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Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/19/2011 10:57:21 PM

DuskMist

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I've had one Master, and it was entirely virtual. He was older than me, but I knew that whatever "relationship" we had was just a way to see if I truly was a submissive. Nothing more. And I think he knew that.

But I've thought time and time again, about what would happen if my family knew I was in a relationship with an older man. One that may be 10-20-25 years older than me. Or older even.

I doubt they would take it well, which makes me wonder if their opinion would matter if He was the love of my life. One that was completely good to me, and considered my feelings in all matters/punishments.

In the case that this does occur, is there a way to make everything right? To keep the relationship, and my family's sanity? If not, would it be completely wrong of me to go wherever my heart tells me to?

Or am I just hopelessly dreaming of peace of mind?

Thanks.

Post #: 1

RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/19/2011 11:01:44 PM

littlewonder

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In my family it would most likely not be a big deal. My mom was 10 years younger and 20 years younger than my dad and stepdad and my one sister and her first huasband were 20 years apart.

They would just look strangely at me and wonder what happened to me since it simply would not be my nature. I've never been attracted to men who were more than 5 years older than me.

(in reply to DuskMist)

Post #: 2

RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/19/2011 11:09:51 PM

FukinTroll

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You have to think of your happiness in the end. In the end you can make choices to satisfy everyone around you, but when they are all gone all you are left with is the choices you have made.

YMMV

Slurp~

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RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/19/2011 11:10:15 PM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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I'm 30 years older than my wife. When we told her parents, they had an idea we were in a relationship, I never asked for her hand in marriage but I gave them an ultimatum. Either they gain a son in law or they lose their daughter. If the latter we'd do a civil welling and no family of hers would be allowed. otherwise I would agree to allow them go the traditional path .... It took time for them to see we were going to stay the distance and that I was there for Neets 24/7 no matter what. they saw the results of my actions against several asswhipes who attacked my lady even to the effect one will never walk without a stick again... At this time my Mother in Law and father in law are two of my closest and best friends..Neets's younger sister had the misfortune to marry the son of an Afrikaner family (Boars / Dutch South Africans) and is negatively influenced about the differences between Neets and I.. her Afrikaner Mother in law and I hate each other (For me the only good Afrikaner is a dead one).. The point is Neets's sister is on the verge of starting a full blown blood feud in the family...

The important thing is the folk who are most important __ Neet's mom and dad and Older Sister are on board with us and the other slut is on the outer where she belongs with other Taliban supporters..

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/19/2011 11:12:21 PM >

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RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/19/2011 11:10:45 PM

DuskMist

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Thanks that puts things in a better perspective.

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RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/19/2011 11:12:40 PM

FukinTroll

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My pleasure.

Slurp~

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Post #: 6

RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/19/2011 11:13:18 PM

DuskMist

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I'm sorry there is strife within your family, I hope that it burns itself out soon. :)

But, thank you. I'm glad that your marriage is working out wonderfully!

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 7

RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/19/2011 11:15:09 PM

Arpig

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The last girl I was involved with was 30 years my junior. She pretended to her mother that we were just friends, but that didn't really wash (we lived in a 1 bedroom apartment). Her mother was not happy, but accepted it. My Ex & kids accepted it as well...they may have thought I was foolish, but they accepted it.
If simply present it as a fact...that you are in love with this person, then I see no reason why they will not accept it, they may not be happy at first, but they will come around. Families are amazingly resilient things and can adapt to all sorts of strange situations.

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RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/19/2011 11:20:48 PM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Not in Australia mate not always in Australia.

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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Post #: 9

RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/19/2011 11:41:19 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DuskMist

In the case that this does occur, is there a way to make everything right? To keep the relationship, and my family's sanity? If not, would it be completely wrong of me to go wherever my heart tells me to?

Greetings,

I believe this is a situation where you're more informed than an outsider could possibly be. You have to weigh the pros and cons and consider if the scenario would result in temporary upset or permanent damage. While I've had my share of rebellious behavior, it's been fairly moderate in comparison with my siblings, which is why I've got a lot of wiggle room. But more than this, I have been embedded with a sense of duty and loyalty that I wouldn't haphazardly discard. Luckily this isn't a concern and my parents have indicated that plus ten is probably more than enough.

It's unlikely I'd ever reach that point and I'm not inclined to dip too much in the opposite direction. Overall life is comfortable and I prefer to keep it that way. I'd be hard pressed to mess up my good thing over something that may have a temporary lifespan.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

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His will; my fate.

(in reply to DuskMist)

Post #: 10

RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/20/2011 12:56:32 AM

Palliata

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To me it's simple, and I say this with all due respect and courtesy: Fuck the families. Fuck them with the turgid prick of indifference. If you live your life for your family's (or anyone else's) happiness, one day you're going to wake up and realize the only one not happy is you, and your partner if you even still have one. You deserve to pursue a life which is ideal for you, and if your family can't see the reason in that then that's their problem.

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Post #: 11

RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/20/2011 1:12:10 AM

SpiritedRadiance

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I simply explain to my mother the differences in dating someone my age and someone my elder....

And... My mom says I love you i understand date who you want...

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Post #: 12

RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/20/2011 1:38:41 AM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Palliata

To me it's simple, and I say this with all due respect and courtesy: Fuck the families. Fuck them with the turgid prick of indifference. If you live your life for your family's (or anyone else's) happiness, one day you're going to wake up and realize the only one not happy is you, and your partner if you even still have one. You deserve to pursue a life which is ideal for you, and if your family can't see the reason in that then that's their problem.

Your remarks made me recall something else that I think is really important when confronting issues that threaten family dynamics. Look closely at the other person's relationship with their loved ones. Some people have nothing to lose because they've thrown it away or have very poor connections that aren't worth considering. I'm not suggesting this is the case for you, but it is a line I've heard in the past.

Speaking from the other side of the coin, if my daughter did this I would come unspooled. A man twenty years her senior would be my age, and any older would be surpassing us both. I won't pretend that I could reconcile that in the slightest bit and I'm certain the ramifications of her behavior would be far reaching. For what it's worth we've discussed this and I've provided concrete reasons why it wouldn't be a suitable path for her to pursue at present. When she's older and has more experience under her feet she's free to do as she pleases.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Palliata)

Post #: 13

RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/20/2011 1:43:07 AM

NocturnalStalker

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As I was always told; be realistic over who you're with.

Of course, that doesn't mean I can't taste a few glasses of wine before buying a bottle.

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RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/20/2011 1:43:09 AM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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I strongly suspect the Mothers are less likely to become annal over age differences (possibly they remember fantasies from their halcyon days), that the male of the family Including brothers too. Blokes do tend to have issues of older men being sexually intimate with younger women. Again probably a jealousy thing and based on a fantasy of wanting to do the alpha thing and deflower every virgin in the tribe or family first.... I may be wrong but over time discussions have indicated I may be close to the mark..

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Iron Bear

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http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 15

RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/20/2011 1:45:09 AM

LillyBoPeep

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Joined: 12/29/2010
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my last relationship was with a man older than me and very "different" as far as my family was concerned. they were suspicious of him to a degree, but they got over it, and came to REALLY like him -- REEEEALLY like him. i talked about him a lot, made it clear why i liked him, and they had to understand that he was important to me, i was happy with him, and i wasn't bailing just because they didn't "get" him. we have a history of girls picking bad guys in my family, so i can understand the suspicion, but at the same time they did a pretty decent job, and i'm not a dummy. he continually made good impressions on them, which helped, too.
still -- your life is yours and you have to live it for you. you can't live it for other people. you make choices based on what will fulfill you, not what will fulfill your parents. hopefully they can look at you and say "i did a good job with her, raised her well, and i know she's smart. he makes her happy, and that's good enough for me." if they CAN'T say that, remember your life is yours. where does your compass tell you to go? follow that.

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RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/20/2011 1:46:23 AM

Palliata

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Joined: 8/9/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: Palliata

To me it's simple, and I say this with all due respect and courtesy: Fuck the families. Fuck them with the turgid prick of indifference. If you live your life for your family's (or anyone else's) happiness, one day you're going to wake up and realize the only one not happy is you, and your partner if you even still have one. You deserve to pursue a life which is ideal for you, and if your family can't see the reason in that then that's their problem.

Your remarks made me recall something else that I think is really important when confronting issues that threaten family dynamics. Look closely at the other person's relationship with their loved ones. Some people have nothing to lose because they've thrown it away or have very poor connections that aren't worth considering. I'm not suggesting this is the case for you, but it is a line I've heard in the past.

It’s a fair line of inquiry. I’m actually quite close with my family, both immediate and extended, but that’s as much because I’m completely unwilling to admit their influence into my dealings as in spite of it. In all honestly I feel that a healthy relationship between an adult and their familial elders is very challenging to build in the absence of complete or near-complete independence of thought and choice. As always, this is My Way, not The Way, and I’m not saying it isn’t possible if only because speaking in absolutes when dealing with human relationships is unwise, but nonetheless.

_____________________________

I speak not of The Way, but only My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

I'm male. I know it sounds female. Work with me.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 17

RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/20/2011 1:46:47 AM

SpiritedRadiance

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The males in my family learned very long ago, that the only persons who opinion matters in the family is my Moms. If she agrees they do as well... she flipped when i dated someone 20 years my senior the first time, but i explained how he made me happy and we adjusted from there... now I date who i want when i want how I want... as long as that person doesnt harm me

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 18

RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/20/2011 1:57:54 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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My father in Law and I built our trust and respect on our differences. The hard road but worthy of the effort. We are of the almost same age and i am older than mu mother in law by a couple of years. Alan was in 'Nam with the Australian forces and a Sgt at the time. I was in 'Nam at the same period with the US Sf and a commissioned officer. Alan hates "Yanks" and rop what we were doing to help Alan and Sue, Officers.. It was an interesting situation with me out ranking him even from my time with the Australian SAS.. My wife proved the catalyst for us to bond and as we were always ready to drop what we were doing to help them if needed. from the word go, I made it clear I wasn't interested what the two sisters and their spawn were doing outside Christmas, and that I married Neets and NOT the whole frigging family.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Palliata)

Post #: 19

RE: Age Differences, and Explaining It To The Family? - 3/20/2011 2:00:33 AM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Palliata

It’s a fair line of inquiry. I’m actually quite close with my family, both immediate and extended, but that’s as much because I’m completely unwilling to admit their influence into my dealings as in spite of it. In all honestly I feel that a healthy relationship between an adult and their familial elders is very challenging to build in the absence of complete or near-complete independence of thought and choice. As always, this is My Way, not The Way, and I’m not saying it isn’t possible if only because speaking in absolutes when dealing with human relationships is unwise, but nonetheless.

Thank you for your graciousness. It wasn't my attempt to cast a gaze in your direction, but I'm aware that the sentiment is posited by those that with less scrupulous intentions, or painful situations that have incited a negative opinion regarding the subject. I'm pleased to hear you are on good terms with your family, and happy that I can say the same. I maintain my own boundaries as well, but in many respects I'm one of them where it matters most.

The intentional interruptions are rare occurrences, but when they arise I can honestly attest someone is working on my behalf. In my youth I considered it invasive, but in my older years I bear it with a smile. I may not find myself in agreement with them always, but they do so much for me and mine. I simply cannot adopt that stance.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Palliata)

Post #: 20

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