Awkward... (Full Version)

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YoungBlondeSlave -> Awkward... (3/15/2011 10:55:35 PM)

So, I started talking to this Dom. He seems really nice and we've hit it off well thus far. Even if things don't work it seems like we might be able to be friends. But, there's a minor issue that we've come across.

We're co-workers.


He doesn't see it as an issue, actually. I see it as an issue. My mind went straight to worst-case scenario mode.

The good news is, I've been working there for going on three years and he's never seen me. And, as far as I know, I haven't seen him either. The bad news is, there's always a first time. I (we) work at a huge facility and have hundreds of co-workers.

I guess I'm wondering if this is an issue that anyone else has come across and if so, what did you do about it?

Any advice would be helpful, I don't want to miss an opportunity to spend time with a great person, but I also need to cover my ass as well.



soul2share -> RE: Awkward... (3/15/2011 11:07:47 PM)

hmmmmm......well, my thoughts have always been never dip your pen in the company inkwell.  I guess it would depend on the degree of contact you'd have at the job, should the worst case scenario come into play.  My last serious relationship (vanilla) was with someone who worked with me indirectly, we had contact on the job, but only by phone.  When he dumped me, it killed me to have to answer the phone, or call and risk him answering.  Fortunately, he was a coward, they could tell who was calling, so he'd let someone else get the phone.  I was masochistic enough to answer it.....

I'm guessing he's not in your chain of command, which is a good thing.  Another thing would be keeping work and home in a separate place.....drawing ground rules would be important.  Our rule of thumb was get the work conversation out of the way first and then leave it alone.  We'd see various sides of the job that we did, and incidents that happened on our shift...we were both dispatchers, just for two different agencies...I was police, he was DOT.

Does your company frown upon co-workers dating?  There is that to be considered too.  In some places, it's a pretty big taboo.

I'd go ahead and meet.....talk it over, see what his take on it is, explain your feelings.  If the pros outweigh the cons, well, hell, go for it.  You'll never know unless you take the steps to find out.  Either way, good luck!



TheShrew -> RE: Awkward... (3/15/2011 11:12:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: soul2share
hmmmmm......well, my thoughts have always been never dip your pen in the company inkwell. 




[sm=agree.gif]

Just the same, best of luck.



YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: Awkward... (3/15/2011 11:29:19 PM)

We don't work at all together, not even indirectly. If anything we might bump into each other while walking into work, that's about it. But, the rumor mill at that place is unbelievable. That's what worries me.

And, while fraternization outside the workplace isn't encouraged, it's not forbidden. Another co-worker met her husband there. They both still work there.



Delilya -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 12:02:57 AM)

To put it another way...never shit in your own backyard. It's a hard one to decide, and I wish you the best of luck.



Termyn8or -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 12:22:58 AM)

You didn't ask because you just wanted to forget about it.

I see a couple of ways to handle this. One is to just say who cares ? You only live once. What if you and I had the hots for each other and both worked at a strip mall, perhaps me in the autoparts store and you in the restaurant or something like that. At work, at some places you might be farther away from him. I think if your jobs are really mostly independent of each other, and there is so little interaction at work that you actually didn't even meet there, a different standard may apply.

You know where each other works, so loose lips have already sunk their ships. But all is not lost. Just bring these issues up with him. Bring it to the open. You don't want office politics invloved. Discuss it ? Fine, but don't interact at work. They're not paying you for that anyway.

And rules against coworkers hooking up ? If they don't have a camera up under your bed fukum.

Just do bear in mind what you're biting off here. He will know where you are as long as you work there. But that is true of anyone.

T^T



DarkSteven -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 3:49:04 AM)

As far as I can see, the drawback is, will he go psycho if you break up?

Maybe get references from exes? If they can tell you he's not prone to nastiness when things go south....

And do me a favor and kick him in the nuts. Because I'm jealous of him.



LaTigresse -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 4:02:59 AM)

If you both value the possible relationship more than the current state of employment.......go for it.

My graphic designer nearly lost his job over the beginning shenanigans of his current marriage. His wife did. I fired her. I have zero tolerance for unnecessary life drama brought into the work place. Especially when it makes it more difficult for other people to do their jobs. I didn't fire her simply because of the relationship but because of the other stuff the relationship created.

At the end of the day, you are going to do whatever the hell you want to do. Just know that you will likely NOT be fooling anyone. You will likely annoy coworkers. You will be watched like a hawk, and some of those annoyed coworkers will be waiting to pounce on anything, even stuff you got away with before, to discredit your work performance.

If you cannot handle the extra pressure of the worst case scenarios, consider getting another job or relationship.



DesFIP -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 4:34:05 AM)

You talk about the gossip mill there, in this case I might use it to ask about him first. If there's gossip about him and it's negative, then use that to influence your decision against meeting. If there's no gossip, or he's accounted a good guy, then that's something else. Nobody can give you a heads up on this, but you can find out if you should stop it now.



Kana -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 5:06:20 AM)

Even a dog has enough sense not to shit where it sleeps.



barelynangel -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 5:48:02 AM)

First of all, are you peers in the work place or is one in a higher position than the other?  Is there company policy regarding coworkers having personal relationships. 

If both of these answers are no, then i'd say go for it.  However, be aware that if things go sour, you may be putting yourself in a precarious situation.  Be aware tha he or you may start trouble for one another if you have a falling out or an argument etc and talk to other co-workers about it (even in a friendly way) because rumors can start or things get misconstrued etc.

I would think long and hard about how it could affect your working environment.  I would want to be optimistic and say yes yes go for it, but i don't trust people with my job. lol.

angel



DomImus -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 6:14:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: soul2share
hmmmmm......well, my thoughts have always been never dip your pen in the company inkwell.


I've done it numerous times and have never had a problem come out of it.

I know this flies in the face of popular sentiment and convention but it's just my two cents.



FukinTroll -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 6:24:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

As far as I can see, the drawback is, will he go psycho if you break up?

Maybe get references from exes? If they can tell you he's not prone to nastiness when things go south....



THIS.



flcouple2009 -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 9:03:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

As far as I can see, the drawback is, will he go psycho if you break up?

Maybe get references from exes? If they can tell you he's not prone to nastiness when things go south....


Wouldn't that be prudent for him as well?







DarkSteven -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 9:06:33 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: flcouple2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

As far as I can see, the drawback is, will he go psycho if you break up?

Maybe get references from exes? If they can tell you he's not prone to nastiness when things go south....


Wouldn't that be prudent for him as well?




Well, yeah, but she's the one that's asking.



soul2share -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 3:19:56 PM)

Also, one thing no one's actually touched upon, but should be a concern.

In the event of the break-up, there is always the problem of getting outed.  If the gossip mill is that bad, then just imagine what it would do with fodder about your sexual proclivities.  Trust me, his buddies will think he's cool, but you might end up looking bad.  All he has to do is tell folks you like being spanked or tied up, without mentioning his role as a dom, and it's all over.

Just something else to mull over.



YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 3:30:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: soul2share

Also, one thing no one's actually touched upon, but should be a concern.

In the event of the break-up, there is always the problem of getting outed.  If the gossip mill is that bad, then just imagine what it would do with fodder about your sexual proclivities.  Trust me, his buddies will think he's cool, but you might end up looking bad.  All he has to do is tell folks you like being spanked or tied up, without mentioning his role as a dom, and it's all over.

Just something else to mull over.


This is exactly what I was concerned about. Now that I've thought things over I figure it's best that we remain friends. But I don't think I can be involved relationship-wise. I don't think I could handle the stress of what-ifs and losing my job over conduct in my personal life.



needlesandpins -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 3:32:02 PM)

for me personally; i just wouldn't. things are always great while the going is good, but if you hit problems who's to say what will happen then?

when i read something in the way you have written it i instantly think that if there is already doubt it's just not a good thing. if you had no issue you wouldn't be posting looking to see if someone is going to tell you you are just being silly and everything will be great and go for it.

if you do decide to ignore your instinct to back off then i think you should get references from other women (although they could be faked) and maybe get an agreement of rules in writing and such.

needles



kalikshama -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 3:39:43 PM)

I've had lots of relationships with coworkers and consequently embarrassing moments, which I survived. But these were all vanilla relationships.

These days, I'd be worried about being outed.

Actually, there are a few coworkers who know I'm on CM and because of my work persona, they all think I'm a Domme. That seems to be more socially acceptable.

Perhaps be friends with him for a good long time and if all indications are that he is a man of integrity, go for taking it a step further?



DomImus -> RE: Awkward... (3/16/2011 4:33:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: soul2share
In the event of the break-up, there is always the problem of getting outed.  If the gossip mill is that bad, then just imagine what it would do with fodder about your sexual proclivities.  Trust me, his buddies will think he's cool, but you might end up looking bad.  All he has to do is tell folks you like being spanked or tied up, without mentioning his role as a dom, and it's all over.


Does that work the same way as those glasses that Clark Kent used to wear?





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