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stellauk -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/24/2011 12:13:58 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: leadership527
I disagree. I'm all for "suck it up" and it has nothing to do with male entitlement. It has to do with the realities of running a business -- any business. I have yet to run a business where the customers didn't try to get something for nothing. I see it as my job to clearly set expectations up front and enforce boundaries as required. If I ran a paper store and someone came in and asked, "Will you give me a free ream of paper if I buy one?" I wouldn't think anything of that. I'd answer the question and move on. If they browsed around in the store taking up my time asking questions for endless hours then left without buying anything I'd also think nothing of that. These are both very normal business scenarios.
Your tossing of the "male entitlement" flag is pretty cheap. Nazi's next?
I disagree with the bolded part even though on principle I agree with what you wrote in the paragraph above.
It's not quite the same as running your own business, simply because what is on offer carries a certain degree of intimacy between pro-domme and client, and it's not quite the same intimacy as you find in say, a doctor-patient relationship because the intimacy is associated with feelings of arousal, excitement, pleasure and satisfaction.
That perceived sense of privilege is not exclusive to men, but it also applies to women, and it comes from placing too much importance to one's gender, attachment to beliefs in rigid gender stereotypes, reinforced in various ways, by the media, by peer contact, even by past experiences and religious or spiritual beliefs, and it leads to inappropriate attitudes, assumptions and behaviour which crosses the boundaries of what is socially appropriate behaviour.
We can see it very clearly here with both genders 'duking it out' trying to justify and defend those rigidly held beliefs in the importance of gender and confirmation of these stereotypes. In reality they exist nowhere else but in the minds of those who are either still fighting or who have become casualties in the ongoing war between men and women.
The OP seems to be posting from a position that all or most men are 'pervy', out for their own gratification at the expense of others, are coming online looking for a cheap thrill, and are generally unfit to be relationship material. This I feel is why some pro-dommes become pro-dommes, they want something back for what they are putting into it, and the only way they can see getting something back is to hit the guy in his wallet and demand payment. It's not that much different from younger women offering 'online domination' and looking for 'paypiggies' to top of their cellphone and make online purchases. It's not business, it's exploitation.
But it cuts both ways, and there are lots of men out there who equate professional domination with prostitution, who feel that any pro-domme who is available is available to them (some are way more extreme and don't differentiate between a pro-domme and a woman) and they are there purely for their gratification, whether it be sexual, emotional, kink-related or whatever. There's very little discrimination, any domme will do, not much thinking, no consideration, no tact, no regard in any way for the feelings of the pro-domme, no appreciation of what she offers, her time, her investment, or anything else. It's all about them, all the time, and they can get very pissy or downright nasty and abusive when it doesn't go their way. Like the above it's not business, it's not BDSM, it's nothing other than exploitation.
All around them the world carries on as normal, people fall in and out of love, people meet, discuss, friendships, are formed, as are relationships, lots of men are happy in their jobs, have loving families, and take time and care to find the right arrangement with the right pro-domme for the right price and nobody bats an eyelid. The pro-domme takes the rough with the smooth, she filters out the timewasters, pays attention to her red flags, meets her clients, earns her money, and nobody is none the wiser. Some pro-dommes don't even need sites like Collarme or IC or Fet, they have their networks, their regulars, their websites, and life goes on.
But generally speaking these people with the attachment to rigid gender stereotypes don't see it, they're too much absorbed with the pursuit of pleasure or looking for opportunities to make a quick buck, life has become one of constant misery and disappointment punctuated with times of gratification, they don't question their thinking or attitudes so are not looking for the positives, but they can never fail to notice the negatives and it serves as further justification for their stereotypical beliefs and distorted perception of life, other people and the world around them. They are trapped in a world of illusion of their own making, it's more about what 'should' be and not what is, and they get so incensed when they see the other side gain what they perceive to be an unfair advantage.
Life isn't easy as a victim, especially when you lack the insight and integrity to see things for what they are and to shoulder some of the responsibility yourself for the way things stand. Life is always going to be unfair and unjust if you see the problem being other people and are looking round for others to blame.
But we know that which is why we see it as something pointless and the starting of such threads as a waste of time and effort. It's telling us something we already know, we've been there, gone through the rights of passage and worn the T-shirt. It's important not to get sucked in to the conflict and to understand that maybe, if someone has such a distorted perception of life and people due to an unhealthy attachment to rigidly held gender stereotypes, there's nothing much you can do and telling them to suck it up, expressing sympathy, or trying to point out the reality isn't going to achieve much but leaving you open to hostility, drama and bad karma.
The only thing you can do is to smile sweetly, say 'yes yes my dear' and leave them to work it out for themselves... eventually.
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