall, but to illustrate the difference between the person and the mask. I'll even go so far as to say that the mask must have been a damn good one to capture your heart. However, as the mask slipped away, the person underneath wasn't who you thought it was. If you ask yourself the real question, did you love the man....... or the mask?
I can honestly say that I've been fooled by the mask once or twice in My life. It happens to the best of us. I don't even hold any animosity to those who put on the mask because it isn't always done with malicious intent. In looking back, I can see the difference. In those cases, I don't still love the man. Oh, I can say that I loved who I thought he was, but not who he really was. There's a huge difference in that.
I hope I have not offended you in My late night ramblings. If I have, it was not My intent.
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