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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/17/2011 11:50:55 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		What i'm getting from this is that when someone is completely aware and honest about the reality of their own hedonism, you get a much clearer picture of who they are and, by virtue of it, they are more receivable/attractive (potentially...depends on the audience, after all).

The curveballs are the paradoxical variations to this that people can get confused over: slaves that are fulfilled most by being completely devoted to servitude. The hedonism is still there...it's just manifested in a way that involves the appearance of ultimate altruism. I happen to be most aroused by the sexual intoxication of partners...but when I'm engaging towards that end, it's for my enjoyment.

Taking steps to drop the presumptions that selfishness is a negative gives you the insight to be able to approach relationships from a position of genuine honesty.

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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 1:25:08 AM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		Selfish, self absorbed, and selfless.

pam

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 3:33:10 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		With that said...Truth be told...There are many things I've said and done that can be perceived as selfless however were indeed very selfish. (prepares for troll and shark attack)

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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 7:04:59 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

What i'm getting from this is that when someone is completely aware and honest about the reality of their own hedonism, you get a much clearer picture of who they are and, by virtue of it, they are more receivable/attractive (potentially...depends on the audience, after all).

The curveballs are the paradoxical variations to this that people can get confused over: slaves that are fulfilled most by being completely devoted to servitude. The hedonism is still there...it's just manifested in a way that involves the appearance of ultimate altruism. I happen to be most aroused by the sexual intoxication of partners...but when I'm engaging towards that end, it's for my enjoyment.

**Taking steps to drop the presumptions that selfishness is a negative gives you the insight to be able to approach relationships from a position of genuine honesty.**


nice way to break it down, NZ ^_^
the bolded part is really important; how else can you come to the honesty that's really required to seek out fulfillment for your needs if you don't spend a good deal of time focused on yourself and figuring out what those needs are?


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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 7:08:25 AM   
0ldhen


Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero


**Taking steps to drop the presumptions that selfishness is a negative gives you the insight to be able to approach relationships from a position of genuine honesty.**


nice way to break it down, NZ ^_^
the bolded part is really important; how else can you come to the honesty that's really required to seek out fulfillment for your needs if you don't spend a good deal of time focused on yourself and figuring out what those needs are?


Good morning my sweet little sheperdess, grins, Thank you, I was doing the same quote when your answer popped up. Awesome way to put it both you and NZ.

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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 11:38:10 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		The type of selfishness that I think is unhealthy and problematic is the type of self focus that excludes others for the most part. They always come first and they can’t see much about the other persons in their life because they are blinded by self or self desires. I often see a correlation between this type of selfishness with immaturity and addictions of some sort.

I don’t see self awareness or evaluation as selfish and in fact could see it as a benefit to others, to know yourself.

I see most of life as a balancing act. If you can balance things, see different perspectives and evaluate a situation, person or event and then determine who/what needs to come first or be considered first and that is not always you, I don’t see you as too selfish.

Sacrificial lambs red flag me just as much as someone that cannot see beyond themselves.


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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 11:43:49 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit


Sacrificial lambs red flag me just as much as someone that cannot see beyond themselves.



how wonderfully stated, and so very true.


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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 11:50:25 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Copied from my original response:

Hell, I am a selfish bitch And quite happy to admit it. I know what I want and am not willing to settle for anything less than that. I am one of those who, if I don't get what I want from a relationship, then there is not going to be a relationship.
To that end, I am single by choice simply because I have never met another man who could temp me to get on my knees for him.

Maybe one day; I really don't hold my breath though.



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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 11:58:41 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		LOL IrishMist! I don't see that as selfish. That means you know what you want and want nothing less and I see no foul there! I am very much like that. If it is selfish... then I am that selfish too!

You know what is best for you and I don't see how that can be selfish. I do like how you worded that though! lol


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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 5:30:56 PM   
pissdoll


Posts: 343
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless



i don't believe that "selflessness" exists.
as humans we are all self-motivated, or self-centered.

my serving, while may be thought of as selfless, is really selfish and self-centered. if i received no self-satisfaction in it, i wouldn't engage in it.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 9:39:05 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		There is a piece missing here in my opinion. (YMMV). The third element. There is one person and another person (or more for the poly folks), but the third element, the unknowable, the thing that crackles in the air when you are together is the part that has to be there in order to pull the selfish/selfless mystique together. Otherwise we're all just assholes trying to get what we want and being (hopefully) gracious enough to pretend to care. Between the freedom of being who we are and the other person being free, there must be a middle space that is the table of desire, pulling the two together to create one insatiable goblet. Without that pull, that connection is shallow, fluff, unsatisfying.

best,
sunshine

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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 9:41:26 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		so can sunny give herself the quote of the day?
that was loverly ^_^


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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 9:52:43 PM   
0ldhen


Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

There is a piece missing here in my opinion. (YMMV). The third element. There is one person and another person (or more for the poly folks), but the third element, the unknowable, the thing that crackles in the air when you are together is the part that has to be there in order to pull the selfish/selfless mystique together.
sunshine


I agree on that third element being needed, but the Troll did cover it, kind of;

" I alluded to the fact that once sex becomes selfish that it becomes divine. She agreed, like a hyper kitty chasing a mouse (chuckles), because she understood exactly where I was coming from. If we are so caught up in pleasing our partner we are not unleashing our primal monster. "

I think he is refering to a few other posts he's made along the lines you were thinking of.



< Message edited by 0ldhen -- 3/18/2011 9:55:15 PM >

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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 10:10:48 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		i think that middle space is easier to find once you've carved out the space for yourself, and the space for your partner. or i guess if the partner has been busy carving that space out for him/herself. when you know who you are, and what the real motivation is for what you do, it's very easy to finally start to REALLY look outside yourself. you know where your needs are, and you know that they are being met, and you're free to think about something else besides that. i think that's where the middle space comes from. you can genuinely reach out beyond yourself, and out towards another person, and concern yourself with them, because you are already dealt with. 

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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 10:54:52 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		~FR

The most selfish man I have been with demanded everything, gave only what he wanted to give, took what he desired, and demanded even more.

At the end of a "session" he left me panting in a puddle of carnal bliss, while he went looking for a snack. Sex to him was an adventure. What could he take, what could he get away with. Even the he demanded more and more. His enjoyment coming when I begged him to stop... of course he stopped only when he wanted too.

Bless him!

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Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 10:57:01 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		*sets up the fan and aims at herself*

hey yeah, thanks tazzygirl!


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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 11:11:02 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

~FR

The most selfish man I have been with demanded everything, gave only what he wanted to give, took what he desired, and demanded even more.

At the end of a "session" he left me panting in a puddle of carnal bliss, while he went looking for a snack. Sex to him was an adventure. What could he take, what could he get away with. Even the he demanded more and more. His enjoyment coming when I begged him to stop... of course he stopped only when he wanted too.

Bless him!


Yes, thank God for rape!


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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/18/2011 11:11:38 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		~grins

Yes, thank GOD for slave rape!


_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/19/2011 8:04:09 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

~FR

The most selfish man I have been with demanded everything, gave only what he wanted to give, took what he desired, and demanded even more.

At the end of a "session" he left me panting in a puddle of carnal bliss, while he went looking for a snack. Sex to him was an adventure. What could he take, what could he get away with. Even the he demanded more and more. His enjoyment coming when I begged him to stop... of course he stopped only when he wanted too.

Bless him!


Yes, thank God for rape!



http://allafrica.com/stories/201103151079.html


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Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: ~Self~ Re-post - 3/19/2011 8:12:46 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Wow, totally uncalled-for.  I'm surprised.

Cali


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