escape and continuation

escape and continuation (Full Version)

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softweregurl -> escape and continuation (3/25/2011 7:34:06 PM)
hi, I have some VERY serious matters to deal with and I think you, as a community, might be willing and able to defend the BDSM community against it's abusers. If I show some hostility towards the dominants, it is because of a professional trans dominatrix. I apologize and make effort to show respect to all of my equals (dominant and submissive/slave alike). She attempted to drug me and use mind control and fear to make me into her slave against my will. This was in NO WAY consensual. I am at the physical location that I am now because I needed to "escape" from her. This was a location I saw as me being able to Live through the winter...and I have. In the process of "escaping" from her, I found myself exposed to a male who tried to take advantage of the situation and RAPE me. The Church he is a member of has further complicated the problem by rejecting me because I made the mistake of reporting that one of their members with minor political influence in the community tried to take advantage of me while I was vulnerable and RAPE ME I am not happy about this. What are your opinions on this matter and what actions are you willing and able to take to help me resolve this matter? Empathy helps some in the short term but a bunch of whiny sympathy and false hopes with no action hurts a lot more in the long term. Understand that, because of the significant harm that has come my way, I am reluctant to provide any details in case they would be used to cause further harm or death to me. Someone will have to prove themselves worthy of my trust!!!! Also, My time on CM has, amongst other things, been a "second chance" for the BDSM community. I have found it to be more reality based then most. I cannot and will not judge a community based on a very small minority of it's members. I guess a lot comes down to... "I live in the real world, where do you live?" ttyl

Palliata -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 7:45:56 PM)
I'm slightly confused in several regards, but first and foremost what exactly is it that you want us to do about all this?

softweregurl -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 7:51:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Palliata I'm slightly confused in several regards, but first and foremost what exactly is it that you want us to do about all this? If you are confused then you are not able to provide the answers I am looking for. It is not a negative against you, it is simply that you are not able at this point.

littlewonder -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 7:59:49 PM)
well I'm with Palliata on this. What exactly do you want from us? Seek therapy, seek an attorney, seek out the police and seek a women's shelter if you have no place to go. No one here can help you unless all you want is sympathy or a handout from complete strangers. So again I ask...what do you want?

Palliata -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:00:22 PM)
Very Zen. Hope that works out for you.

LadyPact -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:04:15 PM)
Part one. If she attempted to drug you, such as slipping something into your drink while you were meeting her in a public place to maximize your safety, upon your "escape" you should have taken yourself to the nearest police station. From there, you should have been escorted by said police to a medical facility so that such drug in your system could have been verified for evidence. In the course of the investigation, the police should have attempted to acquire any witness statements to place you and the accused in the same place at the same time. You should have provided any contact information to the police regarding the accused such as name, phone number, email address and any other details that you had acquired so that, before you met, you had a recourse if something went bad. Part two. At the time that you were out of immediate physical danger of a sexual assault, you should have reported such actions to the police. Allow them to take any necessary physical evidence of the attempted assault. (Marks on your body, torn clothes, the crime scene.) Let them do their job. Insist on a rape kit to collect any DNA evidence. If the police refuse to do so due to the attacker's so-called "political influence" call the local paper and the tv stations. They will be more than happy to listen to what happened and put the story out.

softweregurl -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:09:36 PM)
My opinion of this community is going down very rapidly at this point based on the replies I have recieved so far. The time frame indicatates that they have not even bothered to review my profile.

LadyPact -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:11:24 PM)
Why would I have to review your profile to answer your question? Do you really want an answer that might be slighted based on who you are personally or would you rather have an objective one?

angelikaJ -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:12:03 PM)
Having been in one relationship in which a domestic partner tried to kill me, and then having gone through domestic violence counseling... and being given the warning signs only to have me think I knew better...that somehow those red flags in the next situation were the exception and not the rule, I have to say it sounds like you need some serious counseling. Please understand, I am not blaming you for other people abusing you. I am saying that if you went from one situation in which you were abused and exploited to finding yourself in another dangerous situation then you need to investigate and learn how to better keep yourself safe. I have heard this book being recommended over and over again: The Gift of Fear Edit to add: I did review your profile. My profile is hidden as I am not seeking and so it will not register as such.

littlewonder -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:12:43 PM)
why would we review your profile? You posted here with info but yet refuse to elaborate any further to alleviate any confusion on our part. Is it that difficult to just simply tell everyone what it is you want from us? You refuse to tell us so no one can help you in any way. Not sure why you think anyone here would be any different than anywhere else either. Good luck with whatever it is though.

softweregurl -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:14:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Part one. If she attempted to drug you, such as slipping something into your drink while you were meeting her in a public place to maximize your safety, upon your "escape" you should have taken yourself to the nearest police station. From there, you should have been escorted by said police to a medical facility so that such drug in your system could have been verified for evidence. In the course of the investigation, the police should have attempted to acquire any witness statements to place you and the accused in the same place at the same time. You should have provided any contact information to the police regarding the accused such as name, phone number, email address and any other details that you had acquired so that, before you met, you had a recourse if something went bad. Part two. At the time that you were out of immediate physical danger of a sexual assault, you should have reported such actions to the police. Allow them to take any necessary physical evidence of the attempted assault. (Marks on your body, torn clothes, the crime scene.) Let them do their job. Insist on a rape kit to collect any DNA evidence. If the police refuse to do so due to the attacker's so-called "political influence" call the local paper and the tv stations. They will be more than happy to listen to what happened and put the story out. The local police, AFAIK, are a joke. The best they could do was to determine that I was not suicidal and in her care.

softweregurl -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:15:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder why would we review your profile? You posted here with info but yet refuse to elaborate any further to alleviate any confusion on our part. Is it that difficult to just simply tell everyone what it is you want from us? You refuse to tell us so no one can help you in any way. Not sure why you think anyone here would be any different than anywhere else either. Good luck with whatever it is though. do you realy want to see me dead?!

LadyPact -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:19:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softweregurl The local police, AFAIK, are a joke. The best they could do was to determine that I was not suicidal and in her care. In other words, you assumed and didn't actually file a report.

sunshinemiss -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:22:20 PM)
Golly, whiz. So you had an ugly experience with a couple of people, and now you want all of us to redeem them? Sorry. Not gonna happen. What do you want from us? Did you expect us to send you money? Beat up some one you claim to have harmed you? Send a gang to eviscerate someone? Did you use your own good sense? Do you really expect us to help you, a stranger, in some physical way? I'm sorry you were hurt, but your post screams "victim" to me. I'm not saying you weren't VICTIMIZED by unscrupulous people. I'm saying that you are focusing on other people fixing your problems. Perhaps this is the crux of how you came to be VICTIMIZED. Many people are harmed by others. Many people on this board have in fact been harmed by people. How do I know? I KNOW THEM PERSONALLY. You? I don't know you from borscht. How do I know you are not a big fat liar? I don't. I'm using MY good sense and agreeing with the very practical Lady Pact. Get your ass down to the people who can help you. You aren't the first one to be harmed by people posing as BDSMers. You don't like what is happening in "the community"? Then go to the actual community that this all happened in. That's why you pay taxes for goodness sakes... so police and social work agencies can help you. Finally, it is your responsibility to put your big girl panties on and manage your life. Don't be angry at us for not jumping on your cause. It's YOURS. I would hope you have friends, family, allies who can help you. If you do not, that says a whole lot about who you are and how you live your life.

angelikaJ -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:22:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softweregurl My opinion of this community is going down very rapidly at this point based on the replies I have recieved so far. The time frame indicatates that they have not even bothered to review my profile. Your profile, which suggests that you are in a stable situation, is quite out of sinc with your OP. My suggestion is to put seeking on hold until you have dealt with this.

softweregurl -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:25:42 PM)
They did not offer to take a report and I have found that often more harm comes to me by reporting then not. I find more proper actions come from within a community then from it's stereotypical hater's.

softweregurl -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:29:34 PM)
I find some of the responses so far unbelieveably repressive and hatefull! I reject you as members of a real community!

littlewonder -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:30:41 PM)
so you've had such police issues in the past? hhmm....yeah I'd definitely say you need to seriously seek therapy if this has happened to you more than once and you seem to hate any kind of authority and expect "communities" to fix your problems. Why not seek out your family and friends as your community? That's what they're there for. Sounds to me like you simply refuse to allow the proper channels to help you. THIS is not the appropriate authority. What do you want THIS community to do for you? I'm seriously confused on what an online forum can do for a complete stranger. And if I wanted you dead I would have said so dear. I just think it would put this whole thread to rest if you'd just come right out and say "hey I need you guys to do____________"

gungadin09 -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:33:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softweregurl What are your opinions on this matter... Where to begin? You seem to have a victim's mentality and either very poor judgement about who you associate with, or a wild imagination, or both. ...and what actions are you willing and able to take to help me resolve this matter? What help or advice could we possibly give other than to call the police? If they aren't willing or able to help you, how can we? Empathy helps some in the short term but a bunch of whiny sympathy and false hopes with no action hurts a lot more in the long term. ...not to mention the fact that you seem to have such an extraordinary amount of sympathy for yourself, that you can hardly need anyone else's. I guess a lot comes down to... "I live in the real world, where do you live?" Are you sure that's where you live? pam

softweregurl -> RE: escape and continuation (3/25/2011 8:35:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder so you've had such police issues in the past? hhmm....yeah I'd definitely say you need to seriously seek therapy if this has happened to you more than once and you seem to hate any kind of authority and expect "communities" to fix your problems. Why not seek out your family and friends as your community? That's what they're there for. Sounds to me like you simply refuse to allow the proper channels to help you. THIS is not the appropriate authority. What do you want THIS community to do for you? I'm seriously confused on what an online forum can do for a complete stranger. And if I wanted you dead I would have said so dear. I just think it would put this whole thread to rest if you'd just come right out and say "hey I need you guys to do____________" given your, and other responses, convice me that I should not for ever, reject, hate and discrimite against this community!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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