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sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 8:02:12 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		While participating in another thread....something came to mind that i've  wondered about...regarding a Dominants reaction to a sub taking any sort of initiative....

Is it appreciated/appropriate for a sub to take any initiative in pleasing  his/her  Dominant?....by that i mean...taking it upon themselves to perform a task....or to enhance things (could be as simple as adding bubbles to the bath ...or just trying to surprise them in some way...

I would greatly appreciate a Dominants point of view on this...or even a submissives experience with such.
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 8:19:54 AM   
leatherorlace


Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		Simply put, because I had a late nigt, I would be disappointed in a slave of Mine that didn't take some iniative in the smaller matters that aren't necessairly assigned tasks for them.
Gentry

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 8:28:32 AM   
MasterRobert1


Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline 		A sub/slave is not a doormat, not an automaton, et cetera. This is conflict between being sub/slave and taking initiative. It's a learned thing, though. There are areas in which to take initiative, and others in which a sub/slave should be passive. But, the thing to remember is: a sub/slave who doesn't take initiative, at the proper time, is not doing her/his job right.

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 8:34:42 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It depends on the relationship and the management style of your dom.

Some doms prefer "Don't do anything unless I say so."

Some doms prefer "Keep doing what you're doing until I say so."

And a lot of doms are somewhere in between.

So get to know the style of the dominant you're getting involved with and see what works.


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 8:36:37 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		I was once chastised quite vehemently for adding bubbles to the bath...and was told not to take such initiative in future....hence my question,,,thank You for the posts....

(in reply to MasterRobert1)
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 8:38:06 AM   
sweetbbwsub31


Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		From my experience as a sub it is a very welcome addition to be creative and surprise him with things that would enhance his pleasure. It depends on each individual Dom.
 
sub tara

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 8:43:02 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		A girl of mine is expected to use her initiative, if she does something I don't find pleasing or that I simply require being done in another manner then she will be shown what I want. Initiative is a good thing IMO she is a person, not a robot, why would I punish her for genuinly trying to please me? If she gets something wrong, correct it, thats all that is needed.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 9:13:34 AM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		I expect My slave to be willing and able to take initiative to do something he knows will please Me.  That being said... I do know of Dominants who do NOT wish this of their subs, just as I know subs who were just not capable (or willing) to take any sort of initiative.  So it will depend on the individuals involved.

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 9:57:21 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		It really depends on your Dom and what he likes, and how well you know him.  Maybe he just doesn't like bubbles. So now you know that.  Maybe he LOVES a good martini, so the next time he is tired, you could have one ready for him. 

If his chastizing confused you, I would urge you to ask him about what his expectations are.

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 10:04:00 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Part of my service to Himself is to anticipate his desires. It's not something he specifically told me that I must learn but I made it a point to 'know' him as well as I could so that I could serve him to the best of my ability. Observation is a great tool towards serving well. Paying attention to what he orders when you're out for a meal, what sort of things he chuckles while doing.. what makes him smile or frown .. things of that nature. Most will tell you when you have performed in a way which is not pleasing to them. "Most" dominants do not micro-manage, but a few do so it's important that you know the difference when dealing with your own situation and, as owned said, communication is a key ingredient so you know what's expected of you.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 11:41:10 AM   
CanadianGuy


Posts: 219
Status: offline 		Bita is right, anticipating desires and needs is a big one.  My girl is rewarded and praised for any steps she takes to ensure my pleasure and enjoyment.  Personally, I can't stand micromanaging every action and love it when she takes some initiative, because I know if I'm not completely pleased with it I can just have it corrected with a few words or a gesture.  Sexually speaking, taking the initiative by coming to me and putting her hands on me, or kneeling, or asking "what do you want, daddy?" is just perfect. 

So... I guess every Dom is different.  Who woulda thought!  :)

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 3:25:46 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

I was once chastised quite vehemently for adding bubbles to the bath...and was told not to take such initiative in future....hence my question,,,thank You for the posts....


Hmm..... you would think a simple "don't do that again" would suffice.

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 5:27:29 PM   
RapturesDaddy


Posts: 25
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline 		I expect initative from mine.
I also expect there to be a "training period" where she is allowed to learn my likes, dislikes, desires, and passions, as well as what I dislike.

I expect her to anticpate the things I want without me micromanaging.

(in reply to Level)
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 6:35:49 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		My Master doesnt like surprises...so saying that..whenever I do anything just because I thought of doing it I just kinda always know whether He accepts it or not is up to him, even if it takes me a "little while" to realise it. Example: the other night I had the bathroom heating up, a bath drawn (with bubbles), his towel all ready, clothes to change into on the heater etc for when he got home from work...when he arrived home, he wasnt ready to just jump into a bath like I planned..so every minute that went by I was thinking " The bath is getting cold".. (I think I even tried to prompt him at one point ..to which he didnt respond very well)...so then I just settled down knowing I did a good thing and knowing he knew I did a good thing and left it at that.

In your scenario, I guess its just about getting to know your Master and which areas are flexible and allowed creativity, as the relationship goes on those things become apparent, its all a learning process.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to RapturesDaddy)
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 7:22:13 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		 
My Master likes it when I take initiative and it's expected that I do so. He likes it that I can be self-sufficient and takes care of things that need to be done. He likes it if I anticipate his needs and wants. If I do something in a way he doesn't like then he is more than ready to tell me so.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 7:23:09 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Its all about the motive.

Is the motive behind the initiative truly one of being proactive in taking care of the dominant or is it trying to control things.

Laying out a crop and a ball gag could be "I know beating my ass and seeing me slobber uncontrollably all over my gag helps you relax after a long day at work" it could also be "I want my ass beaten but I can pretend I am doing it for you after a long day at work"

YMMV

(in reply to slavejali)
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 7:39:59 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		In my experience, it really does depend on the man involved.  i've been told by some i tend to be too "assertive" by doing something simple like unrolling their silverware when eatting out, and then told by others i'm too passive.  Go figure!! LOL!!  What i do now is ask a lot of questions, some of which get me really weird looks, but i ask anyway.  In my head i compare it to when i worked as a secretary for a "floater" at a law firm years ago -- every atty there wanted what he wanted "his" way and every other way was wrong.  i not only learned to ask, but in that situation to write it down.  In my current position (working with 4 attorneys) i've gone one step further -- i've color coded them..lol.

regards
jimini 

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 9:18:43 PM   
BreakingGlass


Posts: 565
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Spider-Skull Island
Status: offline 		I actually tend to initiate most things.  I have a pretty good idea by now of what he likes and doesn't, and I can also tell when he's just not in the mood.  So far it's worked fine for us.

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: sub initiative... - 5/6/2006 11:44:59 PM   
Ceyx


Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		I expect my slave to do as she's told-- if I specifically mention it, then she should specifically do it. That said, I appreciate miss' intelligence and creativity, and I enjoy it when she takes some initiative in pleasing me. It's another way that she can show she cares.

To take your hypothetical bubble bath example, if I were to say, 'Draw me a bath,' and miss decided to add bubbles or candles or whatever, I would be delighted. If I said, 'Draw me a bath of clear, cold water,' then I would expect no bubbles.

I would also be an idiot shivering in a tub of clear, cold water. But that's neither here nor there.

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: sub initiative... - 5/7/2006 12:42:05 AM   
PAVANE


Posts: 118
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		I would say yes of course its ok for a slave to use her initiatve. I tell my slave I expect her to use her common sense and intelligence to make my life easier. But of course thats my opinion. Other Masters may feel differntly.

_____________________________

'Go tell the Spartans to damn the torpedoes.'

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