quote:

ORIGINAL: dacrow
Hello everyone and thanks for a great forum.
This is my first post here, and I'll try do introduce myself briefly.

I'm a 27 year old male dominant who's been into BDSM for about 5 years now.
I have a D/s relationship with the love of my life and we've been together for about a year now.

When we started our D/s relationship, one of the first things that we found out was that she wants it/needs it outside of the bedroom.
We don't live 24/7 and we don't want to either. However, we want the everyday kink that can be accomplished by rules/simple tasks to perform during the day to excite both of us such as; She making me coffee when she wakes up, not being allowed to be in bed with clothes on, laying over my knee after dinner when she comes home in the sofa (not to be spanked, but to calm down after the day and to relax).
One of the things that she repeatedly has told that she enjoys is for instance to get texted during the day with tasks for her to perform during day or when she comes home.
For example; "Hello my little slut, you are not allowed to wear anything below your waist during the evening."

I would like to share some of our everyday problems with you, an hopefully get some new input on how to solve this problem of ours.

First of all, I am her first Master. She has never had a D/s relationship before like this. All her experience when it comes to BDSM comes from playdates.
Therefore, she's not used to having a everyday life within this context, she's not used to talking about her own growth as a sub, evaluating, claiming what she wants from a session, landing afterwards etc.
To me, this sounded strange at first, but it really has to do with the fact that she hasn't opened up to earlier partners, simply because it has just been play and then "byebye".
Dominants who simply have asked her what her boundaries are and then leave it at that. As we all know this is quite common. People use others for their own interest.

And then...
I am self-employed, she's not. She works long hours (8-10 hours 5 days a week) from time to time and therefore she's often tired when she comes home from work.
For the last six months she's been more tired and we've had less and less sex, not to mention less play than usual.
I am a very sexual beeing and adore her above everything else. Playing with her is heaven on earth to me and I really can't ever get enough of it.


This is what can happen. Our day starts and we begin to text eachother during the day, teasing eachother. She may tell be how much she wants this day to end so that she can get home and have me to use her as her little fuckslave all evening, how much she's longing for my cum, me telling her how i'd like to tie her up etc.
The day goes by, I've been horny as hell for 8 hours. She comes home, we dine and I afterwards tell her to go take her collar on.
Now, however, she's no longer in the mood. She's been working late, she's tired etc.
It's been like this for quite some time. We tease each other during the day, and then when she gets home she's to tired to perform anything she expressed earlier or that I've asked of her.
She's been given tasks to perform and then just forgotten them, simply because she's tired.

This is hurting our relationship. It's starting to become one of those scenarios where the man reaches for his wife as a sexual invitation, and she bounces him of with "sorry hun, I have an headache"

It has gotten to the point where I'm almost afraid to suggest something to her, asking her to put on her collar, giving her orders, dominating her, telling her what do do etc. I'm simply afraid that I will be rejected.
Same thing with sex. I've begun to be afraid to do anything sexual with her, stroking her thigh, telling her that I want to eat her until she comes or anything for that matter. I'm afraid that she'll reject me again or worse, that she'll do something that she doesn't want to do.
At the same time she tells me that one of her biggest kinks is to get surprised; beeing pulled down in her hair and "taken" so to speak. However, the fear of being rejected, that i'll hurt her, that she doesn't want that there and then, that she doesn't want it but can't say no scares me with her.
(Again, she's not used to expressing herself when it comes to sex or bdsm, telling me what she wants etc.)
I want to give her everything that she needs and satisfy her with everything in my power, but it's hard when things look like this. I've have thousands of ideas of how to surprise her and how to dominte her, but am afraid that I'll once again be rejected or that she'll put up with something because it's not in her vocabulary to express during play what she likes.
One of the first things that I've taught her is not to communicate with her body.
If I for example spank her, and she really at that point does not wish to be spanked, to use a safe word and let me understand that instead of trying to get away by wrestling, moaning, protecting her ass with her hands etc.

I feel that I don't trust her to always tell me when something is wrong, if something hurts in the "wrong way", if she's not up for it, if I do something to her that she doesn't want me to do. She simply does not tell me and has big problems with using safe words. Therefore my anxiety over suggesting something to her, or to surprice her in any matter. Does this sound strange to you?


When it comes to her being tired, it affects her as well very much. She's gotten to the point where she feels bad for not having the energy to play (One other reason that makes me scared that she'll play just to please me or do stuff that she really doesn't want to).
I've tried to explain to her how important I think that the communication between us is. I will never be mad at her or grumpy for being tired. We both want it to work, and that's enough for me.
I make dinner every day for her when she comes home from work, I do the dishes, I make sure that we get to bed in time and that she gets 8 hours of sleep, I massage her, bathe her, walk the dog, make us drink tea instead of coffee.
I do this because I love her and to help her in any way that I can, so that when she gets home...she will be able to relax and let go of her work for the day. I've been hoping that this would give her more energy, but it feels as though we're still stuck in the same situation.

I appologize if I'm not very clear about this, but there are so many thoughts wandering through my head as I write this. I will gladly explain further if anyone would be kind enough to give me their input...
Best regards and thanks for your time,

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Well Dacrow. Now that collarme has collectively decided you are a pansy, switch, sub, and very definitely not dominant I figure that pretty much puts you with me. I still think there needs to be an "Ask a Fake" forum here where the likes of us can hang out. I do hope that you've learned not to ask real questions on the internet. You're much better off with something like, "Does anyone know how to reattach limbs? I'm trying to make sure I've done my prep work for an upcoming scene I'm planning."

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas
grab her hair again, pull her neck up just a little so she knows who has her and then fuck her brains out in both holes using a condom in her ass but making sure that gets her screaming but ignore her protest (they all do, but she does not mean it) and after she cums, withdraw and cum on her tramp stamp if she has one so she knows you've marked your territory.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

5 experience in BDSM
1 year experience in D/s relationship

His bitch ain’t vanilla if she’s been in a D/s for a year.
He still may not know what he is doing after 5 years, but he is experienced.  Even failure counts as experience.

Why the hell does everyone want to rewrite the OP into something it isn’t?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaxsBoy
A tramp stamp is a tattoo on a girl's lower back, just about hip level or a touch higher.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Well Dacrow. Now that collarme has collectively decided you are a pansy, switch, sub, and very definitely not dominant I figure that pretty much puts you with me. I still think there needs to be an "Ask a Fake" forum here where the likes of us can hang out. I do hope that you've learned not to ask real questions on the internet. You're much better off with something like, "Does anyone know how to reattach limbs? I'm trying to make sure I've done my prep work for an upcoming scene I'm planning."

Yes, because Carol constantly denying you in your relationship when you are in control would go over so well.  Not that I don't think you would be a patient person if there was a possibility of a medical issue.  That is one of the possibilities here (among others) that could be happening.  One of the other possibilities is that the OP's gal is pretty much attempting to control the dynamic.  Granted, I think I'd want to disqualify a health issue to feel the situation out a bit.  Barring that, if someone is Mine..... They are Mine and I'm going to use them as I see fit.

From your comment, I don't think you especially liked what happened on this thread.  I didn't either, but I think it might be for a different reason.  I find it odd that male Dominants got attacked for saying they didn't see the OP as Dominant.  Yet, women could do the same thing (calling him 'not a Dominant, labeling him as a switch, etc) and nobody said a word. 

I might have to ponder that for a while.......

My best to Carol.

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
Lady Pact,

My post came immediately following a woman calling the OP a switch.. and was directed towards the negativity to the OP as a whole.
There was no gender discrimination whatsoever within that.

Respectfully,
aJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaxsBoy
A tramp stamp is a tattoo on a girl's lower back, just about hip level or a touch higher.

Poise,
Download "Wedding Crashers" to find the origin of the saying.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

5 experience in BDSM
1 year experience in D/s relationship

His bitch ain’t vanilla if she’s been in a D/s for a year.
He still may not know what he is doing after 5 years, but he is experienced.  Even failure counts as experience.

Why the hell does everyone want to rewrite the OP into something it isn’t?

Why the hell do you want to rewrite the OP into something it isn't?

He never said he has 5 years experience in BDSM and he did not say she's been in D/s for a year.
Instead and I quote:
1) about his experience: "I'm a 27 year old male dominant who's been into BDSM for about 5 years now."
2) about her experience: "First of all, I am her first Master. She has never had a D/s relationship before like this. All her experience when it comes to BDSM comes from playdates."

Neither of those statements indicate he has 5 years experience nor is she not vanilla. In fact, his actual statements above plus the nature of his questions lead me to believe he is really a beginner. But so what? Even if he has 5 solid years of bad experience my advice will still apply.

Besides, bet "my bitch" is better than "your bitch", bitch.