Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Profile Advice Please


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Profile Advice Please Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Profile Advice Please - 3/22/2011 11:10:22 PM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline 		I have agonized over the darned thing. I started out too strong to begin with, have re-written it, and now worry about it being too lame. I don't have a list of "kinks" checked off. I removed them and what I had to say about mine, because I was attracting the wrong people, for me. I figure that can always be discussed once contact is made and things progress.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I honestly haven't a clue what I am doing.

_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 12:40:36 AM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		Fer starters, get down to your needs and wants. Be brutally honest and specific about what you are looking for and make it clear that your needs are NONNEGOTIABLE, figure out how firm you are on the wants (i.e. a reasonable expectations of the things you want but do not need on a day to day basis) and lay out your dynamic as a FIRM and unwavering dynamic.

The best thing you can do for a potential /s is be as real as you can be. Be very concise, poetry and pleasantries can come later, they need to understand you and the shit they are signing up for. The more concise you are the less doubt they will have and if you are what they are looking for they will contact you, if not; you most likely didn't need the drama anyway.

YMMV
Slurp~


_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to Delilya)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 1:01:50 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I second what the delicious FT said.

In addition, if I was a male sub looking for a Domme, I'd be a little confused about the type of relationship you're looking for. Clearly you're not looking for married guys (cheating or otherwise), but you're not looking for live-in. Does that mean you never want live-in? If a guy who is looking for a committed relationship that will eventually lead to long-term, this might be a sticking point.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to FukinTroll)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 2:04:14 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

I honestly haven't a clue what I am doing.


Don't worry about it. Most male submissives aren't going to read it anyway and the ones who do and then write to you will be attracted to the exact person you represent in your profile so just keep it genuine and true to who you are. Write your profile from the heart, express your personality and you'll be fine.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Delilya)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 3:58:04 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I don't tend to put a lot of stock in profiles.  In most cases, they are how a person sees themselves, rather than how other people see them.  Of course a person is going to put their best foot forward.   Whether the information contained in the profile is accurate or not is another story.  I actually tend to prefer to read a person's profile once I've gotten to know them a bit, either through the forums or in real life.  It makes a better impression on Me that way.

I came away from yours being fairly clueless.  It didn't give Me a hint of who you are or why you are here.  The part mentioning that you aren't interested in the online crap and that you don't want to be involved with married folks made the biggest impression.  I didn't really come away from it with knowing any more about you than I did before I clicked on it.

A lot of folks don't want to list their kinks because they don't want to attract folks based on kink alone.  At the same time, there wasn't a word on there that made Me know why you're on a site that is focused on authority dynamics.  You might want to add a little something that gives the reader of why you are here instead of E-Harmony.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 4:56:34 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		The way it's written now, there's an ambiguity because of your present tense use about whether you're talking about the man you're looking for, or a man you've already got. I came away from it wondering whether I was looking at the right profile, because it's got nothing about actually looking in it.

The following is my opinion only. It is not gospel, but it's what I'd do if you were a site and I was editing your text (which sometimes people pay me for, yay!).

Ditch the overly flowery, poetic language. You don't talk like that on the forums, and I doubt you talk like that in real life, plus it's kind of a punch in the face when you get to the last paragraph and it's suddenly all business. People who can make their writing sound like speech are enormously attractive, especially in contrast to the sort of profiles you get on here - it adds humanity to the writing, and it makes you sound like a real person having a real conversation.

Basically what you've said is that with a partner you'll value him, push his limits and teach him how to please you. That took me half a line, and you three paragraphs. The fact that I can reduce it down to fifteen words without any real loss of information shows that it's pretty light on content. Some content ideas you might want to think about:

What sort of relationship structure are you actually looking for? Why are you looking for a power-exchange relationship - what buzz do you get out of it? What buzz do you want your partner to get out of it? (The answers to those two don't have to involve kink.) What qualities do you bring to the table? What qualities are you looking for? What's guaranteed to make you laugh? (That's a good one, because it's easy for someone to strike up a positive, happy conversation about.) Are you a long moonlit walks person, or a quadbiking fiend, or a sports fan, or what? What's your favourite way to unwind? What things in your life make you feel lucky? What things in life make you feel sexy? (Don't feel that one has to be graphic - I saw a woman write once about how everyone should feel sexy while eating strawberries, and it kind of stuck with me.)

Be down to earth. Be real. Be funny, if that sort of thing comes naturally. Be positive.

I hope some of that helped.


_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 5:26:52 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline 		Profiles can be a real pain sometimes, can't they?

I just had a look at yours, OP, and I came away with 3 questions.

1) Who are you? You list 70's music as your only like, but I have the feeling there's so much more to you...yes? While I'm the first to admit CM has some "interesting"....um, interests offered to choose from (in fact, I wrote a journal entry about it ), you've only chosen one thing. As the caterpiller said to Alice, through a haze of smoke rings, "Whoooo are youuuu?"

2) What do you really want? No married men...yep, I have that in my profile...no live-in...why? What if he's da bomb and spot on for what rings your bell...still no live-in? Why? Too many questions left unanswered.

3) What is that tattoo you have winding up your left arm? Looks like a snake...

To be honest, I'm constantly making little (or not so little) changes to my profile. Then again, I feel like I'm an ever evolving sort of gal. That being said, I try to make use of all the opportunities I have on CM to express who I am and what I'm about. I guess that's why I'd have to echo BitaTruble's advice...
quote:

Write your profile from the heart, express your personality and you'll be fine.


Good luck!

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 3/23/2011 5:27:12 AM >

(in reply to Delilya)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 7:59:47 AM   
stellauk


Posts: 1360
Status: offline 		To me it's somewhat vague and flufly, but it communicates and that to me is the main thing.

But there's a lot of positives. It's succinct. It's not negative and it's general. You capture a feeling in the words, and I like the somewhat domly 'there'll be no..' at the end. It suggests that you're someone people can talk to, you're approachable, but also that you know what's what.

I'd also like to mention the photo, which I feel is a good one. It's distinctive, the colours go well, there's a nice arrangement going on there in the background, a clear facial expression and you're looking directly at the camera. You even managed a Mona Lisa type smile.

The phrase 'quietly effective' comes to mind. It doesn't say too much, and sort of invites the reader (the particular sort) to make contact.

_____________________________

Usually when you have all the answers for something nobody is interested in listening.

(in reply to Delilya)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 10:09:49 AM   
0ldhen


Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline 		Hmmm.....First to any and all of the Mistresses whose board this is my apologies, I generally do not answer questions asked on this side. That being said I've watched Delilya's progress from shyly Welcoming folks to cm to getting out and voicing her opinions and joining in our banter.

So, dearest Welcome Lady, I agree with FT but from a sub's perspective all I am reading is pretty basic flowery Castle Realm kind of stuff.

If I was looking at you as a perspective partner I would want to see your ACTUAL desires, wants, expectations, limits, requirements, protocals as well as a brief description of your current relationship/living arrangements.

I'll make you an offer here, you write yourself a new profile in a Word Procesor and then cmail it to me. Then I'll look it over, guage how it appears from a subs view and send it back to you comments included.

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I second what the delicious FT said.



Yup, I pecked his pecker over in another thread and I concur....Troll is delicious.....

< Message edited by 0ldhen -- 3/23/2011 10:12:45 AM >

_____________________________

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

Za'beeta Regal, Et Vogo O' Lurwadra'd Wyka Go Abosh Inunsey.

(in reply to Delilya)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 10:52:04 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		~FR~
 
You know, the Profile Help section in the FAQ was designed for male subs but I think it's good advice that can be applied to anyone, male or female, top or bottom.  You might take a look at it and see if it helps.  At the very least, it will give you a starting point and you can build from there.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to 0ldhen)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 3:07:49 PM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you all for the input and suggestions. Have to start over again, like I haven't changed it a zillion times already. A lot harder than I thought it would be to write.

Yes, I actually do talk that way in RL. Poetry is ever present in my life and mind. I read it, I write it, I love the feel you get from it. When I am trying to express myself, I find poetry to be the easiest way for me. I can see where it might not be expressing the other things I want/need/desire though. And truth to tell, I was hoping it would help me attract someone who would actually "get" me and where I am coming from.

The live in situation, hmm, yes I see. I did put "at this time". and thought that was good enough to suggest I am open for it down the line. I can eliminate that all together. It is in part due to the fact that right now I am live in nanny to my 1 year old grand-twins. I will be with them for another year. I figure that gives me time to get to know someone well enough to make a more permanent decision, provided I meet someone in that time frame.

Oldhen, thank you for the offer. I will put on my thinking cap and see what I can come up with. I really, really, appreciate your willingness to help me with this.

Stella, thank you for the compliment on my picture. It means a lot.

Off to the drawing board I go. Many, many thanks everyone. I knew you were a good bunch and I could count on you to help guide me. I have learned so much already, reading the forums, and feel very lucky to be here with you all.




_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 3:59:14 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Don't sweat it.  For the first few months that I was here, My profile was some version of "I'll fill this out when I have the time".

The problem with asking for profile help is that folks are going to tell you about what is important on a profile to them.  I'm actually in the minority on this one.  I'm here because of My interest in kink and/or authority dynamics.  Therefore, I want to see that from other people, too.  It's just My focus, which is obviously different than folks who are using the place in a different way.

The deal is, you have to determine what is important to you and then convey that.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Delilya)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 6:07:56 PM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Delilya


Off to the drawing board I go.


Hang on.....you didn't mention the tattoo!

(in reply to Delilya)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 7:37:54 PM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh


quote:

ORIGINAL: Delilya


Off to the drawing board I go.


Hang on.....you didn't mention the tattoo!


I don't have a tattoo. Must be my hair you are seeing??


_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 7:56:28 PM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Delilya

I don't have a tattoo. Must be my hair you are seeing??



My apologies....time to make that appointment at the opthamologist

(in reply to Delilya)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 8:00:44 PM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline 		No problem, my hair gets everywhere. Is often mistaken for a snake....giggles.

< Message edited by Delilya -- 3/23/2011 8:02:05 PM >

_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 9:28:00 PM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I feel honored that he has made himself mine. That he has put his trust in me to know what is for the best. What his wants and needs are, even when he doesn't know himself.
This sounds like you already have a man.

Otherwise, your profile is perfect to me, but I'm a fem dom who doesn't need kinky sex to be me. I almost envy your profile, in that it's making me rethink mine. M

P.S. Are you getting a lot of replies from men wanting to give selves to you, or not a lot of replies at all? It would seem to me, you might want to expand on this thought below, because I cannot imagine, most submissive men, wouldn't take this as an invitation to regale you withh their gift lists.
quote:

To me the greatest gift a man can give a woman is himself. I believe it is a gift that should be cherished and not taken for granted or neglected.


< Message edited by SexyBossyBBW -- 3/23/2011 9:33:44 PM >

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to Delilya)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 10:11:46 PM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW

quote:

I feel honored that he has made himself mine. That he has put his trust in me to know what is for the best. What his wants and needs are, even when he doesn't know himself.
This sounds like you already have a man.

Otherwise, your profile is perfect to me, but I'm a fem dom who doesn't need kinky sex to be me. I almost envy your profile, in that it's making me rethink mine. M

P.S. Are you getting a lot of replies from men wanting to give selves to you, or not a lot of replies at all? It would seem to me, you might want to expand on this thought below, because I cannot imagine, most submissive men, wouldn't take this as an invitation to regale you withh their gift lists.
quote:

To me the greatest gift a man can give a woman is himself. I believe it is a gift that should be cherished and not taken for granted or neglected.



I get replies from guys that say they like the profile and they agree with what it says. However we never get any further than me sending a thank you in return. They mostly disappear after the initial contact. A couple I correspond with, but as friends.

So I thought perhaps I could spruce up the profile better, make it more interesting, and see what happened from there. I will say that since I dropped all the kink from it, I stopped getting so many of the "do-me's".

I'll find a middle ground somewhere, that perhaps let's me be me, yet expresses it better. Thanks for looking and your input. Appreciated!


_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/23/2011 11:21:40 PM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline 		I like to do my rambling in private, so you have mail Ms Delilya. M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to Delilya)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Profile Advice Please - 3/24/2011 7:02:15 AM   
Arieno


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/4/2011
Status: offline
quote:

So I thought perhaps I could spruce up the profile better, make it more interesting, and see what happened from there. I will say that since I dropped all the kink from it, I stopped getting so many of the "do-me's".


Your profile, if honest… needs no sprucing up. You’re profile offers the key to unlock the door to the depth of you as a woman and as a dominant, nothing more needs be said.

(in reply to Delilya)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Profile Advice Please Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094