|
stellauk -> RE: IS there no Transdom or only Femdom Trans-fetishism? (3/13/2011 8:03:40 PM)
|
I probably wouldn't go so far as to try and identify what the problem is, but yes there are men who are insecure with either their own gender role or sexuality or they are too afraid to be themselves or be comfortable in their own sexuality or gender.
This is something which isn't just sexual and it doesn't just concern men, but the vast majority of cisgendered people who never completely understand what it is like to be transgendered because they almost all assume that we started out in life being cisgendered as well.
This assumption - that the transgendered somehow became transgendered but was once cisgendered - is the reason why they struggle to accept a transgendered woman as a woman because they cannot accept her as the same as a cisgendered woman, because they perceive her as a cisgendered man who became a woman through growing breasts and SRS sex reassignment surgery. They are judging on appearance and not taking into account the genetic permutations or how that person perceives themselves.
Gender identity is just like sexual identity. There is no change. I didn't wake up one morning and think 'oh, well I actually think I'm a woman' or 'well I'm crap at being a bloke so I must be a woman' - that what I'm going through for me isn't anything to do with my sexual orientation or gender - it's to do with me and my entire identity and sense of self.
There is no choices here, it's an evolutionary process of discovery. Trans women are women who were born incomplete due to various genetic mutations which are biological and natural and it's this evolutionary transition process which negates any truth that they were formerly male.
So generally the opinion in the OP from the friend holds water. Concerning the pre-ops there's even a consensus of opinion among some men that a pre-op transwoman who doesn't have her own breasts isn't a pre-op transwoman but a crossdresser, almost as if it's like a journey or process right through the entire transgendered community.
You know? You start out as a panty wearer, and then you develop into a sissy, and then from a sissy you graduate into a crossdresser (or a transvestite if your dick is big enough) until you have breasts and then you're a transsexual or she-male until you have the op and then you're a post op, or The (nudge nudge snigger snigger) Woman Who Used To Be A Man.
I have actually more recently evolved and crossed over to the other side and am discovering what a buzz it is to dominate a male submissive in mainly non-sexual ways. I was formerly sub and it's a whole completely different type of interaction and where the male submissive mindset was a mystery, I'm learning that a dynamic with a male submissive can fulfill me just as much as with a dominant female, or even male.
However there are men who approach you and bend over backwards to convince you that they are straight and that they have a girlfriend or wife and that they think you are really feminine and they want a date.
So you play along, pretending to be oblivious to the fact that they are already in a relationship with a cisgendered woman and also with the fact that they appear so powerfully attracted to you it's almost like an obsession.
Then almost immediately the Million Dollar Question - are you pre-op or post-op? Do you plan to have surgery? This is a heterosexual thing. They're trying to pigeonhole you and put you into one of their appropriate boxes which is either Man Trying To Become A Woman or (nudge nudge snicker snicker) A Woman Who Used To Be A Man.
So you tell them, knowing that no matter what you say, they're feelings will change. Pre-op? Oh that's okay, not a problem, you still look like a woman. And you have your own breasts right? What size are they? What size cup is your bra?
So you tell them you're on hormones. If you mention that you have implants they will ask 'what? surgical implants?'
Lord help you if you tell them that you're inserting your implants. Some become bitterly disappointed. Some disappear at this stage. Others will express their disappointment. Fake! Your just a tranny. A crossdresser.
Some won't mind. You see it doesn't matter. You are not a person, and this is not going to lead to a relationship. You are not cisgendered you see, you're not relationship material in their eyes. You're a guinea pig, an experiment, you are Transgendered, Not A Complete Human Being. But you play along.
What clothes do you wear? Do you have your own undies? Do you dress often? You tell them that you dress every day, meaning that you get dressed every day, i.e. wear clothes, just like anyone else. They see it as you 'dress up' every day. 'Great' they say, 'You must look super convincing. Are you shaved?'
Then we get to the crux of the matter. What size is your cock? Is it functional? How often do you wank off? You see, I love my girlfriend, we have great sex, but I've always wanted to know what it feels like to suck a woman's dick. Or alternatively, are you active? I've always wanted to take it up the bum.
What these men don't realize, because they don't stop to consider, is the sheer amount of pain - emotional, psychological, and sometimes even physical a Transwoman goes through just for having a penis or having had a penis, the amount of confusion, suffering, the flashbacks and the memories. They have no concept of the stigma, the humiliation or ridicule you face if anyone should find out that you have a cock between your legs.
They just don't get how exhausting and demotivating it can be in dealing with other people's prejudices and the amount of thinking, planning and organizing of even simple everyday activities, the amount of caution they exercise around the cisgendered who they don't know, the people who don't call back, the relationships which never materialized, the friendships that evaporated, and the amount of people who come into their lives promising acceptance and 'why you're a woman to me' and then when they get what they want they just disappear and drop them like a stone.
They will promise you the earth, tell you that they are in love with you, all the bullshit, and they assume that because you are not a Complete Human Being that you will fall for it.
This is what many of these guys just don't get. Their cock is the centre of their lives and being, and because they are so insecure in either their gender or sexual identity it rules their lives.
My penis isn't a part of my body. It's a scar, a blemish, an injury, disfigurement, and alarm bells ring whenever anyone mentions it. Expressing an interest in it is an immediate red flag for me.
You see, from my perspective you've not only objectified me, fetishized me, you've also negated me as a person and thus excluded yourself from any further involvement in my life.
This is especially true now as during my absence I got myself into a queer relationship with a butch woman who fell in love with me and the relationship quickly developed until it became sexual.
Something innocent, innocuous even. I let her give me oral. Natural strap on, right?
Fail.
I had a fairly serious emotional breakdown as a result and it took me a few weeks before I could function on any level. I isolated myself and plunged into a very deep and dark depression, suffering an almost total loss of self-esteem and self-worth. I didn't know who I really was for a while.
I'm still recovering and still, somewhat fragile among people.
I get almost the same from women, which is a particular problem as I have a preference for women. You get women who are curious, together with the same dehumanization. They have Privilege over you because they were born cisgendered. They have a womb, they have periods.
Only a few are prepared to consider someone transgendered for a primary relastionship. We do have our advantages. we don't have periods, so there's no PMS. We don't get pregnant, having gone through the transition we are more self-aware generally, know ourselves, and we can see things from either viewpoint.
Yes it is a problem having to risk rejection and being objectified, fetishized and sexualized. But don't many cisgendered women experience that also?
It's important to keep some sort of perspective. Being transgendered is only an issue if you make it an issue. People are telling me 'it must be hard being you, and transitioning'. No it isn't. I don't know what it's like to be cisgendered, I'm just being myself and going through this transition is the best thing I've ever done in my life. Even though I haven't had surgery yet life is generally good.
I don't see these men as creepy, I just see them as confused, hurting, scared, and insecure. I've spent a lot of my time in the past having such feelings. They have to work it out for themselves, as I did.
I'm just not prepared to be one of their stepping stones in the process.
|
|
|
|
