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been offered the possability of collar - 5/6/2006 2:50:50 AM

guarddawg

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/3/2006
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ok, recently I had my collar removed of my choice. It was one of training to be more dominant from the ground up. Frankly, with playing that ive done with another switch- I felt i quickly outgrew what was expected of me by my then Mistress and with the tension between Her and my subby wife... there was no one benefitting from the situation whatsoever. This was about two months ago. I went on shortly afterwards to offically collar my wife.

Now, the switch that i have been playing with has come to me with the possible offer of her collaring me and my wife... with my retaining the collar to my wife. All of us get along great in both private and public, and the thought is interesting. But i want to make things as clear as possible in the opening negotiations long before any real decisions are made. I feel i may have rushed into my first collar a bit haistily and my wife had her first 'Dom' ... well, lets say my 4 year old is more of a dom in almost all ways than he was.

What would some of you suggest as to questions to ask in these negotiations and areas to make very clear?

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RE: been offered the possability of collar - 5/6/2006 3:18:04 AM

Dustyn

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I wouldn't ask questions in as much as I would just bring up scenarios that might pop in my head from time to time... see how everyone feels about them and things like that...

Never been in this kind of stuation in my life, so haven't got a clue... rather give obtuse advice than bad advice... do what you need to to keep the machine moving... best advice I can give ya...

- Dustyn

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RE: been offered the possability of collar - 5/6/2006 3:23:30 AM

LaMalinche

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I just keep picturing one of those Amway pyramid schemes. . .

Best,

LaMalinche

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RE: been offered the possability of collar - 5/6/2006 3:25:40 AM

LaMalinche

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Hmmm. . . a serious question might be: "Are you all willing to wait a year?"

Best,

LaMalinche

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RE: been offered the possability of collar - 5/6/2006 5:14:19 AM

CrappyDom

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Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
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How about, "Don't get hung up on collars"?

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RE: been offered the possability of collar - 5/6/2006 5:20:33 AM

Focus50

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Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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Hmmm, you were collared and being trained "to be more dominant from the ground up"? I guess I'll never get my head around switches.... lol

But as to what questions to ask, I'd suggest the obvious as to whatever it is you want to know from her.... I only do monogamous but for those of you who share, you might ask if it's just gonna be you three or will there be more additions? And maybe the missus has questions for you, too?

Focus.

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RE: been offered the possability of collar - 5/6/2006 5:28:46 AM

ShiftedJewel

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I would ask what they (the dominant) will be bringing to the table? What do they offer? What responsibilities do they expect to have and what responsibilities will you be retaining? As well as physical interaction, will it be a closed situation or will there be others involved?

I would consider all of the possibilities and go about it just like I would a 'nilla relationship and I would have your wife do the same thing. Think "worst case scenerios" and ask the "what if" questions.

Jewel

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RE: been offered the possability of collar - 5/6/2006 5:43:37 AM

MHOO314

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Personally, I'm seeing an awful lot of activity in a new 18 months--collar on, collar off, collar on someone else---I'd take a rest if it was Me for awhile and get your feet on the ground, it sounds to Me like its BDSM collaring frenzy.

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RE: been offered the possability of collar - 5/6/2006 7:05:16 AM

LadyHugs

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Dear guarddawg, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Like another dominant mentioned, there is an awful lot of activity for 18 months. To chaotic in my line of thought.

However, I would put the priority on your marriage and your wife, the boy too. Make a list of pros and cons of having another person enter your life, as to act as some "marriage council" or domination of the household. Structure is what you seek fine; but structure your marriage and family first. Outside SWITCH/Dominant or whatever last.

Are you considering the collar for your benefit--or the benefit of your marriage/family?
What contract will you have, as to "daisy chain" the command structure.

Will you loose your rights as a dominant of your wife, as you submit, making you both submissive? What recourse do you have in a D/s conflict to which you're in the middle of or the situation it creates?

Who is responsible for who? When? Where? How? --

Are you jumping into the collar because you use it as an excuse to avoid responsibility to be a husband/father? Is it some "sexual" kinky sex training? Will having somebody else run your life effect your son?

Why is the wife/mother so mellow on the matter? What is her opinion? What is her worries; what are her reasonings for being collared and or played with? What are you using D/s and or M/s for -- marriage therapy? kinky sex? healing? getting over issues by taking an 'around about route?'

Is it the lack of confidence that you need to have a collar to have that "safety net" --

I'd put my priorities in focus, in my humble opinion. As, anybody enters your marriage and relationship so boldly and blindly, will effect the marriage and the child.

Have you asked the SWITCH what impact awareness they bring to your home, marriage, family? Are they acting as self imposed advisor authorized by collar? Are they changing you from your authentic self into something that is not really yourself?
Are they aware the possible harm from entering the relationship? Will they withdraw if they are causing a problem or will they keep forcing themselves on you, your wife and or child? Will they be disciplining your child?

I'd ask myself what the collar means -- is it a risk, is it a crutch, is it passing off the responsibility of being a parent and making others responsible?

I'd then ask the wife--what the collar means to her. If she is unhappy but, goes along with it to make you happy--that is a deal breaker.

What is wrong with mentoring/coaching -- why do you need a collar?

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

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RE: been offered the possability of collar - 5/6/2006 7:41:08 AM

MrDiscipline44

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I just want to clarify. Was the switch you were playing with the Mistress you're mentioning as well? Or are they two different people?

If they are one and the same then why would you consider taking her collar again if you "outgrew" her once before?

If they're not then I would ask how much control/authority of your life and the life of your wife is she looking to take? Who has priority over your wife? What will be the living arrangments and will there be more joining later? Just my thoughts.

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RE: been offered the possability of collar - 5/6/2006 12:05:27 PM

spankmepink11

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I would have to agree with those who suggest that it was a large amount of collaring/uncollaring /maybe collaring for an 18 month period. And that communication is as per usual....key. Ask absolutely any and all questions that come to mind so that all parties are 100% certain and agree with the dynamics of the relationship and the expectations of all involved
Maybe i'm a little old fashioned, or a little too cautious, but i tend to believe that many in this lifestyle commit/submit/take Ownership very quickly...and change partners with an alarming frequency.
It's my humble opinion...that while on occasion...it can work....far too often...not taking sufficient time to either get to know the person well before getting deeply and life alteringly involved. ie...cohabitation...and /or relocation....or getting involved the with someone else the minute a prior relationship is over , dooms the new relationship.

Best of luck...

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RE: been offered the possability of collar - 5/6/2006 12:24:37 PM

Proprietrix

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I take collaring very seriously, so my answers may not sit well.

You asked for release from your Mistress's collar because you felt you outgrew what was expected of you because you spent time playing with someone else?
You were in a Mistress's training collar when there was tension between your Mistress and your wife.
You turned around and collared your wife (who is no longer collared by her immature Dom.)
Now your play partner wants to collar you.
Your play partner wants to collar your wife.
You want to keep your wife in your collar.

I didn't even see the mention of 18 months. All I saw was the mention of 2 months.

I'm wondering if anyone in your party even understands what a collar means, the significance it carries, or what it symbolizes.
It sounds like you're all playing a game of musical velcro collars, at the expense of one another's feelings.
My advice is this: everyone take off all these damn collars and figure out where the hell everyone stands, what everyone wants and needs, and what this lifestyle and the collars therein mean to each individual involved.
If you all decide you're having a hell of a good time playing musical velcro collars, then by all means, go back to it.

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RE: been offered the possability of collar - 5/6/2006 12:33:07 PM

feastie

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I think you're muddying the waters. I'm not poly but it seems to me that while a dominant may collar more than one, it would be too confusing to be collared by two different people. Your new play partner would collar you, (to what end, precisely?), and your wife, but your wife would still be collared to you, too. Who in the hell is she supposed to answer to, which one of you takes precedence? Poor thing.

Do you REALLY want such extended, impractical and ridiculous machinations in your life?

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