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RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 4:39:12 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Soooooooo us Doms should just shoot the odd person to demonstrate how in control/Domly we are!!!   Have I got that right????

RIGHTTTTTTTTTT 


Ermmm anyone know the local routine for bribin........ financially encouraging the constabulary to look the other way as we demonstrate our Domliness?

BTW What's the going price these days????

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/27/2011 4:41:10 PM >

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 4:40:40 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

*chuckles* sure sure, but every woman you ask will tell you that she's not attracted to things like power, status, etc.


every woman??

I'll be the first to admit that I'm extremely attracted to power and status. It's why I'm with Master. The power he emanates is so very sexy to me. I tell anyone who asks me.


(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 4:42:59 PM   
wittynamehere


Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

*chuckles* sure sure, but every woman you ask will tell you that she's not attracted to things like power, status, etc.


every woman??

I'll be the first to admit that I'm extremely attracted to power and status. It's why I'm with Master. The power he emanates is so very sexy to me. I tell anyone who asks me.



Doesn't sound to me like the person you replied to was talking about that kind of power, in context. I think they were talking about things like high profile jobs, the ability to boss others around at work, and so on. Not the "power he emanates" which comes from, I assume, his personality and not job title.


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RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 4:45:17 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain
She laments to him how powerful men are so erotic to her.

*chuckles* sure sure, but every woman you ask will tell you that she's not attracted to things like power, status, etc.

forgetting the powerful and erotic effect our telling the submissive what to do is to them
OK, maybe I'm wrong here but I was assuming that the issue is not simply one of "not telling the submissive what to do". Or, at least, if that is the case then I'm flummoxed. I have a life. I'm going somewhere with it. There is LOTS and LOTS to get done. Heck, some of the agendas are going to be years worth of "telling her what to do". I don't honestly understand how you can have someone in your life and run out of things to do. I've assumed here (and in similar threads) the issue isn't just "things", it's "the right things".


Sometimes Tony Soprano shoots a guy just to show others he’s in control, not because the guy needed it.
*grins* You'll excuse me please if I choose not to use him as a role model. Not just a villain, but a fictional one... no thanks.




Jeff, I’m going to have to send you a CD of all the Soprano episodes or something. I’m not clear from your comment if you object to my use of Tony Soprano or to fictional characters in general.

But, I don’t LIKE Tony that much either, but he serves a purpose in my discussion. As far as using fictional characters to represent types, that’s common in groups where few know each other personally. It would get awful boring if we only had an academic discussion of management Theory X, Y and Z here. I’d rather flesh it out with intense, even if evil, characters.


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RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 4:46:01 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

*chuckles* sure sure, but every woman you ask will tell you that she's not attracted to things like power, status, etc.


every woman??

I'll be the first to admit that I'm extremely attracted to power and status. It's why I'm with Master. The power he emanates is so very sexy to me. I tell anyone who asks me.



Doesn't sound to me like the person you replied to was talking about that kind of power, in context. I think they were talking about things like high profile jobs, the ability to boss others around at work, and so on. Not the "power he emanates" which comes from, I assume, his personality and not job title.




Oh believe me he has zero problems with telling others what to do if he has to lol.. Again, one of the things I love about him...can take control of a situation in a heartbeat and never skip a step...not just with me but in any situation.



(in reply to wittynamehere)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 4:46:04 PM   
wittynamehere


Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I'm a pretty laid back Dom.  And I have had a problem with submissives as a result.

I demand less from myself, and from some submissives, than they demand from themselves.  Inevitably, they feel frustrated, and the frustration leads to things going downhill.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this?  If so, how did you deal with it?


I find it's best to find partners that suit you naturally, rather than changing yourself to suit them. If she "demands more control" than you care to dish out, maybe she's not right for you. I had one like that. Now I'm with one who appreciates my subtle confidence and adjusts her behaviour to suit my style of ownership. It pleases us both, and we're happy.


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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 4:46:40 PM   
sirssubk2008


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

I agree with some other comments about how valuable the relationship is to you and how much you are willing to change some behavior or compromise to make things work.
I disagree completely. If you have to compromise on your expectations, then you are in the wrong relationship, I feel this goes for Doms and subs equally. Things will work or they won't, but I'm not going to make any major concessions or changes to see that they do.

I brought up compromise because as life goes on, people have a habit of changing. What if one person changes and the other doesn't change with them? To me it makes more sense to see if a common ground can be found especially if the relationship in general is in good standing, rather than throwing the relationship away. I in no way mean to disrespect anyone, but if a Dom has a sudden want for something that was not agreed upon say a year ago, then I would think that there has to be something there to work with.
quote:

If your s type tells you how much they adore fetching you a beverage, I think even a laid back type is going to find that charming and demand a beverage more often.
I couldn't agree more if you paid me. Doing the small things that please your partner are part and parcel of any relationship.




I totally agree here...

< Message edited by sirssubk2008 -- 3/27/2011 4:49:16 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 5:38:01 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Maybe I'm wrong here.  I see "laid back" as part of a person's temperament.  Very much in the same way as I do if they interpret the world with a relaxed attitude or with a more serious demeanor.  A potential partner could come along with a different temperament and think that a person should either lighten up or take things more seriously (depending on which we're talking about) and they might be able to compromise some.  They might express themselves differently so that it's not as prominent of an issue between the two people, but there's only so much that a person can bend in such areas.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 6:18:59 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		I'll jump in on this too.  Just my small corner of the world.  My Dom does describe himself as laid back, and compared to other Doms/Dommes I've met/served who weren't laid back, he really *is*.  When I come over the House, we've gotten a bit casual in that I don't have to strip down to my jock immediately....we do engage in social conversation.....and we'll converse without formality....I can sit on the furniture.  There isn't the expectation of high protocol from the minute I walk through the door. And for awhile, he was quite relaxed about the standards set in the house for cleaning. [For the record--I always left the place spotless]

However, when he is decidedly strict and less laidback--I'm not afforded such indulgences, and white-gloves come out--so much as one tiny crumb in a corner or speck of dust becomes a serious offense.  Someone viewing this as an outsider might say that he's definitely NOT laidback, but for those other times-- we can simply sit and chat, share a meal, run an errand together--it definitely feels casual and laidback to me.





(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 7:06:11 PM   
0ldhen


Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I demand less from myself, and from some submissives, than they demand from themselves.  Inevitably, they feel frustrated, and the frustration leads to things going downhill.



Hmmm....sounds to me like a bad case of Lazyboy Dom. D/s and M/s takes work on both sides and unless you are willing to put the work into it failure is inevitable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

but for those other times-- we can simply sit and chat, share a meal, run an errand together--it definitely feels casual and laidback to me.


Now, waves to Haus, this type of easygoing I just see as "normal" but we had sprogs in the house for almost all of our relationship. Plus we just never did do the hig protocal thing either.

< Message edited by 0ldhen -- 3/27/2011 7:21:41 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 7:25:54 PM   
0ldhen


Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Soooooooo us Doms should just shoot the odd person to demonstrate how in control/Domly we are!!!   Have I got that right????

RIGHTTTTTTTTTT 


Ermmm anyone know the local routine for bribin........ financially encouraging the constabulary to look the other way as we demonstrate our Domliness?

BTW What's the going price these days????



Grinning like an idiot, but IB, I can see you shooting the occasional tresspaser or such........

I think sometimes we s types are attacted to "manly" or "agressive" behavior, hence all the bad boy types that girls swoon over on TV and in the movies.

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Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

Za'beeta Regal, Et Vogo O' Lurwadra'd Wyka Go Abosh Inunsey.

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 7:35:06 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I would love a guy who is laid back in the daily life thing, but not laid back in play.

I think you can be laid back as a person, and not get rattled and crazy, and overly controlling over the mundane things we need to do, but I need the intensity and control in the private matters.

Hard to find in one person. My ex was totally intense and controlling in D/s and sex but not laid back at all outside, which made him very hard to get along with.

Since my life is stressful, I need someone who is a calming influence in one way and then can take charge when needed.

(in reply to 0ldhen)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 8:10:02 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Why thank you my friend.... Only the occasional intruder though and the occasional chook thief too.... Might be tempted to tickle up the tax man as well but I'm usually pretty quiet.. sort a.... WEG.....

Many of the old school Aussies in the country are the most laid back people you'd meet. yet when things have to be done, they get it done.. When there is a flood or bush fire, they are there 24/7 until they are ready to drop or are told to stand down.. Dieing breed now but they were from the pioneering stock and if something broke you worked out how to fix it.. Laid back meant no panic or drama just knuckle down and get things done then help your mates.. No big deal and just a couple of iced beers and a steak or two after.. (On a good day their may even be a fight or two between good mates.) Laid back Aussie style...

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/27/2011 8:13:16 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to 0ldhen)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 8:16:37 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: 0ldhen


quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

but for those other times-- we can simply sit and chat, share a meal, run an errand together--it definitely feels casual and laidback to me.


Now, waves to Haus, this type of easygoing I just see as "normal" but we had sprogs in the house for almost all of our relationship. Plus we just never did do the hig protocal thing either.


Hey Oldhen
And I probably should have added--in my marriage/full-time relationship--we were NEVER high protocol.  I have a few Households that I regularly visit/serve now as a single guy, so it's very, very different than a full-time relationship with someone that I have an intimate connection with.

(in reply to 0ldhen)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 9:34:10 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		as my Mistress has said being laid back is a temperment. my Mistress can be laid back and is very aprochable but there is always protocall and as i need structure in my life ritual as well the great part is that W/we mesh very well in most every way so it appears at times to be seamless but i make no illusions as to how harsh She can be or strict if i become lax in my duties. but that is why i am Her collared slave

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LadyPact

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 9:39:27 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		This is why I love the boy.  In his way, he knows Me like no one else.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/27/2011 9:59:59 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Steven, for my part I see this issue as having many of the same facets that were previously mentioned so I'll chime in on those first. At the base of it, it is a basic compatibility issue. I think that there is a span that most of us have where we can work with something depending on what it will give to the relationship and how valuable the relationship is to us. Because it is a span and not an absolute dividing line, if we fall into a general area with someone there can be a basic compatibility or incompatibility there that will be tweaked as the relationship progresses.

I'd also agree that it seems to me in general, women tend to like a bit more structure. To us, it means you care, you care enough to look at things and look at us...notice us. I've struggled with this in my own relationships from time to time, for me it comes down to feeling neglected in general if my partner doesn't notice...what's the use?

Ugh, ran out of time. I'll have to finish this later, sorry.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/28/2011 2:12:37 AM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
I'm a pretty laid back Dom.  And I have had a problem with submissives as a result.

I demand less from myself, and from some submissives, than they demand from themselves.  Inevitably, they feel frustrated, and the frustration leads to things going downhill.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this?  If so, how did you deal with it?
I have this problem, but it usually shows up before we meet.
Just a few days ago, this guy told me, "you sound so nice, and laid back, I don't think you could really lay down the law." He also backed away slowly, when I began talking to him the way he thought he wanted. Reminded me of the saying "it's all fun and games, until someone gets hurt."

As to actually experiencing this: I think the first "slave" I met here and dated, felt like this. I had no experience, and he was seriously into my keeping him tightly controlled.

What actually has worked best for me, is something more along these lines:
quote:

Aileen1968I
We joke around a lot and have a lot of fun together, but there is always that underlying vibe of who has the power.
If he tells me to do something, I stop what ever it is that I was doing and do what he wants done.


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(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/28/2011 2:32:41 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

For a Dom i think you have to get off your backside every so often and step up to the challenge of actually providing what you can see your sub needs...
If providing your sub with what he/she needs is a major bother, then you have the wrong sub.



like saying to a sub if your master can't be bothered to dom you then you're with the wrong man

relationships change, people change
i would say usually the first 3 years together should be pretty easy going, no 'major bother stuff' but much inloveness and getting to know eachother... depending on how much time you spend together and how forgiving your nature is some couple might even hit the 7 year mark without much trouble... but sooner or later the shit is most definitely gonna hit the fan and some adjustment, compromise and 'work' will be needed to keep the thing together

if you find yourself struggling like fuck to get through the first 3 years... yeah, maybe you are with the wrong person... or perhaps you are just a lazy or awkward so and so who would struggle with anybody... who knows.

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: When a Dom is too laid back... - 3/28/2011 4:04:01 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Maybe I'm wrong here.  I see "laid back" as part of a person's temperament.  Very much in the same way as I do if they interpret the world with a relaxed attitude or with a more serious demeanor.  A potential partner could come along with a different temperament and think that a person should either lighten up or take things more seriously (depending on which we're talking about) and they might be able to compromise some.  They might express themselves differently so that it's not as prominent of an issue between the two people, but there's only so much that a person can bend in such areas.


This really expresses my feelings best.

For me it's not about who jumps up to get my coffee. It's not about whether she is sitting beside me on the sofa or on the floor. It's not even about whether she calls out to me by my name or HerRoyalHighnessQueenoftheFuckingUniverse.

What it is about is whether or not she respect me, and my power, enough to defer to my wishes......even when it is difficult for her. I need to see that she is actively doing her best to serve ME. Not some fantasy of what she wants me to be but ME. If my 'style' does not fit her fantasy and her fantasy is more important than my reality.......then we are not a good fit.

The term 'laid back' is to subjective. In some ways I would be seen by some as way laid back. In other ways I would be seen by some, as the very opposite. To me, if she sees me as laid back, I would think we are either meshing very well, or not at all. Depending upon how she views the meaning of the words and her intent in using them.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/28/2011 4:05:03 AM >

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 60
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