RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (Full Version)

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YSG -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/24/2011 9:37:53 AM)

No, what I'm hearing from the OP is "I think I'm the most important person in the world and the rest of you are too stupid to realize it". I hear a spoiled little child throwing a temper tantrum.

As for men not being as sexually harrassed or abused, let me tell you a story. I woke up, tied to my bed, bound by my ankles and wrists. She put a knife to my throat and told me if I scremed or struggled she would slit my throat. She had her way with me, and left. When I managed to free myself, I got up, and went to the police station to report it. They laughed at me and told me to quit dreaming. THEY DIDNT BELEIVE ME! Nobody did.

A few weeks later, it got worse. She came to me, and told me she was pregnant with my child. She had been abusive before, and it got worse from there. She would beat me, tell me how worthless I was, how much she hated me, that she was consdering killing my daughter. I was forced to live with this. Nobody beleived that a woman could rape a man.

To this day, I have to fight my demons. To this day, whenever I am sexually intimate with someone, I have to supress the memories. I have to do the same thing whenever I see my daughter, because I know, I KNOW she was a child of rape.

Tell me, do I deserve this hell? Did I deserve nobody beleiving me? Do I deserve it, simply because of my gender? DO I?

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go find a dark hole to hide in...



LadyNTrainer -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/24/2011 9:50:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YSG
No, what I'm hearing from the OP is "I think I'm the most important person in the world and the rest of you are too stupid to realize it". I hear a spoiled little child throwing a temper tantrum.


Pretty much, but that doesn't mean it's not a good topic.


quote:

As for men not being as sexually harrassed or abused, let me tell you a story. I woke up, tied to my bed, bound by my ankles and wrists. She put a knife to my throat and told me if I scremed or struggled she would slit my throat. She had her way with me, and left. When I managed to free myself, I got up, and went to the police station to report it. They laughed at me and told me to quit dreaming. THEY DIDNT BELEIVE ME! Nobody did.


I believe you.  Being a minority does not mean your voice does not deserve to be heard.  Saying that the majority of sexual violence is directed at women by men does not invalidate the fact that sexual violence is also directed at men by women, at men by men and at women by women. 

Nonconsensual sexual aggression directed against anybody, by anybody, is wrong.  And I think that any message that essentially blames the victim and tells him or her to "suck it up" and accept it as the price of admission is a bad idea.  I am not telling you that you should suck it up and accept any degree of nonconsensual sexual aggression directed at you.  What happened to you was wrong, and no human being has the right to do that to another.  And I am asking you not to tell women that they should accept it either, even when it stops short of actual rape. 

The responsibility has to be put on the aggressors, not the victims. 



LadyPact -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/24/2011 9:54:05 AM)

I'm kind of surprised that I missed this, but I did.  Taken from the original:
quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeKeliDallas
If you reply to her......

Since we're talking about replies rather than initial contacts, I'm led to wonder if the reverse is true.  When sending emails, I wonder if the OP is only doing so to those who state in their profile that they are looking for professionals or have the words "potential client" in the text?  If there's some email version of what people in sales used to term "cold calling" I'm not so quick to blame the people who are responding to emails.




LadyNTrainer -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/24/2011 10:04:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Since we're talking about replies rather than initial contacts, I'm led to wonder if the reverse is true.  When sending emails, I wonder if the OP is only doing so to those who state in their profile that they are looking for professionals or have the words "potential client" in the text?  If there's some email version of what people in sales used to term "cold calling" I'm not so quick to blame the people who are responding to emails.


Me neither, but I wouldn't necessarily assume that the OP's mind works quite that categorically.  If someone emails me on this site, I might assume that they are doing so "in reply" to my profile.  And it's not really a bad assumption to make; the profile does constitute an initial form of written communication that one hopes will actually be read.  It's just a potentially misleading one to communicate. 

If the OP does make cold calls, especially to men who have not clearly stated in their profile that they are seeking professional services and welcome such solicitations, IMO she is a lower life form who is generally contributing to the heat-death of the universe.  Or at least the death of network usability on Collarme.  Spam is spam, and it chokes the system.



YSG -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/24/2011 11:38:11 AM)

LNT, I want to apologize for flipping out on you like I did earlier. You did nothing wrong, you were just stating your point of veiw. Its obvious that this is still an issue for me, and something I need to work on with my therapist.



LadyNTrainer -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/24/2011 12:41:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YSG
LNT, I want to apologize for flipping out on you like I did earlier. You did nothing wrong, you were just stating your point of veiw. Its obvious that this is still an issue for me, and something I need to work on with my therapist.


Given how badly traumatized you were, it's not surprising that it's a hot button. I do understand how this could trigger you, and I am sorry it did.

I would be a pretty horrible human being if I joined the chorus of people telling you that all men really want it and can't be raped, it was no big deal, so suck it up.  As you have experienced, that really is a pretty pervasive chorus in our culture.  And that is essentially the same chorus that I am protesting. 

The difference between what you experienced and what women experience when men tell them to "suck it up" and endure sexual harassment as the price of admission to the BDSM community is one of degree rather than kind.  Sexual harassment is not rape, nor is it deeply devastating and life-changing.   But the message being conveyed here is that we are willing to condone nonconsensual sexual aggression and place blame on the victim just for being there.  Or just for being a man, or a woman.  It is never the victim's fault, and that holds true whether the crime is great or small.

You did nothing to deserve what happened to you.  It was not your fault.  Anyone who says it was your fault obviously needs one of my boots in their ass, and not in the fun way.  And you should never, ever be told to just suck it up.  Neither should we.  We need to put the blame where it belongs, directly on the shoulders of the abusers and aggressors.  I think that's some pretty important stuff to remember.



SnowRanger -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/24/2011 2:16:58 PM)

Hello A/all,

In fairness to us guys, Domme Keli's profile doesn't mention anything about being a pro until the third paragraph when she mentions "barter." Most pro-domme profiles that I see on CM use the words PRO-DOMME in big friendly letters in the very first sentence. I would like to suggest that she change her profile to reflect that she is a Pro who is open to barter. Perhaps she could establish a second profile for that elusive LTR she mentions.

That's the problem here! Her profile leave a lot of room for interpretation. Most of us "leg-humpers" are suffering from a delusion. That delusion is this: "I am not a scuzzy, leg-humping wanker! NO! I am a peachy keen, super cool and groovy guy! And, I know that if Domme Keli would just take the time to get to know me, she would snap me up for the "LTR" that she mentioned in her profile!"

MY BONE OF CONTENTION is that last sentence of her's. I do appreciate and value my Mistress! "Gifts" and "compensation" are not the only ways to express that. 'nuff said!

In closing I want to state that Domme Keli is right. Be it 'Tribute,' 'Barter,' or 'Gifts;' she is entitled to compensation for her time and skill. If her profile were strictly about her Pro-Domme activities I would agree with her O.P.

Respectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger



thishereboi -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/24/2011 2:32:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

A Pro Domme wants men who APPRECIATE HER and will SHOW HER in person with gifts that they VALUE her for helping them achieve their subspace.
Wow! And to think for all these years I thought what they wanted was money.


That's all my ex wanted from a client when she was a pro. Now what she expected from me and anyone else she played with outside of work was different, but that would be another thread.



VaguelyCurious -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/24/2011 3:30:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

Now what she expected from me and anyone else she played with outside of work was different, but that would be another thread.

and an infinitely better and more interesting one. I vote we have that one instead! [8D]



strangedesire -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/24/2011 3:34:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SnowRanger

Domme Keli's profile doesn't mention anything about being a pro until the third paragraph when she mentions "barter."



You're...absolutely correct. Keli, sweetie, if you're going to bitch about people not realizing that you're a Pro Domme, you might want to state that you're a pro a little bit more explicitly.

And I would assume that bit about a LTR indicates that you're looking for non-paying partners as well. Why are you angry at these guys for asking?



LadyPact -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/24/2011 3:36:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

Now what she expected from me and anyone else she played with outside of work was different, but that would be another thread.

and an infinitely better and more interesting one. I vote we have that one instead! [8D]


Agreed.  Somebody will have to take that on and create one.



strangedesire -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/24/2011 3:40:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

Actually I get far less yuck-mail on my current professional profile than I formerly received on my open, friendly but "seeking friends only" profile.  Go figure.



I used to have a long profile that talked about my vanilla and kinky interests in a holistic way. I have a version still up on Fetlife - I've gotten quite a few compliments on it. On CM, though, it totally killed my message count, even despite the bits about sadism and strap ons and hot bisexual girlfriends.

When I replaced it with "just looking for friends" or "just here for the forums" I started getting more messages. I get even more with my current, super-short placeholder profile, although half of them are "nice poem."

I think that most of the spammer-types on CM are just afraid of reading.



ElanSubdued -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/25/2011 9:34:22 AM)

strangedesire,

quote:

I think that most of the spammer-types on CM are just afraid of reading.


Respectfully... it's not that they're afraid.  Rather, they can't be bothered 'cause it cuts down on spamming time.

E.



ElanSubdued -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/25/2011 9:46:24 AM)

Keli,

I've scanned through the entire thread and there is some interesting commentary that came up.  But, regarding the OP itself, pros clutter up the dating site and make it darned near impossible (well... okay, just not very pleasant) to use.  Just why CM hasn't filtered these profiles out is beyond me because ads are against the terms of service.  By "against the terms of service" I'm referring to the fact that profiles asking for money, whether directly or indirectly, aren't allowed.  At any rate, I'd appreciate it if you didn't clutter up the message boards with the same static.  As a business, presumably you have your own site and on there you can post whatever you want.

E.



mwdsub4u -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/26/2011 12:11:59 PM)

treat a pro domme the way You always wanted to treat the high school cheerleader You where hot for... you would have spend a lot of money for Her? treat the Domme who proves to be real the same way, you will have a lot of fun. and some pain as well



mummyman321 -> RE: Pro Domme and Profiles... (3/26/2011 9:09:36 PM)

To the OP:
DKD, so you want payement for your services?.......then learn to deliver what the client wants!



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