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porcelaine -> RE: do you truely? (4/3/2011 10:09:31 AM)
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ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
1. You have to desire this type of dynamic -- i.e., it ain't nothin' you can fake.
i disagree. i think the desire for the dynamic is one of the root causes behind the problems many encounter when attempting to live in this fashion. It isn't the dynamic that should be paramount, but a want for him that exceeds hers to the degree where doing what he says is desired. That's a huge difference. Wanting to relinquish control is markedly different from possessing the ability to live with the consequences of that decision on a continual basis. The desire noted in your original comments does not proceed the want, but is a manifestation of her willingness to live as he prefers.
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2. You have to mentally accept this type of dynamic -- sometimes even to a point of leaving yourself no emotional/financial escape.
Acceptance often comes in stages. The individual takes steps forward and falls back on occasion. You're basing everything off the "dynamic" which i find a little peculiar, but to each his own. My experience of acceptance and those that i converse with had very little to do with the dynamic, but an internal embracing of their need to yield. That's merely one facet of the larger issue. There's the need to yield to him. And finally what the composition of those pressing factors will honestly imply. It's the way of life that she must accept but that doesn't arrive until the other pieces are firmly in place.
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3. You have to have chosen the one to own you very, very carefully. There are no "limits"... the word "no" is no longer an option... you absolutely can (and will) be used in ways you may dislike... your absolute goal should is to be pleasing/useful to your Owner, no matter if you're being used in ways you may dislike -- but ultimately, you must know in your heart that no matter what, you belong to each other -- forever!!! The two of you are cut from the same cloth... just from different ends.
i agree that ones selection is paramount. i don't subscribe to the idea of limits, but liken them to areas of discomfort. What i've seen in my own walk and noted in those i've mentored is the reality of the first factor and how it impacts everything else. Malleability on challenging subjects is highly influenced by who you're contorting for. What appears seemingly impossible for one can be readily assessed by another. Yet and still, there are those that prefer to have no fly zones in place that consciously seek partners that will permit them. Others pursue the opposite and willingly invite the challenge for a full submersion in the surrender they need.
my thoughts flow back to the Keeper. He's the gatekeeper in my mind and our interaction boils down to a fundamental commitment to the other that's rooted in trust. Without its presence there is no dominance or submission. At best it is theatrical roleplay that will inevitably hit a snag that cannot be surmounted. The goals noted are admirable and easy to articulate when you have the right components in place. It's much harder to put in play when that is not the case. As such, nailing down the first will provide the seeds one needs to generate the rest.
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For some, this is the proverbial "doormat", where for others it is absolute bliss!!! An important point to remember in this type of relationship/dynamic is: Just because one can be an abusive tyrant, it does not mean one will be an abusive tyrant -- with "abuse", of course, being defined in whatever manner suits you.
i remember a comment which suggested that every slave is someone's doormat. i have to admit, i find the idea very accurate. At least where i'm concerned. One can look upon it in the negative as something that is horribly trampled upon, or see it in its benevolent light and recollect the invitation and welcoming spirit one senses when it's encountered. For some it is merely a place to wipe ones feet, and others view it as a comforting reminder of home. The latter is the perspective i take on the subject. i have no shame in being His doormat. It's an honorable position to hold.
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In a way, the mental aspect is akin to being a parent... can you leave and abandon your kids? Sure. Would you?!! It's kinda the same mental commitment.
Abandonment and dismantling of relationships is a real factor within BDSM. Candy coating it and providing a comforting fairy tale doesn't diminish the realities that most fail to continue in the manner noted. Nonetheless, there are some that prefer to include an extra layer of protection so to speak, that binds all parties to the relationship on several planes. There are those that don't require such things and they're firm in their commitment to the other and have no reason to believe it will ever alter. Others like myself, prefer the benefits that the impression provides. It is a useful tool and one that instills some measure of calm that i've come to appreciate. Not leaving merely says, he'll do whatever it takes to keep this thing afloat, but he is really we in disguise. We're both in this together and will fight tooth and nail to remain that way.
Namaste,
~porcelaine
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