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Question for Daddy Doms - 3/28/2011 7:50:09 PM

MissDitzy

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Joined: 3/28/2011
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I am entering the first stages of a Daddy/daughter relationship (a dynamic I haven't tried before) and one of the first tasks he has set me is to write a list of behaviours that deserve punishment, and then of course to write a punishment that fits the infraction. I am finding this quite the conundrum. My goal is of course to be a 'good little girl', but I imagine having slipups is a necessary part to bringing the punishment into play?

I've come up with some basic protocol breaches, such as forgetting to call him Daddy, forgetting to say please and thankyou. The only things I can think of rely on a lapse in memory, and as I found brattiness in a submissive unattractive, I can't forsee myself deliberately misbehaving to get attention.

For the Daddy's... I would appreciate some help here! What kind of things would you expect to be on such a list?

How does a little girl be both good and pleasing, yet 'earn' their punishment?

Post #: 1

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/28/2011 7:58:33 PM

Miyani

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Punishment is bad, it's not something you want to earn. If there's enough of a behavior issue to warrant punishment, you won't enjoy it.

Funishment, on the other hand, is different. It's the stern voice with a smile in the eyes, it's the torment that makes you gush. You want some of that? Lay yourself across his lap and say, in your best innocent voice, "Daddy, I've been bad... I think I need a spanking."

(in reply to MissDitzy)

Post #: 2

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/28/2011 8:02:34 PM

heartcream

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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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Punishment is stupid. Getting over the whole, "I deserve punishment" mentality is where it is at. It is 2011, let us move with the times.

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(in reply to Miyani)

Post #: 3

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/28/2011 8:05:36 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I'm not into daddy/daughter but we do have punishment in our relationship and believe me I don't try to earn it in any way. I do everything in my power to avoid it. It's never fun at all.

As for writing a list, I'm just not getting it. Hasn't he explained to you what he expects of you? Or doesn't he know what he wants and wants you to write a list of what you want him to do to you?

I would think this is more a relationship issue unless he's just doing this for fun.

(in reply to heartcream)

Post #: 4

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/28/2011 8:07:50 PM

MissDitzy

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Joined: 3/28/2011
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You are correct, it is 'fun'ishment not punishment. The dynamic is a blend of 1950's style household where the man is the boss, daddy is in charge, strict, proper, spare the rod spoil the child mentality.

Again, this dynamic is new to me but my understanding so far is that funishment is for 'bad' behaviour whereas hugs, strokes, lollipops etc are a reward for good behaviour. I don't see this dynamic as being similar to a classic D/s style relationship, where the best thing a sub can do is to ask for a spanking as a reward if that is what she wants, but I could be wrong, that's why I am here asking for advice.

Obviously he wants to spank me, and I want to get spanked, so there has to be some way to trigger that... although I imagine given your suggestion Miyani, I would probably get a spanking for being greedy, or demanding.

(in reply to Miyani)

Post #: 5

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/28/2011 8:12:59 PM

MissDitzy

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I do appreciate the responses you have written about your views on punishment, but I don't think the standard D/s ruler applies, that's why I am hoping for insight from those in a Daddy/daughter relationship.

When I asked him what I could expect, his words (or close to) were...

"Imagine life back in the 50's where the man was the head of the household and his word was law. He had a little girl that was his princess, his pride and joy, but all little girls are naughty and need discipline, that is how they grow up to be young ladies".

So yes, it is FUNishment, it is role playing, it isn't anything I have experienced in other D/s relationships.

(in reply to MissDitzy)

Post #: 6

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/28/2011 8:24:21 PM

SailingBum

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For all you punishment nazis out there. It's called Role "Playing" for a reason. nuff said

BadOne

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(in reply to MissDitzy)

Post #: 7

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/28/2011 8:52:34 PM

January

Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
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quote:

I am entering the first stages of a Daddy/daughter relationship (a dynamic I haven't tried before) and one of the first tasks he has set me is to write a list of behaviours that deserve punishment, and then of course to write a punishment that fits the infraction.

I don't understand why you are asking us. You go on and on how your "dynamic" is so different from D/s. Yet near as I can tell, you have no dynamic. Just some half-formed wank fantasy.

If sailing bum is correct, and you are role-playing, you and your creative and devoted Daddy should be writing the script, not a bunch of strangers.

January

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(in reply to MissDitzy)

Post #: 8

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/28/2011 8:55:26 PM

NocturnalStalker

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That whole daddy/daughter stuff reeks of Texas.

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Post #: 9

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/28/2011 9:03:32 PM

MissDitzy

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Joined: 3/28/2011
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Wow January that was harsh, not sure what I did to warrant such a response.

First off the dynamic is a role playing blend between Daddy/daughter and 1950's household, I did explain that, a few times. If you judge that to be a half-formed wank fantasy that is your right of course, I hope that your fetishes and fantasies are judged by a kinder audience, and I hope that your first posts were responded to in a kinder manner.

Sailing is correct, as I have stated, it IS role playing.

Part of him getting me to write the list is him asking me to help him write the script that we will adhere too.

HOWEVER, because this is so different for me, I am a struggling a little for ideas. I came here to ask the devious dominants how do they trip up their submissives when they went to set up a scene, because that is the essence of the question.

The answer, of course, is to identify 'crimes' we all commit in every day life, such as having 'dirty thoughts'. That way, should he decide he wants a punishment scene to occur, the tools are there and available for him to kick that into action.

What I don't understand is why the BDSM community which is meant to embrace all the different flavours that are not vanilla are so eager to tell a newcomer that their flavour is not valid.

< Message edited by MissDitzy -- 3/28/2011 9:06:58 PM >

(in reply to January)

Post #: 10

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/28/2011 9:14:56 PM

ClassIsInSession

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Joined: 7/26/2010
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Maybe it's just me, but I work from a very simple premise. Generally in life, I guess the best description of me would be an ethical anarchist. That doesn't mean I want to rape, loot or kill, it means I don't feel the need to be governed, and the ethical part is all about the fact that I don't need to be governed because I'm likely to do the right thing anyway. I don't recognize anyone's authority over me, because we all come into and go out of the world in the same way. Just because someone wears a title doesn't give them any right other than the right I allow them to have, that said, yes I'm a dominant. I typically obey laws, not because I feel I have to, but usually because I either have no desire to break it, or it's more hassle to do so than it is worth.

Coming from that vantage point and dealing with the D/S dynamic in relationships, my stance is, it's whatever the two of you agree to. I know there is the Old Guard way of doing things, the Gorean slant and what have you, but ultimately, either you come from a belief that you need to operate under someone else's created dogma or you forge your own way. In this community, lines are often blurred when it comes to terminology and so it's important to discuss the meaning of your terms, and be clear on what is expected on both sides of the equation to eliminate frustrating misunderstandings.

It wasn't too many decades ago when all of this was tightly kept behind closed doors and clothespins and homemade whips/floggers were the height of the lifestyle. Now we have the internet, full of stories and information, some not firmly grounded in reality at all, and others sound enough to work from. But when it comes down to practicality, our kind of relationships have to be built on the same common building blocks of vanilla relationships, trust, honesty and good communication. Boundaries have to be explained, set and respected. Then and only then can you have a successful D/S dynamic, and it's well worth the effort. But quit looking for rule books, play the scenarios and possibilites out in your mind...all the way through, communicate with one another about how you see things and come to agreements. That's the point of a relationship isn't it, to relate to one another?

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

Post #: 11

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/28/2011 10:05:27 PM

MissDitzy

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Joined: 3/28/2011
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Thankyou for the thoughtful response Class.

He and I are relating to each other, and discussing how we want things to work for us both.

But who in this world is an island devoid of input and inspiration from others. What writer, musician or artist creates anything without first drawing upon and learning from the work of their predecessors, peers and contemporaries. We have huge libraries and internet reference resources dedicated to such a purpose, so that those with a question can ask and be answered, so that those who seek knowledge and inspiration can look to those who have walked the path before them and find a little guidance. Yet here, I am told, that I have no reason nor right to ask.

It seems I have made a huge forum faux pax in coming here and daring to ask for advice on one aspect of my relationship. I doubt my relationship is unique and ground breaking, I sought inspiration from those who may have asked those same questions from their prospective submissive.

I am a submissive, not a dominant. When my Daddy has given me a task that I feel is asking me to think like a dominant would, I have difficulty getting into that headspace. I am sure he has his reasons for asking me to create this list, and no I don't believe he is doing it because he doesn't know what he wants and needs me to tell him. Perhaps he wants me to identify the things that I think make me a 'naughty girl' which could reveal to him important things about my boundaries, or personality, that him simply giving me a list of do's and don'ts wouldn't necessarily discover.

(in reply to ClassIsInSession)

Post #: 12

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/28/2011 10:17:26 PM

ClassIsInSession

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Joined: 7/26/2010
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MissDitzy, there is nothing at all wrong with asking advice or doing research, but use that as a launching point. Ultimately, your experience will be unique, because of the unique dynamics you and your Daddy will have. I think in that respect perhaps you sell yourself short.
It may well be he wants to see what your moral/ethical perceptions are to correct differences of opinion in that respect..and that would be a well thought out plan of action. In my experience, the differences of belief particularly within the realm of ethics and values is often mission critical in determining if a relationship will last or not.

It was not my intention to belittle you in any way, but only to encourage you to use the brilliance of your own mind and heart to search for the answers.

(in reply to MissDitzy)

Post #: 13

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/29/2011 4:01:22 AM

NihilusZero

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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDitzy

Obviously he wants to spank me, and I want to get spanked, so there has to be some way to trigger that...

Via the wrist. Typically.

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I know they're all insane
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I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to MissDitzy)

Post #: 14

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/29/2011 6:58:23 AM

Arpig

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quote:

How does a little girl be both good and pleasing, yet 'earn' their punishment?

You only need one rule...

No masturbation.

That way you can be the bestest little girl in the whole world in every way, but since you really are a dirty little whore deep down you just cant keep your fingers out of your little cunny. Afterwards of course, you are remorseful and have to confess to Daddy what a naughty little girl you've been (maybe even describing to him in great detail just exactly how you did it and what lurid depraved fantasies you had while doing it). Obviously he simply must give you a spanking.

Seems a win-win, you get to get your rocks off and you get a spanking. Man its good to be the DM some times...this sort of thing just comes naturally.

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(in reply to MissDitzy)

Post #: 15

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/29/2011 7:36:05 AM

sirssubk2008

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

How does a little girl be both good and pleasing, yet 'earn' their punishment?

You only need one rule...

No masturbation.

That way you can be the bestest little girl in the whole world in every way, but since you really are a dirty little whore deep down you just cant keep your fingers out of your little cunny. Afterwards of course, you are remorseful and have to confess to Daddy what a naughty little girl you've been (maybe even describing to him in great detail just exactly how you did it and what lurid depraved fantasies you had while doing it). Obviously he simply must give you a spanking.

Seems a win-win, you get to get your rocks off and you get a spanking. Man its good to be the DM some times...this sort of thing just comes naturally.

Or even better than 'tell' him...show him. This of course would serve another purpose, since I believe you mentioned this is a new relationship....it could show him some of the things you like and might not have told him yet (another 'punishable offense'?)

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 16

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/29/2011 7:50:55 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDitzy
Obviously he wants to spank me, and I want to get spanked, so there has to be some way to trigger that...

Yeah, he says, "Come here, I feel like spanking you".

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDitzy
I don't see this dynamic as being similar to a classic D/s style relationship

Yeah, it is. You're confusing BDSM with D/s. D/s is one person has chosen to be the dominant partner and one has chosen to assume the submissive role. There are people involved in D/s that never engage in anything like BDSM.

Master and I have a 1950s relationship. He has told me what is expected of me, if I don't meet expectations it gets dealt with in real life, not by having a scene. If he feels like spanking me, he spanks me. What you're asking about is a role playing scene with "Daddy, I've been bad" as the center piece. That's perfectly fine if that's what makes you happy. But, if that's what it is, then a script and a list of infractions really doesn't matter. It's "funishment", the reasons don't have to be real. Just go with "I've been bad" and have at it.

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(in reply to MissDitzy)

Post #: 17

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/29/2011 2:27:00 PM

SailingBum

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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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At one point in my life I had intense role playing fun. Suffice to say there are quit a few posters that "don't get it" and belittle others cuz it's not their form of fun. If you do a little looking around you will find ppl far more understand to this pleasure.

I occasionally still have fun with it. It's da BOMB

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 18

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/29/2011 2:38:35 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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I've been bad b/c: I had nasty thoughts, I played with myself, I made myself come w/o permission, I flirted with the delivery boy, I flashed the mailman, I forgot my already skimpy suit was untied and flashed my tits to the pool boy, this list really could go on and on, depending where you want to take it.

Is she flirty, an exhibitionist, prone to touch herself, an enjoyer of porn or online antics? There are so many things you could do with this, but try and make it tailored to the two of you (please).

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(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 19

RE: Question for Daddy Doms - 3/29/2011 6:29:30 PM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Is this how you would want to raise a child? Watching all the time for the least error and then lashing out? What about teaching people to excel instead?

Honestly, if you are forgetful, why isn't he helping you set up a planner to remind you of what needs doing? What kind of a father doesn't teach skills and encourage a child to come to him for help?

If he just wants to do evil stuff to you, there's no reason to screw with your head by telling you that everything you do is bad. He should just say "time for fun, go get naked".

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(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 20

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