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RE: Accomodating a Masters more intense sex drive, advi... - 3/27/2011 11:10:28 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

I had a very horny boyfriend who wanted twice a day... i got totally fed up with it and felt it had nothing much to do with me anymore... especially cos i never even had a cum with him... i felt like buying him a rubber cunt for his birthday... or hollow out a mellon or an aubergine

Now i get less than i want... and eventhough it is frustrating at times i much prefer to actually be wanting for some rather than to have to cope with excessive demands... especially since when we do it is rather mind blowing

It's been MY experience, when a man knows how to make you come and make you come well, you can't get enough of it either. If he's just pounding away in there until he's satisfied, yeah that can get old, but quick.

Having said that, males can't read your mind about what turns you on and what makes you come, and they tend to assume they are doing fine unless you make what you want/need clear. Which can be difficult for some who, as they are the sub in the dynamic, think they aren't allowed to be that "sexually aggressive."

from lally:

anyway, i met it head on in the end. so to speak:) - as someone else has said, get creative in youre own right. i took to playing with my vibrator on the sofa and he loved to watch that, i had fun and he had fun watching me, got me hot and then the rest was easy. stop looking at youreself as an object he's fucking and start seeing youreself as the sexy woman you are. take youre sensuality back in a way and start using it to youre own advantage. when you start instigating youre own sexual energy you feel less pressured and more able to please him, pleasure him in ways other than just intercourse.

Wonderful advice! I would start by getting a nice vibrating toy out, or use your fingers. Want him to touch, kiss, lick your breasts more, play with them! Want him to stimulate your clit more? You do it and make it clear later that you would love to have him demand you do it......maybe until you are ready to come and then demand you don't. Want him to kiss or stroke you more, you reach up to kiss, touch, lick, nibble, and stroke HIM. He may not get it the first time, but that's okay. B/c later when you are NOT having sex, you remind of what he did/does that makes you hot and gets you to orgasm. Rinse and repeat. If you are having sex often, it won't take him long to get the idea.

I've yet to meet a dom male who thought this was "topping from the bottom" they just thought I was very good at communicating what I like and need to have wonderful orgasms.

BTW: If you are faking it, stop. Faking it is not a way to communicate what makes you come. Just saying.

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 3/27/2011 11:15:30 AM >

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RE: Accomodating a Masters more intense sex drive, advi... - 3/27/2011 12:29:41 PM

DesFIP

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Lube. Explain to him that it isn't that you don't find him attractive but that you aren't ready at a moment's notice. Is he bothering with foreplay or expecting you to have an on/off switch? Can you figure out what you need to be more relaxed and interested: ie a half hour nap first, or a snack or a hot shower after a long day to help unwind. Beyond that, is he okay if you just give him a bj while bowing out of intercourse.

But it is a major problem if someone's bugging you for sex every minute without being sensitive to your mood. It will quickly teach you to find him a turn off. Does he understand this?

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RE: Accomodating a Masters more intense sex drive, advi... - 3/27/2011 12:59:08 PM

artemiss

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Loved this one and could so relate. A bit harder though when he wakes you up at that hour for a blow job, lol. Still have to suck it up so to speak.

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: scottishdove

I would like advice from other slave/submissives about living with a Master with a much more intense sex drive.

is it possible to keep up, out of a desire to serve and out of love? how do you do it if you are in this situation. how does it work for you

I don't have to keep up. If he wants to fuck me, then he fucks me. It's not important whether I particularly feel like sex at the time or not. I'm not expected to feel hot or horny just because he does. I AM expected to accept being fucked when he wants to.

I don't do it out of love or a desire to serve, I do it because he's the boss, he wants to fuck and that's how our relationship is run. If he waited until I *wanted* to *serve* him or for me to do it out of *love* he'd be getting a lot less sex.....lol

What exactly is the problem?.....

Is it that you don't want to be used for sex when you don't feel horny?

Is it that he expects you to be feeling horny because he is?

Is he expecting a level of horniness that you don't have?

It's one thing to have sex whenever you want it and it's quite another to expect someone to be as *up for it* as you are at any given time.

When M reaches over and yanks my arse toward him at god-awful-o'clock in the morning while I'm still asleep, he's not expecting me to spring awake and have gymnastic sex..I can stay half asleep, I'm usually thinking * gawd, I'm so sleeeepyyy* but it's not the most onerous of tasks, after all.

I'm expected to be *willing* to......I'm not expected to *want* to. That makes the whole thing quite problem-free.

agirl

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RE: Accomodating a Masters more intense sex drive, advi... - 3/28/2011 10:25:33 AM

littleone35

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I am in my early 40's (sexual peak) so my sex drive is very high. I am lucky in the fact that Masters is also. We never had a problem keeping up with each other. On the VERY rare occesions i am not in the mood but i submit beause Master wants it, i usually end up getting in the mood after all. Most of the time he barely has to touch me to get me in the mood.

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RE: Accomodating a Masters more intense sex drive, advi... - 4/3/2011 8:52:38 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: scottishdove

I would like advice from other slave/submissives about living with a Master with a much more intense sex drive.

is it possible to keep up, out of a desire to serve and out of love? how do you do it if you are in this situation. how does it work for you

You don't need to "keep up"... you're not responsible for anything beyond pleasing while you're being used. Keep lots of lube nearby and it shouldn't be a problem.

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RE: Accomodating a Masters more intense sex drive, advi... - 4/3/2011 9:13:43 PM

Palliata

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As always this is my way and not The Way, but to me if he is truly your master your sex drive is not strictly relevant. Your sexuality, your desire or lack thereof, any of that is subordinate to his. You need to simply realize that your role in things is to obey. That means finding a way to get him off whenever he wants. If that means working on your other skills (oral and so forth) and trying to get him to use you that way instead, so be it. If it means just plain sucking it up and letting him do what he wants, when he wants, that's fine too.

Now, all that said, you may want to examine this for deeper meaning. It's possible you simply have differing sex drives, but it's also possible there's something underlying in your relationship, or your respective personalities, that needs to be addressed. I would recommend a two-pronged approach:

1. Do what he wants because he is your master.
2. Communicate with him extensively about your relationship and each other and see if there's something more to it.

And at the end of the day, if it's not your scene, if you can't or don't want to serve his needs in the quantity they exist, it may be time for you two to go your seperate ways and seek out what you respectively need in the pursuit of happiness. But if you start or continue putting your lack of desire before his needs a M/s relationship is going to deteriorate quickly. If you can't even let him play with you when you're not 100% into it, how can you submit to him in the rest of your life?

< Message edited by Palliata -- 4/3/2011 9:14:29 PM >

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RE: Accomodating a Masters more intense sex drive, advi... - 4/15/2011 3:49:11 PM

randsboy

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For this slave, What i ended up doing was stay nude when in His presents and always to be ready to be fucked at a moments notice. That means keeping that shute very clean all the time (enemas at least 2-3 times weekly) and allowing Him access at all times. Besides i love being fucked always.

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RE: Accomodating a Masters more intense sex drive, advi... - 8/18/2011 1:29:20 AM

Emmasubgirl

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Yeah, i now offer - at least - oral every evening so that takes the edge of my bf's drive.

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RE: Accomodating a Masters more intense sex drive, advi... - 8/18/2011 1:49:26 AM

HeatherMcLeather

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quote:

a much more intense sex drive

Now that's an interesting concept. I wonder what that would be like.

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RE: Accomodating a Masters more intense sex drive, advi... - 8/18/2011 4:27:37 AM

ResidentSadist

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I feel like the OP has an emotional attachment to every single sex act and that each one has to be "out of a [her] desire to serve and out of love". That's a load self centered emo girlie crap. Shut the fuck up and suck a dick, bend over grab your ankles and take care of HIM. No one cares if YOU are getting YOUR emotional ya-ya's out of every single encounter. If you are to serve, then serve.

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RE: Accomodating a Masters more intense sex drive, advi... - 8/18/2011 6:00:54 AM

LillyBoPeep

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agirl had some really good questions -- are you expected to be just as hot and bothered as he is, or are you just expected to accept the action?

as a long-term situation, i haven't experienced this; mine is usually higher. but there were a few moments where we wouldn't match up; he was in the mood and i wasn't for whatever reason, but he got what he needed anyway, because that was the point. if this is part of the point of your relationship, then your sex drive doesn't necessarily matter. you can, however, communicate what's going on, what you're feeling, and maybe you both can work on ways to change that. but if this is a form of service, then ... this sounds totally unsexy, but are you ever really in the mood to clean a toilet? no. =p but you do it anyway. haha

is it physically uncomfortable? some women need more lubrication, and that can change depending on the time of the month. when it's all raw and sandpapery, i can't imagine it's much fun for him, either. for some women, adequate lubrication doesn't happen on its own without being in the mood, so if this is how you are, he may have to provide it.

are you wanting every experience to be an emotional fireworks show?
what do you want out of sex? do you know what he wants?

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RE: Accomodating a Masters more intense sex drive, advi... - 8/18/2011 7:05:56 AM

RaspberryLemon

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Generally speaking, my Master's and my sex drives line up and match pretty well. However, if I'm "not in the mood" for sex, usually he is more than fine with me giving him a handjob or a blowjob because, simply, if I'm not horny, I'm not wet. This poses a problem for both of us, practically speaking. We could use lube but he really doesn't prefer fucking when I'm not physically into it. He would much rather take the time to turn me on and get me ready to fuck (which also turns him on,) and if not, I can always please him with my hands or mouth. Sure, I'm not always 100% eager for it, but it's my duty to serve him and it's his right to get what he wants from me. If that's sex, he gets it. I love him, and that's how our relationship works, so I'm just happy to be of service to him.

So OP, talk to him about it. If the problem is lack of lubrication when you're not physically excited, then get some lube or ask him if a blowjob or something else would be sufficient satisfaction for him. There are lots of ways to cope with your sex drive not matching his, you just have to be willing. From your posts, you sound more than willing to please him, so it looks like you already know what to do. :)

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RE: Accomodating a Masters more intense sex drive, advi... - 8/18/2011 9:19:53 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
No one cares if YOU are getting YOUR emotional ya-ya's out of every single encounter.

Not necessarily true. You may not care if your partner finds you desirable or not, but other people feel differently about their partners.

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