Those Wacky Right-Wingers!

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Those Wacky Right-Wingers!

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Humor and Games >> Those Wacky Right-Wingers!

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Those Wacky Right-Wingers! - 3/19/2011 11:35:32 PM

Hippiekinkster

Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline

From "notalwaysright.com"

Taxing Customers
Retail | FL, USA
(A customer comes through my line and is watching me ring up her items.)

Customer: “So, you guys tax each item individually?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “So, you don’t just add it to the total?”

Me: “Well, yes, and no. The running total adds it all up so you can see your current total, with tax. Your receipt will print up a single total tax added. It’s the same amount.”

Customer: “No, it’s not. You’re charging me more for each item!”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s all the same. It’s just a matter of convenience, so you can see your total as each item is rung up.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! You’re stealing from me! I want to speak to a manager!”

(My manager has been standing behind her during the entire exchange.)

Manager: “Yes, ma’am, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “This young lady is stealing my money. She is adding extra tax and pocketing it!”

Manager: “Okay, ma’am, I’ll put it back for you.”

(My manager comes over and presses a few buttons that do nothing, then totals it out. The amount is the same, but the woman doesn’t notice.)

Manager: “Here you are, ma’am. You see your one tax add at the bottom.”

Customer: “Thank you!” *whispering* “You should get that evil girl out of here. She looks like a liberal, anyway.”

_____________________________

"We are convinced that freedom w/o Socialism is privilege and injustice, and that Socialism w/o freedom is slavery and brutality." Bakunin

“Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love.” Reinhold Ne

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Those Wacky Right-Wingers! - 3/19/2011 11:36:55 PM

Hippiekinkster

Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline

And another...

Socially Acceptable
Convenience Store | Troy, NY, USA
(The shop I work in has a TV that plays the news 24/7. It has picked up a story about a judge ruling that the Obama health care bill was unconstitutional.)

Customer: “Well good! It is unconstitutional! You can’t force anyone to get health care if they don’t want it. This country is becoming too socialist! We don’t need any socialist programs!”

Me: *avoiding the topic* “Your total comes to [total].”

Customer: “Alright, here you go.”

(The customer hands me her food stamps card.)

_____________________________

"We are convinced that freedom w/o Socialism is privilege and injustice, and that Socialism w/o freedom is slavery and brutality." Bakunin

“Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love.” Reinhold Ne

(in reply to Hippiekinkster)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Those Wacky Right-Wingers! - 3/19/2011 11:50:07 PM

Hippiekinkster

Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline

Another conservative genius... (cons should never be issued passports)

Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills
Hospital | UK
(I’m a nurse in the UK. I’m letting a family of American tourists know that their son, who has recovered from a fever, as been discharged from hospital.)

Me: “Mr & Mrs [name] I’ve got some good news! Your son is fine and has been discharged. You can continue your holiday now!”

Father: “How much do we owe you? Do you need our insurance details?”

Me: “Oh nothing, your son did not need any medication. There will be no bills at all.”

Father: “Free? But what about consultation fees?”

Me: “Yes, free. Consultation is covered by our national health service.”

Father: “Free, like communism?”

Me: “Well, I guess you could say it’s sort of socialist.”

Father: “So we owe you nothing?”

Me: “Nope, not a penny.”

Father: “If I go home and cancel my health insurance, then get sick, I’ll get my medical treatment for free if I fly to the UK!?”

Me: “Not unless you had travel insurance, or lived in a country we have a medical agreement with. The US health care system is private so we can’t make an agreement.”

Father: “But you just said the UK was communist!? If it’s communist health care should be free!”

Me: “It is, if you’re British or from an EU state.”

Father: “Whatever. Communists!”

_____________________________

"We are convinced that freedom w/o Socialism is privilege and injustice, and that Socialism w/o freedom is slavery and brutality." Bakunin

“Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love.” Reinhold Ne

(in reply to Hippiekinkster)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Those Wacky Right-Wingers! - 3/19/2011 11:58:00 PM

Hippiekinkster

Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline

And then there are those religious rat-wankers...

No Faith In Science
Museum | Canberra, Australia
Child: “What’s the Cretaceous period?”

Mother: “Something scientists made up.”

Me: *chiming in* “It’s the third period that the dinosaurs lived in. It was from about 140-65 million years ago.”

Child: “Really?”

Mother: “The Cretaceous period is just something that scientists made up to dispute Christ.” *turns to face me* “But we won’t get into that.”

_____________________________

"We are convinced that freedom w/o Socialism is privilege and injustice, and that Socialism w/o freedom is slavery and brutality." Bakunin

“Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love.” Reinhold Ne

(in reply to Hippiekinkster)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Those Wacky Right-Wingers! - 3/20/2011 12:03:02 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I love that site...

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Hippiekinkster)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Those Wacky Right-Wingers! - 3/20/2011 12:25:30 AM

Hippiekinkster

Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I love that site...

You probably have a story or two yourself, although not about righties...

TY for calling last week. It's been a rough depressing month.

BTW, Sierra Nevada 2011 Bigfoot Barleywine (a style of beer) is really great. 9.6% alcohol, so a 6-pack of it is equivalent to 2 6-packs of PBR or whatever. So, comparing alcohol, it's about the same, pricewise. Follow me?

_____________________________

"We are convinced that freedom w/o Socialism is privilege and injustice, and that Socialism w/o freedom is slavery and brutality." Bakunin

“Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love.” Reinhold Ne

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Those Wacky Right-Wingers! - 3/20/2011 12:35:40 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

sweeeeeeeeet :)

I just submitted the latest ultra-idiot for their consideration.. *shrug* Slightly edited because I didnt feel like doing all the back and forth that actually happened...

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Hippiekinkster)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Those Wacky Right-Wingers! - 3/20/2011 1:54:19 AM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

At the gas station :

Me : Why is the price up 30 cents from yesterday ?
They : Well demand decreased so we have to rise the prices.
Next day
Me : Why is gas up another 20 cents today ?
They : Because demand increased.

Later -

Me : ANOTHER 15 cents ? What is it now ?
They : HK must be paid, it costs money, labor is the most significant cost of anything you buy.
Next day
Me : ANOTHER 10 cents ! What now ?
They : HK retired and we must fund his pension, so the cost must be passed on to the consumers.

Another -

Me : How much is the fare on this bus, I haven't taken the bus for some time.
They : It went up because this is a clean air bus, runs on natural gas.
Me : Natural gas used to be cheap, they would run towmotors off it and stuff.
They : Yes, but with the increased demand they had to raise the price.
Me : Why the increased demand ?
They : Because now we're running buses off of it.
Next time.
Me : The fare went up AGAIN ?
They, Yes, deisel fuel went up.
Me : Why ?
They : Because demand increased for natural gas and decreased for deisel fuel.
Me : Why don't they run buses off of garbage ? Then we can make a few bucks !

The fact is that anything that runs off of gasoline DOES run off of garbage. Before the car was developed nobody wanted the shit around, they burned it out in the fields. It was literally a waste product from cracking petroleum, think about it. You can't keep it a liquid, you can't keep it a gas. You want that smell in your house ? If not, well they didn't have catalyst process burning tuned up like they do now.

Me : Why is this airfare so much higher than last year ?
They : We had to hire a bunch of people for national security.
Next week or so.
Me : The fare is up again ? Why ?
They : Regulations have relaxed and we had to lay off a bunch of people.
Me : How is that more expensive than paying them to work ?
They : Unemployment benefits.
Me : So it is more expensive to hire them and it is more expensive to fire them ?
They : Marshall Jones to gate fourteen. Emergency. Someone FIGURED IT OUT !
The SWAT team arrives and I am gone forever. Case closed

T^T

(in reply to Hippiekinkster)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Those Wacky Right-Wingers! - 3/20/2011 4:20:37 AM

Hippiekinkster

Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline

Yet another genius:

"Meaty Political Issues
Fast Food | Michigan, USA
(One of the meats we offer is a barbecued shredded beef, which we refer to as Barbacoa.)

Customer: “I’ll take a burrito with Barack Obama.”

Me: “One burrito with barbacoa coming up.”

Customer: “What’d you call it?”

Me: “Barbacoa.”

Customer: “Oh, thank God. I’m a Republican.”"

_____________________________

"We are convinced that freedom w/o Socialism is privilege and injustice, and that Socialism w/o freedom is slavery and brutality." Bakunin

“Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love.” Reinhold Ne

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Those Wacky Right-Wingers! - 3/20/2011 4:49:47 AM

Hippiekinkster

Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline

You And Me Could Write A Bipartisan Romance
Movie Theater | Durham, NC, USA
(I am the first person to arrive at work in the morning, and I answer a call literally as soon as I walk into the door.)

Caller: “Finally! I have been calling since 5 am! You people should be ashamed, I have an emergency!”

Me: “I’m sorry, no one gets here until 10 am most days. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I have a serious problem! My daughter has planned to have a date sometime today at your theater, and I told her she was not allowed to go! I need you to cancel her ticket!”

(I see no pre-sales for the day at all.)

Me: “Well no one has bought a ticket so far for today, so I can’t really help. Maybe you should just make her stay home?”

Caller: “Well I can’t do that, she lives in her own place and I can’t get over there in time to stop her.”

Me: “So just how old is your daughter anyway?”

Caller: “She’s 28.”

Me: “Ma’am, she’s an adult and I cannot refuse her a ticket because you do not approve of her date.”

Caller: “You don’t understand! He’s a Democrat!”

_____________________________

"We are convinced that freedom w/o Socialism is privilege and injustice, and that Socialism w/o freedom is slavery and brutality." Bakunin

“Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love.” Reinhold Ne

(in reply to Hippiekinkster)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Those Wacky Right-Wingers! - 3/20/2011 5:24:47 AM

Hippiekinkster

Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline

Xtain Tolerance (Has to be a rightie...)

Love Thy Culturally Homogenous Neighbor
Grocery Store | Orlando, FL, USA
Me: “I hope you’ve found everything to your liking!”

Customer: “Oh, thank you, I have! It’s so nice to meet a polite Christian girl nowadays! You know, it’s always best to love thy neighbor.”

Me: “Oh, actually, I’m not Christian. But yes, I agree.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, as long as you love Jesus our savior!”

Me: “Actually, I’m Muslim and Jewish.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Well, my mother is Jewish and my father is Muslim.”

Customer: “Oh. When I said ‘love thy neighbor,’ I didn’t mean you!”

_____________________________

"We are convinced that freedom w/o Socialism is privilege and injustice, and that Socialism w/o freedom is slavery and brutality." Bakunin

“Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love.” Reinhold Ne

(in reply to Hippiekinkster)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Those Wacky Right-Wingers! - 3/20/2011 5:26:12 AM

Hippiekinkster

Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline

Let's put this moron out to pasture.

Birthday Cele-Berations
Party Store | Elkhart, IN, USA
Customer: “You don’t have much of a selection for ninetieth birthday parties.”

Me: “Not many people live that long. Most of our suppliers don’t carry anything past the sixtieth birthday decorations.”

Customer: “It’s all because of Obama, you know. With his health care system, they just put you out to pasture once you’re sixty-five, and that’s the end of you. He probably told everyone to stop selling things with eighty and ninety on it, so people won’t want to live as long.”

_____________________________

"We are convinced that freedom w/o Socialism is privilege and injustice, and that Socialism w/o freedom is slavery and brutality." Bakunin

“Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love.” Reinhold Ne

(in reply to Hippiekinkster)

Profile

Post #: 12