RE: The cardinal rule of all Dominants?

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[Poll]

The cardinal rule of all Dominants?

Submissive free to talk to whomever

60% (25)

Submissive needs permission to talk to other Dominants

9% (4)

Submissive can talk freely only if Dominant is present

0% (0)

Submissive is not allowed to talk to other Dominants

0% (0)

Submissive is not allowed to talk to other Dominants

0% (0)

It depends

29% (12)

Total Votes : 41

(last vote on : 12/28/2011 7:02:40 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

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RE: The cardinal rule of all Dominants? - 3/18/2011 11:45:24 AM

lizi

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Yeah, we don't have any rules about me talking to whoever. He really doesn't care and is not into micromanagement. He wants me to go forth into the big bad world and take care of things on my own however I see fit, and if I need advice or help then let him know- he's always available if I ask him for input.

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Post #: 41

RE: The cardinal rule of all Dominants? - 3/18/2011 11:53:47 AM

daintydimples

Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
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I don't like speech rules in general, unless they are being used for a reason, like to remind a bratty sub who's in charge. There are certainly high protocol situations that may call for it, but for day to day, nfw.

I do have one cardinal dom rule, however: never give a sub/slave a command you do not know they will obey.

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Post #: 42

RE: The cardinal rule of all Dominants? - 3/18/2011 3:23:34 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I found it fascinating that those of us who do have this rule, all have it for the same reason - emotional stability. Not because the dominants are insecure but because we get anxious and upset without this level of protection from the idiots out there.In each case, it doesn't do anything for the dominant except give him a happier home life with a calmer sub. It's instituted for our benefit, not for his.

Perhaps it should be amended to state that it's the cardinal rule for dominants with subs who suffer from anxiety.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 3/18/2011 3:24:42 PM >

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Post #: 43

RE: The cardinal rule of all Dominants? - 3/18/2011 4:46:41 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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My ex was the most jealous guy I ever met. He was crazy. When we started dating, he flipped out if anyone even looked at me, which meant he was pissed alot.

I had guys that were friends or guys I had dated that I still spoke to and he just never understood you actually can have a platonic male friend.

I would never dream of anyone telling me who I could or could not talk to.

My cardinal rule as a woman and a sub is never to date an asshole again.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 3/18/2011 4:47:11 PM >

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Post #: 44

RE: The cardinal rule of all Dominants? - 3/18/2011 5:04:18 PM

tiggerspoohbear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll
<snip>.

Gonna give a shout out to PoohBear here, she was brave enough to be selfish enough to tell someone to GTFO that wasn't good for her or what she needed.

YMMV
SLURP~

Thanks Troll, hardest thing I ever did, and I dithered, but decided it wasn't going to work and there was no way I was going through that again. Rather be by myself than with someone who isn't on the same page as I am.

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Post #: 45

RE: The cardinal rule of all Dominants? - 3/18/2011 5:33:06 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

My cardinal rule as a woman and a sub is never to date an asshole again.

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Post #: 46

RE: The cardinal rule of all Dominants? - 3/18/2011 7:46:44 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
We also happen to have a high protocol dynamic. That means that out of courtesy, if a Dominant wants to talk with him, they should be going through Me. Yes, yes, a lot of folks like to chest thump about that with the "well I don't have to recognize your protocols" thing.

What about ordinary casual conversation? If I was seated next to him at a Munch, I might casually say something to your boy, or even ask him to please pass the salt if it was catty-corner from him and I couldn't reach it. If it happened to be you sitting next to me, then it would be you I'd ask the exact same thing. Basically I'd ask whoever happened to have the salt in front of them, as that is the least disruptive to the others at table. I don't care if that person is a submissive, a dominant, or an orangutan in a pink tutu. The manners I tend to default to are normal dinner table manners, mainly because I don't want to be disruptive to other people's conversations.

I don't make a habit of asking submissives who are not my own to do any sort of services for me. However if it falls under the category of a standard vanilla dinner table request, I am fairly unlikely to quiz someone on their D/s relationship status before asking them to pass the salt or making casual conversation.

This isn't really about thumping my chest and saying I don't have to recognize your protocols so much as starting with a standard default setting of non-discriminatory vanilla manners. If you don't want your submissive holding a normal social conversation with me because I am a dominant, then I would say it would be your responsibility to communicate that rather than being annoyed at someone for treating your submissive in an ordinary polite way. And I assume you would do that.

If you were visibly doing high protocol at a BDSM event, I'd certainly take the hint and not start a conversation with someone who was very clearly standing at attention to his dominant. But if we're all hanging casually around the coffee maker, I'll probably just chitchat and not pay too much attention to anyone's gender or sexual orientation.

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Post #: 47

RE: The cardinal rule of all Dominants? - 3/18/2011 8:36:56 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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What would happen would be he would say, "Mistress, she needs the salt". I'd tell him ok and he'd pass it. Ultimately, he'd still be getting My permission first. I consider that his responsibility, not yours.

High protocol doesn't say that he can't have casual conversations. I'll let him know how I expect him to handle pleasantries during the evening. Basically, I consider that the same as he's going to sit in a chair if a munch is in a restaurant, even though he doesn't sit in them at home.

The three times that we had issues went like this:

1. A gal who asked/told clip to go get her bag for her. (I was standing four feet away. In fact, I was closer to her than he was.)

2. A woman who thought it was a good idea to email clip directly after she was told that we have a high protocol dynamic and that we preferred communications went through Me.

3. A woman who decided that because I allowed her to play with him that she could ask him for personal favors.

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Post #: 48

RE: The cardinal rule of all Dominants? - 3/18/2011 8:48:02 PM

girlygurl

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I asked Sir what His vote would be, and He said......

"I would say the first one (Submissive free to talk to whomever), knowing you would ask if you could talk with another Dominant before doing so."

And, He says He agrees with Hibbies comment. Great minds

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Post #: 49

RE: The cardinal rule of all Dominants? - 3/18/2011 9:02:34 PM

sunshinemiss